[Jungian Cognitive Functions] why do infjs care so much about people/relationships/interactions

[Domino]

I've gotten a lot better about it because I guess I'm getting old and don't have the energy I used to.

One of the very reasons I'd never want to go back to being 20. People could put a hook in my mouth right away. Now? It's "back off". Being sick has cut the saddle off my back, and I'm grateful for that.

It doesn't seem like I do that much around the house and the kids and husband are pretty low maintenance at this point, but yeah, I got myself in trouble just a couple of weeks ago. Totally, desperately exhausted and it takes me days to recover once I get to that point.

Same here. Glad it's not just me. I find an emotional drain to be just as bad as a physical one, and I have to walk it off for days.

 

[Frank]

I've dealt with this also my whole life and I'm a T. One thing I have found though is most people don't want help and even the ones who do sometimes resent you for it when they are "in the clear". I told myself not too long ago that if my need to continue this remained that strong then I would go into counseling or psychology. Might as well let them seek you out and get paid for it.

 

[Maabus1999]

I'm a very low T in INTJ for almost all tests I take, but the description fits me. However INFJ description also fits at times. Example: things that matter to me I do actually care about and actually try to make everyone happy at times (I feel like an INFJ at times). Back in my more dork days several years ago I ran a group of ~200 people in a large MMO. Basically I created the rules and systems that were (to me) logical but very fair. INTJ there as it was my system and I considered it perfect. However, I would actually spend time listening to people, almost counseling them for issues, and this sometimes went into real life issues where I would help them out with advice. Very INFJ in that regard, especially for 99% I have never personally met, but wanted to make sure I could make everyone as happy as possible.

Basically if something matters to me, I become very concerned with the relationship and maintaining it. However, if it isn't important, I really don't care or think they have weird motives for being nice to me. They need to offer me something of interest for me to care about starting some sort of "relationship" with the person beyond polite chat.

Question is for myself to figure out is am I in that "INxJ" zone where I cross over? Maybe redefined as an INTfJ. Who knows, but for now I will consider myself INTJ.

 

[karenk]

I'm willing to put a lot of effort into straightening out miscommunication and trying to understand someone if the person is important to me. However, then I get self-conscious because it seems to be the norm not to consider it worth the time or energy (also people seem more important to me than vise-versa) so I try to hold back and it causes angst. Wish I could turn it off. As far as dealing with the stress: it gives me insomnia. I read that INFJs take conflicts out on themselves by having it affect their physical well-being. I definitely relate to that.

 

[sketcheasy]

because infj's are awesome and are the type of people that fulfill me as friends.

 

[violaine]

but if anyone else can relate to this...here's my question:

i'm not insecure, clingy, or have self esteem issues. i've got my flaws, as does everyone, but in the scheme of things, i'm not so bad i'm confident in myself, i'm happy with who i am, look for areas of improvement, and try to keep all that in perspective. and i work to make sure those around me are happy and harmonious.

and yet, i have this (sometimes irrational-seeming) need to connect with people *positively*, to improve relationships, etc. and it seems that i, more than most, stress over potential misunderstandings or tensions in relationships. can anyone relate to this (other infjs)? do you find that relationships (either that you're in, or that you observe amongst others) are more important to you than to others? how do you deal with the stress of being the one who notices and cares?

(this may also be a wild extrapolation to all infjs...feel free to point if it doesn't really apply. like i said, new to all this

Because INFJs are optimizers which manifests itself in the sphere of human relationships. I don't know if I read that somewhere or figured it out for myself. I suspect I read it. When I did realize how much I was doing this I learned to stop tinkering so much with the relationships that were good enough... I know it can drive a significant other crazy although it comes from a good place - optimal human understanding!

 

[Naix]

It does sound like good advice. The bad thing is, and this may be just me, I have to learn these things at my own pace. If I'm not at the right place in my life, no amount of the most sage advice in the world really helps me.

I don't see that is a bad thing nor do I think you do as well. How I see it, our pace is our own and to be anything less than who you really are is a travesty.

I agree with you that "no amount of the most sage advice" will instantly and/or directly affect infjs, however they can be inspirations for self-realization and/or new perspectives in the near future or future.

Acting or faking the understanding of something you haven't honestly learned is essentially taking leaps backwards and if continued destroys your individuality.

I see this happen most to people who get locked into the work of great minds, whether it be theories, philosophies, and/or etc; and are no longer able to come to conclusions on their own. It's irony that those great minds often contradict each other. Some questions have no answers but require people to take sides and make choices for themselves; thoses who do not struggle endlessly.

 

[Eng.daisy]

Am an INFJ and I can relate to what ever you have written I always care so much about the people a round me that some times they take me for granted and I do consecrate on tiny details may mean nothing to the other person but I go around in circles thinking did they understood what am trying to say or did they get In another way etc