[MBTI General] ISFP guy + ENFJ girl

[Dali]

Been told she's crazy about me; I have some feelings for her but I'm at a selfish point in my life and not entirely sure I can commit completely and totally to a serious relationship which I believe is what she wants... I'm conveniently ignoring all the hints she's dropping till my head clears up as to what direction I should head in with her..

Any input/tips from ENFJ females or guys with an ENFJ s/o will be much appreciated.

 

[Jeffster]

I had an ENFJ girlfriend. Pay attention for signs that it is DOOMED. Haha, sorry, maybe yours will work out great. In my case, it didn't take very long at all before she was trying to change me, make me more like her vision of what her boyfriend/future husband should be. I saw these signs (the same ones I totally missed with my ENFP ex-wife) but I pushed them aside because she was hot and fun and gave me lots of affection and I didn't want to give in to pessimism. In the end, she's the one who dumped me, the next time she decided to reinvent herself, and I didn't fit in the plan.

None of that probly helps you in any way, but it's just my experience with one person! I guess I'm just saying be on the lookout for signs that she's more into what you could become than what you really are. Maybe she will not be like that and loves you for you, and if so, that's awesome. But if she does start doing stuff like that, be sure to talk about it right away and not dismiss it, otherwise you could be in for a rough ending.

I hope things work out for ya. Sorry to be Mr. Doom and Gloom.

 

[animenagai]

dude, an ENFJ takes a relationship very seriously. they are romantics as well as social butterflies that ironically don't let people get too close. if she's set her eye on you, take it as a great compliment indeed. reject her and her world ends . seriously though i have a good friend that's an ENFJ and whenever he's in a relationship he becomes a perfectionist, possessive even. it's rare for an ENFJ to let someone get that close to them so they have high expectations. so my advice is simply to treat her right.

 

[sketcheasy]

dude, if you don't think you can commit or hold her to you faithfully, don't bother. you'll only break her heart and that's selfish man. if anything just be honest. tell her what you told us and stick to it. don't let her talk you into a relationship you don't want to be responsible for cause in all likelihood her judgment's a bit skewed. love does things to you.

if you're not sure of yourself, wait til you are. relationships aren't casual games yo. people can really get messed up.

 

[Domino]

Straight up. You're not ready. Tell her so. Spare yourself the drama.

 

[Jack Flak]

If you need it, don't turn it down. That's all I have to say about that.

 

[Domino]

If you need it, don't turn it down. That's all I have to say about that.

Take your sunglasses off when you say that, cowboy.

 

[Jack Flak]

Take your sunglasses off when you say that, cowboy.

Hey I thought I was supposed to stalk you. *stalk*

 

[Domino]

Hey I thought I was supposed to stalk you. *stalk*

Get back to Disregard's thread where you belong, troll!! *shoos you out of the room*

 

[Maabus1999]

Straight up. You're not ready. Tell her so. Spare yourself the drama.

Have to agree with this statement.

 

[Dali]

Thanks for your input guys & gals (all of you). It's helped clear my head and I think it's best not to go into this 'halfheartedly'.

Good day.

Mo

 

[Dali]

So, the lovely ENFJ girl 'dumped' me as a pal in the first direct declaration she made of her affection for me...

I really don't know how to respond... Ah... matters of the heart are a complicated thing.

Look, I'm sorry but this isn't going to work out. I don't know how it came to be but I've started feeling for you more than I should and I can't really ignore it any longer. I can tell that you don't share my feelings. You should know better than to hide the truth from me because trying to spare me is only putting off the pain... Well, maybe it's my fault to have ever imagined that someone as nice as you might be interested in me. When I think back, it sounds insane. I don't want to lose you, believe me, but I'll have to get away from you sooner or later.

Please, try to understand. I'm very sorry that it has to be this way.

 

[Domino]

Look, I'm sorry but this isn't going to work out. I don't know how it came to be but I've started feeling for you more than I should and I can't really ignore it any longer. I can tell that you don't share my feelings. You should know better than to hide the truth from me because trying to spare me is only putting off the pain... Well, maybe it's my fault to have ever imagined that someone as nice as you might be interested in me. When I think back, it sounds insane. I don't want to lose you, believe me, but I'll have to get away from you sooner or later.

Two things: One, the bolded part. I don't care for it. It seems emotionally manipulative. No doubt she didn't mean it that way, but it's just not fair to you.

Please, try to understand. I'm very sorry that it has to be this way.

Two, she's telling you outrightly what she needs. She needs to get away from you to get her head on straight. There's really no way to respond to that. I'm sorry for you both. I really hate it when a friend leaves ME behind because of their own feelings, but it happens.

Perhaps it will be temporary exile at most.

 

[animenagai]

an ENFJ is really good at reading people and they want people to be the hopeless romantics they are, and there's nothing wrong with that. if you're not interested i guess it's only natural for her to feel this way. what shocks me is that an ENFJ publicly announced her feelings. it's not your fault you don't like her the way she likes you, and that's too bad because she's really nuts for you.

 

[mlittrell]

agreed

and relationship wise...RUN

 

[maliafee]

Completely emotionally manipulative! My ex-ENFJ boyfriend used to say things like that all the time! Ridiculous. Even though I know they are hurting, and that's why they say that stuff, part of them KNOWS they are trying to use a statement like that for what they want.

Needless to say, my ENFJ boyfriend criticized everything I did and was incredibly manipulative and controlling. This is not a bash on ENFJs, only the one I was with. And maybe ENFJs and ISFPs are not good matches (regardless of what some websites say...).

Malia
ISFP