[ENFP] ENFPs and perception of "well-likedness"

[ajblaise]

Sometimes I think that enfp's will try so hard to be liked, that they become disliked. There's one enfp girl I know that tries so hard to be nice, that it's sickening.

They might not try hard to be popular, but I think they try hard to be generally liked. But hey, i'm not an enfp.

 

[SillySapienne]

Sometimes I think that enfp's will try so hard to be liked, that they become disliked. There's one enfp girl I know that tries so hard to be nice, that it's sickening.

Yeah, that anecdotal piece of "evidence" surely founds the basis for your (false) generalization.

 

[ajblaise]

Yeah, that anecdotal piece of "evidence" surely founds the basis for your (false) generalization.

If it's true for even 20% of enfp's, I'll consider it a successful generalization.

 

[SillySapienne]

If it's true for even 20% of enfp's, I'll consider it a successful generalization.

Eh, I think the trait you described would likely be more akin to either or both the ESFP and the ENFJ types.

 

[Clownmaster]

Its not hard to tell if someone's liking you or not. ENFPs (or at least the ones I've met) possess the uncanny ability to be able to get inside someone's head and figure out their opinion of them. If I perceive (or falsely perceive) that my overlikableness is getting to somebody, I'll back down a little, or if I don't give a rats ass about the acquaintence, I'll push harder to spite them.

Maybe its just because I have a high N, i dno.

 

[SillyGoose]

Sometimes I think that enfp's will try so hard to be liked, that they become disliked. There's one enfp girl I know that tries so hard to be nice, that it's sickening.

They might not try hard to be popular, but I think they try hard to be generally liked. But hey, i'm not an enfp.

Umm, I don't really think so.

I will try my best, sometimes go more than my 50% halfway there just to establish a connection or keep one or even understand where it isn't connecting, but it has nothing to do with being liked.

 

[SillySapienne]

I will try my best, sometimes go more than my 50% halfway there just to establish a connection or keep one or even understand where it isn't connecting, but it has nothing to do with being liked.

B-I-N-G-O!!!!

 

[substitute]

my ENFP brother is absurdly popular wherever he goes. I've had to put up with it all my life - he's the charming, adorable, likeable one that people instantly like, whilst I'm the meaner brother that you "have to watch" lol

and yet my brother and I have often had arguments because he's been under the impression that some trivial thing I said devastated his image and popularity, when in reality it's virtually untouchable and the only thing that ever threatens his popularity is his own flakiness when people find out, after a while, that likeable and charming though he is, he just can't be relied on and almost always has some sort of hidden agenda of what he's trying to get you to do...

I think he does perceive his own popularity, but I think he's also aware of its fragility. But rather than acknowledge the source of that fragility he tends to blame others and accuse them of badmouthing him or slandering him behind his back or whatever, when someone turns cold on him. Somehow he can't ever seem to admit that something he did wasn't quite ethical... you know? A bit like me being unable to admit a lot of the time that what I said or thought wasn't logical or reasonable... he has to believe all the time that he's a paragon of virtue and anything that threatens that image tends to rile him pretty quick...

like I tend to have a need to always be able to one up or top any perception anyone comes up with and be logically right, he seems to have a need to be loved and adored. I can't ever settle for being competent, I need to be awesome at everything I do, I need rave reviews; he can't settle for being liked, he needs to be loved and totally trusted. Gets offended if someone just needs to get to know him better before trusting him, sorta thing.

 

[SillySapienne]

Its not hard to tell if someone's liking you or not. ENFPs (or at least the ones I've met) possess the uncanny ability to be able to get inside someone's head and figure out their opinion of them. If I perceive (or falsely perceive) that my overlikableness is getting to somebody, I'll back down a little, or if I don't give a rats ass about the acquaintence, I'll push harder to spite them.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

You ENFPs with cajones crack me up!!!

 

[Clownmaster]

And its funny because they can't do anything about me spiting them because the majority of the people around us would side with me on any argument i bring up vs. random person.

and strength in numbers can dominate logic if there's enough peer pressure. (imo, and situational)

 

[SillyGoose]

B-I-N-G-O!!!!

I really can't wait to meet another ENFP.

 

[Clownmaster]

Its either an instant bond, or an uneasy feeling of competition in the air. Though you can make a friendship through the uneasiness and end up with a badass bond.

 

[booyalab]

Eh, I think the trait you described would likely be more akin to either or both the ESFP and the ENFJ types.

I definitely think ENFPs want to be well-liked at least as much as the types you mentioned....though they may not necessarily go about it the "nice" way.

Anyway, ajblaise didn't really say anything much different from the OP. He just sounded a little more annoyed by the trait. I noticed you didn't react the same way to anyone else who said the same thing in a more complimentary way...

 

[Maabus1999]

And its funny because they can't do anything about me spiting them because the majority of the people around us would side with me on any argument i bring up vs. random person.

and strength in numbers can dominate logic if there's enough peer pressure. (imo, and situational)

Oh woah are we with no willpower. Welcome to 90% of the population.

Most ENFP's are very friendly but it is more fun to get inside their heads...

 

[Clownmaster]

Good luck getting into the head of one of the personality types that intrudes minds the most and tries to predict everyone's next step in conversation.

 

[BlownAway]

On a couple occasions, I have had someone who I didn't realise even noticed me turn around and go, "You're so nice!" or some other random compliment, which always sort of surprises me.

I guess when I want to be, I'm pretty likeable.

The same for me! I think that ENFP:s usually are unaware of people liking them.. I get surprised all the time with sudden "You're so genuine" from people I thought didn't like me, or the latest chock "I've loved you for 10 years" from an old collegue

I think most ENFP:s are well-liked, when they WANT to be, just like you say. I find it a bit strange though that ALL INFJ:s I meet turn out to like me, and all of my closest friends are of that type.. And, of course I like them too . I wonder why though? Anyone who has the same experience?

 

[BlownAway]

Its either an instant bond, or an uneasy feeling of competition in the air. Though you can make a friendship through the uneasiness and end up with a badass bond.

Exactly! More often it's an instant bond with other ENFP:s for me, but I guess it's because I'm surrounded by ESTJ/ISTJ types and therefore feel like a puppy in love when meeting another ENFP!

Have any of you ENFP:s had a romantic relationship with another ENFP? How did it go?

 

[phoenix13]

The same for me! I think that ENFP:s usually are unaware of people liking them.. I get surprised all the time with sudden "You're so genuine" from people I thought didn't like me, or the latest chock "I've loved you for 10 years" from an old collegue

I think most ENFP:s are well-liked, when they WANT to be, just like you say. I find it a bit strange though that ALL INFJ:s I meet turn out to like me, and all of my closest friends are of that type.. And, of course I like them too . I wonder why though? Anyone who has the same experience?

Care to share?

And for your second paragraph, see this: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nf-idyllic/6677-enfps-infjs-why.html

 

[animenagai]

man we're getting LOT of love lately. must be because i haven't be posting that often, makes our general image better . i think most of the ENFP's here got it right. personally, i do care what others think (NF emotional dwelling), but that's not my motivation to make friends. we want to be true to ourselves after all. my motivation is wanting to establish a true bond with someone else. i believe that pretty much everyone can get along with each other given a bit of communication. therefore i try and live it. i often go way beyond 50% to try and establish a bond, especially with the more introverted types. they often come around too .

i guess at the end of the day, i won't view popularity itself as something sacred like (apparently) some ESFP's. what i do like is feeling that i can connect with people. there is a difference. therefore i sometimes wonder if i'm just getting along with everyone rather than really being liked. what's important to me is not always obvious, you see. i guess that does backfire in stuff like relationships. somehow, us ENFP's are great at reading people, yet can fall flat on our face when it comes to reading 'chemistry'. i often wonder if a bond i have is purely friendship or something more. we can overthink our 'well-likedness'.

 

[Lizzy1813]

My best friend--an INFP--always says that whenever I come over, I cheer her up. Usually I'm like, "What? I did that?" For me, the "well-likedness" is just natural unless I clash with another person (one of the reasons I'm tempted to go introverted in groups with prima donnas).

But leave me alone long enough and I'll end up doing something stupid that'll make you laugh.