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[INFJ] Why do my INFJ friend behaves like this?

shanix

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I am an ESFP, 7w6, new to this forum and loving it.:)

I have a close INFJ female friend whom I have been close to for four years already. Recently, she came back from abroad and is acting really opinionated and self-centered. When I hang out with her, she always talks about how much she hates her country( due to the values being different from hers) and how much she hates her race and wishes to be another race whom she thinks is good-looking. Its kind of getting on my nerves. She's Asian and talks about how asian girls are ugly as compared to white girls, hating on asian values and ofc asian guys being boring etc. I agree with some of her points but don't think there is a need to talk about it ALL THE TIME.

I don't have many CLOSE friends like her so I'm trying to preserve the friendship.....but its really annoying how much negativity there is. Why does she behave like this (as in what functions make her behave this way) and how should i respond???
 

SearchingforPeace

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Welcome to the forums. I hope you can enjoy yourself and learn and grow and have fun and such....

I didn't see an intro thread, so I don't know how old you are or your friend is. Also, are you Asian too?

It sounds like your friend was highly impacted by her visit to Asia and noticed things she didn't like. She might have had a poor experience for another reason unrelated to culture or customs or looks and is just angry.

Fe activates at an awkward time for INFJs, and she must likely was hyper aware of the social environment there, and especially noticed it back home and how she didn't fit in as much.

Her complaints as to beauty standards are silly.... there are many people, independent of their own race, who view Asian features to be extremely beautiful.

Likewise about culture. Many people find great Asian culture to be deep and fascinating, especially compared to crass commercialism and superficiality of American culture today.

She is obviously going through an identity crisis, which can be especially hard on INFJs, who are known for being chameleon like....in part because of the lack of sense of self and the strong impact of their environment on them.

She is venting. She might need you to just listen. But you don't need to agree to things you disagree on with her.

Also INFJs can get locked into loops of over thinking about stuff. Try to get her doing something physical or active to get her Se engaged, even something fun like dancing or singing.

If she starts again on her loop, just have a plan ready and say let's do this...

Also, if you can get her into service to others mode and get positive Fe working, it could help.

Good luck.
 

21%

You have a choice!
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First-time experiences abroad have a tremendous impact on you, especially if you are quite young. It will wear off eventually. She is idealizing the destination country and blaming all her problems (insecurities, feelings of not fitting in, etc.) on "not being part of the idealized culture/community".

I've had that experience: of being mad at a place just for not being another place. It's a complicated feeling and needs time to process. It can also be a homeland culture shock kind of thing.

If this doesn't go away after a few months, it might be deeply rooted in her feeling alienated from the home culture, which she will need to address before she can have a proper healthy relationship with the community/society.
 

magpie

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If she is expressing a form of self hatred, I would be cautious about agreeing with her points, as it will only reinforce her current state of mind.
 

Forever

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:laugh: Sorry but I found this to be funny.

Just tell her you get it. No need to be reminded.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
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She s a teenager. Isn't she


Also, how do you know she s an infj

Whats "her country" and whats "your" country.
(Interesting choice of words: did she call it her country?)

The more info the better insights.
Win/win
 

Ribonuke

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She's stuck in a loop. What loop? Probably she's going right to her Ti instead of consulting or trusting the opinion of others trying to reassure her to take a more balanced perspective of her self image; that is, she is ignoring her Fe.

Don't try to pry her out of her loop; that will just make her loop harder. My only advice is to continue being supportive and hope she pulls through...
 

geedoenfj

The more you know..
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I know an INFJ who's the opposite of your friend, she dislikes her culture and fascinated by Asian culture and think it's superior, maybe you can tell her about this story[emoji1]
INFJ can be sooo criticizing to an annoying limits, and as I'm sort of into fashion, style, makeup, skincare etc.. I sometimes get her to open her eyes on that side of her that she didn't take care of, I sometimes bring her down to my house to kinda pamper her and get her out for a while from her world of (values) if you may say..
 
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