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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2016

    Default ENFJ here struggling for harmony with my ENFP dad

    Hey there! I'm an i/enfj who am hoping to get some insight and understanding of the actions and responses of my dad who is undoubtably an enfp.

    To start, when we are distanced, we have a very positive relationship. He is incredibly proud of me and my so called charismatic nature. When it comes to living under the same roof, he is the cause of so much stress in my life.

    The stress is almost always brought on by 3 things:
    -Privacy of my own belongings.
    examples: always moving my things, going in my room and carelessly moving things around, opening/closing blinds, etc.). I find my shoes relocated to mysterious places when despite telling him constantly "if something needs to be moved, just ask me to move it!"

    -Constantly trying to "accommodate" me when in reality he is smothering.
    examples: If i'm in the fridge he starts informing me of everything thats in front of me and offering me different food suggestions. He asks me if I like salmon when it should be obvious after living 16 years in the same house that I hate seafood. If I ask a clarifying question he takes it 40 steps further and tries to offer me suggestions about the possibilities. Every question/comment with him immediately turns into an avalanche of of commentary.

    -Always making mundane conjectures.
    examples: Sometimes I prefer small talk. But he constantly tries to start convos with conjectures or guesses about what i'm doing, which are always wrong/misguided. If i'm on my laptop, its "you doin homework?", when clearly i'm not. In fact I could be doing a million other things on my laptop.

    I hope those of you who read this don't see it as a rant. If he could get through to these things I think our relationship would be extremely positive. He just cant seem to change his ways, no matter what.

    Any advice or background into his motives would be greatly appreciated!
    Likes anonoma liked this post

  2. #2
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    1w2 so/sx


    The last two sound more to me like he's just looking for ways to connect but you wish he knew you better by now. Rather than looking at the behaviour itself for any of the three, you may find it useful to think what the underlying issue is for you and look for possible ways that could be addressed. Explain to him from a feelings based approach rather than a results based approach what's going on.

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