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  1. #51
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    If I could just tame the inner chaos, perhaps my goals would ring clear.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  2. #52
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    I feel I can never find what I need to be truly happy. It will forever remain elusive. It seems like I suck up negative energies everywhere I go, much like a vacuum cleaner or a sponge. I feel other's pain, I want to heal them but can't. My own home is a nexus of negativity. Even my writing and painting feels no deeper than playing with action figures. I need depth, but it evades me. It is a fickle sprite that remains just out of grasp. I always wonder if my next project will bring me the peace of mind and fulfillment I need, but it never does.
    Well, yeah, you're a 7. I have some of that feeling too. I think it's part of the 7/head triad pattern of trying to run to the next thing and being afraid of never being satisfied. But your home is something that you will eventually get away from, as is the religious community. There must be times in your life where you have been happy. And there are ways of recreating happiness.

  3. #53
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Yep, it is. None of it fits. Just like the MBTI. It's not going to be perfect. But it's doable. And most of these people - way more on the list now, btw - are really fired up about what they do. I'm not saying one of these is the career for you, just that you're not doomed. All of these people are like you and face similar issues. All of them have successful and pleasing careers. You are not alone and your task is not by any means impossible. All of these people have paved the way and you can pave the way for future kids just like you.
    I smiled a little when I read this. Thank you.
    I suppose the worst person for putting me down and telling me how doomed and worthless I am and how I'm not doing what I should or as well as I should is my unrelenting inner critic who never shuts up.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  4. #54
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    I smiled a little when I read this. Thank you.
    I suppose the worst person for putting me down and telling me how doomed and worthless I am and how I'm not doing what I should or as well as I should is my unrelenting inner critic who never shuts up.
    I am so glad.

    And yeah. I have one too. Tell that motherfucker to stuff it every once in a while.

    But really. It can sit down and shut up sometimes while you do life. Sometimes it inspires us on to great things and sometimes it is just a huge weight. You are absolutely, totally going to be fine, even if your superego is freaking out. If you have clothes on your body, a roof over your head, and an idea of where your next meal is coming from, the rest can be worked out as you go. You have every capacity to create a happy life for yourself even without that critic's input. And it's surprising, the extent of help others do not at all mind giving if you could use a hand in life right now. That overbearing superego likes to tell us that it's shameful or wrong to ask, because it errs on the side of idealism, but it isn't. Nor is it shameful or wrong to fall down and pick yourself up again. The entire concept of a story is built around the idea of a conflict and resolution. You can't have a life story without conflict. The inner critic tries to construct an interpretation that doesn't contain conflict for our own benefit... But it's wrong. The inner critic doesn't do reality. It just does ideals. And life is not about pure ideals, but about bringing the beauty of ideals into being and experiencing the fresh grittiness of chaotic, surprising, unpredictable and exhilarating reality.

    A long time ago I read that a good tactic for dealing with errant thoughts that arise during meditation is to mentally hear them out and then let them drift on. I think it can kind of go the same way with the superego. Listen to what it's saying, decide if it has any use to you at the moment, and if it doesn't, let it drift on. It is just a voice, and sometimes it's a really stupid one. You have the power within yourself to dismiss it if it's not telling you something that makes you feel happy and whole, or that brings a useful perspective into your life. And right now, I really feel like your inner critic needs to shove it until it has something useful or positive to say. It could be busy working on helping you figure out your ideal career parameters - the kind of environment you prefer, the kind of schedule you prefer, and other such preferences that will play into your future - instead of bogging you down with self-destructive talk. You don't deserve that from anyone, particularly not from an over-valued, half-baked cognitive amalgamation that is supposed to be providing you with helpful perceptions, not negative crap.

  5. #55
    Knows your not ENFP Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    Wow. You are doing exactly what I think people should be doing. That is rare. You are a wonderful, caring woman. Sociology, especially field research, seems fun, but there is also astronomy. I've loved the stars for as long as I can remember, and I am an advocate for dark skies. I lost a battle with a church who wanted to put a huge illuminated cross last year, and I miss the half of the visible stars I lost to the forces of light. I call them "forces of light" because they take away so much dark sky. What is humanity without the night sky?

    Thanks MQ. And wow...look at all the *help* you're getting here! I'll let you continue your dialogue...and if you decide to stick around (I hope you do)...you know where to find me.


  6. #56
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Thanks MQ. And wow...look at all the *help* you're getting here! I'll let you continue your dialogue...and if you decide to stick around (I hope you do)...you know where to find me.

    @skylights

    I may be about to find another tech job. My mother found a legal loophole in my circumstances, so I'm going to get a second chance when I normally wouldn't have gotten one. I am torn between telling myself I won't screw this up and I'll redeem myself and everything will turn out OK, and telling myself I'll be just as accident-prone and helpless as last time. All I know is, I am supposed to be productive, and there is a stigma attached to not being productive.

    How did you get your username, @Starry?
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  7. #57
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    @skylights

    I may be about to find another tech job. My mother found a legal loophole in my circumstances, so I'm going to get a second chance when I normally wouldn't have gotten one. I am torn between telling myself I won't screw this up and I'll redeem myself and everything will turn out OK, and telling myself I'll be just as accident-prone and helpless as last time. All I know is, I am supposed to be productive, and there is a stigma attached to not being productive.
    Congratulations on the additional opportunity!

    Here's what I think... Why do you need to frame it either way, either as redemption or as damnation? It's just a job. It's awesome that you get another opportunity because jobs are useful for the money and the experience, but what if instead of looking at is as a big thing, it's just a little stepping stone in your life, and it ultimately means very little in terms of your identity or your worth? Sure, management wants you to be productive, because that makes them money. And parents want their kids to be productive because they like to see them blazing their own path in the world and chasing down success. And citizens like to see other citizens being productive because they like to know you're putting your taxes in the pot. But it's just an external measure, an indicator. It's not an exact printout of how you're doing in life. People like you to be productive because it makes their lives easier, and because there is some degree of empathic happiness most people experience when they see another person doing well. But I think you'd benefit if you could try to see this extra opportunity as a stroke of luck. It doesn't matter what you do with it. If it can be useful to you for a day, great. If it can be useful for a year, great. Enjoy that you have it and try not to worry about how you're going to do. And start planning for what you'd rather be doing if you were given the chance, so that if anything happens, you can get going on your next adventure.

  8. #58
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Congratulations on the additional opportunity!

    Here's what I think... Why do you need to frame it either way, either as redemption or as damnation? It's just a job. It's awesome that you get another opportunity because jobs are useful for the money and the experience, but what if instead of looking at is as a big thing, it's just a little stepping stone in your life, and it ultimately means very little in terms of your identity or your worth? Sure, management wants you to be productive, because that makes them money. And parents want their kids to be productive because they like to see them blazing their own path in the world and chasing down success. And citizens like to see other citizens being productive because they like to know you're putting your taxes in the pot. But it's just an external measure, an indicator. It's not an exact printout of how you're doing in life. People like you to be productive because it makes their lives easier, and because there is some degree of empathic happiness most people experience when they see another person doing well. But I think you'd benefit if you could try to see this extra opportunity as a stroke of luck. It doesn't matter what you do with it. If it can be useful to you for a day, great. If it can be useful for a year, great. Enjoy that you have it and try not to worry about how you're going to do. And start planning for what you'd rather be doing if you were given the chance, so that if anything happens, you can get going on your next adventure.
    I honestly have no idea what I want long-term career-wise. I'm just playing it by ear. Most of my plans revolve around settling down, marrying a kind, curious lady, and having 3 kids someplace beautiful. My ideals are very home-centric, I suppose.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  9. #59
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    I honestly have no idea what I want long-term career-wise. I'm just playing it by ear. Most of my plans revolve around settling down, marrying a kind, curious lady, and having 3 kids someplace beautiful. My ideals are very home-centric, I suppose.
    Sounds wonderful!!

    You don't have to know now. Just think about what you think would make you happier than now and pursue that. And just keep on readjusting till you feel like you don't want to adjust any more.

  10. #60
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Sounds wonderful!!

    You don't have to know now. Just think about what you think would make you happier than now and pursue that. And just keep on readjusting till you feel like you don't want to adjust any more.
    Still not sure.
    Something philosophical and creative, where socialization plays a role but where I can still go off alone. Something much more laid back than now.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

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