[ENFP] How to tell if ENFP is into me?

[Betty Blue]

Theres a whole lotta (single) ENFP's on this forum who have plenty of helpful relationship advice. But seriously... the distance thing also freaks ENFP's out a bit, because it can be hard for us to read people from a distance too... so yes we like the mystery but we also like to be able to be in the same company to ascertain weather or not someone is into us and how we feel about them. ENFP's (surprise) can find it difficult to settle into relationships and will often go off into their own little worlds... or the great big world... the trick is to give them something to come back to. Something solid, comforting and with a little mystery.

Edit: A year and a half is an eternity to an ENFP, even a well seasoned one.

 

[katmeow]

Everyone has been so incredibly helpful, I really appreciate all of this! You guys rock!

And yes, the distance is most definitely daunting. It was specifically brought up as a reason why we haven't made things official between us. It's something I completely understand and certainly don't want to push but deep down, I still feel like there is so much potential here and I'd love to see where things could go. It helps that over the next year and a half, I will be spending approximately 7 of those months in the same area. (Yes, I just looked over my academic calendar and did the math. Lol!) I'm hoping this is enough to keep things going between us. I realize it's super long term but I'm also at the point in my life that I'm ready for a serious relationship and to settle down with someone.

I guess I'm just trying to gauge where he may stand and if there's any chance this could work out. I'm trying to be a stable base for him and as an introvert, I can be naturally reserved so I'm hoping that helps keep him interested. I'm seeing that it can be common for ENFPs to take a while to decide on a relationship but once they're in, they're in. Is this true?

 

[andresimon]

I've been talking to an ENFP guy for a few months and I have no clue on how to read him whatsoever. We'll go from talking a lot one day with him constantly complimenting me to barely any contact the next. Other times, he'll tell me he'll call but then take forever to do so and apologize with an excuse. Then he'll screenshot my snapchats and tell me that he's creating a photo album of me on his phone. And then we cycle back to the ignoring and no contact. I have no idea what any of this means?

I should also mention that a lot of this has been long distance so I can't actually see how he's responding in terms of body language, I can usually tell what's going on when we're together. Is it possible that he's starting to get bored since we don't get to see one another on a regular basis? We talk on a daily basis, it's just the frequency that changes. Usually when he stops responding, I just give him space and let him contact me when he wants to. Is this what ENFPs want?

Can anyone help give me some insight on what's going here? Because I am completely lost. I really like the guy but I'm also seriously about my relationships and don't want to be strung along if it isn't going anywhere. I would love to know what you guys think about all of this.

Your post is really funny to an ENFP like myself. The forgetting aspect doesn't mean he is not into you. You will experience this throughout your relationship if you ever end up having one. An ENFP will pretty much choose who they want to be with in one of two ways. This is from my own experiences and I maybe way off base. The first is they have a BIG mouth that they will constantly use to flirt. They flirt without even trying to flirt. If you show any interest and flirt they will flirt back, even if they are in a relationship. This flirting sometimes gets people around them thinking they are interested and an ENFP may just go along for a short time. The second and for me this has always been consistent is, we pretty much instantly know if we are serious or not about a relationship.

If I were you, I would strait out come out and challenge him. Hey, you told me you would call, but you took forever. I really want to talk to you, I like you... and see how they respond. If they respond with, well I'm not sure, to soon, lets just have fun, hang out, blah blah - I can almost promise you that they are not serious about the relationship. If on the other hand they apologize and make a genuine effort to make things better, you probably have something.

We are VERY consistent when it comes to our core values.

 

[Betty Blue]

Distance will not deter an ENFP. Trust me on that one. We don't take a while to decide, we usually make up our minds instantly and then reevaluate as we go. As an INFJ you have a pretty good match with an ENFP. Maybe this is just me but I've seen other ENFP's in long term relationships. Also ENFP females are different than ENFP males. I would imagine an ENFP female might be a bit more cautious, not sure though.

Distance is an issue for sure. Personally i need constant affirmations and reassurances...in person. We can seem so hugely confident but because we do continually re evaluate we also need to know that those feelings from the other side are still there and still fresh... I can not stand being taken for granted... it's one thing that will get me moving close to the door very quickly.

 

[Betty Blue]

#1 thing ENFP's like about INFJ's is that when we troll how much INFJ's laugh. At least for me that is the case. Keep in mind as an INFJ though you are terrible at reading people. I know a bunch of INFJ's on this forum will kill me for saying it but trust me it is true.You can't even read your own intentions at times. So don't rely on the things you are thinking really and just be direct. I would imagine that is tough for you but just come out and ask because I think that will give you the best idea. Also, as an INFJ sometimes you look the other way, at least in my experience, my advice ... DON'T. If it doesn't feel right, walk away because it generally does not get better.

Wait, what are you talking about? INFJ's are hugely in tune with mood and such. And do ENFP's even troll? I rarely see this happen... we are playful with people... but idk about trolling...

 

[pinkgraffiti]

...

There's an INFJ girl on Reddit that was also dubious about an ENFP guy but now they are together and happy. Maybe you can check out that thread?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ENFP/comments/4h7ir9/update_infj_f_extremely_confused_by_enfp_m_and/

 

[chubber]

I have had a relationship with an INFJ before. A great one as well until he and his inclination towards self-preservation (I was in a relationship with both entities to be sure) had burnt the whole thing to the ground in less than a week. Why? Instead of just talking to me about something in a straightforward manner...he "read my behavior" and based on that...made decisions that significantly impacted the both of us. I do take solace in the fact that I was there when he learned he had "read my behavior wrong". I saw the look on his face. And I was able to say to him "from here on out I'm only dating INTJs."

Instead of merely attempting to read his behavior do you think you could incorporate some open communication into the mix?

I don't have enough information to provide you with an opinion of where his head and heart might be. I'm also thinking of how differently we may define certain experiences. For example, you stated that the two of you talk every day. But also expressed there were periods of ignoring and no contact. If an ENFP is communicating with you everyday...they have some sort of greater investment in you. I go for long periods without speaking to people I would throw myself in front of a train for. If I send you a few texts around noon...but you don't hear from me between 2pm-7pm...I can't imagine an ENFP would ever consider that "ignoring".

Basically I think the OP may be unintentionally misleading based on the way you assign value maybe. I just don't see how he's ignoring you in any real (commonly understood) sense of the word.

You blame him for reading you and then do the exact same

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

^ Take her and the advice of other ENFPs for sure before taking any of mine.

And here is mine -

Don't keep your hoped up on an ENFP. I've promised myself never to fall for another ENFP female again. They are the pursuers.

A new take on it -

Stay back and drop confusing complicated comments. The ENFP might think you are a broken mystery to unravel and might just might pursue you.

My advise is exactly the same. He is the seducer, you are the prey

Try to create mystery and your own game... in a playful fashion of course...

Be optimistic (or try to give that person enthusiastic answers as much as possible) and ...

Just fun, a bit of mystery, play on words and ...with silences... and so on.

ENFP are like butterflies. Make that person feel you like freedom and passion. And just be yourself of course

They seem to love hide and seek games, and seem quite vulnerable to who seems unreachable

 

[katmeow]

He has specifically mentioned that distance is an issue. He doesn't like that we can't see one another on a regular basis and that he doesn't like that he wouldn't be able to be there if I needed anything. I'm still feeling really uncertain and pretty confused with all the back and fourth so I think I'm going to back off for a bit. I figure if he's interested, he will let me know. Otherwise, we can just me friends.

 

[wolfy]

^ Take her and the advice of other ENFPs for sure before taking any of mine.

And here is mine -

Don't keep your hoped up on an ENFP. I've promised myself never to fall for another ENFP female again. They are the pursuers.

A new take on it -

Stay back and drop confusing complicated comments. The ENFP might think you are a broken mystery to unravel and might just might pursue you.

Lol, that seems good advice.

 

[Riva]

Lol, that seems good advice.

Screw you wolfy. Nfs like sad and broken things.

 

[Ikaruss]

Like it was said, I can't really take for the other ENFP's…

But I'm a great feeler (if this makes sense, hahah). When I'm going through a healthy phase, I can quickly tune in to other's feelings and needs. When I'm into someone, I try to get to know this person better, try to get closer. I talk to that person about absolutely everything and I like to make people feel comfortable around me. I like to make them laugh (usually with self-deprecating jokes hahah) and make them feel great about themselves. I like to talk and sometimes insert a small flirtatious comment and see how they react. I like to draw in every detail about the person. I like to watch people, how they move, their unique habits. I like to discover what makes them passionate. I like to know how their souls flare up to a song, a sunset or to a poem. And I'm usually pretty timid and humble to them.

But that's when I reeeaaaally am into someone. People tell me I'm quite magnetic, but I rarely am interested in anyone. So I just shoot for small talk and casual stuff.

Mostly, it's because getting people to grow attached to me makes my ego jump around. Unhealthy ENFP's tend to be a little manipulative to get attention sometimes, to get you coming for them.

If I really am into someone, I tend to answer messages really fast. I hate to keep people I like waiting. There's this feel to make them feel loved right away. Otherwise, I just answer people whenever I feel like.

But you can confront him and make it clear for him. If he's like me, he'll try to hide it and fail. Because we want to look cool and distant, when we trully are goofballs who love attention. And getting the attention from who we really like feels like an excited Golden Retriever puppy getting belly rubs. If he really is into you, he'll be excited, but will be too shy to actually show it. If you squeeze it from him, maybe he'll show you this embarassed side and confess. That's if he thinks and acts like me, though.

I hope I was able to help and i'll be cheering out for you!

 

[five sounds]

Like it was said, I can't really take for the other ENFP's…

But I'm a great feeler (if this makes sense, hahah). When I'm going through a healthy phase, I can quickly tune in to other's feelings and needs. When I'm into someone, I try to get to know this person better, try to get closer. I talk to that person about absolutely everything and I like to make people feel comfortable around me. I like to make them laugh (usually with self-deprecating jokes hahah) and make them feel great about themselves. I like to talk and sometimes insert a small flirtatious comment and see how they react. I like to draw in every detail about the person. I like to watch people, how they move, their unique habits. I like to discover what makes them passionate. I like to know how their souls flare up to a song, a sunset or to a poem. And I'm usually pretty timid and humble to them.

But that's when I reeeaaaally am into someone. People tell me I'm quite magnetic, but I rarely am interested in anyone. So I just shoot for small talk and casual stuff.

Mostly, it's because getting people to grow attached to me makes my ego jump around. Unhealthy ENFP's tend to be a little manipulative to get attention sometimes, to get you coming for them.

If I really am into someone, I tend to answer messages really fast. I hate to keep people I like waiting. There's this feel to make them feel loved right away. Otherwise, I just answer people whenever I feel like.

But you can confront him and make it clear for him. If he's like me, he'll try to hide it and fail. Because we want to look cool and distant, when we trully are goofballs who love attention. And getting the attention from who we really like feels like an excited Golden Retriever puppy getting belly rubs. If he really is into you, he'll be excited, but will be too shy to actually show it. If you squeeze it from him, maybe he'll show you this embarassed side and confess. That's if he thinks and acts like me, though.

I hope I was able to help and i'll be cheering out for you!

Fuckin nailed it

 

[wolfy]

Screw you wolfy. Nfs like sad and broken things.

I was being complimentary. lol

 

[Starry]

You blame him for reading you and then do the exact same

Um yah. While it may seem like a radical approach to human interaction to you...my expectations and behavior/treatment are decidedly different when I'm in a committed relationship with someone and when I'm not. I'm just "weird that way."

 

[chubber]

Um yah. While it may seem like a radical approach to human interaction to you...my expectations and behavior/treatment are decidedly different when I'm in a committed relationship with someone and when I'm not. I'm just "weird that way."

Yes, life must be tough when you are the only who can read people. Do you know what's best for other people too?

 

[Starry]

Yes, life must be tough when you are the only who can read people. Do you know what's best for other people too?

The irony of your comments chubber...

You clearly have zero understanding of my situation in spite of commenting with confidence and arrogance. How do I know this? Well, while I may be giving your reasoning abilities far too much credit... I really do think that even you would be likely to recognize just how idiotic your comments are to me if you did.

I came to this site trying to understand this relationship I mention above and have posted about it extensively. Why don't you stop wasting other people's time being blinded by your need to criticize Pe females (they don't want you)...and return once you have something not dumb to say. Thanks chubs

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

He has specifically mentioned that distance is an issue. He doesn't like that we can't see one another on a regular basis and that he doesn't like that he wouldn't be able to be there if I needed anything.....

No matter if he does have feeling for you and you for him, this is a pretty solid statement concerning a major requirement for him to be in a relationship. I wouldn't overlook this, not that you are.

I just think this is something that can be dismissed or minimized because of emotion and desire and people pursue thinking it will be different "this time" but when the dust settles, it always comes back to these type issues that are the undoing of the relationship regardless of mutual attraction.

Unless something changes in distance between you two, I think you should hit up a closer ENFP

 

[chubber]

The irony of your comments chubber...

You clearly have zero understanding of my situation in spite of commenting with confidence and arrogance. How do I know this? Well, while I may be giving your reasoning abilities far too much credit... I really do think that even you would be likely to recognize just how idiotic your comments are to me if you did.

I came to this site trying to understand this relationship I mention above and have posted about it extensively. Why don't you stop wasting other people's time being blinded by your need to criticize Pe females (they don't want you)...and return once you have something not dumb to say. Thanks chubs

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I was busy fighting ghosts, I was so busy. Good on you for using Pe. Hope things work out for you.

 

[katmeow]

No matter if he does have feeling for you and you for him, this is a pretty solid statement concerning a major requirement for him to be in a relationship. I wouldn't overlook this, not that you are.

I just think this is something that can be dismissed or minimized because of emotion and desire and people pursue thinking it will be different "this time" but when the dust settles, it always comes back to these type issues that are the undoing of the relationship regardless of mutual attraction.

Unless something changes in distance between you two, I think you should hit up a closer ENFP

Absolutely, I know he has had some bad experiences in the past with long distance which is why he doesn't think too highly of it. The distance won't be forever but it's still very daunting since it will be a while before I move back to the area. I'm not seeking out relationships with anyone in the area because I know I will be leaving and that's just something I don't even want to get into. I'm in my late twenties now so I'm not interested in anything less than a serious relationship and I've never been one to date casually. I guess this is one of those situations where "time will tell." Lol

I think everyone has made a really good point that what has been happening is a pretty natural course given the distance. It's difficult to keep things going when all you have are phone conversations and social media. And hearing everyone's feedback also helps me recognize that our communication has actually been pretty good given the circumstances. I will have the opportunity to see him in a couple weeks and my instinct tells me that crazy connection that we have won't just go away. I'm curious to see how things play out. Either way, I know I want him as part of my life regardless of whether our relationship progresses as a romantic one or stays a friendship. It's rare for me to feel that kind of a connection with anyone.