[INFP] Please, don't take this personally.

[EcK]

Hello.
So I created a thread on PerC titled,"Don't hate me for this."
Basically My iNFP friend kept proclaiming on how special he was and everyone else was below him etc and I really can't seem to talk to him about anything else. So I told him that He was ordinary, just like everyone else. I mean We're all like trees, In the big picture, we're all the same. He didn't react well to it, but everything's settled between us.

And my question was, As a friend, How would i get him to transcend his current state? How can I provoke him to do that? I am rather worried for him.

Now, most of the INFPs on PerC, took this personally and started going on about how they would personally feel and react if someone told this to them. Most of them were missing the point, reacting immaturely instead of giving constructive advice(I-could-feel-their-anger). I don't need to know how they'll react. I want to know why they'd react such and how I can get them to see it in a different way, because honestly, If this goes on, I don't think ill be able to help my friend move on in life.

So please, don't take this personally.

I say you take it behind the shed and put it out of its misery.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I had one more thought about this.

Part of your frustration may be the underlying fact that you are not in a position to change your friend. The reasons for his behaviors are the result of deeply complex systems inside his mind and in his environment. Because of this, it would take a tremendous amount of influence to change it, and perhaps more importantly begs the question of whether or not it is wise to tamper in a system that is in place for a reason. There may even be advantages for him in his specific life context to be socially off-putting. There is a natural process for every life.

Whatever it is you desire for him, can you be that for yourself and demonstrate it that way w/o expecting to change your friend? If you have anxieties about the situation and need to offer advice for your own peace of mind, then I still recommend focusing on encouraging him to value specific other people who are considered "less" by some. I think of this in part because your friend might feel insecure and like he has to be superior in order to be accepted by those he loves. The reminder that people who are conventionally 'less' are still special can give us each peace of mind that we are special even when the outside world doesn't consider that we are.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

Jumping in here, I got nothing against people feeling they are special, unique, even superior...

But most of them are just immature. Wisdom comes as we realize that are talents only serve as a bridge to further development, and we start with more in one area or another, we shouldn't waste it.

I am a horrible artist. I am modesty talented at best with sports. Many years of music training really didn't work wonders. My core talents are elsewhere. And I was damn cocky at times growing up because I was faster at problem solving, better at reasoning, more insightful and knowledgeable than many who were old. I had middle-aged people ask me for advice when I was a teenager, successful intelligent people.

We can be special, but we are not better than anyone, just maybe better than others at some things, more advanced than others at other things. There are no obermensch.

Ultimately, we are all people and we should endeavor to be the best version of ourselves as possible.

The problem with those whose values or truths are solely internal is the often have fucked up values and truths, adhering to whatever idea that hits them as correct, but understanding why they feel that way. And then often they refuse to listen to anything else and instead become dogmatic supporters of an idea.

So, TLDR, it seems that Ji doms and auxs can be so stubborn as to not consider outside sources of truth or value, and be self-righteous even in their errors. Ti types get locked into a truth without regards to consequences and repercussions. Fi types get locked into a value, which may or may not be correct, but they can't or won't consider the possibility of error, because it defines their self image.

Je doms and auxs may have their own blind spots, but I have seen this pattern too often with Ji types.

The ability to doubt our own certainty is extremely important. It was one of intents of traditional liberal college education, the opening of minds to new knowledge and new thinking. Personal growth is very limited when you feel you are your only source of values or truth......

For myself, I outsmarted everyone I knew from a young age, but that just made me aware that there was so much more out there to learn and understand and that I had great need to develop and grow. I never once believed I have all the answers, because I was always aware there was more out there to learn.

 

[geedoenfj]

A second thought, INFP are very self aware and so harsh on themselves when it comes to insecurities, and often feel low self esteem, and they always want to feel a need to be special and different than everyone else, that's why they always wanna feel loved and important to those close to them, so you often find them asking questions about how you perceive them, and get overwhelmed about any comment negative or positive they hear from people, and always love to be praised and treated in a special way, and yet they hardly tell anyone any positive comment because they wanna feel that they're the only special people..
So I say don't take it too seriously you can make a mutual joke about it, you can be his shelter whenever he feels that he need someone to make gain a confidence in himself ..

 

[Amargith]

If you have the right to put opinions out into the world people have the right to put their own opinions back. They can walk away if they want, but it's a choice either way and equally valid at that

Sure, that's absolutely an option.

I really really dislike this fucking obnoxious care bear bullshit people are propagating.

That's your preference - and the fact that you call it care bear bullshit is telling on where you stand.

You have every right to revel in your voiced opinions but others have just as much a right to call bullshit on it. There is a degree; I'm not advocating immediately going towards a harsh reaction but life is a rough deal; you can stay with it and fight your corner or opt out and cower away from it.

No one gets a free pass.

I never said they didn't

But in this particular case, I was trying to give a plausible explanation for the situation. What the OP does with that is their choice. All I was highlighting was a) the assumption that it is done to feel superior might not be right and here's why and b) their friend is likely not going to appreciate having that validation taken away. So it becomes a matter of what is more important - your friendship or your need to call bullshit. It is also my experience that calling bullshit in that way tends to be unproductive as it just makes people defensive and dig in their heels, hence my preference not to

ps: I'm really disgusted by the way you use functional theory as a way to trivialise the positions of others; nice going with the open minded view "Ne dom" /irony

Err..I honestly try to understand how each function would afflict a situation and brainstorm from there. Sure, I occasionally take the devil's advocate position just to see things from a different perspective and share that perspective. But I'm not out to convert anyone or shame them. I come to this site to fine-tune my understanding of mbti and of others. In fact, doing this gives me a new appreciation for each world view/function and I always strive to be openminded, yes, and I'm sure there are times I fail. I'm sorry if it comes across otherwise to you. However, while I may try to appreciate every perspective out there, I do very much value my own and I'm not afraid to explain mine and add it to the mix. Should I be?

Also you know fuck all about how I view specialness, it's natural that some people will be more individualistic than others or possess talents others don't. I've not got an issue with someone claiming specialness unless I disagree with that individual, do you get it yet?

Actually, that is my bad - I forgot to add a to that to indicate I was just prodding you. It wasn't meant to be taken seriously.

Anycase, I'll disengage from here on out.

 

[Cellmold]

Sure, that's absolutely an option.



That's your preference - and the fact that you call it care bear bullshit is telling on where you stand.



I never said they didn't

But in this particular case, I was trying to give a plausible explanation for the situation. What the OP does with that is their choice. All I was highlighting was a) the assumption that it is done to feel superior might not be right and here's why and b) their friend is likely not going to appreciate having that validation taken away. So it becomes a matter of what is more important - your friendship or your need to call bullshit. It is also my experience that calling bullshit in that way tends to be unproductive as it just makes people defensive and dig in their heels, hence my preference not to



Err..I honestly try to understand how each function would afflict a situation and brainstorm from there. Sure, I occasionally take the devil's advocate position just to see things from a different perspective and share that perspective. But I'm not out to convert anyone or shame them. I come to this site to fine-tune my understanding of mbti and of others. In fact, doing this gives me a new appreciation for each world view/function and I always strive to be openminded, yes, and I'm sure there are times I fail. I'm sorry if it comes across otherwise to you. However, while I may try to appreciate every perspective out there, I do very much value my own and I'm not afraid to explain mine and add it to the mix. Should I be?



Actually, that is my bad - I forgot to add a to that to indicate I was just prodding you. It wasn't meant to be taken seriously.

Anycase, I'll disengage from here on out.

Fair enough.

I hope it is fulfilling for you to know I learned nothing from this exchange and I leave it more close-minded than I did when I started.

Probably helps I don't hold the notion of open-mindedness in much regard; it's the refuge for those without the will to decide for themselves.

 

[Oaky]

INFP 4s are strange. Let them grow. No need to argue towards non-uniqueness. He is unique and special, just like everyone else.

 

[great_bay]

Eh this was two months ago.