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[MBTI General] Are xNFJ's really as nice/caring as they appear?

amelie

New member
Joined
May 23, 2009
Messages
110
MBTI Type
XNFJ
Well, being INFJ with quite a few xNFJ friends, I can say this: we do genuinely care about people. We really put others before us. We do go out of our way to make others happy.

Does this mean we're sweet, kind, gentle people? Hell no. Or, not all the time, at least.

One of my best friends is ENFJ. Together, we get really moody; we say harsh things about people while they aren't there; we're sarcastic, vengeful hellcats when we're stuck in a bad mindset; we enjoy a great amount of dark humor. Do we genuinely care about people, and do we sacrifice to help them? Yeah, but hey, we're human and we like to have some fun ;) Leave the Bible and the white picket fence at home.

Very true. I'm kind to others and protective of those weaker than me, frequently offer help to others, but when I with my INTJ husband or my closest confidants (a select few), I can be moody, difficult, demanding, and dark. I think it's the backlash of being idealistic and then being repeatedly disillusioned. I want to believe the best of others, and so often am proven wrong - then the long, obsessive analysis begins of what I should have done differently to protect my feelings. I'm very sensitive, which is ultimately draining. I love to socialize, but I also need lots of downtime to process and recover.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Very true. I'm kind to others and protective of those weaker than me, frequently offer help to others, but when I with my closest confidants (a select few), I can be moody, difficult, demanding, and dark. I think it's the backlash of being idealistic and then being repeatedly disillusioned. I want to believe the best of others, and so often am proven wrong - then the long, obsessive analysis begins of what I should have done differently to protect my feelings. I'm very sensitive, which is ultimately draining. I love to socialize, but I also need lots of downtime to process and recover.

+1
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
I think that NFJs are essentially good, kind people. INFJs in particular seem to really know how to be "nice." But they can also be judgemental and bossy.
 

wrldisquiethere

New member
Joined
Apr 2, 2009
Messages
233
MBTI Type
xSFJ
Enneagram
2w1
One of my favorite girlfriends is, I believe, an ENFJ. I love her to death! She is very sweet and EXTREMELY thoughtful and generous. She does have a tendency to judge others sometimes and is very sensitive, but I still love having her in my life. She adds so much flavor to everything!
 

flameskull95

New member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
314
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Well, being INFJ with quite a few xNFJ friends, I can say this: we do genuinely care about people. We really put others before us. We do go out of our way to make others happy.

Does this mean we're sweet, kind, gentle people? Hell no. Or, not all the time, at least.

One of my best friends is ENFJ. Together, we get really moody; we say harsh things about people while they aren't there; we're sarcastic, vengeful hellcats when we're stuck in a bad mindset; we enjoy a great amount of dark humor. Do we genuinely care about people, and do we sacrifice to help them? Yeah, but hey, we're human and we like to have some fun ;) Leave the Bible and the white picket fence at home.

Most xNFJs I've met are a bit "shy." That doesn't necessarily mean we're scared or anything, but it does seem a trend that xNFJs are more hesitant when figuring out the personal, social, and emotional dynamics of a situation before becoming more outgoing.

yep - not another way to put it.
 

odetoio

New member
Joined
Feb 15, 2010
Messages
12
MBTI Type
INFJ
I would say if it were that I was extroverted my caring of others would be more prevalent, as it is this nature is seen by others more through ideals and abstract. I care about the underdog but steer clear of people looking for sympathy. I definitely have a darkside which is a continual conflict, i.e. Dexter’s the s***. I remember in college my best friend told me I would make a perfect Sith it was the time when the new Star Wars was coming out. It was kind of flattering because I must admit I really do like characters like the Emperor and Darth Maul, Vader’s a dope on a rope. Point is I can see how person like me would eventually get fed up with the world and turn to the darkside. However the guilt of acting so self-serving would consume me to the point I just couldn’t live with myself. So perhaps the conflict arises because I do care but my truly introverted nature doesn’t allow me to care for people as much as I fantasize about?

In reality the darkness is kept in fantasy by my morals, who I am and my love for God. It may be a way for my subconscious to balance my feelings. People who meet me think of me a nice and quiet person, then one day me may be out for a beer or something and I’ll say something that just floors them. Could either be a comment which truly portray my depth of caring for people in such a sacrificial way, or an evil comment which illustrates my utmost disdain for evil-doers and societies soft approach in handling them.

“For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments.” I John 5:3
 
Last edited:

BlueFlame

New member
Joined
Feb 8, 2010
Messages
181
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
Very true. I'm kind to others and protective of those weaker than me, frequently offer help to others, but when I with my INTJ husband or my closest confidants (a select few), I can be moody, difficult, demanding, and dark. I think it's the backlash of being idealistic and then being repeatedly disillusioned. I want to believe the best of others, and so often am proven wrong - then the long, obsessive analysis begins of what I should have done differently to protect my feelings. I'm very sensitive, which is ultimately draining. I love to socialize, but I also need lots of downtime to process and recover.

+2

Most xNFJs I've met are a bit "shy." That doesn't necessarily mean we're scared or anything, but it does seem a trend that xNFJs are more hesitant when figuring out the personal, social, and emotional dynamics of a situation before becoming more outgoing.

I have an obsessive need to know where I stand. I think that has a lot to do with the topic of NFJs hating to be ignored...
How can you assess the situation if information is being withheld, be it fact or emotion?
Anyway, I generally come across as shy or, more often than not, stuck up in unfamiliar social situations. I just need to observe and size things up to know where I fit, where I belong, and what I can contribute, but some people tend to take that as a negative at first.


Also, I do have pretty elastic boundaries. I'm very forgiving of things others would never put up with, but if you do cross me, well...I'm a formidable foe. It's incredibly rare, but when the switch is flipped, I have no remorse or fear of ripping you into shreds...even if I get ripped into shreds in the process.
I don't have much of a grey area in that way.
But when I'm over it, I'm back to caring again :wubbie:
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
How much you care about others is an individual thing, not a type thing.
 
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