[INFP] how do i not get offended?

[PerfectlyConfused]

INFJ's aren't like INFP's. We are Fi doms and we get offended the easiest.


you can't change type.

No, but you can grow.
I've been doing personal growth since my early 20s and I HAVE changed for the better.
Take RandomINTPfor instance, I USED to be like that but no longer.
I score hi Fi, and when I was amongst INFPs the other day, I WAS hurt but I stood up for myself and said they were acting selfish in the way they were expressing themselves with no self control in regards to others.

I think INFPs who are over the top, need to learn to self soothe.
I myself have emotions that overpower me frequently and are difficult to not let go off full blast. but I do, do it.

"Just a suggestion, I happily ignored" Yeah because you're immature and can't handle being told something because you take things personally too much and that MY FEELINGS ARE MY FEELINGS. Well i'm not trying to take that away from you, you dummy.

 

[gromit]

on what planet is it a strength?

If I were in a hospital bed seriously injured, I would want someone sensitive to hold my hand or even just sit by me. If I had just been cheated on, I would want someone sensitive to be there for me. If my mom died, I would want someone sensitive to hug me as I cried and listen to my stories.

And on a greater scale, it is often the sensitive people who recognize the systemic injustices, who have the idealism to believe that things can change, who start those causes and those revolutions.

The world is in great need of caring, sensitive people. There is a lot of heartache and pain. There are a lot of areas of inequality and unfairness.

And sensitive people, with their quiet example, can help others to realize they could be more sensitive too.

 

[gromit]

Anyway I still sometimes get my feelings hurt by criticism. It is easier said than done but I think it comes down to having a consistent and positive image of yourself that is resistant to what others say. Of course you can consider their perspective, but it's more a neutral considering than an emotional one.

Also, to help bridge that gap, Taylor Swift has some good words too Esp to turn up to dance to. Dancing always good to ditch a bummed out mood!

Bakers gonna bake bake bake bake bake.

 

[misfortuneteller]

"Just a suggestion, I happily ignored" Yeah because you're immature and can't handle being told something because you take things personally too much and that MY FEELINGS ARE MY FEELINGS. Well i'm not trying to take that away from you, you dummy.

i'm actually judging you based on Te... you show a lack of competence since you think you can change type, learn MBTI.

 

[hjgbujhghg]

I do get hurt really easily too, what helps is to realize, that every reaction you get on yourself is subjective and dependent on the personal preferences of the person judging you. Sometimes you can not please everyone and people will see fault in you if they want to whether there really is one or not.

 

[PerfectlyConfused]

i'm actually judging you based on Te... you show a lack of competence since you think you can change type, learn MBTI.

So you're going to go against an opinion of someone who problem solved his entire life, and has grown from Sociopathic levels of T to feeling everyones pain in F? How well do you solve problems and design new plans, may I ask?

I've seen the "you can't change type" line from many people, but I did not accept it, and guess what, you can develop weaknesses. Doesn't mean you're not an INFP any more, but it means you've developed other skills. You'd still be an INFP! Which is actually pretty funny, because INFPs are supposed to understand all other types, the most! But I have seen nothing but the contrary to that!
BUT you understand others FEELINGS, you can see what's wrong in terms of feelings, but like an INTP, again like randomINTP, because he was mentioned in this thread, he can't understand or appreciate feelings! But he CAN understand logic and reason!

No, you're accepting what you're told by people who don't think for themselves! (because you are one of the people who can't think for themselves) and btw, LOL, yes because MBTI is the beginning and the end of everything... I SAID THAT ON THE INFP FORUM the other day! You're just like most closed minded INFPs! or closed minded INTPs! YOU'RE CLOSED MINDED! One holds onto feelings deeply and expect everyone else to change, the other holds onto reason and logic and expects everyone else to change.

Well look at me I understand BOTH, wonder what that means.

I will no longer waste time with this discussion.

 

[gromit]

How to not get so offended?

I would start with not taking people on the internet so seriously.

 

[Avocado]

Technically, my Ti will always fail when pitted against my Fe. Inferior vs. dominant functions and all that. But, beating the crap out of people is probably not the way to go lol!

Anyway, my point was just that it's harder for F-types to just "get over it" and move on because we can't just shake off and ignore how we feel; I'm not an NF, but after seeing the posts in this thread I assume it's similar for them. If an F tries to ignore these feelings and "carry on" it could potentially bottle up and explode later. So, in these butthurt situations I would recommend that OP come to terms with their feelings out in the open by sharing them rather than ignoring them and potentially having that backfire later.

If you want to listen to how much I carry around inside all the time, open the spoiler. I will save the rest of you from looking at me, since I don't really matter as much as the greater majority of people faced with the same situation.

I agree that it seems harder for F-types. I carry around this sickening cocktail of worry, depression, self-hatred, disillusionment, and resignation. It is hard for me to express these feelings other than to describe them because it always backfires if I am rude or spread the hurt. This highly negative emotional state does not have to be tied to anything, since I was flared up really bad a few days ago for really no good reason. Of course, with the possibility that I may lose yet another job, I feel pretty worthless. It really all ties back to my severe and untreatable ADHD. Drugs do not work, meditation does not work, exercise does not work, and everybody else just seems to breeze through life while I have to work constantly just to perform below average. I guess the fact this job lasted almost 6 months is a sign I might be doing a little better, but it could also just mean these people took more pity on me than most. I have questioned why I have so much trouble staying on task and performing even a tenth as efficiently as anybody else, but I have eventually decided that I just need to share my story every now and then to vent. Sure, they only cut hours to only 4 per week when I was getting 30, but why would they do that if I was an asset? It is hard enough for normal people to survive out there, but people like me are at an even greater disadvantage. I believe I will continue to be depressed even if I get stable employment, which I think my best chance of doing so would be in something either almost purely or truly purely social in nature. My books I publish never sell well. I need something else besides my art "career," but I have a strong record of failure despite trying all options presented. At the very least, I get a small disability check already for my condition. That said, if I continually slip and fall, I may need to apply for full disability. At least then I could possibly...not die? I don't know. I am looking into finding some sort of therapy for the depression, but the ADHD looks like something I just have to live with and try to make it out their in this already employer's market. I have wondered if I could possibly unionize with ADDA in order to end the often fair, but still ultimately dangerous, discrimination I face. I could go on and on, but this is my fight, and nobody and nothing can possibly help me.

I agree with the other posters, though, that emotional sensitivity is a strength in things like counseling or other jobs where you are trying to help people feel better about themselves. Sensitive counselors who treat their patients the way they personally would like to be treated go very far in their careers. Use your sensitivity to pretend everybody else is just as sensitive.
[MENTION=24618]misfortuneteller[/MENTION]

 

[Avocado]

If I were in a hospital bed seriously injured, I would want someone sensitive to hold my hand or even just sit by me. If I had just been cheated on, I would want someone sensitive to be there for me. If my mom died, I would want someone sensitive to hug me as I cried and listen to my stories.

And on a greater scale, it is often the sensitive people who recognize the systemic injustices, who have the idealism to believe that things can change, who start those causes and those revolutions.

The world is in great need of caring, sensitive people. There is a lot of heartache and pain. There are a lot of areas of inequality and unfairness.

And sensitive people, with their quiet example, can help others to realize they could be more sensitive too.

This is one of my strengths, and I like to claim it because though it in no way counterbalances my tendencies toward uselessness, it at least gives me support when I need it from other people. I probably couldn't survive without giving out as much warmth as I do, and I barely survive even though I do give out lots of warmth.

 

[Avocado]

So you're going to go against an opinion of someone who problem solved his entire life, and has grown from Sociopathic levels of T to feeling everyones pain in F? How well do you solve problems and design new plans, may I ask?

I've seen the "you can't change type" line from many people, but I did not accept it, and guess what, you can develop weaknesses. Doesn't mean you're not an INFP any more, but it means you've developed other skills. You'd still be an INFP! Which is actually pretty funny, because INFPs are supposed to understand all other types, the most! But I have seen nothing but the contrary to that!
BUT you understand others FEELINGS, you can see what's wrong in terms of feelings, but like an INTP, again like randomINTP, because he was mentioned in this thread, he can't understand or appreciate feelings! But he CAN understand logic and reason!

No, you're accepting what you're told by people who don't think for themselves! (because you are one of the people who can't think for themselves) and btw, LOL, yes because MBTI is the beginning and the end of everything... I SAID THAT ON THE INFP FORUM the other day! You're just like most closed minded INFPs! or closed minded INTPs! YOU'RE CLOSED MINDED! One holds onto feelings deeply and expect everyone else to change, the other holds onto reason and logic and expects everyone else to change.

Well look at me I understand BOTH, wonder what that means.

I will no longer waste time with this discussion.

If I could develop Si (attention to detail) and Se (attention to the world around me rather than the shit in my head), I would not have any of the problems I have. MBTI has largely been discredited in favor of the Big 5, since Big 5 allows for the changes [MENTION=24667]PerfectlyConfused[/MENTION] described. It is time for [MENTION=24618]misfortuneteller[/MENTION] to get on with the new system rather than be stuck with the old. We've updated things since Jung.

 

[Yama]

If you want to listen to how much I carry around inside all the time, open the spoiler. I will save the rest of you from looking at me, since I don't really matter as much as the greater majority of people faced with the same situation.

I agree that it seems harder for F-types. I carry around this sickening cocktail of worry, depression, self-hatred, disillusionment, and resignation. It is hard for me to express these feelings other than to describe them because it always backfires if I am rude or spread the hurt. This highly negative emotional state does not have to be tied to anything, since I was flared up really bad a few days ago for really no good reason. Of course, with the possibility that I may lose yet another job, I feel pretty worthless. It really all ties back to my severe and untreatable ADHD. Drugs do not work, meditation does not work, exercise does not work, and everybody else just seems to breeze through life while I have to work constantly just to perform below average. I guess the fact this job lasted almost 6 months is a sign I might be doing a little better, but it could also just mean these people took more pity on me than most. I have questioned why I have so much trouble staying on task and performing even a tenth as efficiently as anybody else, but I have eventually decided that I just need to share my story every now and then to vent. Sure, they only cut hours to only 4 per week when I was getting 30, but why would they do that if I was an asset? It is hard enough for normal people to survive out there, but people like me are at an even greater disadvantage. I believe I will continue to be depressed even if I get stable employment, which I think my best chance of doing so would be in something either almost purely or truly purely social in nature. My books I publish never sell well. I need something else besides my art "career," but I have a strong record of failure despite trying all options presented. At the very least, I get a small disability check already for my condition. That said, if I continually slip and fall, I may need to apply for full disability. At least then I could possibly...not die? I don't know. I am looking into finding some sort of therapy for the depression, but the ADHD looks like something I just have to live with and try to make it out their in this already employer's market. I have wondered if I could possibly unionize with ADDA in order to end the often fair, but still ultimately dangerous, discrimination I face. I could go on and on, but this is my fight, and nobody and nothing can possibly help me.

I agree with the other posters, though, that emotional sensitivity is a strength in things like counseling or other jobs where you are trying to help people feel better about themselves. Sensitive counselors who treat their patients the way they personally would like to be treated go very far in their careers. Use your sensitivity to pretend everybody else is just as sensitive.

[MENTION=24618]misfortuneteller[/MENTION]

I really do hope things get better for you. This is also a good example of why I get irritated with people who think being ADHD is just means you're a "hyperactive kid" who just needs to "try harder" to be "normal". It's so much more complex than that, and my mother has ADHD as well. It's something she constantly tries to work on but it's so, so hard for her, and I cannot stand when other people just think it's because she's not trying or because she's lazy. If there was anything I could do to help beyond giving a few words of sympathy, I would. A sincere "good luck" to the troubles you'll be facing in your near future.

 

[Avocado]

I really do hope things get better for you. This is also a good example of why I get irritated with people who think being ADHD is just means you're a "hyperactive kid" who just needs to "try harder" to be "normal". It's so much more complex than that, and my mother has ADHD as well. It's something she constantly tries to work on but it's so, so hard for her, and I cannot stand when other people just think it's because she's not trying or because she's lazy. If there was anything I could do to help beyond giving a few words of sympathy, I would. A sincere "good luck" to the troubles you'll be facing in your near future.

At least I do fairly well when it comes to learning new ideas, since I always liked school except the parts about review or repitition. My hope is to maybe get into social work. It seems like I might do well with that, knowing what trips me up and what doesn't. Thank you for the good luck, I know I need it.

 

[Mane]

Yes, it does work.
"Keep calm and carry on".
It's that simple.
I don't understand how you can fail at something that easy.

Yes, why can't the OP be more like the rest of us, who simply choose what to feel at any given time. This is why most of humanity is happy all the time, regardless of circumstances. Can you imagine what would happen if people didn't choose what they feel? People would have all sort of things standing in the way between the circumstances their lives are in and their emotional desirable states, causing them to behave in different ways, like they are driven to do them, like "Drives" or "Motives". It would be chaos!

Thankfully, we live in a much better world then that. Some people just need reminders, that's all, but the world happiness organization is ready for the task, and it is your job to go to war zones were most people lost loved ones and suffer various levels of ecnomical strife and hang up our helpful poster, "Calm down and stop suffering".

By job, I mean slavery position, you'll get tied in the middle of NYC and whipped and stoned if you don't. It's purely symbolic of course, someone such as yourself would surely not choose to suffer or feel humiliated or experience sadness at your new survival prospects. I am sure you can follow simple instructions, so just if you forget, we'll give you a reminder, "Just keep calm and be happy"

 

[Frosty]

How to not get so offended?

I would start with not taking people on the internet so seriously.

Right, generally people are more likely to insult people over the internet for one of four reasons(or four of four reasons)

1) They feel they can say what they want over the internet with no repercussions. Their person isnt tied to what they say. They are too much of a coward to say the same things in real life as they would on the internet. (Anonymity)

2) They are working out issues of their own. (Pent up anger, depression, anxiety)

3) They are trying to get a reaction out of you/ are bored. (Trolling)

4) They sincerely are not trying to hurt your feelings, and do not realize they have crossed a line. (Don't know how to define this, immaturity seems wrong)

Anyways, I'm sorry if this doesn't help, but I would just try to understand someones reasonings for offending you, decide if it is meant to be personal, and react accordingly. No point in getting upset at something that was not meant to be personal, (sorry I know you can't help it), and I know you are tired of hearing it but the only person who has any control over your emotions is you.

I'm again sorry if this is all wrong, it is hard for me to relate.

 

[RandomINTP]

he's a troll.

i'm actually judging you based on Te... you show a lack of competence since you think you can change type, learn MBTI.

Type changing is certainly possible.
When I was 6, I used to be an INTJ. as an INTJ, I never felt awake. I was mentally sleeping for the first 8 years of my life.
When I was about 10, I changed to INTP over time. When that happened, I finally felt concious.
Now, I'm acting more and more like an extrovert. If this continues, I'll become an ENTP in a couple of years.

Type change does work, but it's so slow, one wouldn't notice it.
Unless it has something to do with me having mild aspergers, narcissism, and slight psychopathy... Nahh, that can't be it.

 

[RandomINTP]

he's a troll.

Nope, I'm serious. I'm not trolling at all. I just gave her an obvious answer for this obvious question. When I feel depressed, I start to think.

I realize: "Wait a minute, that doesn't make sense. Wtf am I doing anyway? Fuck this. I'll do something that will actually help me in the future, like studying some psychology to help me as a defense attorney...." Then, I automatically forget what the hell just happened because I'm distracted to the fascinating depth of psychology and the joy of having an explanation of how normal people work and why they work like that.

In my opinion, emotions are an evil curse that prevent humans from thinking clearly. Emotions, to me, are a nasty fog blinding people from reality.
Every war ever fought was triggered by emotion; a clash of ideals that oppose each other inevitably create conflict.
Not only that, but because of emotion, the bane of my existence, religion, exists, because most humans are too weak not to depend on something.
Believing in "God" is creating false faith and hope for the sake of being optimistic. Religion is, to me, a synonym for propaganda to encourage wars.
But why is all this chaos created anyway? Because emotions exist. People subliminally want war because people are killed and this satisfies the "kill or be killed" instinct. If there were no emotions, and only logic, the world would be nearly perfect, because perfect makes sense.

One cannot have become evil if one wasn't good before. There are no exceptions.
Let's take Ted Bundy for an example. Was he evil? No. What he did, he percieved as fun. Others saw it as wrong and evil. It's you that thinks Ted Bundy is evil because what he did goes against your ideals, thus creating conflict. He was neither good nor evil. Just a mere troll.

Am I a sociopath? No. You're the sociopath if you can't understand my viewpoint. despite this, it has alot of reality in it, too.
Also, sociopaths have emotions, too, but they only understand their own.

I sometimes might not be able to control my curse, but I accept that it's a curse at all. Many people cannot.
You get it, or you don't. I don't want to pull anyone through "DABDA", the 5 stages of grief.

Believe what you want, but in my opinion, being overly emotional is a disorder. The most common one in humanity, even more common than stupidity.

 

[BadOctopus]

One cannot have become evil if one wasn't good before. There are no exceptions.
Let's take Ted Bundy for an example. Was he evil? No. What he did, he percieved as fun. Others saw it as wrong and evil. It's you that thinks Ted Bundy is evil because what he did goes against your ideals, thus creating conflict. He was neither good nor evil. Just a troll.

So you believe that killing thirty people doesn't make a person evil; just a "troll"? That's a... unique perspective. Also perhaps a little worrying.

And yet you believe emotions are evil. But isn't the idea of "evil" an emotional construct?

And what about emotions like love, empathy, and compassion? Do you think those are evil, too? What do you think humanity would be like without those emotions?

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Let's take Ted Bundy for an example. Was he evil? No. What he did, he percieved as fun. Others saw it as wrong and evil. It's you that thinks Ted Bundy is evil because what he did goes against your ideals, thus creating conflict. He was neither good nor evil. Just a mere troll.
.

Let's move away from the word evil for a moment.

Do you think there are modes of conduct and aspects of human behavior that are acceptable, or, that is, praiseworthy? Are there modes of conduct and aspects of human behavior that are unacceptable, and thus merit disapproval? (Like for instance, how a man treats his inferiors...)

 

[RandomINTP]

So you believe that killing thirty people doesn't make a person evil; just a "troll"? That's a... unique perspective. Also perhaps a little worrying.

It wasn't good, either. Ted Bundy says it's good, you say it's bad. I don't have a perspective. I'm a realist. reality is that good and evil is interpretation.
Morals, since the are interpretation, don't exist. Therefore, it's not a fact that he is evil. It's nothing more than a mere opinion.
Also, I'm a person that judges people of who they are rather than what they did or their authoritative position.

And yet you believe emotions are evil. But isn't the idea of "evil" an emotional construct?

It is. I have emotions, too, if I like it, or not, but I dislike emotions because they block logic.

And what about emotions like love, empathy, and compassion? Do you think those are evil, too? What do you think humanity would be like without those emotions?

If these wouldn't exist, other emotions wouldn't exist by default, since every negative is bound to have a positive.


My brain is tired. If I have more to say, I'll edit.

 

[Opal]

Just be deliberate with every breath, and have confidence in your choices.

And remember, this is a learning process for all of us.