I like it, creepy++
Sounds like those ESFJ's know their stuff. I should have coffee with an ESFJ sometime.
.
Easy - ask the ixfj you wish to type how many people they have doorslammed. If it's more than 1 it's probably an infj.
Usually if it's an infj the number would reach double digits
Infj doorslams are permanent unlike that of an isfj.
Face fucking palm! Read your thread title please. You wanted to know the difference between INfjs and ISfjs, and HOW to identify them. These are my experiences on how to identify them. The starting line was a joke, yes. The rest wasn't.
If you read my OP, Mr. Rude. I said everyday life. What's your problem? LOOK ON THE OUTSIDE NOT ON THE INSIDE.
Don't you dare use that crap against me and abstraction does not equal experience buddy.
Oh yeaah!
Let's say that I have been doing a lot of growing over the past year or so. As such, I've done a lot of reading, but no public writing lately, about who I am (in terms of personality) and what relationships mean to me--until today. I joined this forum because of this thread, so kudos to the OP.
I think I have some insight that might be of value to the OP. Besides, as an ENFJ, I am compelled to make the world a better place by sharing my wisdom, and, as an Enneagram Type 1, I want to always be "right" and "have all the answers." Naturally, I project that need onto the OP (who probably could care less, but who, nevertheless, asked the question that brought me here).
Please take the preceding paragraph with a grain of salt. In person, I am warm, intuitive, and attentive to the needs of those around me. In writing, however, I usually come across as a cold and cocky know-it-all.
Here's what I can add. I am an ENFJ, and my wife is an ISFJ. To outsiders, we appear to be as different as night and day. While I am an Enneagram Type 1, my wife is an Enneagram Type 4. My instincts are sx/se, whereas my wife's instincts are se/sx. We make an OK couple, I suppose, except for the fact that I am an extrovert who needs to self-express and interact with others (melding deeply and intensely, if possible), whereas my wife is currently asleep. I exhaust her. While I've spent the past year trying to work on my own personal growth and my relationship with my wife, she has spent the past year in apparent stagnation--mainly trying to preserve her family and hoping I'll just "get over" the emotional turmoil that has been my marriage for the past year. We have been married for nearly eighteen years, and we have been physically intimate for nearly 23 years. I say "physically" intimate because I doubt she's even capable of the kind of intimacy that I crave (i.e. utter and complete physical and emotional intimacy). As an Enneagram Type 1, I am instinctual by nature, and my sx instinct is overwhelming, while as an ENFJ/sx, I want, more than anything else, to completely meld with just one person), whereas my wife has little or no desire to meld with anyone (for very good, personal/historical reasons that I don't want to explore at the moment). Suffice it to say that I know her pretty well, and I can definitely describe what I see as the principal difference between an NFJ and an SFJ. So, here's the quick answer:
I am online reading and posting while she is sleeping. She doesn't really "care" about the philosophical "hows" and "whys" of the nature of human relationships in the way that I do. She humors me and pretends to listen when I try to explore these things with her, but, truth be told, she mainly likes the way that I smell, the ways that I provide for her, nurture her, and try to please her, the ways in which I care for her and our children, and, mercifully, just the sound of my voice. So, she "hears" me, and as an S, she relishes that sound she so loves, the smell that makes her feel "at home" and safe, and the attention that she gets from interacting with me, but she's not really "listening" to me very often. Frankly, she's just not that interested most of the time. That being the short answer (chuckle), here's the longer and more complete answer (and it includes how to distinguish an SFJ from an NFJ):
First, count their friends. I have a good number of close friends, some of whom I have known since the 4th grade and with whom I maintain relationships. Nearly all of them are Ns, naturally. My wife, for her part, has just one friend on the entire planet--me. No joke. She has colleagues with whom she works, and she has some acquaintances, but I am the closest she has ever come to having a true friend. Even so, she prefers to dissociate and insulate herself, especially from me, whereas I am looking for more than friendship in the most significant relationship of my entire life. Not to knock all the Ss out there, but I can't imagine what an S-S friendship would look like. To me, I suppose it would appear shallow and virtually meaningless, for I want many deep friendships and one intensely intimate relationship. As such, I have a lot of friends and a ton of acquaintances. For example, while my wife has, perhaps, thirty contacts listed in her phone, I have over three hundred. Because my wife actively avoids truly intimate relationships, she has only one friend. Because I actively seek such relationships, I have a good number of friends and a lot more contacts and acquaintances. One could argue that this difference is a function of my extraversion and her introversion, but I hypothesize that an NFJ will have many more friends and acquaintances than an SFJ, without regard to their relative extraversion or introversion, because an NFJ is just more sensitive and attentive to people and relationships between people (because they matter a lot to NFJs and not so much to SFJs).
Second, ignore their obvious sense of aesthetics. All FJs (theoretically speaking) will be into aesthetics, so this is not a good basis for distinguishing an NFJ from an SFJ. I note that the OP mentions "pictures" of NFJs and SFJs. That suggests that the OP is an S (particularly interested in visual data). An NFJ looks for the immediate and present actions and reactions of people and wonders about the nature of the relationships between people--data that you can't get from a picture because pictures are static while people are constantly changing. SFJs will be more interested in what other people are wearing (how it looks and whether it fits--i.e. sensory data), whereas NFJs might not even notice what a given person is wearing on a given day.
Third, and most importantly, pay attention to the topics they like to discuss. Ns (just over a quarter of the population) tend to be deep thinkers who are interested in relationships--not just between people but between everything (the nature of the universe, the "hows" and "whys" of existence). Ss (just under three quarters of the population) don't often discuss such things--not unless they have some desire to please an EN who just won't quit talking about these deep subjects. While an ESFJ might know the name of every person who attends his or her school reunion, that same person might not really care (and probably doesn't know) what makes those same people tick. An NFJ might not be able to name all those people, but the NFJ will have an "intutive" sense of them and will better understand what's important to them. Who those people really are will matter to the NFJ more than their names. This principle applies to more than just people. For example, my wife likes to talk about and think about fashion--apparel, in particular. When discussing apparel with her, I want to know where the goods are made, under what conditions the laborers who made the goods work, what materials, precisely, compose the goods, whether they are a good value, and whether they are high or low quality. My wife, for her part, wants to know what colors and sizes are available for a given piece of apparel that has caught her discerning eye. We can discuss these thing because we're both into aesthetics, but the N (me) wants to understand the "hows" and "whys." My wife cares more about the things she can sense directly--i.e. color, size, style, fit, smell, sound, and "the feel" of the merchandise. She only cares about the working conditions of laborers in Indonesia because I do. Generally speaking, and very broadly generalizing, I admit, such topics are only marginally on the S's radar. This, I would suggest, is the key difference between an SFJ and an NFJ. The NFJ wants to know the relationship between a shirt and workers in Indonesia. Indeed, the typical NFJ wants to understand the relationships between all things. The SFJ, on the other hand, wants to know the sensory data and the utility that can be gleaned from a shirt, and will readily discuss such things. Only when an N is around will the conversation about something as mundane as a shirt turn to working conditions in foreign factories. Watch for it.
In any event, that's my two cents.
Let's say that I have been doing a lot of growing over the past year or so. As such, I've done a lot of reading, but no public writing lately, about who I am (in terms of personality) and what relationships mean to me--until today. I joined this forum because of this thread, so kudos to the OP.
I think I have some insight that might be of value to the OP. Besides, as an ENFJ, I am compelled to make the world a better place by sharing my wisdom, and, as an Enneagram Type 1, I want to always be "right" and "have all the answers." Naturally, I project that need onto the OP (who probably could care less, but who, nevertheless, asked the question that brought me here).
Please take the preceding paragraph with a grain of salt. In person, I am warm, intuitive, and attentive to the needs of those around me. In writing, however, I usually come across as a cold and cocky know-it-all.
Here's what I can add. I am an ENFJ, and my wife is an ISFJ. To outsiders, we appear to be as different as night and day. While I am an Enneagram Type 1, my wife is an Enneagram Type 4. My instincts are sx/se, whereas my wife's instincts are se/sx. We make an OK couple, I suppose, except for the fact that I am an extrovert who needs to self-express and interact with others (melding deeply and intensely, if possible), whereas my wife is currently asleep. I exhaust her. While I've spent the past year trying to work on my own personal growth and my relationship with my wife, she has spent the past year in apparent stagnation--mainly trying to preserve her family and hoping I'll just "get over" the emotional turmoil that has been my marriage for the past year. We have been married for nearly eighteen years, and we have been physically intimate for nearly 23 years. I say "physically" intimate because I doubt she's even capable of the kind of intimacy that I crave (i.e. utter and complete physical and emotional intimacy). As an Enneagram Type 1, I am instinctual by nature, and my sx instinct is overwhelming, while as an ENFJ/sx, I want, more than anything else, to completely meld with just one person), whereas my wife has little or no desire to meld with anyone (for very good, personal/historical reasons that I don't want to explore at the moment). Suffice it to say that I know her pretty well, and I can definitely describe what I see as the principal difference between an NFJ and an SFJ. So, here's the quick answer:
I am online reading and posting while she is sleeping. She doesn't really "care" about the philosophical "hows" and "whys" of the nature of human relationships in the way that I do. She humors me and pretends to listen when I try to explore these things with her, but, truth be told, she mainly likes the way that I smell, the ways that I provide for her, nurture her, and try to please her, the ways in which I care for her and our children, and, mercifully, just the sound of my voice. So, she "hears" me, and as an S, she relishes that sound she so loves, the smell that makes her feel "at home" and safe, and the attention that she gets from interacting with me, but she's not really "listening" to me very often. Frankly, she's just not that interested most of the time. That being the short answer (chuckle), here's the longer and more complete answer (and it includes how to distinguish an SFJ from an NFJ):
First, count their friends. I have a good number of close friends, some of whom I have known since the 4th grade and with whom I maintain relationships. Nearly all of them are Ns, naturally. My wife, for her part, has just one friend on the entire planet--me. No joke. She has colleagues with whom she works, and she has some acquaintances, but I am the closest she has ever come to having a true friend. Even so, she prefers to dissociate and insulate herself, especially from me, whereas I am looking for more than friendship in the most significant relationship of my entire life. Not to knock all the Ss out there, but I can't imagine what an S-S friendship would look like. To me, I suppose it would appear shallow and virtually meaningless, for I want many deep friendships and one intensely intimate relationship. As such, I have a lot of friends and a ton of acquaintances. For example, while my wife has, perhaps, thirty contacts listed in her phone, I have over three hundred. Because my wife actively avoids truly intimate relationships, she has only one friend. Because I actively seek such relationships, I have a good number of friends and a lot more contacts and acquaintances. One could argue that this difference is a function of my extraversion and her introversion, but I hypothesize that an NFJ will have many more friends and acquaintances than an SFJ, without regard to their relative extraversion or introversion, because an NFJ is just more sensitive and attentive to people and relationships between people (because they matter a lot to NFJs and not so much to SFJs).
Second, ignore their obvious sense of aesthetics. All FJs (theoretically speaking) will be into aesthetics, so this is not a good basis for distinguishing an NFJ from an SFJ. I note that the OP mentions "pictures" of NFJs and SFJs. That suggests that the OP is an S (particularly interested in visual data). An NFJ looks for the immediate and present actions and reactions of people and wonders about the nature of the relationships between people--data that you can't get from a picture because pictures are static while people are constantly changing. SFJs will be more interested in what other people are wearing (how it looks and whether it fits--i.e. sensory data), whereas NFJs might not even notice what a given person is wearing on a given day.
Third, and most importantly, pay attention to the topics they like to discuss. Ns (just over a quarter of the population) tend to be deep thinkers who are interested in relationships--not just between people but between everything (the nature of the universe, the "hows" and "whys" of existence). Ss (just under three quarters of the population) don't often discuss such things--not unless they have some desire to please an EN who just won't quit talking about these deep subjects. While an ESFJ might know the name of every person who attends his or her school reunion, that same person might not really care (and probably doesn't know) what makes those same people tick. An NFJ might not be able to name all those people, but the NFJ will have an "intutive" sense of them and will better understand what's important to them. Who those people really are will matter to the NFJ more than their names. This principle applies to more than just people. For example, my wife likes to talk about and think about fashion--apparel, in particular. When discussing apparel with her, I want to know where the goods are made, under what conditions the laborers who made the goods work, what materials, precisely, compose the goods, whether they are a good value, and whether they are high or low quality. My wife, for her part, wants to know what colors and sizes are available for a given piece of apparel that has caught her discerning eye. We can discuss these thing because we're both into aesthetics, but the N (me) wants to understand the "hows" and "whys." My wife cares more about the things she can sense directly--i.e. color, size, style, fit, smell, sound, and "the feel" of the merchandise. She only cares about the working conditions of laborers in Indonesia because I do. Generally speaking, and very broadly generalizing, I admit, such topics are only marginally on the S's radar. This, I would suggest, is the key difference between an SFJ and an NFJ. The NFJ wants to know the relationship between a shirt and workers in Indonesia. Indeed, the typical NFJ wants to understand the relationships between all things. The SFJ, on the other hand, wants to know the sensory data and the utility that can be gleaned from a shirt, and will readily discuss such things. Only when an N is around will the conversation about something as mundane as a shirt turn to working conditions in foreign factories. Watch for it.
In any event, that's my two cents.
True. True. I am a picture of probably of a fabulous ISFP. Yes we're all unique, sometimes I wish I could say that's fortunate.
)
That's because [MENTION=19948]Showbread[/MENTION] is an INTJ in disguise. ( [MENTION=9811]Coriolis[/MENTION]
