[ENFP] Please, help me.

[Ikaruss]

Recently, I've discovered myself a very unhealthy ENFP. It's almost heartbreaking to remember who I was two years ago.

I was always so brave, fearless and fierce. I found happiness in everything and I was an ocean of peace and energy. I had dreams and the determination to pursue them. The world was mine to conquer if I wanted. And I was a conquerer indeed: I conquered the trust of my friends, I'd be their pillar whenever they needed. To anyone, actually. I was able to bring the best in everyone and make them feel genuinely great. And I myself didn't feel as great as I had just made them, but that's what always made me happy. To make peopple feel good and adored. Everyone loved me and I was so overwhelmed with being around people and this energy. There was music and colours in the air.

Until the beginning of my rotting. Nowadays, I've withered down to brown, dry vines. I can't feel anything. Everything is grey and mute. I've grown to be an endless attention-seeking black hole and I've drained my girlfriend to our separation (2 days ago). I can't but feel only one thing: guilt. She said she couldn't handle her current life and saw that couldn't build anything else with me. When I asked her to be my girlfriend, she never told me she wasn't looking for it, but she accepted it anyway. And she is so incredible and so much for me. What the hell was I thinking to ask someone out when she has always been so out of my league? And she tells me she feels tenderness and admiration towards me but I know she means it all but I can't see it. I've completely shut down to compliments in this last year. Not only her, but my friends are trying their hardest to pull me from this hole, but my hands keep slipping, as if I really wanted to stay inside it.

And perhaps I want, because all I can feel is how useless I am, because I know how much of a burden I have become. And my, well now, ex told me I was being unfair to myself. But I can't see how that's unfair, you know. And I asked her to stop lying, in hopes of getting her to finally give up on me, but why does she keep doing this, trying to pull me from this endless hole? And she doesn't give up and tells me how I'm wonderful. How she loved everything we've done together, but everything I can think of is how I wasn't good enough to make up for her life's problems. It might not be my fault at all, but I can't but feel it's my fault. Everything is my fault.

I've always been closed shut to others according to my best friend. He also said I'm the most difficult person to talk to, because he never knows how much of me I'm showing him. He says I always seem distant. People let me get close, but I don't.

And it's not intentional. I've always done this but I don't know how to open myself. I've done it once and it was to someone I've known for 10 years.

And I don't have anyone to talk to about this. So please. Help me. Help me before I drift too far.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

I feel very sad from reading your post. I wish you could be happy. Not giving any guidance or advice right now. Just good wishes.

 

[Starry]

Yup.

I'm so mad at my mother right now that I'm not in a place to comment effectively. But if you at least know that I've been there. I've done that. I'm hoping it helps just to know from me at this time that you are not alone.

 

[Ikaruss]

I feel very sad from reading your post. I wish you could be happy. Not giving any guidance or advice right now. Just good wishes.

Thanks, buddy. Any word of comfort is good.

Yup.

I'm so mad at my mother right now that I'm not in a place to comment effectively. But if you at least know that I've been there. I've done that. I'm hoping it helps just to know from me at this time that you are not alone.

I may not be as good as I used to be in making people feel ok, but I hope you can feel me reaching out for you too. You might not know, but for someone out there, someone you might know or not, you mean the world. Good things eventually come. Treasure them.

 

[Kho]

Goodness, this almost made me cry. I'm in a very similar situation right now.

 

[Ikaruss]

Goodness, this almost made me cry. I'm in a very similar situation right now.

It's been almost two weeks and I'm feeling a lot better. It's not 100% good, but the thing really was all about talking about those feelings, never letting them bottled up for too long. I don't know if you are a Feeler or a Thinker, but the thing is let yourself feel as much as you need. After all, you are still human. It may take some time, but you will heal up. Life hurts sometimes, but as i rise again from my old ashes, I can feel a little stronger.

I hope you may feel better soon.

 

[PoetryAndMusic]

I am deeply sorry you feel this way, but I do think you can get over this.

First of all, I believe that what you are going through is a phase. It happens to a lot of people. Let me tell you, since you are an ENFP, that I have an ENFP friend who goes through these kind of phases quite often. He dettaches himself from me and our other friends and sinks into his melancholy and sorrows. That is truly painful for us to watch, because he is normally quite the cheery, joyful person. Anyway, he says the exact same thing. He feels useless, he feels that he cannot be of help to anyone, he feels empty.

What I believe has worked for him and I will tell you as well is: Do not be afraid to talk. Your friends and your family are there for you and you could never be a burden to them. They love you and all they want to do is help you. Perhaps, in order to understand the root of your pain and misery and fight it, you need to open up. Open up to people you trust and don't feel like you are putting pressure on them, because you deserve to have some kind of support. Being the one listening to that ENFP friend, I realised that listening to him does indeed help him.

Also, and this is from my own experience, because I do this too, do not feel responsible for other people's happiness. It is wonderful how empathy works and what is even more incredible is the feeling you get when you have helped someone, but, unfortunately, sometimes you cannot help. And this is okay. Where you were not able to help, someone else might, it is not possible for you to solve every single problem on this world. This is why you were not the only one responsible for your girlfriend's happiness, which is what I got was what you thought from what you mentioned above and, please, correct me if I misunderstood.

Finally, you shouldn't feel worthless of people's time. You shouldn't feel that you are not enough for people. Think about it, if they didn't believe you were enough, if they didn't believe in you and the influence you have on their lives, they would not be around you. I do not personally know you, but a person who feels the way you do about others seems like a very empathetic and passionate person, who could, in no way, be a burden. This is probably why your girlfriend did not want to give up on you and would not let you go. Because she still saw the potential in you, but you had already given up on her, because you did not feel worthy of her. She was trying to show you that you were, in fact, worthy of her. When she failed, she gave up too.

I am very well aware that melancholy can be very tricky to get out of. After some time, it can create a little safety zone that you might even want to remain in. It is easy when you are prone to sadness to get sucked into this form of darkness, but you can fight this. Draw your strength from the people around you who care for you and love you, because you know they are worried about you the way you would be worried about them had things been reversed. Talk to people in order to understand yourself, because through deep conversations can come self-recognition.

However, please, do not give up on yourself! Do not let yourself float in your ocean of misery and pain. I have been there and that is not a good place. You have to push through it. In spite of how clichè this may sound, you only get to live once and it would be such a pity to let this life go to waste. No matter how you have lived so far, there always will be something new and exciting for you to do, so do not give the sadness permission to win this battle. Fight it instead. You can get over this. Please do not lose hope. Any mistakes that you have made this far are not important, because you can fix them if you try hard enough.

I sincerely hope I have helped, even in the slightest and you feel a little bit better!

 

[ZNP-TBA]

You're just down cuz your GF broke up with you. It will pass.

 

[GIjade]

What I believe has worked for him and I will tell you as well is: Do not be afraid to talk.

Uh, that depends on who he's talking to.

Your friends and your family are there for you and you could never be a burden to them. They love you and all they want to do is help you.

Uh, it might seem that way, but...

Perhaps, in order to understand the root of your pain and misery and fight it, you need to open up. Open up to people you trust and don't feel like you are putting pressure on them, because you deserve to have some kind of support.

Uh, maybe there's no one to trust.

I'm gonna stop commenting now - but I have a whole lot to say about this.

 

[five sounds]

the cycle of despair and guilt is a dangerous one. like you said, you are allowed to feel as deeply as you do. it's natural and healthy to recognize it as such. when you allow yourself to be however you are, the guilt you're associating with it no longer makes sense. you're first and foremost responsible to yourself to be true to your feelings and experience, and to do your own work on your own self. you spoke about feeling guilty for not being able to be 'enough' for your girlfriend. i believe that no one can be that for anyone else, but you have the best chances of being that for yourself. so if you're able to confront and work through your issues, hopefully she will be able to do that for herself too. the only role an outsider can play is that of support and love. it's a good thing to be separated if you found your energies were being poured into each other rather than into yourselves.

sounds like you have a lot of good people around you. try to stop thinking about expectations and needs of others, and do some work on you.

best wishes <3

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

Recently, I've discovered myself a very unhealthy ENFP. It's almost heartbreaking to remember who I was two years ago.

I was always so brave, fearless and fierce. I found happiness in everything and I was an ocean of peace and energy. I had dreams and the determination to pursue them. The world was mine to conquer if I wanted. And I was a conquerer indeed: I conquered the trust of my friends, I'd be their pillar whenever they needed. To anyone, actually. I was able to bring the best in everyone and make them feel genuinely great. And I myself didn't feel as great as I had just made them, but that's what always made me happy. To make peopple feel good and adored. Everyone loved me and I was so overwhelmed with being around people and this energy. There was music and colours in the air.

Until the beginning of my rotting. Nowadays, I've withered down to brown, dry vines. I can't feel anything. Everything is grey and mute. I've grown to be an endless attention-seeking black hole and I've drained my girlfriend to our separation (2 days ago). I can't but feel only one thing: guilt. She said she couldn't handle her current life and saw that couldn't build anything else with me. When I asked her to be my girlfriend, she never told me she wasn't looking for it, but she accepted it anyway. And she is so incredible and so much for me. What the hell was I thinking to ask someone out when she has always been so out of my league? And she tells me she feels tenderness and admiration towards me but I know she means it all but I can't see it. I've completely shut down to compliments in this last year. Not only her, but my friends are trying their hardest to pull me from this hole, but my hands keep slipping, as if I really wanted to stay inside it.

And perhaps I want, because all I can feel is how useless I am, because I know how much of a burden I have become. And my, well now, ex told me I was being unfair to myself. But I can't see how that's unfair, you know. And I asked her to stop lying, in hopes of getting her to finally give up on me, but why does she keep doing this, trying to pull me from this endless hole? And she doesn't give up and tells me how I'm wonderful. How she loved everything we've done together, but everything I can think of is how I wasn't good enough to make up for her life's problems. It might not be my fault at all, but I can't but feel it's my fault. Everything is my fault.

I've always been closed shut to others according to my best friend. He also said I'm the most difficult person to talk to, because he never knows how much of me I'm showing him. He says I always seem distant. People let me get close, but I don't.

And it's not intentional. I've always done this but I don't know how to open myself. I've done it once and it was to someone I've known for 10 years.

And I don't have anyone to talk to about this. So please. Help me. Help me before I drift too far.

Hello [MENTION=27767]Ikaruss[/MENTION], Obviously you are an enthusiast person and have the power to overcome all that pain


I was always so brave, fearless and fierce. I found happiness in everything and I was an ocean of peace and energy. I had dreams and the determination to pursue them. The world was mine to conquer if I wanted. And I was a conquerer indeed: I conquered the trust of my friends, I'd be their pillar whenever they needed. To anyone, actually. I was able to bring the best in everyone and make them feel genuinely great. And I myself didn't feel as great as I had just made them, but that's what always made me happy. To make peopple feel good and adored. Everyone loved me and I was so overwhelmed with being around people and this energy. There was music and colours in the air.

You will go back to this state of mind and peace of heart/harmony. Just take time and allow yourself some time to find your REAL SELF and welcome it !

I know ENFP feel very bad when they feel guilty and loose what they think to be "happiness" for a while.

But that isn't happiness loss. It is just the energy of joy. You will build happiness again.

If you feel the need to do a psychoanalysis, it is sometimes very wise and the best thing to do to go for a new start/life.

Trust yourself and the world around you. Step by step.....like a child learns how to walk......then you'll run again like a wild wolf in the savage forest !

Have no doubt : you are a good person with all qualities you quoted ? Then the world needs you !

 

[Ikaruss]

Also, and this is from my own experience, because I do this too, do not feel responsible for other people's happiness. It is wonderful how empathy works and what is even more incredible is the feeling you get when you have helped someone, but, unfortunately, sometimes you cannot help. And this is okay. Where you were not able to help, someone else might, it is not possible for you to solve every single problem on this world. This is why you were not the only one responsible for your girlfriend's happiness, which is what I got was what you thought from what you mentioned above and, please, correct me if I misunderstood.

I have always been a great problem solver, y'know? Seeing how I was unable to help someone so dear to me made me feel really bad, because I've always had problems regarding self-assurance and feelings of uselessness. She made me feel like I was everything, and I couldn't help her. And I wished I could've been as much to her as she had been to me, but I couldn't.

Finally, you shouldn't feel worthless of people's time. You shouldn't feel that you are not enough for people. Think about it, if they didn't believe you were enough, if they didn't believe in you and the influence you have on their lives, they would not be around you. I do not personally know you, but a person who feels the way you do about others seems like a very empathetic and passionate person, who could, in no way, be a burden. This is probably why your girlfriend did not want to give up on you and would not let you go. Because she still saw the potential in you, but you had already given up on her, because you did not feel worthy of her. She was trying to show you that you were, in fact, worthy of her. When she failed, she gave up too.

But this piece of advice was the most effective thing I was given so far. Even though it's not something I'd like to read, it really makes sense. I don't know how I should thank you enough for your message, but well… Thank you. Thank you very much!

 

[Ikaruss]

the cycle of despair and guilt is a dangerous one. like you said, you are allowed to feel as deeply as you do. it's natural and healthy to recognize it as such. when you allow yourself to be however you are, the guilt you're associating with it no longer makes sense. you're first and foremost responsible to yourself to be true to your feelings and experience, and to do your own work on your own self. you spoke about feeling guilty for not being able to be 'enough' for your girlfriend. i believe that no one can be that for anyone else, but you have the best chances of being that for yourself. so if you're able to confront and work through your issues, hopefully she will be able to do that for herself too. the only role an outsider can play is that of support and love. it's a good thing to be separated if you found your energies were being poured into each other rather than into yourselves.

sounds like you have a lot of good people around you. try to stop thinking about expectations and needs of others, and do some work on you.

best wishes <3

I know how much of me is frequently swimming in despair and (mainly) guilt, and I know that I simply can't keep'em bottled up without them coming back to hurt me later. So I simply deal with it, I feel it. I've tried to "love myself" as they say when relationships go bad, but I can't bring myself to love what I am. And this might be why I think that I'm not enough for anyone. I'm just this mess of guilt and self-deprecating feelings and there really isn't anything that I can change at all. I've tried to change, and I did change. But there really isn't nothing else to be done. And I kind of have already accepted it. All I can do is, I don't know, wait.

And maybe I'll be given a signal that I'm not someone good enough to be in a realtionship at all.

 

[Ikaruss]

Hello [MENTION=27767]Ikaruss[/MENTION], Obviously you are an enthusiast person and have the power to overcome all that pain


I was always so brave, fearless and fierce. I found happiness in everything and I was an ocean of peace and energy. I had dreams and the determination to pursue them. The world was mine to conquer if I wanted. And I was a conquerer indeed: I conquered the trust of my friends, I'd be their pillar whenever they needed. To anyone, actually. I was able to bring the best in everyone and make them feel genuinely great. And I myself didn't feel as great as I had just made them, but that's what always made me happy. To make peopple feel good and adored. Everyone loved me and I was so overwhelmed with being around people and this energy. There was music and colours in the air.

You will go back to this state of mind and peace of heart/harmony. Just take time and allow yourself some time to find your REAL SELF and welcome it !

I know ENFP feel very bad when they feel guilty and loose what they think to be "happiness" for a while.

But that isn't happiness loss. It is just the energy of joy. You will build happiness again.

If you feel the need to do a psychoanalysis, it is sometimes very wise and the best thing to do to go for a new start/life.

Trust yourself and the world around you. Step by step.....like a child learns how to walk......then you'll run again like a wild wolf in the savage forest !

Have no doubt : you are a good person with all qualities you quoted ? Then the world needs you !

Y'know, I've been my happiest alone; always with a drop of melancholy for wanting to be in a relationship. But when I was alone, I was able to help the others. By helping people, I didn't feel like I was a burden, because I was actually being useful to others. I actually meant something to others. I think I expect too much in relationships and when they go stale, I can't but blame myself. So I guess that even though I wished I could be in a relationship, I'm better off alone.

I'll always feel sad, but at least I'll be useful to others.

 

[five sounds]

I know how much of me is frequently swimming in despair and (mainly) guilt, and I know that I simply can't keep'em bottled up without them coming back to hurt me later. So I simply deal with it, I feel it. I've tried to "love myself" as they say when relationships go bad, but I can't bring myself to love what I am. And this might be why I think that I'm not enough for anyone. I'm just this mess of guilt and self-deprecating feelings and there really isn't anything that I can change at all. I've tried to change, and I did change. But there really isn't nothing else to be done. And I kind of have already accepted it. All I can do is, I don't know, wait.

And maybe I'll be given a signal that I'm not someone good enough to be in a realtionship at all.

I half forgot about saying all the shit you just replied to and realized when you quoted me that I was just getting down on myself to a friend in the exact way I was advising you against.

It's hard when you're so aware of others' needs and expectations to operate that way. I don't know how to do it either, but much like you said: I did change. But maybe we're just always working.

I'm at the place right now that your last sentence indicated. Relying on signals and guidance and trying to stay true so I can hear it.

ENFP problems, amirite?

 

[Ikaruss]

I half forgot about saying all the shit you just replied to and realized when you quoted me that I was just getting down on myself to a friend in the exact way I was advising you against.

It's hard when you're so aware of others' needs and expectations to operate that way. I don't know how to do it either, but much like you said: I did change. But maybe we're just always working.

I'm at the place right now that your last sentence indicated. Relying on signals and guidance and trying to stay true so I can hear it.

ENFP problems, amirite?

Heh, ENFP problems all the way.

I think it's a new step forward self-knowledge? I really wanted things to get better as soon as I realized I wasn't feeling good, but I think we gotta be patient and enjoy the ride. I hope we eventually find something good along the way.