[INFP] INFPs only love

[PotatoPeeler68]

Hey, INFPs! Just a quick question for you guys.
Do you feel like that there is one person out there that you love, and ONLY one.
Like you still feel for and appreciate others, but you only have one true love.
Does anyone else feel that? Post your thoughts.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Hey, INFPs! Just a quick question for you guys.
Do you feel like that there is one person out there that you love, and ONLY one.
Like you still feel for and appreciate others, but you only have one true love.
Does anyone else feel that? Post your thoughts.

Hope, is the first step on the path to disappointment. ~ Space Marine

I found that saying (warhammer 40k) ridiculously over the top and funny, but I also 'felt' that there was something right about it.

Hope is an act of 'faith' (I'm atheist ftr) irrespective of the evidence or lack thereof. We all hope to one degree or another at some time because we just don't know and we 'hate' not knowing. This leads to envisioning desired outcomes and then expectations. The blinders are put on as we focus, never mind that opportunity/ies walk right by us.

There are 3 billion+ humans of the opposite sex out there (7b+ if you're bi ) and we are way more similar to each other than we think/feel, not to mention we can all change/adapt over time.

Before anyone creates that statue or idol of 'the one' that inevitably gets pedalstalized, consider these words from Barry Swartz

"The secret to happiness is low expectations"

P.S. Be careful what you hope for, lest it set you up for failure.

 

[Cloudpatrol]

Hey, INFPs! Just a quick question for you guys.
Do you feel like that there is one person out there that you love, and ONLY one.
Like you still feel for and appreciate others, but you only have one true love.
Does anyone else feel that? Post your thoughts.

No, I don't feel that way.

(I cop to feeling that way STRONGLY after loving someone for the first time deeply and it not ending as we had hoped. It passed with time.)

It's true we might love someone in a way that is unique and not to be repeated. But, another experience can be equally as valid and full-bodied. AS rewarding, just in another dimension.

Or at least, that is my experience PP68.

 

[Cloudpatrol]

Hope, is the first step on the path to disappointment. ~ Space Marine

I found that saying (warhammer 40k) ridiculously over the top and funny, but I also 'felt' that there was something right about it.

Hope is an act of 'faith' (I'm atheist ftr) irrespective of the evidence or lack thereof. We all hope to one degree or another at some time because we just don't know and we 'hate' not knowing. This leads to envisioning desired outcomes and then expectations. The blinders are put on as we focus, never mind that opportunity/ies walk right by us.

There are 3 billion+ humans of the opposite sex out there (7b+ if you're bi ) and we are way more similar to each other than we think/feel, mot to mention we can all change/adapt over time.

Before anyone creates that statue or idol of 'the one' that inevitably gets pedalstalized, consider these words from Barry Swartz

"The secret to happiness is low expectations"

P.S. Be careful what you hope for, lest it set you up for failure.

Ha! Spanky, this reminded me of that skit that used to be on MadTV

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Ha! Spanky, this reminded me of that skit that used to be on MadTV

Too bad they didn't do one from a female perspective, or did they?

I'd hazard a guess that the opposite is done. Settling is quite the buzzword in our culture and is mostly spoken and written by women for women and it has gone hand in hand with postponing family creation. Simultaneously an abundance of articles, books and blogs come out to the effect: where are the good men.

As someone from the outside looking in it begs the question as to which came first? Who, why, what etc. Therein lies my interest

 

[Cloudpatrol]

Too bad they didn't do one from a female perspective, or did they?

Yeah, there's more on the u tube

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Yeah, there's more on the u tube

Found one! Also from Mad TV

I've been following Jenny Marbles for a couple years now and here's her take on the subject:

I like it

 

[Puffypolma]

I haven't met that one person that I feel I will only love and no one would replace his place yet, but I think it is totally possible

 

[Cloudpatrol]

Wow! [MENTION=8584]SpankyMcFly[/MENTION] She is a riot

I agree with the general vein of her initial statements. Especially when she qualifies it, with the need to work hard in order to accomplish what you are after. If one works for the best (but doesn't assume it will come) and is prepared for the worst; then positive outcomes are especially HAPPIFYING and negative outcomes don't utterly devastate.

I also think individual make-up: motivations, fears, energy, confidence, anxiety-coping style...have a lot to do with if a person does better to expect much of themselves, or vice versa.

Settling is quite the buzzword in our culture and is mostly spoken and written by women for women and it has gone hand in hand with postponing family creation. Simultaneously an abundance of articles, books and blogs come out to the effect: where are the good men.

Seriously!? Intriguing.

Where I live there is a very high percentage of men who favour romance with other men. This along with general population dispersion > amount of available women seems to outnumber the percentage of single men (at least in my social circles).

{I once watched a show re: statistics involving what percentage of singles inhabit major American cities. It was fascinating to see how the dynamics of density affected dating mores and ideals.}

Anyways, the disparity where I live means that often my women friends are not as 'choosy'. Whereas, my male (hetero) friends are consumed with the idea of not 'settling'. They are generally good-looking young guy's with well-paying jobs and they are very concerned about connecting with someone who is: highly attractive, financially independent, without baggage, will make good housemates and prospective mothers, are sexually adventurous etcetera.

Not that any of those criteria are unreasonable. It only makes me laugh that the guy's have a HUGE laundry list - and often let girl's that are seemingly great matches slip away - because they are uncertain if they might be 'settling'. Whereas, the girl's seem more open-minded to accept one or two lesser traits = if the balance is positive overall.

I gather from your comment, that it is different where you live?

 

[Swivelinglight]

i like infps

 

[Kheledon]

Hey, INFPs! Just a quick question for you guys.
Do you feel like that there is one person out there that you love, and ONLY one.
Like you still feel for and appreciate others, but you only have one true love.
Does anyone else feel that? Post your thoughts.

I don't think that's a feeling that's related to one's cognitive functions so much as it is to one's instinctual stack. What you describe sounds typical for an sx dom.

 

[ZNP-TBA]

I don't think that's a feeling that's related to one's cognitive functions so much as it is to one's instinctual stack. What you describe sounds typical for an sx dom.

Interesting point but I can say I don't feel like there is only one for me and I'm an sx dom (unless I'm not? ). I know the OP is for INFPs but you mentioned sx dom and I don't buy into the one love theory.

 

[Kheledon]

Interesting point but I can say I don't feel like there is only one for me and I'm an sx dom (unless I'm not? ). I know the OP is for INFPs but you mentioned sx dom and I don't buy into the one love theory.

You make an important distinction. I don't believe there's just one person out there who could be the one true love of my life. There are probably hundreds of thousands who could fill that role. The question is whether you actually want that one, true, permanent ally. Sx doms usually do. That's not to say that people who are not sx dominant don't want one, lifelong mate, but finding that person is an extremely high priority for an sx dom, and the sx dom will typically sacrifice a lot to get it, whereas sp and so doms are typically less-willing to make such sacrifices.

 

[ZNP-TBA]

You make an important distinction. I don't believe there's just one person out there who could be the one true love of my life. There are probably hundreds of thousands who could fill that role. The question is whether you actually want that one, true, permanent ally. Sx doms usually do. That's not to say that people who are not sx dominant don't want one, lifelong mate, but finding that person is an extremely high priority for an sx dom, and the sx dom will typically sacrifice a lot to get it, whereas sp and so doms are typically less-willing to make such sacrifices.

I think I like the idea of "finding that one, true, permanent ally." If I'm honest with myself then fuck yes, I'd love it actually. The problem with me is that I never could stay interested long enough.

 

[Kheledon]

I think I like the idea of "finding that one, true, permanent ally." If I'm honest with myself then fuck yes, I'd love it actually. The problem with me is that I never could stay interested long enough.

Boredom is ENTp's A-Number 1 enemy. No doubt about that. Still, if you really want that one, true, permanent ally, you've probably correctly identified yourself as an sx dom.

 

[ZNP-TBA]

Boredom is ENTp's A-Number 1 enemy. No doubt about that.

Nailed it.

It sucks too because for some lame retarded reason I just start to lose interest. I'm 100% certain the problem resides within me in terms of establishing long lasting bonds with people. That's probably a journey back into childhood tbh and not wholly due to my ENTp Alpha typing/7 typing.

Still, if you really want that one, true, permanent ally, you've probably correctly identified yourself as an sx dom.

It's a desirable ideal to have someone that balances me so well but the real issue is that I'm probably not balanced enough within myself when it comes to relationships. I shouldn't depend on another person for that stabilizing element. I want to be committed and the whole 9 yards but I'm not sure if I'm capable of being a great long term partner.

I'm fucking in my mid 30s now (34) and have never had anything close to marriage despite some really good girlfriends and still no children.

 

[Kheledon]

It's a desirable ideal to have someone that balances me so well but the real issue is that I'm probably not balanced enough within myself when it comes to relationships. I shouldn't depend on another person for that stabilizing element. I want to be committed and the whole 9 yards but I'm not sure if I'm capable of being a great long term partner.

Socionics says you should be looking for SEI, ISFp, Alpha to get the "balance" you describe. Of the sixteen Sociotypes, SEI is one that I have not yet been able to identify. Of the sixteen, I think I have accurately typed people I have known for a long time and have identified representatives of 13 of the 16 Sociotypes. SEI is one of the three exceptions. Can't help you there, but, perhaps, Gulenko can.

Socionics - the16types.info - ISFp The Mediator profile by Gulenko

 

[Cloudpatrol]

Too bad they didn't do one from a female perspective, or did they?

I'd hazard a guess that the opposite is done. Settling is quite the buzzword in our culture and is mostly spoken and written by women for women and it has gone hand in hand with postponing family creation. Simultaneously an abundance of articles, books and blogs come out to the effect: where are the good men.

As someone from the outside looking in it begs the question as to which came first? Who, why, what etc. Therein lies my interest

Continuing the Lower Your Expectations theme Spanks...

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Continuing the Lower Your Expectations theme Spanks...

Humor can be a great way to convey uncomfortable truths.

On a serious note, pickyness has ensured our species ascension and survival.

 

[Kanra Jest]

Nailed it.

It sucks too because for some lame retarded reason I just start to lose interest. I'm 100% certain the problem resides within me in terms of establishing long lasting bonds with people. That's probably a journey back into childhood tbh and not wholly due to my ENTp Alpha typing/7 typing.


It's a desirable ideal to have someone that balances me so well but the real issue is that I'm probably not balanced enough within myself when it comes to relationships. I shouldn't depend on another person for that stabilizing element. I want to be committed and the whole 9 yards but I'm not sure if I'm capable of being a great long term partner.

I'm fucking in my mid 30s now (34) and have never had anything close to marriage despite some really good girlfriends and still no children.

Story of my life. Completely.