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[INFJ] INFJ's.. Are you LIKEABLE?? Socially accepted???

oneandonly

New member
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
109
MBTI Type
INFJ
I'm curious, how likeable or "Popular" INFJ's are amongst their peers and friends and social networks.

Do you have trouble spots?

Can you navigate the social landscape flawlessly?

Are you generally yourself? Or do you filter yourself for others?

Do people catch that you are different??

Do people like you, basically.

:)
 

sunsetorange

New member
Joined
May 22, 2015
Messages
7
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5
People like me because I'm smiley and I understand them. Ironically, this is a problem. They think that because I understand them, that they understand me and are on the same page, when rarely is that the case. It's that thing where it increases the sense of isolation. I navigate social situations well but it makes it glaringly and sometimes painfully "in-my-face" that everyone can be themselves with me, but I can't be myself with them. Well, I COULD, but the more of my true self I show, the less 97% of people understand me and I get tired of people misunderstanding me.

This is the thing that starts to show and people do "catch that I am different." I'll be all party-extrovert for a certain time to fit in and not make things deeper than they need to be but slowly I'll wear down and my inner INFJ will start coming out. So while I do filter so I don't make things awkwardly-deep in the beginning, it's not really something I can do for long. But I wouldn't say that when people see these sides of me they like me any less. I think they like me more, but they relate less. So it's enjoyable for them to have me around, but since I rarely get anything back, it drains me.

My problem spot is people who are convinced that what is immediate and/or what is logical is absolutely all there is. "Why think about acting? Just DO IT!!!!!!!" people tend not to like me, or at least think I'm off.
 

Kullervo

Permabanned
Joined
May 15, 2014
Messages
3,298
MBTI Type
N/A
I have posted about this before, but in summary INFJs generally have a great capacity to be likeable. They usually excel at relating to other peoples' emotions and giving something of themselves.

However there are a couple of pitfalls I have noticed:

1. Sudden withdrawal from intimates: INFJs are always attuned to the emotional states of people they care for, but as introverts this can become overwhelming. However unlike a Fi user, who understands somebody else through relation to the self, the only way a Fe user can "switch off" is by actively taking time out. If the connection is an emotionally intense one, often the INFJ will need some time alone. This can be distressing for the other party if the INFJ does not explain why and that they still care. Immature INFJs neglect to do so.

2. Zealotry/proselyting: INFJs tend to view humanity as a single whole, and when their Ti is not developed may often be drawn on idealistic crusades. This can be very off-putting to other types, especially if the INFJ becomes judgmental of their views and beliefs for totally irrational reasons. INFJs should try to ask themselves why they believe what they do, and if they could justify them in a way that does not invoke feelings and morals. This approach can be hard as it may seem uncaring and dry.
 

Nico_D

The Lost One
Joined
Mar 13, 2015
Messages
136
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I feel I'm likable but not socially accepted. People like to spend one-on-one time with me telling all about themselves and trying to find out something about me but I keep quite a tight lid on my personal matters or characteristics. It's not because I'd think they are secrets or anything - it's because I don't know what to tell them. People expect "tell me something about yourself" to suffice and to me that's one of the most frustrating things one can ask. It translates as, "I'm not actually very interested in you or in particular details about you, I just want to make up some kind of general image of you so that I know if I can trust you to hold all my secrets which I'll be shortly pouring on you."

Also, I feel they can't really understand me. Yes, I know that is my faukty template or whatever but I'm not sure if it's that wrong either. What I'm trying to say is that - for example - intelligence is a kind of matter you really can't discuss with people without the discussion turning into a competition or to a test of some sort.

I claim I can navigate social circles very easily, but mainly I won't. Too many people, too many thoughts and expressions and badly chosen phrases of speech. Too loud, too irrelevant. Also I think people catch me for seeing more than they would want me to. However hard I try to fit in and try to seem like one among others, I don't succeed. Somehow they know.

Many people like me, many people don't. And I think many people are scared of me.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
People generally like me, as I find people interesting and am a good listener, and do not lead with my strongest opinions. Unfortunately, I think this sometimes leads them to interpret the lack of outspokenness as being on the same page, or it makes it easier for them to fill in the blanks as they see most desirable. Sometimes people are surprised to find out that I am more opinionated and stubborn once they know me, than the diplomatic and perhaps malleable person they thought I was. I may appear blandly nice, or unapproachable because of a tendancy to observe before jumping in, and not speaking up a lot in noisier group settings. On the other hand, if I see someone looking less comfortable than me, I find it easy to engage them, and I think I mostly seem fairly warm to those around me. I've gotten better than I once was at initiating conversation rather than waiting for others to approach me first.
 
Joined
Aug 8, 2009
Messages
106
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
It depends on my clarity. When I'm opaque I'm "nice." When I'm sharp I'm more concise and ruthless. Either of these sides of me would answer differently, the "nice" one sounding more soc INFJ than the other. Since I'm technically healthier when I'm sharp I accept it as my proper self. I'll answer that way.

Do you have trouble spots?
People who trigger me.

Can you navigate the social landscape flawlessly?
And then some.

Are you generally yourself? Or do you filter yourself for others?
People use filters all the time. People see me dependent on what I want them to think. Whatever gets me what I want.

Do people catch that you are different??
They think what I want them to about me. If they don't, we have a problem. Different from a weakling, absolutely.

Do people like you?
Only if what they take from me is what I'm giving. Otherwise we're not meant to like each other.
 

misfortuneteller

New member
Joined
Apr 4, 2015
Messages
578
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I knew an INFJ that was so well-liked that he managed to become head boy and he was a real hit with ladies too - although that might have been because of his looks not so much on his personality but he was different that's for sure.
 

Riva

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
2,371
Enneagram
7w8
From what i have notoced irl infjs (females) are well liked.

Fidelia nailed the reasons for. They were what i was thinking and more.

Fid Maybe this is why they always seem unsatisfied as lovers? Ones in a relationship the other person realizes that they are opinionated but only after.

Infj males seem too shell shocked by society (other male behaviour/expectations) to even try to be liked. This is why some try to give a estp vibe.

The infj tendency of reading into every word people say doesn't go well in the male circles.
 

Cellmold

Wake, See, Sing, Dance
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
6,266
If I were one I'd say not.

But fortunately I'm not so it's whatever else I am. Still unlikeable though.
 

Doctor Cringelord

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2013
Messages
20,567
MBTI Type
I
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
From what i have notoced irl infjs (females) are well liked.

Fidelia nailed the reasons for. They were what i was thinking and more.

Fid Maybe this is why they always seem unsatisfied as lovers? Ones in a relationship the other person realizes that they are opinionated but only after.

Infj males seem too shell shocked by society (other male behaviour/expectations) to even try to be liked. This is why some try to give a estp vibe.

The infj tendency of reading into every word people say doesn't go well in the male circles.

I think you more or less summed up the few INFJ males I've been fortunate enough to befriend.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
From what i have notoced irl infjs (females) are well liked.

Fidelia nailed the reasons for. They were what i was thinking and more.

Fid Maybe this is why they always seem unsatisfied as lovers? Ones in a relationship the other person realizes that they are opinionated but only after.

Infj males seem too shell shocked by society (other male behaviour/expectations) to even try to be liked. This is why some try to give a estp vibe.

The infj tendency of reading into every word people say doesn't go well in the male circles.

Not only are we more candid, the closer we are to someone, but we also hold people who are closer to us to a much higher standard of behaviour than those we don't care about. Couple that with the inability to process issues in real time and the need for closure, as well as always wanting to improve he relationships thatatter most instead of just living, I have no problem seeing why we run into snags romantically. On the other hand, I think we're pretty devoted mates, who are willing to go a long ways for the other person.
 

Riva

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Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
2,371
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7w8
I think you more or less summed up the few INFJ males I've been fortunate enough to befriend.

Does my description sound too dark? Has anyone of them managed to integrate to atleast a satisfactory level? Because the ones I know haven't. They also tend to isolate themselves for long periods of time, which I believe is a coping mechanism or a recovery period. Don't know because they push people away during those periods.

You used the word befriend.

Not only are we more candid, the closer we are to someone, but we also hold people who are closer to us to a much higher standard of behaviour than those we don't care about. Couple that with the inability to process issues in real time and the need for closure, as well as always wanting to improve he relationships thatatter most instead of just living, I have no problem seeing why we run into snags romantically. On the other hand, I think we're pretty devoted mates, who are willing to go a long ways for the other person.

This is true. Must give them credit for being devoted.

I didn't know they have an 'inability to process issues in real time.' Maybe that explains a lot.

Anyway, I know this one INFJ who is with a guy (don't know his MBTI type) who is a bit of a asshole who always wants things his way. She still stays with him. The question is do INFJ drop their expectations just to keep a relationship going? Then again that's not much of a question. Any type or any person would do that under certain circumstances.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
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Oct 18, 2013
Messages
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Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Anyway, I know this one INFJ who is with a guy (don't know his MBTI type) who is a bit of a asshole who always wants things his way. She still stays with him. The question is do INFJ drop their expectations just to keep a relationship going? Then again that's not much of a question. Any type or any person would do that under certain circumstances.

  • INFJ - stays, because of what they think the person will become, without updating their vision using Fe. But we never know, maybe the INFJ knows something we don't know :newwink:
  • INFP - stays, because of their misguided ideological myth of a guy they have in their mind, without updating that using Ne. Again, maybe they saw something in the guy that reflected their own values at the time.
 

Forever

Permabanned
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Just to answer the OP,

I think as an INFJ, if we're too preoccupied with our feelings or trying to reinforce Si, life can pretty tough.

Being social does not have to do with one's type per se, but through the lenses of an average joe smoe INFJ, I'd say yeah, we're pretty sociable because people are our specialty, that is if we do not get into the issue of saying "I'm different" and then actually shunning people off because we show our emotions and fears super easily and then overthinking and then skip the whole intuition process and your social life goes down the drain.

So to sound INTJ'ish, life is what you make it to be, and definitely social wise. :bye:
 

LovelySweet

New member
Joined
May 14, 2015
Messages
76
MBTI Type
INFJ
Do you have trouble spots?

Not really... the only time I have trouble in social situations is when I don't have a chance to retreat for alone time if I'm getting too much one on one chatting with someone I don't know well. Like after several hours of small talk...or active party... I'll need a break.

Can you navigate the social landscape flawlessly?

Pretty much. I just keep the topic chatty with those I don't know well...and wait for them to make the first move to reveal their temperament/personality. I don't start in with the fun/interesting/eclectic "me" until I'm more comfortable. :D

Are you generally yourself? Or do you filter yourself for others?

I wait it out for a while...maybe several meetings to get an idea where we can "click".

Do people catch that you are different??

I don't think I'm different... lol. :wubbie:

Do people like you, basically.

I think so. It's not something I really worry about.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
7,708
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Many people like me, many people don't. And I think many people are scared of me.
Well.. You did murder and eat that family in texas..
 

Nico_D

The Lost One
Joined
Mar 13, 2015
Messages
136
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Well.. You did murder and eat that family in texas..

You saw me?

Where do you live? I could drop in and we could talk about it. I can cook something too.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
7,708
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You saw me?

Where do you live? I could drop in and we could talk about it. I can cook something too.
In between this post and now I've stumbled upon season 1 an 2 of Hannibal.

You won't trick me so easily.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
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ISFP
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sp/sx
I'm curious, how likeable or "Popular" INFJ's are amongst their peers and friends and social networks.
I'm likable as someone who smiles, gives compliments, listens, and is reliable. When young in school I was in a couple of leadership positions and was able to organize and make programs happen.

Do you have trouble spots?
Almost my entire life I struggled with feeling overwhelming social isolation and tended to feel the only option to connect was to offer listening and kindness to others, but when I felt vulnerable myself, I could never think of anyone I could trust to understand or listen to me. I cried alone a lot most of my life getting lost in abstract analysis of humanity and why connecting would forever be impossible. I always felt like I saw people through a glass. I wrote this poem when 16 and it summarizes most of my social feelings of my life:

Encaged in ice
Above me, below me
On five sides around me
Thick
Who can say to what extent?
Through it I see the forms of people moving
Elongated, twisted, compressed, then disappearing.
If I claw at the ice, my fingers will go numb
If I don't, my hands, my face, myself will feel like nothing.

Can you navigate the social landscape flawlessly?
No, but I can understand abstractly some of the social systems at play, but mostly the internal systems of each individual within those systems and the futility of much of it. When it comes to actually applying the information, it is bizarre how incapable I am of doing it.

Are you generally yourself? Or do you filter yourself for others?
I don't construct an image, but I hide most of myself. What is seen is true, but similar to wearing a burka through which you can only see one's eyes. Yes, those are the person's eyes, but most information is withheld.

Do people catch that you are different??
Not usually because it only shows up in my creative work and my inner thoughts, and people don't always pay much attention to such things.

Do people like you, basically.
My mindset is extra cyclical right now, but I'd say yes, people like me because they like what I have to offer and they want and expect some of it. They like me for self interest and not because they understand me 99% of the time.

My domestic partner is another INFJ, and besides my connection with my INFP sister and mother, and just a few friends to some degree, I can feel a reciprocal connection for the first time in my life.

Simply put, I've felt a lot of connection, tons of internalizing the emotions and psychology of people around me, but almost never feel reciprocity, so loneliness has been the norm for me socially.
 

Forever

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In between this post and now I've stumbled upon season 1 an 2 of Hannibal.

You won't trick me so easily.

A-haa nice.
 
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