[INFJ] INFJ's.. Are you LIKEABLE?? Socially accepted???

[Guy V. Malaxia]

As far as I can tell, yeah. Usually there's some type of common ground with any person upon which I can establish a superficial connection. There have been people (usually in a work setting) with whom I can co-exist without any apparent issues but whose company would not be enjoyed in a more casual environment.

I think the bottom line is that I can usually tell who clicks well with me and who doesn't and then adapt to prevent any problems. I'm quite stubborn and have some strong opinions, but those would not be shared until I think any particular person would be a match with me on a deeper level, so I think that's why I seem to get along with most people: I hold back possible points of friction.

To illustrate, my manager is a very aggressive, opinionated ExTJ type who's generated quite the reputation as being somewhat racist, sexist, homophobic, etc., all of which are counter-points to my own personal set of values, yet I don't really have any problems with him at work. I just pick and choose my battles and make sure I'm never putting myself in a position to let my guard down and get riled up by anything he may say. If anyone were to look at our relationship I imagine it would be concluded that we "get along."

Would I ever wish to socialize with him off the clock? Absolutely not.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

I am a pretty likeable guy from my experience.

Random strangers come up to me and start talking with me. When I start working at a new job, my co-workers seem to like to chat with me. I am usually as socially accepted as I choose to be.

I make acquaintances very easily. Friends, less so. I usually only maintain a handful of friendships at a time, at best. Over the years, I have had friends of all types.

So, socially accepted? I feel like I am and the only limiting factor is me. That is one huge limiting factor, though, at times.

 

[Pandemeria]

By popular culture's concept of likeable and socially accepted, no on both counts.

I can pretend to be a little less eccentric, though, so that can help on the 'likeability' front. Only my closest family and friends get to see the weirdest aspects of my personality; authenticity is important, but I'd much rather get along with others than pursue it at all costs, (and getting along comes easily, so there's that).

Being accepted is nice, but it's not always possible, so... Really, I know that not everyone will like me and that it's no big deal.

 

[Pandemeria]

Random strangers come up to me and start talking with me. When I start working at a new job, my co-workers seem to like to chat with me. I am usually as socially accepted as I choose to be.

I make acquaintances very easily. Friends, less so. I usually only maintain a handful of friendships at a time, at best. Over the years, I have had friends of all types.

So much this. I have a lot of trouble letting people in. Friendships are safer to me when they're at a distance and somewhat detached, with some exceptions. I don't think that I have a very healthy style of attachment, but I'm working on it, and with time things will improve.

 

[Riva]

So much this. I have a lot of trouble letting people in. Friendships are safer to me when they're at a distance and somewhat detached, with some exceptions. I don't think that I have a very healthy style of attachment, but I'm working on it, and with time things will improve.

It's probably because you are a SX last.

 

[Pandemeria]

It's probably because you are a SX last.

Probably; that's not at all surprising. But the beauty of knowing your instinctual variant is self-awareness (which can be helpful, as long as you're not overly ruminative about it). It's one of many reasons why instinctual variants, MBTI, and Enneagram types work best in relation to each other. They add very specific colour and dimension to a person's personality type.

 

[raissaroars]

I get along easily with others. Because of Fe, I think most INFJs do get along very easily and come out as very outgoing and likeable. People don't expect us to be stubborn and opinionated, but that's okay, because we don't expect them to know us at all. It's almost natural do adapt and be kind, polite and nice to people on superficial matters; saying "good morning", smiling, being a good listener, getting excited with them, etc. But then they say something that goes against my formed opinions and principles and they don't expect me to say exactly what I'm thinking.

I understand what some of you have said before about not letting your weirdness show, but I'm more about owning my weirdness to a point people can't even understand how weird it is. Translating the "weirdness" to a relatable thing is amazing for me, because I used to feel like I was always lying about who I am. Now I let my weird experiences, feelings and thoughts show slowly and softly, always making sure I'm still being relatable. It's important for me. (Then again till these days I still think someone I love will find something new about me and they'll think I'm too weird and just run away. Maybe that's normal among us?)

INFJs are either very likeable or very explosive. It depends on the superficiality of the events + on the INFJ's mood.

 

[scortia]

I am horrible HORRIBLE socializing in places I haven't had time to get comfortable gradually. This can be a grocery store or a new job. I just got a job at my old university and I'm even awkward with my old professors because we just never had time to be chummy before. Small talk is like torture for me and I end up quickly yammering off something about myself because I can't keep the conversation going. I hate it because it makes me seem conceited, but I'm paranoid about asking people something that may be bothersome or offensive and it limits conversation. It's a stupid paranoia that I know is ridiculous, but I feel very low self-confidence outside of my work and creations. So people tend to avoid me when I barely know them because I put off an aura of "do not talk to." It's hard to shake, I feel so damn awkward.

Once I get to know people, or I'm used to my surroundings, I'm absurdly outgoing and honest. It helps to have things in common. That said, the good friends that I have have so few similarities with me. As we get older, this is only getting worse and worse. I honestly don't feel like a single one of my friends really is a truly profound open friendship. My perception of myself and the world just doesn't seem to mesh with anyone I know. Because of that, I don't even try to open myself up to even my old friends anymore. My brain is really entertaining and my best company, but it's still sort of lonely at times. Everyone wants to be understood on a deep level by at least one other person,.