[INFP] Why are you so quiet?

[Not_Me]

I think being too quiet to someone often makes them feel that their company is unwanted.

 

[runvardh]

I think being too quiet to someone often makes them feel that their company is unwanted.

Sometimes this is actually true, other times I'm just taking in what's being said and processing it for something good to latch onto.

 

[Leysing]

My ESFJ mother often asks me this at home. She thinks normal people are those who blabber and laugh and gesticulate as wildly, as fast, as much as possible.

In public, however, I (for some unknown reason) act very ENxPish (in the right company), so silence is not a problem. Of course, I feel very exhausted after that and need to go home to stare at the wall and sigh and daydream - but then the damned ESFJ appears.

 

[Flush]

I usually hear "what's wrong?" when I'm absolutely fine.
"Hey, lighten up" is also a common one.
"How are you?" (asked in a "you don't look alright"-tone) is the one that annoys me the most. The fact of matter is, I WAS perfectly fine UNTIL you came and interrupted my thoughts by asking the damn question.

 

[Thursday]

don't you guys hate how they discuss you right in front of you ?

i only find it upsetting because its shockingly inaccurate
all the time

 

[Hang]

They think I'm plotting against them, because I could put up a wall. ugh...

 

[Snail]

I usually hear "what's wrong?" when I'm absolutely fine.
"Hey, lighten up" is also a common one.
"How are you?" (asked in a "you don't look alright"-tone) is the one that annoys me the most. The fact of matter is, I WAS perfectly fine UNTIL you came and interrupted my thoughts by asking the damn question.

I can relate to this, too. Apparently when I'm deep in thought I look depressed because I'm not consciously controlling my facial expression. This is especially true when I'm enjoying a pleasant daydream. I guess I must look sad about it, but I think it has more to do with neutral being the new negative. Positive gets counted as neutral, so a smile is considered normal; neutral gets counted as negative, so a blank expression is considered unpleasant; and negative gets counted as taboo, so it isn't expected at all. At least that's how it seems to me. The problem is that it becomes very difficult to express something positive in a subtle way that still carries the full power of the meaning, and it becomes an embarrassment to cry no matter how intense the negative feelings are, leading to an unhealthy buildup. Maybe I'm the one who has shifted things in the wrong direction and it's all a matter of appropriate perspective, but to me it seems like most people are slightly askew.

This may seem incompatible with the "positive is the new neutral" theory, but I also notice that when I feel an intense non-sexual connection with someone, it is considered inappropriate to verbalize it because it tends to seem creepy and inevitably ends up getting interpreted as something it isn't. I can feel love for people without wanting to have sex with them, and it would be nice to be able to show those feelings and talk about them without fearing ostracism. What this really means is that there is a narrow range of acceptable emotional expression and that these boundaries are especially limiting to people who feel things intensely.

 

[redacted]

i'm only quiet when i have nothing to gain from talking. or when i'm processing. it ends up being a lot of the time

unfortunately, i feel obligated to break silences, even when i have nothing to say. the awkwardness kills me. so sometimes i feel like it's my responsibility to carry a conversation even when i don't want to...

so, i honestly don't get that question much. when i sense that someone is wondering why i'm being quiet, i just start talking (most of the time).

stupid Fe...

 

[VanillaCat]

I get it sometimes. It annoys me because I'm actually very talkative! I usually say "I don't know." and walk away. I don't need someone to judge me before they even know me. It's a TERRIBLE way to start a conversation, but to others it seems like it's a good idea. - Sigh. -

 

[Atomic Fiend]

Sometimes it is what it is, sometimes you just don't feel like talking. Whether it be in a bad mood or you frankly have nothing worth wasting breath on saying.

 

[CharmedFantasy]

Always get the combination of "quiet" and "smile" as in your so quiet I don't know if you're ok unless you smile resulting in a demand for me to grin like a fool :steam:

Lol ... I think it's just more awkward if people point it out. I hate thaaat. If they want me to talk or smile, why don't they talk to me then or try to make me laugh or w/e. Asking me why I'm quiet or don't smile in a negative tone, turns me off even more. After that I don't even Want to talk or Smile to That person because they're forcing meee I really don't get it though >.> why even ask those kinds of questions.. "Why are you so quiet?" ... "um because I just am? or I don't have anything on my mind to contribute.. or I just don't feel like talking? or just because I don't want to talk to You." .. sometimes when ppl ask me that question, I just want to say "why don't you just shut up?" lol

I don't like it when people have already judged me before they even try to get to know me. :/ I'm not really a quiet person.. I mean to strangers and people I don't know well. But to close friends, family I am not.

 

[Kyrielle]

I've gotten "Why are you so quiet?" before. I always just say, "I'm thinking." Of course then they ask, "What are you thinking about?" and I always answer, "Hmm. I don't know." I get a bit of a thrill out of knowing they're probably frustrated with my non-commital answer.

I've also gotten "You look so sad, you should smile!" when I'm just off somewhere daydreaming or I'm half-asleep or I had one of those "I wonder what would happen if..." thoughts.

Aside from that, I met one guy who asked me what I was doing walking around the dormitory parking lot at night. I answered, "I was thinking." He then proceeded to ask the question again, only to receive the same answer. I think we went back and forth with it five times, and he STILL didn't seem to understand my answer. I don't know if he was having one of those moments where your brain fails to process what the other person said (and what you hear instead is a sort of muffled sound coming from the other person...you know they said something, you just don't know what it was for the life of you) or if he was just dumb.

 

[booyalab]

I love when people ask me this because then I can return the favor: "Why are you so loud?"

 

[Apollanaut]

I've also gotten "You look so sad, you should smile!" when I'm just off somewhere daydreaming or I'm half-asleep or I had one of those "I wonder what would happen if..." thoughts.

I get this a lot, or something similar like: "Cheer up, it may never happen!", often when I'm in a perfectly happy mood, quietly contemplating inner landscapes or whatever.

Unhappily, it is not socially appropriate to reply with:

"Pasting a cheesy grin on my face just to please others involves maintaining a level of attention to grim outer reality which can seriously disrupt my serene introspections, so I'll pass, thank you!"

 

[concretereverie]

Aah I hate this question. I usually try to think of something funny to say but then I get kind of flustered 'cause I feel like I'm on the spot.

 

[Pavilion]

I usually get a sarcastic "Shut up already" from my extroverted friends. And I've found that I get asked "what's so damn funny?" rather than "what's wrong?" because I can't help but smile (and even laugh, on occasion) at some of my thoughts. Sometimes I'll respond with something relevant to my thoughts rather than the conversation (which quite often make me laugh/smile even more) and they're left thinking I'm crazy.

I remember an SP telling me once that my silence made her "feel stupid". I really didn't know where to begin so I just gave her an awkward "I'm sorry", to which she replied "That makes me feel a liiiittle bit better." A very long, awkward (and hilarious) silence followed.

 

[PuddleRiver]

...and the number of people who decide that you have no personality if you're not bouncing off the walls all of the time is also something that I love.

I get the 'why don't you smile' and the 'gee, you're so quiet' thing too. I love booya's answer. I'm going to use it if that's ok with you booya.

 

[locke]

...I think it has more to do with neutral being the new negative. Positive gets counted as neutral, so a smile is considered normal; neutral gets counted as negative, so a blank expression is considered unpleasant; and negative gets counted as taboo, so it isn't expected at all.

Some Prozac will catch you up to the times.

 

[animenagai]

do you guys talk a lot amongst your close friends though?

 

[Leysing]

do you guys talk a lot amongst your close friends though?

Heh, I'm one of the loudest when in the right mood.