[NF] How do NFs experience crushes?

[tenINsFJ]

I get a crush instantly a lot of the times and fantasize about the person being perfect(not a dirty way). THen I find out they arent and then it's over.

 

[SoAndSo]

I get a crush instantly a lot of the times and fantasize about the person being perfect(not a dirty way). THen I find out they arent and then it's over.

That's me too! It's awful, but the truth.

 

[Lady_X]

i've had very few but in a way they're sweet and i like feeling all giddy and googly and i want to do silly sweet things for them all the time...i can be prone to grand gestures... and feeling like that makes me happy but i also hate loosing my composure...hate that my normally strong confident self turns shy and unsure.

also...i think i see people as they are...perfection isn't important to me...i think the fact that discovery is what drives me in life leads me to be drawn to people i find intriguing...interesting...not perfect...the unfortunate thing though is that it's more of an outsider observation thing and just because i find them irresistibly charming and fascinating doesn't actually mean we'd be any good together....so i guess it ends when that realization sets in.

 

[Sniffles]

I get a crush instantly a lot of the times and fantasize about the person being perfect(not a dirty way). THen I find out they arent and then it's over.

Yeah this is often the case with me too.

 

[jtanSis1]

I over-romantisize the person so that they are more than who they are.

 

[Kestrel]

I get a crush instantly a lot of the times and fantasize about the person being perfect(not a dirty way). THen I find out they arent and then it's over.

I do this too, but lately I've been consciously trying NOT to. The reality never seems to match the fantasy. So far, reality has imploded in my face every single time I've expected it to become the fantasy. I have no reason to believe this trend will stop. This probably falls under the category of "INFJ achilles heel".

*I've taken an interest in typology so I can start seeing people for who they are, not who I think they should be.

 

[Lady_X]

I do this too, but lately I've been consciously trying NOT to. The reality never seems to match the fantasy. So far, reality has imploded in my face every single time I've expected it to become the fantasy. I have no reason to believe this trend will stop. This probably falls under the category of "INFJ achilles heel".

*I've taken an interest in typology so I can start seeing people for who they are, not who I think they should be.

that's awesome

 

[phoenix13]

Repress and deny. I once had a crush on a dude for 3 years before admitting it to myself. I don't even realize I feel that way until either he leaves or gets a girlfriend. The power of denial is breathtaking.

I don't think crushes cloud my judgment of the person because I'm probably subconsciously looking for flaws to get rid of the excess emotion.

It does not affect my decisions. My will is the same, but the accompanying emotions are more intense.

 

[The Third Rider]

Well I haven't had a crush in a while and I guess that has to do that I have matured a lot more and I know longer idealize people the way I used to. As for when I have a crush, well I tend to turn real shy and I start blushing rather easily which turns into a dead give away in my case. Yeah like a lot have said i tend to idealize and romantisize that person. I get sort of an impulso to want to show them a lot of affection as well and sort of want to help them out. Some of them haven't always turned out to be the nicest of persons with me in the end either so I guess I have learned to keep better notice on who I put my eyes on.

 

[lane777]

It has been ages since I had a "crush" but when I was between 13-16 I could elevate a crush to the level of a religious experience. The longest one I had was two years.

No kidding. I carried a torch for this one guy (brother's BF) for over 6 years I think, I was around 9 years old, and the fire burned out when I turned 15. I haven't fallen hard like that, since.

 

[Rogue]

i've had very few but in a way they're sweet and i like feeling all giddy and googly and i want to do silly sweet things for them all the time...i can be prone to grand gestures... and feeling like that makes me happy but i also hate loosing my composure...hate that my normally strong confident self turns shy and unsure.

also...i think i see people as they are...perfection isn't important to me...i think the fact that discovery is what drives me in life leads me to be drawn to people i find intriguing...interesting...not perfect...the unfortunate thing though is that it's more of an outsider observation thing and just because i find them irresistibly charming and fascinating doesn't actually mean we'd be any good together....so i guess it ends when that realization sets in.

Erinavery and I have discussed this at length and found we are in total agreement she talks more eloquent than me though....

 

[Nihilen]

Damn, I was definitely NF when I was younger. I have had some ridiculous crushes only an NF can have, methinks.

 

[Clover]

I get a crush instantly a lot of the times and fantasize about the person being perfect(not a dirty way). THen I find out they arent and then it's over.

LOL, I do the opposite... All my daydreams about my crushes are dirty.

 

[Rogue]

LOL, I do the opposite... All my daydreams about my crushes are dirty.

 

[Rogue]

Hmmmm...I'm always the Crush-er.....I wanna be the crush-ee! LOL

 

[Lady_X]

Damn, I was definitely NF when I was younger. I have had some ridiculous crushes only an NF can have, methinks.

so...that's funny...they ARE ridiculous!! haha...and i guess as an nt you can distance yourself easier now? that's cool....i want that.

 

[PinkIceTD]

Hmmmm...I'm always the Crush-er.....I wanna be the crush-ee! LOL

you probably are and just don't know it!

 

[Nihilen]

so...that's funny...they ARE ridiculous!! haha...and i guess as an nt you can distance yourself easier now? that's cool....i want that.

Now I am in control of my feelings, I cannot choose who to like, though I know what attracts me and what doesn't; but if I ever 'love' someone and it seems it can't work out, I can instantly switch to utter indifference towards her.

When I was in my teens I used to have crushes ... Ah, it's too embarrassing and irrational. It was just ridiculous.

 

[mwv6r]

As an NF, I love to fall in love and am guilty of idealizing the object of my crush. When I was in high school and early college, I would get swept up in a moment with a crush and cheat on whatever boyfriend I had at the time. This inevitably led to a big mess and a lot of self-loathing on my part, and I knew I needed to shape up. Especially since meeting my current partner, I've been very watchful of myself and have overcome that side of me. I read an interesting passage in a relationship book about how when two people have a mutual crush that develops into the opportunity for an illicit relationship, we are really in love with ourselves because we are in love with the way that the other person views us. (Kind of a big narcissistic love fest, because the guy you're crushing on who has a crush on you is probably in love with your idea of him, too.) So now when a little crush comes up for me (happens maybe a couple times a year) I have gotten very good at imagining a connection with the person in my mind only. I allow myself to daydream, but I absolutely forbid myself from acting on the crush in any way. It eventually dissipates, and I come to see the person's faults and how silly I was for feeling that way and am glad I only acted on it in my head rather than in real life.

All that makes me glad I'm not in a relationship with a fellow NF. Our types can be very, very admirable, but I think sometimes we have to be vigilant because our passionate hearts can lead us astray!

 

[Lady_X]

Now I am in control of my feelings, I cannot choose who to like, though I know what attracts me and what doesn't; but if I ever 'love' someone and it seems it can't work out, I can instantly switch to utter indifference towards her.

When I was in my teens I used to have crushes ... Ah, it's too embarrassing and irrational. It was just ridiculous.

oh...thanks for answering but...shit i thought i deleted it...haha
but yeah that's cool i think i do that too after the realization sets in.

and who the hell even cares anyway....why are we even discussing this...yuck.