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  1. #1
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    Default Why does it seem like everyone unloads on me?

    It seems like everywhere I go, I run into someone who feels the need to unload their problems on me. I've seen the terms "emotional vampires" or "energy vampires" tossed around in various articles and forums and they are adequate descriptions of what these types of people do to me. It's exhausting and after a point I find it difficult to discern between my own feelings and "contaminants" picked up from said vampires. Any good advice on how to avoid or cope with these scenarios that doesn't involve me running away and living in a cave?

    edit: this might be relevant to many introverts but I thought it might be of particular relevance to INFs.
    'When you have no basis for an argument, abuse the plaintiff.'

    -Cicero
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  2. #2
    Senior Member great_bay's Avatar
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    You're a type 9. They probably feel trust in your peacemaking vibe.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starcrash View Post
    It seems like everywhere I go, I run into someone who feels the need to unload their problems on me. I've seen the terms "emotional vampires" or "energy vampires" tossed around in various articles and forums and they are adequate descriptions of what these types of people do to me. It's exhausting and after a point I find it difficult to discern between my own feelings and "contaminants" picked up from said vampires. Any good advice on how to avoid or cope with these scenarios that doesn't involve me running away and living in a cave?

    Haha, I agree that this is an INFs thing, I am an INFx myself and I used to encounter the same problem too. I am always the one who people unload their problems on, they often spend hours talking about their problems to me, and there are times when I need a listening ear too but they continued talking about their problems, my energy ended up getting sapped out after spending time with them because I am always busy listening to their problems. Then after finish unloading everything on me, they told me, "Hey thanks for listening, I feel so much better now!" whereas I walk away from them with my energy sapped out and I just feel like sleeping the entire day. Then there was once when I was going through depression and I withdrew from everyone around me, and they started calling me selfish, they felt upset with me for withdrawing from the entire world because they no longer have a listening ear anymore, everything is about them and their needs, they don't care about me I can't help but to feel used, so I decided to cut those people out from my life. Strangely enough, I haven't encountered much energy vampires ever since.

    Yeah so my advice is to cut those people out of your life.
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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by great_bay View Post
    You're a type 9. They probably feel trust in your peacemaking vibe.
    It's ridiculous.

    I'm not the type to turn around and gossip about these people once they've unloaded on me....I think people sense this, so voila, I'm a good dumping ground for their emotional garbage so they can feel better and go on with their day. Of course I might feel awful for the rest of the day, but hey, at least I helped someone else get through their shit.
    'When you have no basis for an argument, abuse the plaintiff.'

    -Cicero

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Destiny View Post
    Haha, I agree that this is an INFs thing, I am an INFx myself and I used to encounter the same problem too. I am always the one who people unload their problems on, they often spend hours talking about their problems to me, and there are times when I need a listening ear too but they continued talking about their problems, my energy ended up getting sapped out after spending time with them because I am always busy listening to their problems. Then after finish unloading everything on me, they told me, "Hey thanks for listening, I feel so much better now!" whereas I walk away from them with my energy sapped out and I just feel like sleeping the entire day. Then there was once when I was going through depression and I withdrew from everyone around me, and they started calling me selfish, they felt upset with me for withdrawing from the entire world because they no longer have a listening ear anymore, everything is about them and their needs, they don't care about me I can't help but to feel used, so I decided to cut those people out from my life. Strangely enough, I haven't encountered much energy vampires ever since.

    Yeah so my advice is to cut those people out of your life.
    I've basically stopped keeping friends for similar reasons. My wife tells me to get out and make friends, but I just can't put myself through that. Friends exhaust me. The best friends I've had were musicians I could jam with. No one brought their drama to rehearsals, and if they did happen to be having a rough time, it was channeled into the music.
    'When you have no basis for an argument, abuse the plaintiff.'

    -Cicero

  6. #6
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starcrash View Post
    It seems like everywhere I go, I run into someone who feels the need to unload their problems on me. I've seen the terms "emotional vampires" or "energy vampires" tossed around in various articles and forums and they are adequate descriptions of what these types of people do to me. It's exhausting and after a point I find it difficult to discern between my own feelings and "contaminants" picked up from said vampires. Any good advice on how to avoid or cope with these scenarios that doesn't involve me running away and living in a cave?

    edit: this might be relevant to many introverts but I thought it might be of particular relevance to INFs.
    Well, you won't like this but it's because you allow it. I know, I'm married to an ENFJ 9w8, I have seen him have this problem, at varying levels, for years. I understand you'll sit there shaking your head at what I'm saying but you only stand up and tell people to go fuck themselves and their problems when the issues have reached critical mass.

    For your own mental health and well being, this has to happen much earlier. Of course it's exhausting, of course people can be emotional vampires and no you don't need to go live in a cave. You need to stand up for yourself and learn how to say no. Or maybe find an ENTJ 8 who can teach you.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Well, you won't like this but it's because you allow it. I know, I'm married to an ENFJ 9w8, I have seen him have this problem, at varying levels, for years. I understand you'll sit there shaking your head at what I'm saying but you only stand up and tell people to go fuck themselves and their problems when the issues have reached critical mass.

    For your own mental health and well being, this has to happen much earlier. Of course it's exhausting, of course people can be emotional vampires and no you don't need to go live in a cave. You need to stand up for yourself and learn how to say no. Or maybe find an ENTJ 8 who can teach you.
    Thanks for the advice.

    Unfortunately, I might be wired to allow it. Basically I have to expend energy to be something I'm not to avoid something that stresses me out when I am myself. I can do this, but I'm concerned about the long-term effects on my health and mental well-being.
    'When you have no basis for an argument, abuse the plaintiff.'

    -Cicero

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    "Nurse?"
    "Yes, doctor?"

    "Scalpel."
    Illegitimi non carborundum.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starcrash View Post
    Thanks for the advice.

    Unfortunately, I might be wired to allow it. Basically I have to expend energy to be something I'm not to avoid something that stresses me out when I am myself. I can do this, but I'm concerned about the long-term effects on my health and mental well-being.
    What are you avoiding?
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starcrash View Post
    I've basically stopped keeping friends for similar reasons. My wife tells me to get out and make friends, but I just can't put myself through that. Friends exhaust me. The best friends I've had were musicians I could jam with. No one brought their drama to rehearsals, and if they did happen to be having a rough time, it was channeled into the music.
    I am very picky about people I associate with. I thank God I am an introvert because I don't have this huge need to connect to a lot of people. I tend to just disappear from people's life and while I kinda feel bad, I really don't have the desire to connect to those people.. I am usually good with venting because I don't take it on personally or own it. I usually have other issues with people ghat drain me and I do try to avoid them as much as possible or I put up a wall.
    Im out, its been fun
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