[INFJ] INFJs as kids

[velveteen]

I've been following this thread and I feel like many of these comments could've been written myself to describe my own childhood experience.

I'm not trying to stir shit up or create drama, but if this is the case, then many of these experiences can't be exclusive to INFJ children.

You're ISTP, right? Well, we do share functions, even if they're not in the same order. That could be one explanation.

 

[Redbone]

Not an INFJ but my daughter is. I can give you some observations from her childhood.

She is very reserved. Polite and formal with others. She was and is still quickly overwhelmed with sensory information...one of her favorite things to do is to sit in a dark, quiet room or closet (my INTJ will do this, too...this freaks me out!). The thing about hating surprises, that is her. Even pleasant ones. She does not like asking for help or for emotional stroking but still wants it...just has a lot of trouble voicing her needs and yet gets very frustrated if others around her don't "see" that she needs it. She gets very frustrated if she doesn't get something perfect the very first time she tries it. She has interests that she spends hours and hours doing research on and is extremely serious about them. She tends to learn about others subjects as a satellite to the main subject. She will learn everything there is to learn about the subject...everything. She keeps a lot to herself and is very happy to just be close to her family. She also prefers animals over people as companions/friends. She kinda reminds me of [MENTION=5159]Lexicon[/MENTION] and [MENTION=7111]fidelia[/MENTION] somewhat.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

You're ISTP, right? Well, we do share functions, even if they're not in the same order. That could be one explanation.

Yeah, lately I don't identify with any MBTI type, but that one has been my best fit, I suppose.

 

[GarrotTheThief]

I recently did a MBTI-type test tailored for kids and to my great shock received the result that my younger child might be an INFJ - same type as me. Shocked me because I had of course observed many similarities between her and myself as a child, but I did not guess - and certainly did not wish - for her to be an INFJ as well. Being INFJ is great (getting better all the time), but I frankly think life might be easier having another type..

But I was wondering whether you fellow INFJs have memories of your own childhoods of behaviors/traits you believe were related to your type? Or perhaps observations of your children who you think might be INFJ? Or other types who remember "type-indicative" behaviors from your childhood?

One thing I have thought might be due to type - an extreme avoidance of hurting other's feelings, including not only people, animals but also inanimate objects: I asked my daughter which of the Disney princesses is her favorite. Her answer: All of them, because I do not want any of them to feel bad. As a child I remember having difficulties e.g choosing an apple from the fruit basket because I did not want the other apples to feel bad...

I was never much aware of how I was feeling physically, how the clothes I was wearing felt, whether I was sitting in an uncomfortable position or reading in much too weak light.. I wonder if this might be due to not relying much on sensing, either internally or outwards.

I was an avid reader, loved to spend time in the fantasy worlds of books or created by my own imagination. I also really needed the time off from reality.

These were the first childhood traits I came to think of, would love to hear yours!

an extreme avoidance of hurting people's feelings is not necessarily an infj trait. There are infj boxers, brutes, athletes, and comedians who say whatever they want when they want...and there are infj criminals on death row for "hurting" other people...I assure you...the idea that infj's are overly sensitive is a stereotype.

 

[ReadingRainbows]

As an infj who was once a kid, a few of these things come to mind -

- I loved my teddy bear more than life and didn't want to leave him at home, ever.
- I spent a lot of time hiding under my bed
- I played war with the boys because the playing house was icky to me.
- I used to test reactions to things that I would do with the adults in my life. (Maybe I was an asshole kid?)
- I spent a great deal of time in my own head, imagining stories and fantasy realities.
- My favorite movies were sebastian the starbear and the land before time.
- My best friend was my male cousin who is the same age as I am.

 

[Avocado]

I relate to a lot of this, too.

 

[Ingrid in grids]

I also highlighted the points in [MENTION=7842]Z Buck McFate[/MENTION]'s list that resonated with me most with respects to my own childhood... Although I agree with her comment that many of these could apply to a number of types.

INJ Traits
They have vivid imaginations
They're curious about everything, and are always asking "Why?"
They enjoy spending time one-on-one with others, rather than in large groups
They're often off in their own world, and have a dreamlike quality
They enjoy art and music
They love books, and especially enjoy fiction
They're likely to hang back and watch before participating in a social situation
They're intensely private, and don't always share their thought and feelings
They like structure and are unsettled by chaos or unplanned events
They prefer sports that focus on individual performance rather than team sports
They are perfectionists
They're serious and intense
They often seem older than they are, and may have older friends
They are original and independent, and value their uniqueness
They're not overly concerned with grades, but they want to completely understand a subject that interests them

Potential Strengths
They're usually very intelligent
They can grasp the big picture easily
They can see any far-reaching consequences of their actions
They're very resourceful
They are extremely creative and imaginative
They easily come up with good ideas
They're usually well-liked by their peers
They will completely master a subject that interests them
Their desire to be in control of themselves makes them take responsibility for their actions
They are usually confident in their ideas, and know instinctively when they are right about something

Potential Weaknesses
They have short attention spans
They get bored easily with details or routine tasks
They won't put any effort into doing something that doesn't interest them
They frequently don't hear people
Once they have made up their mind about something, they can be very stubborn about it
They ignore details
They are unsettled by change, and don't usually adapt well to new situations
They're uncomfortable and somewhat overwhelmed by large groups
They are rather unaware of their environment, and seem "out of it"
They are rather self-centered, and may be unaware of how their actions or words affect others
They can be controlling and bossy
Although they come up with ideas easily, they don't do as well implementing their ideas

I was a very serious child, and for a long time I felt like I didn't have any friends. Looking back, I probably did have friends, but I think I wanted most for a friend to sit with me and talk to me. I remember being particularly distressed around the ages of 4-6 because I found it hard and unnatural to engage in the kind of "silly" active play that seemed to forge quick friendships between my peers. I remember crying to my mum because I didn't know how to be "silly," and became more troubled by it when she laughed about it. I generally spent lunchtimes in the library or drawing.

I always had good friendships with my teachers and was very much a "good girl," well behaved, and quiet. My mum seems to remember me as having a very adult sense of humour and laughing at things that were inappropriate for my age. I had some teachers who would ask me to stay inside during lunchtime to help them decorate classrooms or do other activities. The only teachers who didn't seem to like me as much were sports teachers. I'm sure they were frustrated with me because I was mostly useless at sports. It took me a while to figure out what I was supposed to do, and I had trouble understanding the point. The idea of needing to ball to one side of the court or dodging when someone tried to take it from you didn't really come easily. It also didn't help that I was inattentive and clumsy. I often got injured because of this... including one big black eye which really embarrassed my mum in public. Unsurprisingly I never did team sports outside of school. I later picked up horse-riding, which was the only sport I really enjoyed.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

I enjoyed seeing that we are all pretty introverted. Like [MENTION=19700]Starcrash[/MENTION] said, lots of things could transcend type. Hard to know what is unique to INFJ kids. Do my best to cull those things that I remember made me unusual compared to kids my age.


I loved nature. I loved it whenever I could go on a hiking trail, anywhere. Sometimes we'd be on a mini-vacation in Texas, and just stopping at a river or nature preserve would stick out in my mind. I would never tire of walking on a trail. At that time, our suburbs were not built up yet and there were natural areas--and trails--behind my mom's apartments. After school, the dog and I would go for a walk. But I wouldn't just walk; I'd get to a quiet secluded spot where I could be sure no one would find me, and I'd sit and get comfortable for a while. I don't know what I thought about, but I think I talked to myself out loud there. Maybe I played some pretend with the moss and oak leaves or stream. Maybe I worked out problems in my life. I am pretty sure I studied nature in a child-like way, but it was not my focus. If it were black or dew berry season, all the better! Then I could assuage my ravenous appetite while doing my favorite outdoor pastime. Often off-white honeysuckle would be blooming profusely, so I'd spend a lot of time just enjoying their sweet nectar. No one else I know did this stuff. I was in elementary school. When my friends would spend the night, we'd go hiking, but it seems they did not like it like I did.

At my other house, when I was even younger, I had no friends, which did hurt my feelings, but try as I might, I could not change that for long. So I spent my time spying on the houses and neighbors around us. We had many trees in our yard and the yards were small, so this was easy. I was stealthy in a tree, inventing certain maneuvers (which I would always repeat) to get into or out of each tree. The tree by our back porch had a branch perpendicular to the ground, and I'd literally sit in it for long periods of time, as someone else would sit in a patio chair. I had a little blue quilted purse with a strap and in it only two items: my tiny (gold?) spy notebook with pen, and my fire engine red lipstick. Haha! only a texas girl would have red lipstick from such a young age. I'd take notes (from the leafy trees) on what I heard and saw in my little notebook. I'd also peep through holes in the board fence, especially at the neighbors behind us with the pool. Maybe the other kids would get to go swimming, but I was usually left out, even though that girl was only one grade ahead of me.

So nature. And animals was huge too. Dogs, cats, horses, hamsters. Animals seemed to make my outdoor time funner I guess. Maybe they were my surrogate friends?

I spent too much time in the nurse's office with psychosomatic migraines; and in the principle's office for disciplinary problems.

I did not read much until 4th grade or so. And even then, it was only to serve my specific interests. And in those cases, I read voraciously. I guess that is kind of the same now. Except now I also feel inclined to write about them. I hated writing when I was in school! I did not even know I was a good writer or could write well (despite graduate school) until I joined this forum...

I, like Z buck, didn't care much about authority at all. In fact, rules really meant NOTHING to me. Except when I got in trouble. I had quite a super ego though and intrinsic guilt would CRUSH me if I did anything sneaky or wrong. I never lied, for example. However, I'd bend the rules and not feel guilt if I knew it wasn't going to hurt someone or cause a problem. Like I would sneak in places, ride my bike wherever I wanted, trespass, etc. Because those things don't HURT anyone or anything. See? I understand where I could cross that line and where I should not. Not because of a rule or law, but just within myself. (Fi? Fe?) I remember often cooking up some crazy idea with my friends, and then we'd all go sneak out and do it! I was usually the 'idea man'.


I could probably keep going on this trip down memory lane, but I will post. Thank you for reading.

 

[Charmed Justice]

*Deeply spiritual
*Trusted my own perspectives even though I had minimal experience
*stubborn and strong-willed about my ideas(mostly spiritual, social and philosophical)
*Somewhat OCD at times. Would line my stuffed toys around my room in the morning and surround myself with them at night. I'd feel horrible if one fell off the bed in the middle of the night and had to spend the night "alone".
*Relatives began seeking me out for advice in elementary school.
*Observe before engaging approach to socializing in groups
*Loved to sit in my room lost in thought or read & listen to classical music
*For leisure and indulgence: enjoyed creating buildings/cities from shoe boxes, taking thing apart and attempting to rebuild(rarely had the patience to finish!), researching and debating
*Always wanted to be a scientist(hard sci until math became too difficult and then soft as I became more broadly people-friendly)
*Began analyzing dreams, studying sociology, and learning astrological theory in elementary
*Generally followed directions and rules but did not see any meaningful distinction between adults and children(occasionally meant trouble for me)
*Confident in my intuition, but sometimes lacked social confidence unless I had a role.
*Was emotionally sensitive to other people's feelings(not so much my own) and could detach from my own feelings.
*Very close to family. Had a few very close friends who are still friends.
*Positively popular in high school although I knew few people personally.

*btw, it's been so long since I've been here. Great to see so many familiars! Hope you've all been well.