[ENFP] ENFP keeps asking me how I'm feeling....

[chubber]

Oh, and if you're feeling crappy, you can say so. Honesty is what I'm after. Not trying to force someone to smile on cue. I'm not troubled that someone seems unhappy. That's okay for them to be. I just want to know what it's about, and that helps me feel closer to them.

Are you sure you really want honesty?

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I'm dating/living with someone who I think may actually be an ENFP, and he checks in on me more often than any else ever has. He will ask me 'how are you doing'? I just tell him whatever is true. If I'm not feeling well I say that and if I'm fine, I say that. I'll sometimes return the question.

I think ENFPs can get distracted easily, and so when they care about someone they make a point to check in on them to show they haven't forgotten about them.

 

[humblebee]

Are you sure you really want honesty?

I personally prefer it. Even if it's not puppies and rainbows. I've learned to not take it personally, though. Unless of course it is personal.. in that case is like to know anyway. Might just be harder to hear.

 

[ceecee]

Are you sure you really want honesty?

Right because it could end up like this...

Is something wrong?
No.
Are you sure?
Yes.

repeat repeat repeat

Is something wrong?
Yes
What's wrong?
You asking me a gazillion times if something is wrong.

 

[INTJ123]

You know I've been thinking about this some more and I'm extremely troubled by the dynamics of this type of relationship. The enfp is always going to assume they have the upper hand and is superior in relations than the intj, everyone assumes it's automatically the intj's fault, even when it's not his fault, and hey he's so interpersonally retarded he might even think it's his fault too! The perfect scapegoat. But yea, just the fact you edited the thread just shows this dynamic perfectly. Enfp F'd up and then does not own up to their mistake and instead hides it and blames the intj. Is this really what I want!??!?! I don't know how long I would be able to put up with such ARROGANT behavior.

Also I should mention that "directness", is also HONESTY to me.
The enfp I know started acting strange trying to make use of her Te more, but that's not what I'm really looking for, by directness I mean straightforward and honest, not to take on a thinking personality, you can still say something in a totally feeling way as long as it is direct to the point and honest.......

But yea I remembered she refused to even answer my question and answered my question with a question....and expected me to answer first. That kind of behavior is annoying....just letting you know. It is not DIRECT, someone asks you first, then you answer first then you ask yours......

 

[chubber]

I've come to realise there are so many "ENFP"s out there. That I have to take it on a, case by case basis, to find out if they are really an ENFP. This is why I've created ENFP and manipulation threads, and it shows my own ignorance and idiocy of typing people. When I see Ne, is it really Ne-Dom or Tertiary/Inferior Ne?

And in most cases it turns out that they are actually Tertiary/Inferior. So I will publicly admit that I blamed real ENFPs for nothing.

Hangs head in shame

 

[TSDesigner]

The enfp doesn't seem to understand I'm most physically, spiritually, emotionally stable and happy when I'm feeling confident. But they always want to bring me down for reason, probably envy and their own insecurity in their own confidence, because they derive a lot of their self worth from affirmations from others, while the intj derives his self worth from his own standards.

I derive my self worth from my accomplishments. Is that what you mean? If I'm making great progress towards my goals, I feel very good. If I'm not, I feel bad. I was given the advice that you should NEVER EVER depend on other people to feel good because other people are extremely unreliable.

 

[marblecake1810]

The first time I think I just gave a casual "I'm good"

But after a few more times, I started freezing up?

It's like I can't always react fast enough, I have to stop and look inside to see what my Fi is doing.


But anyways, I'm just wondering, what do you WANT to hear from people when you ask this?

What if I'm not feeling good, but I tell you "I'm good" just because I don't burden people with my problems?
(don't like doing this, I'm pretty much telling a lie)

What if I'm not feeling good, and I tell you "I'm not feeling good" I sure as hell know I hate when people talk about their negative feelings around me, it's contagious you know.


The question seems to superficial to me, because people ask it, and tend to only expect a positive response, if you tell the truth and you happen to be feeling bad, then they don't seem to appreciate it very much, understandably.

But it often puts me in an awkward situation of having to LIE about myself, for your sake, kind of like being pressured to tell a white lie you know?


But this question, of "How are you feeling" seems to be of great significance to this enfp, so what exactly does it mean to you to know how I feel? and I'd like to know how to deal with it, without compromising my own value of truth over emotion.

Oh and this enfp doesn't seem to be aware of mbti, but I could be wrong, she does seem super perceptive of people, their motivations, and feelings though, she knows a lot about me from observation and minimal interaction, but doesn't seem like she really gets the whole intj picture. She seems to have a high preference for feeling.

When i ask someone how they're feeling, usually it's because I can't read their emotions and I'm worried that they're mad or upset.
I can usually read peoples' emotions quite well so in a scenario when I can't read a person's emotions AT ALL, I would feel very uneasy and at a loss of what to do. When that happens I'll ask the person how they're feeling so I can have something to work with