Hi all! I'm new here and I'm glad I found this forum.
Let me preface this by saying I can be stubbornly stubborn when I really want something to happen, despite the odds.
I (24) am an INFP and had been friends with an ENFJ (23) for about 3 months last year before we dated for 2 months. She basically initiated the friendship because she was romantically interested in me at the time, and things went great for a while. At least that's how I see it.
We went out only twice before she decided it was best that we stay friends because "It's just not there. She's not feeling it" and "she didn't want to lead me on and play with my feelings." I was surprised. Mainly because I was just starting to fall for her. She was moving too fast for me, and this statement accurately describes the whole of our time together. Despite my wanting to date her more, I agreed to staying friends and we became closer friends than before we dated. Things went blissfully well until about two months later when I revealed to her on the phone that it doesn't look like I'll stop thinking of her as more than a friend.
Since that conversation, she began to slowly distance herself from me. We gradually sent less text messages. we became like acquaintances. From what I observed, she didn't want to be friends anymore, I guessed because she wanted to make it easier for me to let of my romantic ideas of her. Then there was complete silence over Christmas break but at the beginning of the next semester, (I should mention that we attend the same school) I decided I would fight for our friendship so I began to initiate conversations both in person and text messages, but she was somewhat dismissive. She wasn't cold, she would respond but it seemed like I was somewhat of a bother to her.
At this point, I was trying to revive our friendship despite my feelings for her. But I didn't want to be disrespectful of her decision to distance herself from me so I decided to let things be. I wrote her a letter of apology explaining that tit takes me sometime to get accustomed to new situations and that when I told her what I did on the phone, I was still trying let go of my hopes of being with her (I really was). I apologized because it was because of me that she made the hard choice to distance herself from. I also said, and this is important, that I missed her and her friendship a lot but I was not expecting to return to that. I said that because I didn't want to disrespect her need for space. I still wanted to be friends.
Again, there was silence for a few weeks until the next time she saw me which was at a place that she volunteers. I sometimes dropped by to help because they really need all the help they can get and I like to help. When she saw me, she had a look of surprise and she smiled at me for a second. We didn't get the chance to have a conversation face to face because I had to leave early. But we chatted for a little bit over text, but I couldn't have a long conversation because I was busy that night. This was a relief to me! I was unsure of what reaction to seeing me would be, so this meant that there was a chance that we could patch things up. I was wrong. so wrong. Literally the next day she became cold. short text replies, no desire to invest in a conversation face to face, etc. Needless to say this baffled me. But I continued trying to patch things up. I though it would help to state my intentions clearly so I got her a bunch of flowers (not roses) and a card with a poem about my hopes for renewing the friendship. I kept this until I thought if this was the right action to take.
So the next day, I sent her a text asking if we could hang out for a bit, she didn't reply until late at night because she was out of away somewhere and mentioned it would be the same for the next couple of days. (it was also exam week, so I guess that was a stressful time for me to pick). Then her tone changed and said she didn't feel like there was anything for us to chat about and if I needed to ask her something specifically, I should text her. So I began typing up what I was going to say to her if we had met earlier that day and just as I was sending it, I received a message from her basically saying that she was starting to feel uncomfortable because she felt I was still trying to pursue her when she had made her intentions clear. She told me she needed space. She also mentioned what I said in my last letter that I was not expecting us to return to being friends and she feels the need to hold me to that right now.
My message to her and hers to mine were sent basically at the same time, so I felt the need to clear up the confusion about my intentions and replied in a message stating exactly that. I told her I would respect her need for space - And did the exact opposite thing the next morning. I still had the flowers and the card, and somehow I reasoned that after clearing up my intentions of not pursuing her romantically anymore, it would help to still give her flowers and the poem about renewing our friendship. so i left them by her door.
that night, I got a message from her telling me that it was over. She would no longer respond to my messages nor answer a phone call from me, because I disrespected her request for space.
I didn't respond. And we have not spoken since. It's been a month now, and we haven't seen each other since. I have been intentionally avoiding her, not because I hate her or anything, but because I don't want to see her uncomfortable because of my presence.
My question is, If you were in her shoes how likely are you to reconsider patching things up? we never had anything negative to say about each other. In fact we both respect each other as persons. The only conflict is that she thinks I was using our friendship to try and date her again. So what would you do?
In the next few days there is an event were we both have to attend. How should I act? should I avoid her then, or try and feel what her mood is? or should I just completely let go and not wait for her at all?
If there was anything that would change your mind in this situation, anything at all, what would it be?
Let me preface this by saying I can be stubbornly stubborn when I really want something to happen, despite the odds.
I (24) am an INFP and had been friends with an ENFJ (23) for about 3 months last year before we dated for 2 months. She basically initiated the friendship because she was romantically interested in me at the time, and things went great for a while. At least that's how I see it.
We went out only twice before she decided it was best that we stay friends because "It's just not there. She's not feeling it" and "she didn't want to lead me on and play with my feelings." I was surprised. Mainly because I was just starting to fall for her. She was moving too fast for me, and this statement accurately describes the whole of our time together. Despite my wanting to date her more, I agreed to staying friends and we became closer friends than before we dated. Things went blissfully well until about two months later when I revealed to her on the phone that it doesn't look like I'll stop thinking of her as more than a friend.
Since that conversation, she began to slowly distance herself from me. We gradually sent less text messages. we became like acquaintances. From what I observed, she didn't want to be friends anymore, I guessed because she wanted to make it easier for me to let of my romantic ideas of her. Then there was complete silence over Christmas break but at the beginning of the next semester, (I should mention that we attend the same school) I decided I would fight for our friendship so I began to initiate conversations both in person and text messages, but she was somewhat dismissive. She wasn't cold, she would respond but it seemed like I was somewhat of a bother to her.
At this point, I was trying to revive our friendship despite my feelings for her. But I didn't want to be disrespectful of her decision to distance herself from me so I decided to let things be. I wrote her a letter of apology explaining that tit takes me sometime to get accustomed to new situations and that when I told her what I did on the phone, I was still trying let go of my hopes of being with her (I really was). I apologized because it was because of me that she made the hard choice to distance herself from. I also said, and this is important, that I missed her and her friendship a lot but I was not expecting to return to that. I said that because I didn't want to disrespect her need for space. I still wanted to be friends.
Again, there was silence for a few weeks until the next time she saw me which was at a place that she volunteers. I sometimes dropped by to help because they really need all the help they can get and I like to help. When she saw me, she had a look of surprise and she smiled at me for a second. We didn't get the chance to have a conversation face to face because I had to leave early. But we chatted for a little bit over text, but I couldn't have a long conversation because I was busy that night. This was a relief to me! I was unsure of what reaction to seeing me would be, so this meant that there was a chance that we could patch things up. I was wrong. so wrong. Literally the next day she became cold. short text replies, no desire to invest in a conversation face to face, etc. Needless to say this baffled me. But I continued trying to patch things up. I though it would help to state my intentions clearly so I got her a bunch of flowers (not roses) and a card with a poem about my hopes for renewing the friendship. I kept this until I thought if this was the right action to take.
So the next day, I sent her a text asking if we could hang out for a bit, she didn't reply until late at night because she was out of away somewhere and mentioned it would be the same for the next couple of days. (it was also exam week, so I guess that was a stressful time for me to pick). Then her tone changed and said she didn't feel like there was anything for us to chat about and if I needed to ask her something specifically, I should text her. So I began typing up what I was going to say to her if we had met earlier that day and just as I was sending it, I received a message from her basically saying that she was starting to feel uncomfortable because she felt I was still trying to pursue her when she had made her intentions clear. She told me she needed space. She also mentioned what I said in my last letter that I was not expecting us to return to being friends and she feels the need to hold me to that right now.
My message to her and hers to mine were sent basically at the same time, so I felt the need to clear up the confusion about my intentions and replied in a message stating exactly that. I told her I would respect her need for space - And did the exact opposite thing the next morning. I still had the flowers and the card, and somehow I reasoned that after clearing up my intentions of not pursuing her romantically anymore, it would help to still give her flowers and the poem about renewing our friendship. so i left them by her door.
that night, I got a message from her telling me that it was over. She would no longer respond to my messages nor answer a phone call from me, because I disrespected her request for space.
I didn't respond. And we have not spoken since. It's been a month now, and we haven't seen each other since. I have been intentionally avoiding her, not because I hate her or anything, but because I don't want to see her uncomfortable because of my presence.
My question is, If you were in her shoes how likely are you to reconsider patching things up? we never had anything negative to say about each other. In fact we both respect each other as persons. The only conflict is that she thinks I was using our friendship to try and date her again. So what would you do?
In the next few days there is an event were we both have to attend. How should I act? should I avoid her then, or try and feel what her mood is? or should I just completely let go and not wait for her at all?
If there was anything that would change your mind in this situation, anything at all, what would it be?
