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[MBTI General] What do INFPs think of INTJs?

JivinJeffJones

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Apr 25, 2007
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At this point it's rarely personal toward me. She just leaks emotions all over the place so much and my Fe absorbs them and I don't like feeling them--I don't like feeling most of my own emotions, but I cannot block her because the bond is so strong. The lower level of emotional leaking is why I find NTs so much more comfortable to be with.

Just wait until she's a teenager.
 

Natrushka

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Jun 7, 2007
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INTJ
Another great read. NPG's description of INTJs as islands certainly hit home. I read along nodding my head thinking "Yep. That's me". Question for you INTJs who live with other people: How do you make it work? I live with an ISTJ who's adapted over the course of seven years to my Garbo Moments, but still takes issue with my need to not socialize with others, or my refusal to answer the phone.

FWIW, "writting off" is also something I've done all my life. My mother (bless her ESFJ heart) called it "using people". I call / called it "dismissing people" - they were no longer worth the effort it took, that chunk of my valuable time, and it was over. Now just because I don't answer your call, or visit with you for a few weeks, doesn't ment you've been dismissed. Throughout my life my friendships were always on my terms; I had lots (4!) of friends when I wanted them. I don't often want them. People tend to let me down a lot. So I cut them off. They don't have to worry about my antisocialness anymore and I don't have to worry that they're going to a) let me down or b) interupt something that's important.

I'm really happy being by myself. I feel like I should feel guilty sometimes because I don't miss my husband as much as I know he misses me. He knows how I am, we have had rational (ha) discussions on the subject. I know how he is. Yet he still feels hurt that I don't need / miss him as much as he'd like me to miss him. And I still feel inconvenienced and angry when he calls me eight times a day to tell me what thought just passed through his little sparrow brain.
 

MacGuffin

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Apr 19, 2007
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xkcd
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sx/sp
Strange, I never thought INTJs would be such Simon and Garfunkel fans.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room
Safe within my womb
I touch no-one and no-one touches me

I am a rock
I am an island
And the rock feels no pain
And an island never cries
 

Alienclock

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Apr 24, 2007
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118
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infp
Silence doesn't mean that you're being written off!

Argh. This is bringing out my rage towards the INFPs that I have known.

An INTJ is an island. Occasionally, we allow visitors to the island. They are allowed to relax in our hammocks and have a few drinks out of a coconut, but at the end of the day, they have to leave.

The next day it may be possible to visit the island again, but a severe hurricane may prevent that from happening. Or perhaps the island may need time alone because after all, it is by definition, a freakin' island. Either way, it's better not to question why you can't always go to the island. It's not personal. Just enjoy it whenever you can or don't bother visiting at all.
Wow, now I have insight into my INTJ boyfriend. So he really is not mad at me? :D He said he wasn't but, you know, whats his problem if he isn't,? He can never explain that to me, why his mood seem to suddenly change, and he will shut me out. Hmmm, so he is off to an island somewhere... and I can't join in? :D

Close. I don't assume that other people are equally as independent (although they SHOULD be). The truth is that I just don't care, and I'm pretty quick to say, "Meh, that's their problem."
Why should they be independent?
 

nottaprettygal

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May 1, 2007
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1,641
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INTj
Wow, now I have insight into my INTJ boyfriend. So he really is not mad at me? :D He said he wasn't but, you know, whats his problem if he isn't,? He can never explain that to me, why his mood seem to suddenly change, and he will shut me out. Hmmm, so he is off to an island somewhere... and I can't join in? :D

Keep asking, "Are you mad at me," and yes, he will be mad at you. It's never about you! Just leave him alone or find someone else who is going to constantly reassure you.

Why should they be independent?

I say people should be independent because that's an attribute that I value. That's all.
 

Natrushka

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INTJ
Yes, be independent and be consistent. Be the same today you were yesterday. And tomorrow.
 

Wolf

only bites when provoked
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INTJ
Yes, be independent and be consistent. Be the same today you were yesterday. And tomorrow.
Please. None of this stupid moody and dependent crap, it really wears me down.
 

JivinJeffJones

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And yet my INTJ dad has been married to my ESFP mum for 30 years now with no apparent dissatisfaction.
 

Natrushka

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Opposites attracting? I've heard it might actually work. <shuddering at the thought>
 

Wolf

only bites when provoked
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INTJ
I'm starting to think that compatibility is spectral. It isn't opposites, but amount of disparity. I can endure my mother, but I would never date, let alone marry, someone like her. She's less introverted than I am, but from my perspective she might as well be an extrovert, and her S preference drives me mad. Hence, the closest I could go to ESFP would be an INTJ or INTP with weaker preferences for INT, and the J/P could cross the divide. Granted we tend to not only want people to make sense, but also tend to have a belief that similarity is good.

But see my now-copied signature, because my percentages say a lot...
 

JivinJeffJones

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Opposites attracting? I've heard it might actually work. <shuddering at the thought>

I have a hunch that male INTJ + female ESFP is a far more likely pairing than female INTJ + male ESFP. It fits in more with cultural stereotypes.
 

Natrushka

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I have a hunch that male INTJ + female ESFP is a far more likely pairing than female INTJ + male ESFP. It fits in more with cultural stereotypes.

As an INTJ female I would agree - anything would be more likely, IMHO.
 

macjoven

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May 1, 2007
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INFP
My experiance with INTJs has alway been rather good. I know that their abundant self confidence (apparent arrogance) is completely impersonal, and usually well, if (though perhaps completely wrongly) thought out which make converation interesting and occasionally productive (harder with INTPs becuase like INFPs they don't think things through all the time, and backpeddle alot or completely restructure their arguments in two sentances and pretend it was always like that).
 

mooshenh

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Jun 6, 2007
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O+
I sometimes wonder what they think of me; I love them both to death and we have the most intriguing and deep conversations.

But sometimes, do I come across as a cold-hearted bitch to them? ...

Yes INTJs do come across this way and is the reason I love them so. Wouldn't want to live with one tho...

My best cuz is one and I enjoy sitting next to her and witnessing her wrath unfold. If I stick around too long I eventually end up in her line of fire. That's why I usually make a cut for the door before the welcome wears off. She wishes I visited her more often. That's the way to do it, imo.
 

Noel

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Apr 23, 2007
Messages
613
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INFP
One of my closest (male) friends and my little bro are both INFP.


I sometimes wonder what they think of me; I love them both to death and we have the most intriguing and deep conversations.

But sometimes, do I come across as a cold-hearted bitch to them? I think they both know that I have the best of intentions all the time... but I just don't approach life from the same vantage.

Do I hurt them with (unintentional) careless words sometimes? I verbally express to both of them how much I care for them and how unique and special etc. they are, but do I hurt them sometimes when I make lack-of-feeling judgments/statements/observations etc?

I've been wondering that for a while.

I've only met two INTJs for only a brief amount of time. One was a Male in one of my geography classes and the other was npg in vegas. I liked what I saw.

I have the utmost respect for XNTJs, for I know respect from them means a lot.
 

LadyInWaiting

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May 16, 2007
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INFP
I have a strong attraction to INTJs. The best friend I ever had was an INTJ. I'm a fan of reality television competitions (shut up) and I always find myself rooting for the INTJ (there is often at least one for some reason, usually male). Every time I think I have found an INTJ it makes me happy and excited. Currently I have a big crush on an INTJ and I'm trying to win him over. Last week I went to a party, and it was redeemed only by the fact that I met an INTJ girl and we talked for two hours (with blissfully comfortable silences).

Okay, hope I have established just how much I like INTJs. They're my favorite people. Here is why:

- They are confident. Yes it may cross over into arrogance but as has been said, it's a harmless arrogance. There's no meanness or vindictiveness, nothing personal at all, it's just they're right. It's not even "I'm Right and come across as desperate to prove you wrong" (something I associate with INTPs, sorry). It's "I'm right, don't care really about you one way or the other".

- They may be confident of their ideas, but they are often not so confident socially, although this may not show. I'm not so happy with social things either, and I've had difficulty with superficial relationships and small talk. Thankfully, INTJs place little value on such things and so do I. We don't have to talk about BS, or pretend we care more than we do, or have fake relationships.

- They are curious and eager to learn, and they can be driven when it comes to improvement. It could always be better, from their point of view. I respect and admire this. This means if I am friends with one or in a romantic relationship, and things aren't going so well, they will make efforts to improve. It won't be as sensitive and touchy-feely as I'd probably like, and this is a lesson I learned the hard way with my best friend. I was too clingy, too unsure of his affection for me because I'd been rejected by other people and he didn't show his emotions in a way I could identify. But I've learned from that, and it leads me to my next point.

- They aren't really phased by other people's emotions. They aren't overwhelmed and they don't place too significant a weight on feelings. Now I know this can cause problems, but it's also a welcome attitude. When I occasionally rant and rave, they take it in stride. Not like INFJs who become emotionally overwhelmed and withdraw. I can talk about anything with an INTJ.

- I now understand that if an INTJ wants to spend time with you or talk to you much at all, then assume that they like you and be secure in that. Because they don't see the need to pretend to like people unless it can improve the INTJ's situation in some way. So the next time I have a close INTJ friend, I'll try not to be so insecure.

- They can debate without making personal judgements. Now I admit I don't often win debates with INTJs, but it is invigorating nonetheless. I think most INFPs really like a good debate, but it's hard to find people who will debate you without thinking you're a bad person if you disagree, or using unfair tactics.

- They can talk about the same thing for hours, and follow intuitive leaps/connections. Long, sometimes stimulating conversations ensue. I admit that a lot of times the conversations aren't really memorable because there is no emotional content, but I like it anyway. Like the INTJ girl I talked to at the party. We talked about a lot of things, or rather, she told me her opinions on things and I listened and asked questions to draw her out. That was relaxing, no pressure communication.

- They have goals and ambitions, and can envision a future for themselves. So I don't have to do that for them, which is a relief. They don't pressure me to be anything other than what I am.

- They have deep values that I can sense, although they don't express this. I pick up on the introverted Feeling in them. It gives them a sense of stability that I perceive. I like the stability and predictability. I really like that, actually.

- They can be ingenious, imaginative, and innovative. This is what I observe on the reality shows. People tend to not like them and gang up on them, and the INTJ is always mystified by this, but still stays brilliant, creative and driven. This helps them to either win the competition or come close, even if nobody likes them in the end.

- They can be good with people if they want to be. It's the strong sense of purpose, intuition and the hidden undercurrent of self. The INTJ I'm interested in dating always greets everyone, has a smile for everyone (such a warm smile too) and always asks me how I'm doing (many people don't even notice me). And he's so smart too. But I digress.

Actually, this is getting really long, but I guess the point is I think highly of INTJs.
 
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