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[NF] NF(P): too-much expectations, yet little work?

do you find urself expecting/imagining end results too much, but NO real-work?

  • yes, very often, or almost always!

    Votes: 39 81.3%
  • only sometimes..

    Votes: 8 16.7%
  • no. almost never

    Votes: 1 2.1%

  • Total voters
    48

niki

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2007
Messages
210
MBTI Type
INFP
hey NF folks (or perhaps, more specifically, "NFP" folks )
do you often find yourself so immersed in too-many expectations (often unrealistic ones too!), and too-much imagining how's the END results would be, yet, you only do a very little REAL-work (the "Do" part).
in other words: you contemplate a lot, even WAY too much (even other people criticize you often because of this!) , with little to almost NO real-work being done?

and does this frustrate you?
I mean, i admit that I've done this a lot of times (ie: too much imagining the end-results without any real actions first!) , and it's kinda disturbing.
first, because often it's just a 'romantic' useless head-talkings, but the REAL results or outcomes often is not what i've been imagining a lot!
second, because I didn't do much real-actions. and instead only immersed myself in too-much 'unnecessary' thoughts , which leads to nothing in the end!

raise your hands if you can relate with me.
and what is your solution for handling this 'bad' behavior ?
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Used to be the first one, but these days I prefer to make the good stuff manifest - it's more enjoyable that way. :D
 

phoenix13

New member
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
1,293
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
yes *buries head in shame*
I think it's another form of procrastination...
 

Martian Manifesto

New member
Joined
Aug 21, 2008
Messages
180
MBTI Type
INFJ
hey NF folks (or perhaps, more specifically, "NFP" folks )
do you often find yourself so immersed in too-many expectations (often unrealistic ones too!), and too-much imagining how's the END results would be, yet, you only do a very little REAL-work (the "Do" part).
in other words: you contemplate a lot, even WAY too much (even other people criticize you often because of this!) , with little to almost NO real-work being done?

and does this frustrate you?
I mean, i admit that I've done this a lot of times (ie: too much imagining the end-results without any real actions first!) , and it's kinda disturbing.
first, because often it's just a 'romantic' useless head-talkings, but the REAL results or outcomes often is not what i've been imagining a lot!
second, because I didn't do much real-actions. and instead only immersed myself in too-much 'unnecessary' thoughts , which leads to nothing in the end!

raise your hands if you can relate with me.
and what is your solution for handling this 'bad' behavior ?

Get some J friends who understand you? If you say stuff to them they have a habit of asking what the status is and really want to know. This can be a good motivator. Your P would be good for them also. You can of course become a more mature INFP, but I don't think a even a very mature INFP ever stops doing this completely. If this thread was meant for Ps only, I apologize in advance.

My girlfriend of six years is an INFP and she says I have enough J for three people :) I think she has enough P for three people. Between the two of use we have enough J and P, plus some!
 

RiderOnTheStorm

E. N.. T... :P
Joined
Aug 25, 2008
Messages
792
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
hey NF folks (or perhaps, more specifically, "NFP" folks )
do you often find yourself so immersed in too-many expectations (often unrealistic ones too!), and too-much imagining how's the END results would be, yet, you only do a very little REAL-work (the "Do" part).
in other words: you contemplate a lot, even WAY too much (even other people criticize you often because of this!) , with little to almost NO real-work being done?

and does this frustrate you?
I mean, i admit that I've done this a lot of times (ie: too much imagining the end-results without any real actions first!) , and it's kinda disturbing.
first, because often it's just a 'romantic' useless head-talkings, but the REAL results or outcomes often is not what i've been imagining a lot!
second, because I didn't do much real-actions. and instead only immersed myself in too-much 'unnecessary' thoughts , which leads to nothing in the end!

raise your hands if you can relate with me.
and what is your solution for handling this 'bad' behavior ?

I feel your pain. I often get excited at the start up phase of anything new, and more ideas bubble than I know what to do with. As you said, "too-much 'unnecessary' thought" There are just so many possibilities it's hard to decide on a *swallows* "final" way of approaching a project. :/

What I found helps me with this is to look at the big picture. Think about who would appreciate what I am trying to accomplish. I get off on praise :p as I think most NFPs do.

As for the indecisiveness I try not spend so much time daydreaming about the possibilities and put my imagination into action as I go along. It's a bit impulsive, and you will go over everything that you are doing over and over again until you are satisfied. (I think we all do this to a degree.) Everything seems to come together in the end, and I am rarely disappointed with the results.

One more thing. I think you really have to want to change this habit, or you didn't really give a good god damn in the first place. Otherwise, it's just a minor annoyance at the time it happens. As the saying goes, "quit your bitchin if you're not gonna do anything about it!" I tell myself that all the time. Heh. Maybe a verbal bashing of the self ain't so bad once in awhile.:shock:
 
Last edited:

GZA

Resident Snot-Nose
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
1,771
MBTI Type
infp
I'm the obly one who said no? :shock:

Either I no longer expect things, or I only commit to expecting things when I know I can do them.
 

phoenix13

New member
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
1,293
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
I'm the obly one who said no? :shock:

Either I no longer expect things, or I only commit to expecting things when I know I can do them.

I can't resist a quote:

"How can I have expectations?! ... I do not hope for what I cannot have! I do not cling to things I cannot keep! The more you cling to things, the more you love them, the more the pain you suffer when they're taken from you. Ah, but, if you have no expectations, Captain, you can never have a disappointment." -Fosca (from Sondheim's musical: Passion)
 

MrRandom

New member
Joined
Jul 19, 2008
Messages
151
MBTI Type
INFJ
I consider myself a really hard-working individual. I have to admit I sometimes even "criticize" my friends for not doing anything about their dreams and goals. They speak what they'd like to do and learn, but nobody (but me) actually does anything about their desires. To me it's very frustrating to watch, because I'd like to help... it's easy: just do it! I have come to understand that it doesn't really help.

Yeah, I'm a J. It makes sense. However, I'm still constantly frustrated. Even as a diligent and energetic worker I still don't have enough time to do it all. I'm constantly stressed out and depressed for not getting enough work done, although I already work more than many people put together (on my spare time, that is). I demand way too much from myself. And getting depressed about it actually lowers my energy and will to work, which gets me even more depressed for getting even less done. It's not really easy this way either. I have some bad days and some good days. My mood swings accordingly. I'll just try to cope with it. But hey, my work is fun (visual art and music). It's something I enjoy, so it's not like I'm the workaholic type.
 

RiderOnTheStorm

E. N.. T... :P
Joined
Aug 25, 2008
Messages
792
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
"How can I have expectations?! ... I do not hope for what I cannot have! I do not cling to things I cannot keep! The more you cling to things, the more you love them, the more the pain you suffer when they're taken from you. Ah, but, if you have no expectations, Captain, you can never have a disappointment." -Fosca (from Sondheim's musical: Passion)

I likes it :smile:
 

AfterHours

New member
Joined
Feb 12, 2008
Messages
44
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Yeah, my interest always fades when I realize how hard it is to complete something.
 

Members Only

New member
Joined
Jul 10, 2008
Messages
107
MBTI Type
INFP
you contemplate a lot, even WAY too much (even other people criticize you often because of this!) , with little to almost NO real-work being done?

When you are contemplating, work is being done.

Obviously at some point, action must be taken, but do not deny the value of contemplation. In fact, for an IN, it is where the majority of your work will take place.

The more concise your thoughts become in contemplation, the easier the action part of the equation will be.

Perhaps you need to structure your thoughts more before taking action?
 

Carebear

will make your day
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
1,449
MBTI Type
INFP
When you are contemplating, work is being done.

Obviously at some point, action must be taken, but do not deny the value of contemplation. In fact, for an IN, it is where the majority of your work will take place.

The more concise your thoughts are become in contemplation, the easier the action part of the equation will become.

Very true. Still, without the doing part, no work has really been done when contemplating. Nothing that can be shown at least.

That said: I contemplated and procrastinated for 4 years on my masters degree. After 3 of those I still had nothing to show to prove I'd really done any work at all. After the 4th however, praise in abundance and I've never before felt that the final product was actually BETTER than I'd envisioned. Always before it's been a halfhearted compromise between time left and original idea. So yes, your post is very true. Work is definitely being done while contemplating.
 

Dwigie

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2008
Messages
658
MBTI Type
INFP
Yes....unfortunately, I can relate(doing it right now, helping someone out with their personal problem,thinking about mine instead of reviewing for a math test in three days xD)
 

niki

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2007
Messages
210
MBTI Type
INFP
@Members Only & Carebear: seems like you guys are right.
for us, the IN part is probably our 'main weapon' that'll differ us from the majority of people in the terms of the raw ideas & also the final results.

which brings me to a curious question : so, definitely the IN's works and the IS's works would be totally different, as the end results?
while i'm sure the IS would easily just DO the works, but perhaps (not trying to discriminate against S people, really) , it would perhaps lack of "something magical" , that usually IN would easily be able to foresee & envisioned beforehand ?
but the drawback with the IN people is , because of they're often too-much imagining & overthinking (especially NFP folks) , the final results might be soo lacking in practical & detailed stuff, ie: maybe things like grammar, punctuation, or forgot to put the address, etc. 'silly' things like that?

And yes, I agree with Carebear, it's sometimes useless even after I have structured my thoughts, yet I still find it hard to "just DO it" , because right when I want to "do" it, I begin to contemplate again, think too-much!
argh!

i've learned from somebody in INFP globalchatter forum, & also from many great online articles on "how to eliminate procrastination" , that perhaps the best way to eliminate all of this is to just 'switch-off' our NFP mode, and just turn-on a bit of our shadow-function, namely is: T and S functions. T for thinking thoroughly the process, and S to just think of each small step one by one, and just DO it!
and yes, motivation & inspiration & words of praise often helped a lot! that's been my experience, at least.
 

Carebear

will make your day
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
1,449
MBTI Type
INFP
which brings me to a curious question : so, definitely the IN's works and the IS's works would be totally different, as the end results?
while i'm sure the IS would easily just DO the works, but perhaps (not trying to discriminate against S people, really) , it would perhaps lack of "something magical" , that usually IN would easily be able to foresee & envisioned beforehand ?
but the drawback with the IN people is , because of they're often too-much imagining & overthinking (especially NFP folks) , the final results might be soo lacking in practical & detailed stuff, ie: maybe things like grammar, punctuation, or forgot to put the address, etc. 'silly' things like that?

Yes, I think this can often be the case. Through highschool me and a few IS friends (ISFP, ISTP and possible ISTJ (could be E)) did fairly similar gradewise in Norwegian, history and English. Strong grades, but rarely top. We started comparing the feedback we got and the pattern that emerged was: They got comments like "well worked through, strong paper, but could have a more independent angle", mine were "very promising, you write with a very independent and creative angle, but your paper could could have used more work and been longer".

Different strengths, different weaknesses, same result unless you find a way to learn to work around your weaknesses.

And yes, I agree with Carebear, it's sometimes useless even after I have structured my thoughts, yet I still find it hard to "just DO it" , because right when I want to "do" it, I begin to contemplate again, think too-much!
argh!

i've learned from somebody in INFP globalchatter forum, & also from many great online articles on "how to eliminate procrastination" , that perhaps the best way to eliminate all of this is to just 'switch-off' our NFP mode, and just turn-on a bit of our shadow-function, namely is: T and S functions. T for thinking thoroughly the process, and S to just think of each small step one by one, and just DO it!
and yes, motivation & inspiration & words of praise often helped a lot! that's been my experience, at least.

Yes. It's very hard to switch off the contemplation bit. Especially since part of the contemplation is contemplating "what if I fail?" It might be more hidden, but I think it's rarely the case that INFP contemplation is Ne only. Sneaky Fi keeps hijacking Ne for worst case scenario contemplations. :)

Encouragement and words of praise helps Fi go to rest and leave Ne alone.
 

kiddykat

movin melodies
Joined
Jul 27, 2008
Messages
1,111
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4, 7
I can totally relate!

I think my problem has more to do with a lack of self-motivation..
 

Hexis

New member
Joined
May 14, 2007
Messages
1,442
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w7
I do but I am most definitely working on finishing projects and commiting more to them.
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
Joined
Jan 14, 2008
Messages
9,801
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
I am big on the process aspect of creating more so than I am on the actual product aspect of it.

Generally speaking, I hate filtering and committing my thoughts and ideas into a solidified, structured piece of work, it's stifling!!!

Gah, to be continued...
 

redacted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
4,223
Although I'm not NFP, I have this problem (it seems like enneagram 9s have this problem in general).

I always know what I want to do and what I should do to further my goals. I just never take the action...
 
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