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[ENFP] Feeling like an introvert

Raspberry_rain

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I'm wondering if it's normal for an ENFP to be drained by negative social interactions and start acting like an introvert. I've found that when there are a lot of emotional stressors around me I lose my talkative nature and become a very solitary and irritable shell. This isn't my normal, healthy self and I'm wondering how to snap out of it. I like people but lately my friends are acting really immature and annoying and I find myself just wanting to be left alone, but when left alone I get upset :(
 

fetus

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I think this is basically normal for everyone, extrovert or not.
 

Yama

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I second kohai-chan. Any interaction that's negative and stressful is going to be draining, regardless of introversion or extroversion. Because it's negative.
 

Lady Lazarus

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I always feel like an introvert, it really is odd.
 

Chrysanthe

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My introvertedness depends on how much effort it takes for me to bring my mind to the same level of communication (aka intertype relations, aka SJs hurt my brain more than NPs) as well as my motivation, energy levels, and mood. Most of the time IRL I find myself ignoring most chatter around myself, no matter how interesting and relatable the conversation may be, yet, in the right circumstances, feel social enough to bother a complete stranger like an ExTP would for my own amusement and to cure my boredom. I suppose I'm too impatient for most conversations and just want to be left alone, but when I am social it's either because I really like the person and want to make the talk enjoyable for them so they like me, or because I'm selfish and care for my own self-amusement. 99% of the time it's the latter, since it's difficult for me to want to form connections with people, not because I I'd rather remain to myself, but because It's not immediately satisfying nor easy... maybe because of my possible Aspieness.
 

ceecee

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I'm wondering if it's normal for an ENFP to be drained by negative social interactions and start acting like an introvert. I've found that when there are a lot of emotional stressors around me I lose my talkative nature and become a very solitary and irritable shell. This isn't my normal, healthy self and I'm wondering how to snap out of it. I like people but lately my friends are acting really immature and annoying and I find myself just wanting to be left alone, but when left alone I get upset :(

P0TDuJd.jpg


One of my ENFP's puts sunglasses on. Inside. This is the - I'm going introverted - sign. She doesn't want to be alone either. I give her the above look and walk out telling her I'm 100% sure she will live if I leave.
 

Dreamer

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P0TDuJd.jpg


One of my ENFP's puts sunglasses on. Inside. This is the - I'm going introverted - sign. She doesn't want to be alone either. I give her the above look and walk out telling her I'm 100% sure she will live if I leave.

Hey, that's a great idea! Haha

I relate in that I've never once considered looking for a studio apartment since I know I'd start to feel lonely after a while. I don't always talk to my roommates, especially when I'm going in introvert, sunglass mode, but my door will still be open so I can hear whatever noises they make.
 

Dreamer

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I'm wondering if it's normal for an ENFP to be drained by negative social interactions and start acting like an introvert. I've found that when there are a lot of emotional stressors around me I lose my talkative nature and become a very solitary and irritable shell. This isn't my normal, healthy self and I'm wondering how to snap out of it. I like people but lately my friends are acting really immature and annoying and I find myself just wanting to be left alone, but when left alone I get upset :(

Ya, I get that way too. I tend to clam up when I'm not feeling my best, even though it goes against my ideal, social nature. It's a pretty negative downward spiral, or it can be, since we're naturally such "people" people, and thrive off good, social interactions on the daily, but just as you mention, if I get into a slump, I withdraw, hiding my negative feelings, and can start to feel worse because I'm not around others. This just goes down and down if you don't eventually pull yourself out.

What I tend to do, is introvert in public places, so I'm still around people, but on my own left to my own thoughts. Usually, just being around the commotion can be enough to feel social. Not always though, but it helps from feeling too isolated. Basically, I just go on a walk or sit somewhere with my headphones in and just lose myself in thought while I watch people go by around me.
 

Kheledon

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I can't speak for the ENFP, but I can definitely say that "performing" (what the ENFJ typically does) is exhausting, and I often shut myself off from the world to re-charge (no actor can be expected to "perform" at their best for eight to ten hours straight--no stageplay lasts that long, and that's for a very good reason). ENFJ also likes to spend a lot of time "in its head," so to speak, so we can sometimes "seem" introverted (though we're really not).

I think it was Kiersey who got it wrong when he described the difference between extraversion and introversion as a function of "where you go to recharge." I must perform, and I need people, but I am not "recharging" when I am "performing."

Hope that makes sense.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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[MENTION=26269]Kheledon[/MENTION] But if someone were truly an extravert, it wouldn't be performing, see? It would be their natural state.

Performance implies doing something intentionally, not unintentionally.

But I don't doubt extraverts needs time alone to re-center.
 

Punderstorm

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That's called needed time to recharge. It's normal, everybody needs it. This is especially true of ENxPs, they are often called the introverted extroverts, mostly because they require less external stimulation.
 

Kheledon

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[MENTION=26269]Kheledon[/MENTION] But if someone were truly an extravert, it wouldn't be performing, see? It would be their natural state.

Performance implies doing something intentionally, not unintentionally.

But I don't doubt extraverts needs time alone to re-center.

Hmm ... to be honest, I don't think I am following you.

"Performance" is the ENFJ's "natural" state, but it's also exhausting because the ENFJ (a decisive type--as all Betas and Gammas are) lives in a near-constant state of stress and readiness, but they can feel relaxation. By contrast, Alphas and Deltas (as judicious types) live in a state of relative calm and relaxation but can really feel stress, so it seems perfectly natural, to me, to say that ENFJ (being naturally tense and uptight) is easily exhausted just by being who they "naturally" are.

This might help explain what I mean:

JUDICIOUS | DECISIVE

Judicious (Alpha, Delta: Si/Ne):

Judicious types are relaxed in their natural state; they mobilize and concentrate only when needing to accomplish some objective. After the task has been completed, they demobilize again. This state of demobilization is the natural state of the Judicious types.
For Judicious types, it is mandatory that before they engage in some important task, they spend some time in this natural state of "slackness" (relax and distract themselves)—the better they rest, the better they will subsequently mobilize and concentrate at the crucial moments, and the better their overall performance will be. The more difficult the task ahead of them—the more crucial and necessary prior rest becomes.
A transition from a state of mobilization (high activity) to a state of slackness (low activity) for Judicious types does not present a problem. However, they can experience difficulties while trying to "mobilize" themselves (it is difficult for them to leave their natural state). Because of this, they often require some kind of stimulus to get mobilized (they are inclined to put themselves in situations where external factors either force them to act or someone else acts for them)
Judicious types tend to divide large tasks into several stages. Then they mobilize to carry out each stage, and in between revert back to their natural relaxed state (small matters they can do in a single push).
They become aware of their state of readiness when they have just begun considering taking action i.e. at the most minimal level or mobilization. They are poorly aware of moment they undertook some decision, often do not remember it.
Judicious types are better aware of the preparatory stage and consider it more valuable (this is the stage of discussion, presenting options, choosing between them, and so on). They invest more time and effort into this stage. Stages when oneself comes to a decision and executes it are as if implied—they are considered less important and given less attention.
In regards to work, Judicious types appreciate a certain level of convenience, freedom, and comfort. Actual place of work (the environment in which they work) they are inclined to evaluate from the point of view of its conditions. Judicious types are not inclined to renounce their conveniences—they are not ready to sacrifice their working conditions for the sake of the results (for instance a monetary reward) "Well I simply can't do without my peace!"
Speech peculiarities: Judicious types describe how and why they came to a certain decision, but do not highlight the moment when they undertook it; in conversations about work they speak of working conditions (convenience, breaks, proximity to their place of residence, and so on)


Decisive (Beta, Gamma: Se/Ni):

Decisive types will often mobilize before it is really necessary, as if they are subconsciously preparing for accomplishing upcoming tasks; after accomplishing a task Decisive types remain in a state of mobilization for some time afterwards. A state of readiness is their natural state.
It is necessary for Decisive types to stay in their natural sate of mobilization up until the end of an important task—the more effective the mobilization, the more fulfilling their rest will be ("If you don't go to work—you cannot rest")
After completing the necessary task, Decisive types have trouble leaving their state of mobilization (frequently this is expressed by aimless, thoughtless activity). Therefore, Decisive types often require subsequent additional, external stimuli (for instance, they may plan a diversion: "After the test, I will certainly go see a movie") or turn to other people to help them relax and forget about their actual work.
Decisive types are not inclined to divide upcoming large tasks into separate stages. They will instead stay mobilized for the entire duration of the task so that the task could be accomplished as a whole. While the task is still unfinished, they maintain a state of internal readiness.
Decisive types become aware of their own state of mobilization at the moment they make a decision i.e. when the mobilization reaches a sufficiently high level. They are aware of the moment of they undertake a decision and remember it ("I have decided that...").
Decisive types better recognize the stage of their involvement, starting from the moment that they made a decision. They invest more time and effort into carrying out the task, since they consider the actual work to be the most important part. They appreciate far less and are far less aware of the preparation and planning stages than the subsequent decisions and their implementation.
Decisive types are inclined to work for the sake of the result (for example, a reward or bonus). In contrast to the Judicious types, they can renounce their comforts and conveniences for this. They evaluate their place of work by looking at what returns they get for the effort they invested (including monetary rewards).
Speech features: Decisive types underscore the moments of making a decision and in detail speak of stages of its implementation; in conversation about work they speak about its "fruits", decisions and results; in speech the word "money" is often heard.


Notes:
The radical difference between Judicious and Decisive types is in the development of the cycle "mobilization—activity—relaxation" while performing any difficult, critical task. The concept of "natural state" does not refer to the whole process of existence of an individual—it refers only to a certain point in that cycle. The natural state of Judicious types is relaxation, slackness; the natural state of Decisive types is readiness, mobilization. Both types can distinguish between these states through contrast and clearly differentiate between them. They consciously leave their natural "base" state and "by force" bring themselves into the required state—Judicious types become aware of their state of mobilization, while Decisive types become aware of their state of rest.

Hypotheses:
1. For the Decisive sensing types, mobilization has something to do with sensing—it is something physiological, a corporal condition (mobilization for them is perceived as bodily tension). Decisive intuitive types experience (and accordingly describe) a condition of mobilization that likened to internal readiness or inspiration. In a similar fashion, relaxation for Judicious sensing types is a physical sensation/condition—an absence of pressure and stress on the body. Judicious intuitive types primarily feel this certain rhythm, of alternation of opposite states. In other words, relaxation or slackness can be perceived as divergence of attention, while mobilization as focus, as convergence of attention.
2. Decisive types view decisions they undertook as their own, and circumstances as surrounding factors in making their choice. Judicious frequently view their decisions as something they were compelled or forced to undertake by the circumstances.
3. Judicious types better than Decisive can distribute their energy and estimate their reserves and expenditures, while Decisive types can maintain a high level of "charge" for prolonged periods of time.
4. Decisive types prefer following a "campaign" method in work—when it's required (for example, for a large reward) work intensively for days and weeks, but then have time for rest and leisure. For the Judicious types "campaign" method of work is unnatural, they prefer to carry out work in "small portions".
5. Extrovert-introvert orientation strengthens the manifestation of this dichotomy: extroversion strengthens Decisiveness and introversion strengthens Judiciousness.

Emphasis added by @Kheledon.

Examples:
Judicious: "I don't study the day before a big exam. I go to take a walk, read a little, etc." "I don't purposefully relax, but neither do I stay up until 6 o'clock" "Everything is designed in such a manner that after 10pm all is finished. I spend my evening as usual and why interfere with that?" "If I'm very tired—I just rest however much is necessary" "You should not work long on one problem, postpone it for another time" "Dealing with the moment of making a decision is complicated. It is not kept track of. The stage of preparation and the act of deciding occurs automatically, what happens afterwards is not related to it. Deciding is in itself an action—one can always return to it" "Thinking things over—this is the real work, after which the act of making the decision itself is not given attention. If it is necessary to do something else... I can feel in the back of my mind the circumstances that will force me to do it. I put myself into such situations" "There is a primary selection: is this necessary or not necessary, and from there things develop. The decision is somehow made, but in unconscious manner, and even if it is accepted, that does not mean that I will get around to it." "Consideration is very nice—you still don't need to decide. It's even better if you don't have to anything afterwards." "Before deciding on something, discussions are plentiful, but which decisions are undertaken I cannot keep a track of." "I modeled it in several versions—it is as if virtually I have already done it" "When some task is assigned, I carefully consider it for a long time. There isn't a conclusive moment for me when I finally decide to do something" "The main thing in work is freedom of organization, freedom of choice" "The opportunity to recharge is very important, I don't want to burn out" "I need a comfortable workplace which would be solely mine."
Decisive: "First, lets make a push and do it—then we shall rest" "I feel terribly frustrated when someone tries to distract or engage me before an exam. Why? It messes with my concentration, to put it another way, it messes with my "inspiration"" "Sometimes I get so tired that I can't even sleep from the exhaustion." "I was writing my diploma for there days straight, then I came home and just collapsed." "Making a decision constitutes a separate moment, any doubts and fluctuations take place before that." "I always keep track of what decision I make. Every time I make a decision it's like a burden of responsibilities falls on my shoulders." "I will not get stuck on the process of discussion and consideration... it will be concluded with a decision." "If I decided watch a movie, then I will watch it" "Naturally, I remember when I made that choice" "When a person speaks of something, I perceive it as a signal to action even if it was just a suggestion... The decision to act is just an intermediate stage. If a decision is made, it does not mean that something has been done" "I don't understand—have we decided on something or not?" "Work should be interesting, but payment—that is of course considered." "I work for the money, I don't consider leisure a part of it. I work as much as they pay me."

Socionics - the16types.info - Reinin Dichotomies: Research Results

:shrug:
 

ceecee

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Hmm ... to be honest, I don't think I am following you.

"Performance" is the ENFJ's "natural" state, but it's also exhausting because the ENFJ (as a decisive type--as all Betas and Gammas are, lives in a near-constant state of stress and readiness, but they can feel relaxation). By contrast, Alphas and Deltas (as judicious types) live in a state or relative calm and relaxation but can really feel stress, so it seems perfectly natural, to me, to say that ENFJ (being naturally tense and uptight) is easily exhausted just by being who they "naturally" are.

Ok but they aren't ENFJ's, see. They're ENFP's. They are not the same and personally, I've never seen one "perform". They support. They cheer you up but it's not a performance. They genuinely want you to feel better, they're not on the stage acting. And they do not live in a state of readiness - god that's a funny thought.
 

Tilt

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I'm wondering if it's normal for an ENFP to be drained by negative social interactions and start acting like an introvert. I've found that when there are a lot of emotional stressors around me I lose my talkative nature and become a very solitary and irritable shell. This isn't my normal, healthy self and I'm wondering how to snap out of it. I like people but lately my friends are acting really immature and annoying and I find myself just wanting to be left alone, but when left alone I get upset :(

Oh.... Yes. If it's negativity, I want to be a hermit for like a week... No joke.

I am a moderate extrovert and probably somewhat socially introverted. In general, I start to zone out after about 3-4 hours of uninterrupted social interaction. And then I want a couple of hours of alone time.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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1. Perform, discharge, execute, transact mean to carry to completion a prescribed course of action. Perform is the general word, often applied to ordinary activity as a more formal expression than do, but usually implying regular, methodical, or prolonged application or work: to perform an exacting task. Discharge implies carrying out an obligation, often a formal or legal one: to discharge one's duties as a citizen. Execute means either to carry out an order or to carry through a plan or program: to execute a maneuver. Transact, meaning to conduct or manage, has commercial connotations: to transact business.

The word performance implies a formal intentionality that I do not believe is present in real enfj expression.

However, it is interesting about the enfp and performance. I actually think enfps DO perform. Maybe that is what you mean, like ceecee alluded to.
 

five sounds

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I'm wondering if it's normal for an ENFP to be drained by negative social interactions and start acting like an introvert. I've found that when there are a lot of emotional stressors around me I lose my talkative nature and become a very solitary and irritable shell. This isn't my normal, healthy self and I'm wondering how to snap out of it. I like people but lately my friends are acting really immature and annoying and I find myself just wanting to be left alone, but when left alone I get upset :(

This is how I start to feel when my interactions aren't enriching. Try filling your alone time with things you love and that make you feel in touch with that part of yourself that's not being reached through friend time. Then when you're ready to make plans again, you'll have a clearer idea about what activities and company will make you feel good.
 

Kheledon

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Ok but they aren't ENFJ's, see. They're ENFP's. They are not the same and personally, I've never seen one "perform". They support. They cheer you up but it's not a performance. They genuinely want you to feel better, they're not on the stage acting. And they do not live in a state of readiness - god that's a funny thought.

Agreed. And ENFP is a Delta and judicious (in a natural state of relative relaxation but really feels stress). They're not performers.

That said, I did introduce my thoughts on the matter by saying,

I can't speak for the ENFP, but I can definitely say that "performing" (what the ENFJ typically does) is exhausting, and I often shut myself off from the world to re-charge (no actor can be expected to "perform" at their best for eight to ten hours straight--no stageplay lasts that long, and that's for a very good reason).

Perhaps my comments were off topic.
 
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