[ENFP] How to tell if ENFP is into me?

[katmeow]

Like it was said, I can't really take for the other ENFP's…

But I'm a great feeler (if this makes sense, hahah). When I'm going through a healthy phase, I can quickly tune in to other's feelings and needs. When I'm into someone, I try to get to know this person better, try to get closer. I talk to that person about absolutely everything and I like to make people feel comfortable around me. I like to make them laugh (usually with self-deprecating jokes hahah) and make them feel great about themselves. I like to talk and sometimes insert a small flirtatious comment and see how they react. I like to draw in every detail about the person. I like to watch people, how they move, their unique habits. I like to discover what makes them passionate. I like to know how their souls flare up to a song, a sunset or to a poem. And I'm usually pretty timid and humble to them.

But that's when I reeeaaaally am into someone. People tell me I'm quite magnetic, but I rarely am interested in anyone. So I just shoot for small talk and casual stuff.

Mostly, it's because getting people to grow attached to me makes my ego jump around. Unhealthy ENFP's tend to be a little manipulative to get attention sometimes, to get you coming for them.

If I really am into someone, I tend to answer messages really fast. I hate to keep people I like waiting. There's this feel to make them feel loved right away. Otherwise, I just answer people whenever I feel like.

But you can confront him and make it clear for him. If he's like me, he'll try to hide it and fail. Because we want to look cool and distant, when we trully are goofballs who love attention. And getting the attention from who we really like feels like an excited Golden Retriever puppy getting belly rubs. If he really is into you, he'll be excited, but will be too shy to actually show it. If you squeeze it from him, maybe he'll show you this embarassed side and confess. That's if he thinks and acts like me, though.

I hope I was able to help and i'll be cheering out for you!

This is super helpful! Thank you bunches!

In the beginning when we first started talking, I had no doubts about his feelings towards me. He was super enthusiastic and would respond almost instantly. I was the one who pushed back and was initially uninterested. I know I tend to have a pretty big "leave me alone" complex when people first try to talk to me, it takes me a while to open up and let people in. I couldn't help falling for him after we kept talking though and I noticed that he started to pull back when I came off as too eager.

We're now at the point where we are past the small talk and getting to know each other. Of course, there will always be more to learn about one another but I think that initial excitement of getting to know someone new has worn off. I think I'll have a much better read on the situation after I get to see him in person. But in the meantime, can you tell me a little more about how you would typically react in these instances?

 

[Ikaruss]

This is super helpful! Thank you bunches!

In the beginning when we first started talking, I had no doubts about his feelings towards me. He was super enthusiastic and would respond almost instantly. I was the one who pushed back and was initially uninterested. I know I tend to have a pretty big "leave me alone" complex when people first try to talk to me, it takes me a while to open up and let people in. I couldn't help falling for him after we kept talking though and I noticed that he started to pull back when I came off as too eager.

We're now at the point where we are past the small talk and getting to know each other. Of course, there will always be more to learn about one another but I think that initial excitement of getting to know someone new has worn off. I think I'll have a much better read on the situation after I get to see him in person. But in the meantime, can you tell me a little more about how you would typically react in these instances?

No problem!

Hmm… I'm very sensible to others' need of personal space, and when I notice people are not wanting that kind of approach, I tend to back down a little. Kind of like dealing with a small rejection now to avoid a bigger one later on. And he might have noticed that.

I'd be feel like you don't want anything further than a close friendship, so I'd play safe and take the "friendship route". He might be feeling less eager to know you because of the small rejection and maybe because he thinks you are more eager to know him as a friend now. But yeah, actually seeing how he reacts and him seeing how you react to him might do good. I hate to talk through messages because I can't read people through them! I almost always misunderstand small messages and start to imagine things that aren't really happening. I overthink a lot and he might be concerned about not being able to read you as he wished. He wants to be sure of what you think of him and wants to get these informations himself.

Honestly, I think he's still interested on you, but he's just pulling back because he's still a little frustrated over the small rejection.

At least, that's what I think.

 

[Starry]

In my experience ENFP women (my mom is an ENFP) and I know many other ENFP females, do need constant reassurance. In my experience though this is not the ideal state of an ENFP, typically, if they want constant reassurance it is because they are moving in an unhealthy direction or are in an unhealthy state. Most ENFP's will not show this and from the ones that do I generally find it is more the female ENFP's. We do however, like communication, this comes from being extroverted and constantly looking to the outside world for information. Your take is interesting, as I mentioned it is my own experience as is this statement, not sure how much it carries over to others.

This quote/reply goes back to you having stated rather boldly "Distance will not deter an ENFP. Trust me on that." <-What exactly are you saying here. Are you truly suggesting that ENFPs...an NF on a constant forward moving basis...is going to have no prob committing themselves to rarely sharing the same space with their partner indefinitely? That just doesn't jive in my opinion and I merely fear is misleading to anyone reading this.

I'm interested in your take on it but feel strongly that if an ENFP is not deterred by distance then it is because they believe they can close that gap...and close it rather quickly.

 

[andresimon]

This quote/reply goes back to you having stated rather boldly "Distance will not deter an ENFP. Trust me on that." <-What exactly are you saying here. Are you truly suggesting that ENFPs...an NF on a constant forward moving basis...is going to have no prob committing themselves to rarely sharing the same space with their partner indefinitely? That just doesn't jive in my opinion and I merely fear is misleading to anyone reading this.

I'm interested in your take on it but feel strongly that if an ENFP is not deterred by distance then it is because they believe they can close that gap...and close it rather quickly.

I can be in the same house as someone and honestly not see them the entire day. And yet again I can spend 12 hours with the same person and not get tired of it at all. Same goes for being away for a while, although leaving is hard, being away isn't that hard, at least not for me. Then again too many ENFP's I meet are really beaten down and lack confidence. It's my opinion that their are more INFP's and ENFP's that have a hard time in the world than any other types. I think INTP's probably had it worst in the past. An ENFP will find a way to be close to you if that is what they really want. Sometimes, and hopefully this is the case in this situation, they are just going with the flow and maybe haven't really decided that something needs to be done. Again this is my experiences.

ENFP's are rarely too concerned with limits and limitations, they see a possible path and they usually are not afraid to take it. The only really question is, how bad do we want it?

 

[Jeremy8419]

I only read the first page, but I'm of similar thoughts to Starry, but I'm going to go ahead and one-up (maybe she already did) her initial response and say that, honestly, this just sounds like the guy is being realistic about the whole thing. Long-distance relationships are generally for people who are already in a relationship and the "long-distance" is for a necessary intermediate period; e.g., a project for work that keeps them away for a few months. Otherwise, I recommend just following suit with him: Don't worry about an actual relationship when the circumstances don't make it very practical. If anything, use y'all's mutual self-esteem building to give you the support-group often necessary when entering into a more realistic relationship.

 

[Starry]

I can be in the same house as someone and honestly not see them the entire day. And yet again I can spend 12 hours with the same person and not get tired of it at all. Same goes for being away for a while, although leaving is hard, being away isn't that hard, at least not for me. Then again too many ENFP's I meet are really beaten down and lack confidence. It's my opinion that their are more INFP's and ENFP's that have a hard time in the world than any other types. I think INTP's probably had it worst in the past. An ENFP will find a way to be close to you if that is what they really want. Sometimes, and hopefully this is the case in this situation, they are just going with the flow and maybe haven't really decided that something needs to be done. Again this is my experiences.

ENFP's are rarely too concerned with limits and limitations, they see a possible path and they usually are not afraid to take it. The only really question is, how bad do we want it?

I hear what you are saying... I do. Are we naturally undaunted by limits? Yes. Someone needs to be good at pushing up against the impossible and ENFPs naturally possess the over-optimism needed to do such a task.

One of the by-products of the "Get Things Going" temperament, however, is we often find we've been pushing up against an impossible without having considered what we would do if we got it to move. And so it is not uncommon for us to have these kinds of "whoa, shit just got real" hesitations when the impossible becomes a maybe.

This isn't a sure sign of insecurity imo...or make it more likely we're dealing with a female ENFP. For the most part I feel this is your type standard...that in the process of doing what they were put on this earth to do...temporarily forgot they were earthbound (I don't know how old you are but the most painful part of maturing for me has been having to admit to myself that life is bigger than I am. That I am mortal and come with my own set of personal impossibles. And that I must always remember not to forget.)

[MENTION=27838]katmeow[/MENTION] when a possibility becomes a reality... when Fi notices something real is happening and kicks-in...we can become way awkward... and because we've lost our flow we'll pull back. I don't know if this is what is occurring but the timing sounds right to me.

Because you've mentioned "interest" quite a few times and a concern over him losing it... I want ed you to know that people never become uninteresting to me. I've never "lost interest" and ended a relationship and really don't want you to waste energy focusing on it as if it is a primary issue for us. We can make anything interesting. You didn't acknowledge it but I meant what I said a million times over... don't try and think for him... don't read his behavior and think you know what is going on in his head because you guys are real bad at it.

 

[Norrsken]

I've been talking to an ENFP guy for a few months and I have no clue on how to read him whatsoever. We'll go from talking a lot one day with him constantly complimenting me to barely any contact the next. Other times, he'll tell me he'll call but then take forever to do so and apologize with an excuse. Then he'll screenshot my snapchats and tell me that he's creating a photo album of me on his phone. And then we cycle back to the ignoring and no contact. I have no idea what any of this means?

I should also mention that a lot of this has been long distance so I can't actually see how he's responding in terms of body language, I can usually tell what's going on when we're together. Is it possible that he's starting to get bored since we don't get to see one another on a regular basis? We talk on a daily basis, it's just the frequency that changes. Usually when he stops responding, I just give him space and let him contact me when he wants to. Is this what ENFPs want?

Can anyone help give me some insight on what's going here? Because I am completely lost. I really like the guy but I'm also seriously about my relationships and don't want to be strung along if it isn't going anywhere. I would love to know what you guys think about all of this.

This is exactly how my ENFP husband and I started out. I think ENxPs in general love to socialize but need lots of time alone to process things, especially with somebody they like. Don't be surprised if you find yourself waiting for weeks or even months on end until he talks to you again. ENxPs are very 'here today, gone tomorrow', but they do love you a lot and think of you no matter what, so don't worry yourself sick.

You'll need a lot of confidence and things to do while in a long distance relationship because the miles are going to put the bond to the test to see if the love is truly there despite the distance.