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[ENFP] How to tell if ENFP is into me?

katmeow

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2016
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INFJ
I've been talking to an ENFP guy for a few months and I have no clue on how to read him whatsoever. We'll go from talking a lot one day with him constantly complimenting me to barely any contact the next. Other times, he'll tell me he'll call but then take forever to do so and apologize with an excuse. Then he'll screenshot my snapchats and tell me that he's creating a photo album of me on his phone. And then we cycle back to the ignoring and no contact. I have no idea what any of this means?

I should also mention that a lot of this has been long distance so I can't actually see how he's responding in terms of body language, I can usually tell what's going on when we're together. Is it possible that he's starting to get bored since we don't get to see one another on a regular basis? We talk on a daily basis, it's just the frequency that changes. Usually when he stops responding, I just give him space and let him contact me when he wants to. Is this what ENFPs want?

Can anyone help give me some insight on what's going here? Because I am completely lost. I really like the guy but I'm also seriously about my relationships and don't want to be strung along if it isn't going anywhere. I would love to know what you guys think about all of this. :)
 

Starry

Active member
Joined
May 22, 2010
Messages
6,103
I've been talking to an ENFP guy for a few months and I have no clue on how to read him whatsoever. We'll go from talking a lot one day with him constantly complimenting me to barely any contact the next. Other times, he'll tell me he'll call but then take forever to do so and apologize with an excuse. Then he'll screenshot my snapchats and tell me that he's creating a photo album of me on his phone. And then we cycle back to the ignoring and no contact. I have no idea what any of this means?

I should also mention that a lot of this has been long distance so I can't actually see how he's responding in terms of body language, I can usually tell what's going on when we're together. Is it possible that he's starting to get bored since we don't get to see one another on a regular basis? We talk on a daily basis, it's just the frequency that changes. Usually when he stops responding, I just give him space and let him contact me when he wants to. Is this what ENFPs want?

Can anyone help give me some insight on what's going here? Because I am completely lost. I really like the guy but I'm also seriously about my relationships and don't want to be strung along if it isn't going anywhere. I would love to know what you guys think about all of this. :)


Hi katmeow! (<-Autocorrect changed that to oatmeal which is stressful for me needing to be sure to catch those things.)


Everyone's different to be sure...in ways that transcend type-related traits. Now when I read the above this all sounds...not just 'ENFP normal' for only having been in communication for a few months at a distance...but 'alotta people normal' for only having been in communication for a few months at a distance.

What are your expectations at this time?
 

Riva

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
2,371
Enneagram
7w8
^ Take her and the advice of other ENFPs for sure before taking any of mine.

And here is mine -

Don't keep your hoped up on an ENFP. I've promised myself never to fall for another ENFP female again. They are the pursuers.

A new take on it -

Stay back and drop confusing complicated comments. The ENFP might think you are a broken mystery to unravel and might just might pursue you.
 

fetus

New member
Joined
Mar 22, 2015
Messages
2,575
Enneagram
6w7
An ENFP will be into you if you are an INTJ.
 

katmeow

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2016
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INFJ
Hi katmeow! (<-Autocorrect changed that to oatmeal which is stressful for me needing to be sure to catch those things.)


Everyone's different to be sure...in ways that transcend type-related traits. Now when I read the above this all sounds...not just 'ENFP normal' for only having been in communication for a few months at a distance...but 'alotta people normal' for only having been in communication for a few months at a distance.

What are your expectations at this time?

Lol!! Oatmeal totally work too. :) I think at this time, I'm trying to figure out where to go from here. I really do like the guy and I'm hoping for more but I feel like I can't count on it necessarily either. When we are able to see one another, we're very flirtatious with one another and we have spent the night with each other before. I'm really not interested in a FWB type of relationship though.


^ Take her and the advice of other ENFPs for sure before taking any of mine.

And here is mine -

Don't keep your hoped up on an ENFP. I've promised myself never to fall for another ENFP female again. They are the pursuers.

A new take on it -

Stay back and drop confusing complicated comments. The ENFP might think you are a broken mystery to unravel and might just might pursue you.

It all comes down to the game playing! I'm so terrible with all of it. I really do think he enjoys the chase though.


An ENFP will be into you if you are an INTJ.

I am an INFJ. That counts too right? :)
 

D'Ascoyne

New member
Joined
Jan 31, 2016
Messages
231
It all comes down to the game playing! I'm so terrible with all of it. I really do think he enjoys the chase though.

What you describe in your original post doesn't really seem like game-playing to me, at least in any traditional sense of the term. It really does seem par for the course. In my experience, ENFP's are hard to win over even in those rare situations when there is an immediate, palpable connection.

- - - Updated - - -

It's not really a traditional chase, either. More like following a siren call or being lured somehow...
 

pinkgraffiti

New member
Joined
Mar 20, 2011
Messages
1,482
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
748
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I don't think he's interested..... possibly interested as friends but not more.... (but that's just me, maybe i'm wrong)
 

katmeow

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2016
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INFJ
What you describe in your original post doesn't really seem like game-playing to me, at least in any traditional sense of the term. It really does seem par for the course. In my experience, ENFP's are hard to win over even in those rare situations when there is an immediate, palpable connection.

- - - Updated - - -

It's not really a traditional chase, either. More like following a siren call or being lured somehow...

We've always had that crazy connection, I think that's the main reason it's in my head as much as it is. I know I definitely feel it and I *think* he does as well. In terms of the game playing, I've had mutual friends tell me that he will intentionally wait a certain amount of time to respond to messages when he's talking to or dating someone. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by a traditional chase or siren call?


I don't think he's interested..... possibly interested as friends but not more.... (but that's just me, maybe i'm wrong)

I'd love to know why you think so. This is exactly what I'm trying to figure out - if we're friends or if there is something more.
 

pinkgraffiti

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Joined
Mar 20, 2011
Messages
1,482
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ENFP
Enneagram
748
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
We've always had that crazy connection, I think that's the main reason it's in my head as much as it is. I know I definitely feel it and I *think* he does as well. In terms of the game playing, I've had mutual friends tell me that he will intentionally wait a certain amount of time to respond to messages when he's talking to or dating someone. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by a traditional chase or siren call?




I'd love to know why you think so. This is exactly what I'm trying to figure out - if we're friends or if there is something more.

Well, I can only talk for myself, but if I'm interested in someone I don't have erratic actions (calling/not calling etc). I am more constant, I pursue the other person or make it clear to them that they can pursue me. But being an ENFP, my excitement for the other person will lead me to be "all in".
However, this guy reminds me of a situation I have presently where I'm pretty sure a particular guy likes me. The thing is I like him as a friend but not more. So Id like to hang out with him but I don't want him to get the wrong idea. So sometimes I reply to his texts, sometimes I don't because the texts are more flirty and I don't want to give him that idea etc. I see that my behavior is kinda erratic. So that's why.
 

D'Ascoyne

New member
Joined
Jan 31, 2016
Messages
231
We've always had that crazy connection, I think that's the main reason it's in my head as much as it is. I know I definitely feel it and I *think* he does as well. In terms of the game playing, I've had mutual friends tell me that he will intentionally wait a certain amount of time to respond to messages when he's talking to or dating someone.

Intentionally waiting before responding to messages could be construed as game-playing, but I also think it might simply be an effect of thoughtfulness. It really depends on the person. Also, some people enjoy that kind of waiting game when they're flirting/dating, and I can somewhat understand its appeal - for example, it can be enjoyable when both parties already know they like each other and have said/expressed as much, and the waiting thing is just one element of a bigger game where both players want the other person to win. Basically, everyone wins.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by a traditional chase or siren call?

The following is based purely on my experience so very unofficial:

The traditional chase in dating is all about the game. It's all about knowing the rules, knowing how/when to break them, things like waiting a few days before calling or returning texts, all of that stuff. I dated two men in my much younger years who were very into the game, but they didn't consider it a game; they thought of it more as a traditional method of courtship: "I do this this way and that means you'll do this in response and ... etc" I'm not into it myself but I can play along for a short time for the fun of it, but I will become bored. Anyway, that's what I meant by traditional chase. An ENFP is not likely to follow any kind of traditional script in that way.

Okay, so my use of siren call basically means curiously idealistic. However, siren call has an element of travel and seeking (why I swiped it from Homer's The Odyssey), so there's a keenness for exploration. It's a desire to being lured to something new, to someplace new, to someone new. Idealism in love relations is strong in the NF types but the siren call is a distinct flavour which I've specified for the ENFP idealist because there is a very deep wanderlust to it.
 

katmeow

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2016
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INFJ
Well, I can only talk for myself, but if I'm interested in someone I don't have erratic actions (calling/not calling etc). I am more constant, I pursue the other person or make it clear to them that they can pursue me. But being an ENFP, my excitement for the other person will lead me to be "all in".
However, this guy reminds me of a situation I have presently where I'm pretty sure a particular guy likes me. The thing is I like him as a friend but not more. So Id like to hang out with him but I don't want him to get the wrong idea. So sometimes I reply to his texts, sometimes I don't because the texts are more flirty and I don't want to give him that idea etc. I see that my behavior is kinda erratic. So that's why.

^^ That totally makes sense. Thanks for explaining, that's super helpful! I have to admit that I do that as well when I don't want someone to get the wrong idea. My understanding is that he is super flirty in general. I've read that ENFPs tend to be all in with their relationships and I've had the same mutual friend tell me that he has a tendency of dating around for a while before deciding on a relationship.

I think what I'm struggling with most is gauging where our relationship stands. I'm terrified of going along for the ride hoping for more when he's thinking friendship and then watch him end up with someone else. He tells me that I can call him whenever I'd like and that I'm always welcome at his place. He's very flirtatious and tells me I'm beautiful and lovely quite frequently. It's my understanding that this is normal for ENFPs? The inconsistency really throws me off too. It's well known among all of our mutual friends that he tends to be very elusive (he'll sometimes disappear for days at a time) so I'm even wondering if what I'm getting (daily communication) is actually pretty good for him. Lol!

I know you can't speak for all ENFPs in general but I'm curious if there are any trends of guys engaging in sexual relationships with just people they see as just friends? Or is that a huge indicator that there is more going on and I am just extremely clueless? :laugh:
 

D'Ascoyne

New member
Joined
Jan 31, 2016
Messages
231
Well, I can only talk for myself, but if I'm interested in someone I don't have erratic actions (calling/not calling etc). I am more constant, I pursue the other person or make it clear to them that they can pursue me. But being an ENFP, my excitement for the other person will lead me to be "all in".
However, this guy reminds me of a situation I have presently where I'm pretty sure a particular guy likes me. The thing is I like him as a friend but not more. So Id like to hang out with him but I don't want him to get the wrong idea. So sometimes I reply to his texts, sometimes I don't because the texts are more flirty and I don't want to give him that idea etc. I see that my behavior is kinda erratic. So that's why.

I also think it's worth noting that you are an sx/so. Regardless of type, the sx/so stacking is the lightning bolt expression of "I want you" when they want somebody.
 

katmeow

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2016
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INFJ
Intentionally waiting before responding to messages could be construed as game-playing, but I also think it might simply be an effect of thoughtfulness. It really depends on the person. Also, some people enjoy that kind of waiting game when they're flirting/dating, and I can somewhat understand its appeal - for example, it can be enjoyable when both parties already know they like each other and have said/expressed as much, and the waiting thing is just one element of a bigger game where both players want the other person to win. Basically, everyone wins.


The following is based purely on my experience so very unofficial:

The traditional chase in dating is all about the game. It's all about knowing the rules, knowing how/when to break them, things like waiting a few days before calling or returning texts, all of that stuff. I dated two men in my much younger years who were very into the game, but they didn't consider it a game; they thought of it more as a traditional method of courtship: "I do this this way and that means you'll do this in response and ... etc" I'm not into it myself but I can play along for a short time for the fun of it, but I will become bored. Anyway, that's what I meant by traditional chase. An ENFP is not likely to follow any kind of traditional script in that way.

Okay, so my use of siren call basically means curiously idealistic. However, siren call has an element of travel and seeking (why I swiped it from Homer's The Odyssey), so there's a keenness for exploration. It's a desire to being lured to something new, to someplace new, to someone new. Idealism in love relations is strong in the NF types but the siren call is a distinct flavour which I've specified for the ENFP idealist because there is a very deep wanderlust to it.

I really like how you described the perks of waiting game. I've never thought of it like that before!

Oh okay, that's what I had in mind for traditional game playing too. I'm absolutely terrible with it, I tend to be very direct and straightforward with everything. And in terms of not following a script, you're definitely right about that. I can't imagine him sticking to something very conventional each time, he really likes mixing it up and having new experiences. The siren call is very fitting for the ENFP, I definitely see a lot of those elements in him. i know he really enjoys exploring new relationships, I think that's why it takes him so long to settle down with one person. All of this is helping a lot! It's definitely giving me a better understanding of what may be going on here.
 

Puffypolma

Bizarre Love Triangle
Joined
Feb 9, 2016
Messages
169
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
496
I think distance can cause a lot of problems with regards to communication regardless of what type you deal with.

Speak for myself, I am absolutely fine with no contact at all if my POI and I are so far away from each other. I think communicating everyday would cause a lot more trouble than not-talking at all. Its just my opinion lol.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
7,708
MBTI Type
ENTP
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738
I've been talking to an ENFP guy for a few months and I have no clue on how to read him whatsoever. We'll go from talking a lot one day with him constantly complimenting me to barely any contact the next. Other times, he'll tell me he'll call but then take forever to do so and apologize with an excuse. Then he'll screenshot my snapchats and tell me that he's creating a photo album of me on his phone. And then we cycle back to the ignoring and no contact. I have no idea what any of this means?

I should also mention that a lot of this has been long distance so I can't actually see how he's responding in terms of body language, I can usually tell what's going on when we're together. Is it possible that he's starting to get bored since we don't get to see one another on a regular basis? We talk on a daily basis, it's just the frequency that changes. Usually when he stops responding, I just give him space and let him contact me when he wants to. Is this what ENFPs want?

Can anyone help give me some insight on what's going here? Because I am completely lost. I really like the guy but I'm also seriously about my relationships and don't want to be strung along if it isn't going anywhere. I would love to know what you guys think about all of this. :)

Did he ever try to hump your leg?
That would be a strong indicator. :coffee:
 

Starry

Active member
Joined
May 22, 2010
Messages
6,103
Lol!! Oatmeal totally work too. :) I think at this time, I'm trying to figure out where to go from here. I really do like the guy and I'm hoping for more but I feel like I can't count on it necessarily either. When we are able to see one another, we're very flirtatious with one another and we have spent the night with each other before. I'm really not interested in a FWB type of relationship though.




It all comes down to the game playing! I'm so terrible with all of it. I really do think he enjoys the chase though.




I am an INFJ. That counts too right? :)


I have had a relationship with an INFJ before. A great one as well until he and his inclination towards self-preservation (I was in a relationship with both entities to be sure) had burnt the whole thing to the ground in less than a week. Why? Instead of just talking to me about something in a straightforward manner...he "read my behavior" and based on that...made decisions that significantly impacted the both of us. I do take solace in the fact that I was there when he learned he had "read my behavior wrong". I saw the look on his face. And I was able to say to him "from here on out I'm only dating INTJs."

Instead of merely attempting to read his behavior do you think you could incorporate some open communication into the mix?

I don't have enough information to provide you with an opinion of where his head and heart might be. I'm also thinking of how differently we may define certain experiences. For example, you stated that the two of you talk every day. But also expressed there were periods of ignoring and no contact. If an ENFP is communicating with you everyday...they have some sort of greater investment in you. I go for long periods without speaking to people I would throw myself in front of a train for. If I send you a few texts around noon...but you don't hear from me between 2pm-7pm...I can't imagine an ENFP would ever consider that "ignoring".

Basically I think the OP may be unintentionally misleading based on the way you assign value maybe. I just don't see how he's ignoring you in any real (commonly understood) sense of the word.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
I've been talking to an ENFP guy for a few months and I have no clue on how to read him whatsoever. We'll go from talking a lot one day with him constantly complimenting me to barely any contact the next. Other times, he'll tell me he'll call but then take forever to do so and apologize with an excuse. Then he'll screenshot my snapchats and tell me that he's creating a photo album of me on his phone. And then we cycle back to the ignoring and no contact. I have no idea what any of this means?

I should also mention that a lot of this has been long distance so I can't actually see how he's responding in terms of body language, I can usually tell what's going on when we're together. Is it possible that he's starting to get bored since we don't get to see one another on a regular basis? We talk on a daily basis, it's just the frequency that changes. Usually when he stops responding, I just give him space and let him contact me when he wants to. Is this what ENFPs want?

Can anyone help give me some insight on what's going here? Because I am completely lost. I really like the guy but I'm also seriously about my relationships and don't want to be strung along if it isn't going anywhere. I would love to know what you guys think about all of this. :)

My first answer is to confront him about it. I know you probably won't do that so, I'll write what you're more likely to do - It means he talks to you when he feels like it and doesn't when he doesn't feel like it. If you allow it, it will continue. If you get on with your life and don't wait around, it may prompt him to be more consistent. But mostly you should drop this guy and find someone in your own area - LDR don't work well and they certainly don't work with people only marginally interested.
 

five sounds

MyPeeSmellsLikeCoffee247
Joined
Jul 17, 2013
Messages
5,393
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
729
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I think he's doing a pretty good job keeping in touch. I personally have difficulty managing things like time and not seizing opportunities in my face, so I get the "excuses" for getting back late.

If I'm into someone, im more timid in interactions, but also try to be more intentional with them. I'm trying to share myself, express interest, and give them space to show me the same. There's an extroverted vulnerability I think in that we feel it's all laid out about us, and introverts have more they're protecting or hiding. Showing a desire for vulnerability and connection is a sign for me that an introvert is interested.

Don't read into his shit though. He'll probably appreciate a frank conversation about feelings, and might surprise you with the directness of his responses.
 

katmeow

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2016
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INFJ
Woah, I was not expecting so many responses! You guys are awesome! First off, I'd like to say thank you to everyone because I love seeing all of these different perspectives. It helps me get out of my own head. And I apologize if I'm being misleading or misunderstanding anything. In terms of the ignoring, it's instances where I'd text in the morning and won't hear back till later in the evening. It may just be me misreading the situation.

I did try being more direct with him about it about three months in and it definitely did not go well. At that point, he basically told me that he thinks I'm a total catch and would make a great girlfriend but he isn't ready for a relationship. It was a weird situation too since a lot of our mutual friends started getting involved. It got really messy and started feeling really pressured. After that, we stopped talking as much for about a month but kept in touch and he started talking to someone else for a little bit. After we were able to actually see one another in person, everything started back up again because that spark and connection was definitely still there.

In a strange sense, I feel like what we have now can be considered a real relationship more so than what we had in the beginning. Neither of us are trying to impress the other or win each other over. We're talking more so just because we enjoy that connection. I'm hesitant to bring it up with him again because of how this went in the past. I also don't want to misread his messages which is why I really like getting other people's perspectives.

The long distance definitely has been challenging but it won't be for forever. I'm planning on moving back as soon as I'm finished with school in a year and a half. I know this is still quite a lot of time and I'm not expecting that it'll be easy. I feel like it could totally be worth it though. I haven't felt this way about someone in years. And you guys are totally right, he has been communicating pretty well considering that we've only been able to see each other twice in the last two months. I think I need to reevaluate my expectations. We'll be able to spend the summer together so I'm really looking forward to that.

And yes, he has humped my leg before. :laugh:
 
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