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  1. #11
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    1. Socializing with friends
    2. Being physically active. Either through working out, running, sports, etc.
    3. Having constructive projects. Whether it be an art project, bulding project, etc. Something to focus on and create that is satisfying.
    4. Planning out events that are fun. Plan to do something at least once a week (ideally with friends). Some regularity with this (such as a weekly meeting to go swimming), can also be helpful.

    Again, I would strongly suggest he schedule an appointment with a psychologist in addition to the above. He will have to want to though. What you have said here is call for concern, and I think you are right to be concerned as well.
    I told him he could see a counselor if he wanted to.
    Actually, his ISFJ girlfriend is a great listener and it's possible, now that she's back, that she can help him get his equilibrium back, at least in the short term.
    I will offer the counseling again.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    @Hard
    Yeah, it worried me too.
    He was on his laptop the whole time, either working (he telecommutes) or playing games.
    He had awakened with a headache but he acknowledged that he should have gone hiking after it went away.

    Thanks for confirming that you have "random" anxiety, too. I figured it was probably an ENFJ thing but I can't personally relate to it.
    When I have stress or anxiety it's usually something I am presently worrying about.
    Sometimes I don't realize I am worrying! It takes a gargantuan effort sometimes to figure out what is wrong.
    Oh ok the bold changes thing a bit then. The way you had worded it made it seem like he was simply sitting there stressed unable to do anything (that would sometimes happen to me and it was due to my mental ailments).

    There also tends to be a post-college slump that happens for people. There is a lot of uncertainty at this time which can be really uncomfortable. Searching for jobs, planning to move out on your own, setting up loan payments. It's a limbo time where you don't feel like you can pull yourself up easily. It's going to be kinda painful, but he should be putting some focus every day (even if it's just an hour) into searching for the next step. Looking and applying for jobs, looking for housing etc., but it kinda has to be done without feeling the pressure of it needing to be solved at light speed.

    Generally speaking, focusing on what you can do about stressful things helps, but for ENFJ's in particular it's very challenging to figure out what can be done, and being told what can be done often isn't heard.

    Try encourage him to do things that help on the short term that aim to the long term. Meaning, do small enjoyable things to keep stress free, but also put in effort into things that will lead to a more fruitful and favorable environment. ENFJ's need structure, but if it's too rigid it feel constricting and trapping.

  3. #13
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    ...

    Try encourage him to do things that help on the short term that aim to the long term. Meaning, do small enjoyable things to keep stress free, but also put in effort into things that will lead to a more fruitful and favorable environment. ENFJ's need structure, but if it's too rigid it feel constricting and trapping.
    Thanks.

    He's going hiking with a good friend tomorrow, so that's good.

    He's going back to school for 2 more years for his Masters, so the long term is well-defined enough for now, I think,,, though I did suspect there was a bit of that emotional slump you described, right after he got home.
    Likes Hard, Consilience liked this post

  4. #14
    Senior Member Kheledon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    Yes he does, but she was out of state for a few weeks.
    That could be a major stressor for him that might cause a change in behavior. It almost certainly would be for me.

    I know, right?! I don't get it either. It's like other people's feelings take TOO MUCH of a toll on him.
    He loves writing code. It's logical and doesn't tax his emotional resources.
    That very much sounds like an ENFj. Almost all of us need to isolate ourselves for periods of time that are longer than most extraverts require. We're performers, and performing is exhausting. In addition, ENFj is greatly distressed by instability in its interpersonal relationships (not to mention instability, generally). Given that he's between his undergraduate studies and graduate school, and given that he has been separated from his S.O. for a number of weeks, it's likely that he's under an abnormal amount of stress and, as a result, is displaying abnormal behavior.
    MBTI: ENFJ
    M/B Functional Stack: Dominant--Fe, Auxilliary--Ni, Tertiary--Se, Inferior--Ti
    Ego (Jungian): FeNi
    Socionics: EIE-Fe, Beta
    Socionics Functional Stack: Program--Fe, Creative--Ni, Role--Te, PoLR--Si
    Enneagram Type 1
    Tritype 136
    Big Five: SCOEI - sxO|E|i
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    House: Slytherin (the "ethical teacher" type, i.e. Severus Snape)
    Color Code: Blue (intimacy-driven)
    Soul Type: Educator

    Sentio ergo sum.

  5. #15
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kheledon View Post
    That could be a major stressor for him that might cause a change in behavior. It almost certainly would be for me.

    That very much sounds like an ENFj. Almost all of us need to isolate ourselves for periods of time that are longer than most extraverts require. We're performers, and performing is exhausting. In addition, ENFj is greatly distressed by instability in its interpersonal relationships (not to mention instability, generally). Given that he's between his undergraduate studies and graduate school, and given that he has been separated from his S.O. for a number of weeks, it's likely that he's under an abnormal amount of stress and, as a result, is displaying abnormal behavior.
    Well... It's good to know it's within the pale of "normal" for ENFJs. That makes me feel better.

  6. #16
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    A doctor or therapist would be the best person for him to talk to about it. I can't diagnose anyone, but if it's something that extreme, he should talk to a professional to find out if he has an anxiety disorder.
    Likes Norrsken liked this post

  7. #17
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    Best thing to do is to just get him to his family physician and then the doctor can connect your son with the appropriate specialist.

  8. #18
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SearchingforPeace View Post
    Sounds like he is hitting the battle between Fe and inf Ti. At some point up to and around 25, ENFJs go through a quarter life crisis.

    Inf Ti is awful. It is like a supervised depression. In order to get out, Se is his friend. ...

    Just love him and validate him. Help him love himself....
    Thanks for this.
    Great advice. Just what I needed.
    Likes SearchingforPeace liked this post

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