[NF] Do You Find it Difficult to Describe Someone When Asked?

[Dreamer]

I find I have this trouble more often than not. When someone asks me "oh, what are they like?" or just to describe anyone to someone really, I find it terribly hard to put my thoughts into words. I tend to have this emotional response to people and since that's how I identify people and think, it's almost equivalent to someone asking me how I feel. I can say good or bad, but it just doesn't do it justice. I feel the only way to accurately portray my emotions is through painting or some other creative outlet. This applies to describing people for me as well. I know exactly who they are and what they're all about, usually, but to express that to someone else so that they have the same understanding of that person as I do, is extremely difficult.

Anyone identify with this at all??

 

[IndigoViolet11]

Is it something like not wanting to fit into a robotic criteria?

 

[Dreamer]

Is it something like not wanting to fit into a robotic criteria?

Eh, it's more like having this idea of someone, like being able to see their soul, who they are beyond the superficial, but not being able to translate that to others. I could just say simple descriptors to describe them like oh, they're nice, but I always feel I'm doing a disservice to them by not accurately describing the entirety of who they are and what they're all about.

But I like that, I guess you can say it is somewhat like not wanting to attach a simplistic view to them, some robotic criteria

 

[IndigoViolet11]

Eh, it's more like having this idea of someone, like being able to see their soul, who they are beyond the superficial, but not being able to translate that to others. I could just say simple descriptors to describe them like oh, they're nice, but I always feel I'm doing a disservice to them by not accurately describing the entirety of who they are and what they're all about.

But I like that, I guess you can say it is somewhat like not wanting to attach a simplistic view to them, some robotic criteria

Oh thank! While words are different from complex feelings, there are two case senario I can relate to. Partly becauae I have experienced a lack of knowledge of my own emotion in the past.

First is when the feeling cannot be expressed properly due to a lack of understanding of the feeling, its complexity, or both. That we can make more sense out of it, like a thinking process that turns in later in life after the initial feeling based sponge, lacking something that can give a clearer picture of oneself, and others as well.

The second one is the general lack of appropriate words, either in the language famialirlty, or the problem with the language itself. This will mean that the vocabulary available to describe a person is limited.

Depends which one it is. It can be at times both.

 

[ThePoetess]

Eh, it's more like having this idea of someone, like being able to see their soul, who they are beyond the superficial, but not being able to translate that to others. I could just say simple descriptors to describe them like oh, they're nice, but I always feel I'm doing a disservice to them by not accurately describing the entirety of who they are and what they're all about.

But I like that, I guess you can say it is somewhat like not wanting to attach a simplistic view to them, some robotic criteria

I have exactly that same problem! In my mind they are all of their hopes and dreams and quirks and traumas and loves and hates and ideals and memories and everything I love about them and you can't translate any of that in a description of them to someone who doesn't know. It is horribly frustrating.

 

[DaveG]

I find I have this trouble more often than not. When someone asks me "oh, what are they like?" or just to describe anyone to someone really, I find it terribly hard to put my thoughts into words. I tend to have this emotional response to people and since that's how I identify people and think, it's almost equivalent to someone asking me how I feel. I can say good or bad, but it just doesn't do it justice. I feel the only way to accurately portray my emotions is through painting or some other creative outlet. This applies to describing people for me as well. I know exactly who they are and what they're all about, usually, but to express that to someone else so that they have the same understanding of that person as I do, is extremely difficult.

Anyone identify with this at all??

I have this as well: when I talk to someone new I quickly seem to "know" that person, I visualize their soul or something but hardly have the words to describe it. I have to talk to other people about that person and can then add to, change or confirm their descriptions.
It's the same with myself as well: I can never honestly tell someone how I am. "Well", "fine" or "OK" seem too superficial and hardly describes my state of mind. It's never "bad" though, because it can always get worse.

 

[ThePoetess]

It's the same with myself as well: I can never honestly tell someone how I am. "Well", "fine" or "OK" seem too superficial and hardly describes my state of mind. It's never "bad" though, because it can always get worse.

I struggle with that as well. I've been told the simplest way to get around that is too say you are unbelievable, haha. Some will take it as you being positive and upbeat, while those who really care will ask why and you will get a chance to go deep into a description of your state of mind instead of just a one word sum like "fine" or "meh".

 

[Dreamer]

Interesting to me that INFJs seem to resonate with this. Hmm... *questions INFJ typing possibility*

But really, I imagine it's the combination of intuition and a high feeling function. The duo seems to provide this ability to feel someone else, often times providing a deep picture of that person to the point where words fail to describe them.

Thanks for the responses guys! I wonder if anyone else also runs into this issue. Good to know I'm not alone in this. I told a few people this before and they just gave me blank stares.

 

[Nico_D]

I don't have problems verbalizing others if I want to (I rarely do) but I find it hard to verbalize myself. I absolutely hate, hate, hate the usual job interview question "tell us something about yourself" or the general "how are you".

 

[Norrsken]

I don't have problems verbalizing others if I want to (I rarely do) but I find it hard to verbalize myself. I absolutely hate, hate, hate the usual job interview question "tell us something about yourself" or the general "how are you".

^ Basically.

I have no problem describing another person or people--I love to write stories, so there's that--but I have a greater difficulty in describing myself overall. Don't even ask me how I feel.. I'll just draw a blank and clam up.
Don't know if it's an NF thing more so than it is with struggling with using Ti, I think.

Tertiary: Introverted thinking (Ti)
Ti seeks precision, such as the exact word to express an idea. Ti notices the minute distinctions that define the essence of things, then analyzes and classifies them. Ti examines all sides of an issue, looking to solve problems while minimizing effort and risk. Ti uses models to root out logical inconsistency.

[Source]

 

[VILLANELLE]

I don't have problems verbalizing others if I want to (I rarely do) but I find it hard to verbalize myself. I absolutely hate, hate, hate the usual job interview question "tell us something about yourself" or the general "how are you".

I do as well. I'm not good at talking about myself... I can talk about my interests, because I feel those have 'defined' me in a way, but I can't really talk about myself. Not without feeling like I'm lying or something; I'm always a bit self-depricating about myself. Not in a job interview of course, but still, it's not really a good look.

 

[Frosty]

I find it really difficult to describe things- but yeah- especially people for some reason- especially just by appearance. I can describe people by like, their personality traits- like 'the really funny guy who made the joke about blah blah blah' but I am REALLY horrid at physical descriptions of people. So much so that anyone who knows me well- knows that- I both suck at describing them- and that I suck at having them described to me.

Ex of me describing someone:

Um. Yeah. Um. He was a guy... and um... uh... he had that hair that is like how hair is sometimes... OH! And he was wearing clothes. Um what did he look like? Oh. Uh. Well he had a face and everything and also he also had that hair too. Oh I suck at this? Yeah... I kinda do... sorry...

Ex of someone describing someone to me: Yeah you remember her! She was in our class! Remember? She had that curly blonde hair and had that really loud laugh? She always wore black and was friends with--- person---. She was in our math class! *Persons name emphasized* Remember? With the curly blonde hair? Sometimes she wore glasses?

Me: Um... maybe? Let me think about for a minute- oh wait do you mean *wrong persons name*.

Them: No. Just no. Trust me that they existed for now though ok?

Im ridiculously bad at it. Im not sure exactly why- but its like just- if I SEE the person then it all comes together... but only while I see them. The second I have to start remembering is the second I become SKREWED!

 

[Lord Lavender]

I find it hard to describe people. For instance i will be asked about a person and all i can say is some generic description like "They are a nice guy" or "Shes really good at art".

 

[Dreamer]

^ Basically.

I have no problem describing another person or people--I love to write stories, so there's that--but I have a greater difficulty in describing myself overall. Don't even ask me how I feel.. I'll just draw a blank and clam up.
Don't know if it's an NF thing more so than it is with struggling with using Ti, I think.

Hmm that's a possibility. I don't write at all, but since you do, you may be adept at applying words to building personalities in stories, and using words well enough to give the reader a deep enough understanding of those personalities. Perhaps all it is, is a skill I may need to build?

 

[Dreamer]

I find it hard to describe people. For instance i will be asked about a person and all i can say is some generic description like "They are a nice guy" or "Shes really good at art".

Same. I tend to use very generalized statements like that but it pains me as I know there is SO much more to that person and my description of them isn't doing them justice. Though, I guess I have to give myself a pass and understand that all other people are typically looking for is a general idea of that person. Just because I tend to want to know someone through and through, even if it's just a causal name thrown into a story someone is telling me, doesn't mean other people necessarily look for that same connection to a person.

 

[Forever]

I have difficulty.

 

[Lord Lavender]

Same. I tend to use very generalized statements like that but it pains me as I know there is SO much more to that person and my description of them isn't doing them justice. Though, I guess I have to give myself a pass and understand that all other people are typically looking for is a general idea of that person. Just because I tend to want to know someone through and through, even if it's just a causal name thrown into a story someone is telling me, doesn't mean other people necessarily look for that same connection to a person.

I feel bad when i can only describe a person with few words when realistically i could go on all day about them and how much i ether admire them or hate them . This is a typical example

Other person= What do you think of Joey.

Me (On the outside)= He is a cool guy but a bit crazy.

Me (On the inside)= He really gets me and understands the emotions and pain i feel when i am down in the dumps. Me and him are practically twins as we are that close and he is crazy as it brings fun and happiness to life.

 

[neuskens]

^ Basically.

I have no problem describing another person or people--I love to write stories, so there's that--but I have a greater difficulty in describing myself overall. Don't even ask me how I feel.. I'll just draw a blank and clam up.
Don't know if it's an NF thing more so than it is with struggling with using Ti, I think.

This Ti justification hit close to home. People ask me how I am and literally everytime time ((except when I'm on autopilot, where I just say fine thanks and you)) I go ''uhhh'' then have a timelapse of my day in my head and search for the words to explain all the ups and downs, struggles and thoughts I had throughout my day.

When I'm looking for connection and end up answering the how are you question on autopilot, I usually say something like ''I mean, I had my struggles and felt them deeply, but overall I'm ok cause I still have them under control. What about you?''

 

[Norrsken]

[MENTION=29149]neuskens[/MENTION] Yes! People expect me to just up and give them an amazing summary of what my day consisted of and I just, I can't, lol.
Even if I had the best day ever, it's still difficult for me to talk about. I just tell them the vague "It was amazing. I did that thing and I'll never forget it." and once they ask for details, I just want to self-destruct.

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Hmm that's a possibility. I don't write at all, but since you do, you may be adept at applying words to building personalities in stories, and using words well enough to give the reader a deep enough understanding of those personalities. Perhaps all it is, is a skill I may need to build?

Why not just start reading more books that uses uncommon words and phrases?
Whenever I read books with a larger vocabulary, I find it helps with my issue a little more. Doesn't cure it, but it helps some.

 

[neuskens]

[MENTION=26674]theforsaken[/MENTION] do you think the little things we like sort of lose meaning or sound foolish when we externalize them? See, I love trees and often approach them, touch them and gaze at them, while analyzing all tiny things I find fantastic about them; then my friends come up and ask me what I am doing and what I am thinking about. Same ''uhhh'' happens cause I don't know how to explain to them how deeply amazing that is for me and saying out loud what I'm doing just sounds silly and then I lose my focus on the trees. =/