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[MBTI General] Anyone here the lone NF in their family?

BlueScreen

Fail 2.0
Joined
Nov 8, 2008
Messages
2,668
MBTI Type
YMCA
Nup, I just realised :).

Ones I'm sure of
--------------------
Mum - INFJ
Younger Sister - ISFP
Dad - INTP

Unsure of
------------
Older Sister - ISTP (somewhere in that region)
 
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nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
It may not be that they just "do what they have to do" because they haven't thought about it in depth. It may actually be that they've just decided that the easiest way to get to the fun parts in life is to focus on getting the dreary stuff done first. I do believe, as many people probably believe, that the most worthwhile goal in life is to find happiness. Sometimes, though, I do put myself into situations that I know will make me unhappy (which I'm sure you also do). I won't be all smiles, but I'll be looking at the long-term goal of happiness. The point where this becomes excessive and self-defeating is when you spend too much time in the "enduring unhappiness" state, and never really get to the "happiness" state. Lots of people lose sight of that if they don't keep their eyes open, and remember to put things into perspective.

Good point. I can't really say that it went like that in my family. I think that they were living in some sort of motivational vacuum that had resulted from some hard knocks that took away "the dream". There was nothing left but work and surviving. There was no happiness waiting after the unhappy endurance. It felt like resignation.

Probably what's most frustrating is when they make you abide by that same mindset...I can understand why that'd be stifling. But in that case, it's still usually the "mothering" instinct for SJs. They care about you, and want you to be happy. Since they've found a way that they're sure will make them happy, they want to share it with you, so that you may have a way of finding happiness, too.

Is it hard for SJs to actually say this? I mean, it would have been quite ok if my dad would have come to me and said:

"See, this is how I have thought I can be happy. I work now in this place and do this and this and it results in happiness in five years"

I would have understood the motivation and the plan this way. Now, the way it went, there was only
1) The example he was giving.
2) The criticism of what I did wrong.

This kind of teaching doesn't really work too well for me...
 

Lightyear

New member
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
899
Yep, I am the only NF too.

My mum is an INTJ, my stepdad an ESTJ, my brother an INTP and my real dad an ISFJ.

I have lived away from my family and abroad for several years so I don't see them that often, so I am trying to remember how we got along.

My mum is like my best friend, I have always gotten along great with her, my stepdad was more of a problem, he just had this whole ESTJ "rules + appearance + no imagination" thing going on so we clashed quite a bit. But since I have gotten older and we don't see each other that often we are much more able to talk like grown-ups and get along.

My INTP brother is a slacker who has great ideas and a lot of knowledge but can't really get his life together. Although I am the younger one I have achieved and seen much more in my life than he has so I sometimes just don't know how to deal with him, I almost feel like I have to drag him along, a characteristic that I can't stand in a guy.
Because of my stepdad and my brother I am really wary of ESTJs and INTPs, I just haven't made the best experiences with them.

My real dad is a gem, we don't understand each other intellctually but emotionally, he is one of the most giving and caring people I know. Me and my real dad tend to be the peacemakers in the family, we are the only ones who are still on speaking-terms with everyone in the family (while my mum and my brother don't speak to each other, my ESTJ gran and ESTJ stepdad, my stepdad and my brother etc.)
 

Cimarron

IRL is not real
Joined
Aug 21, 2008
Messages
3,417
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
some sort of motivational vacuum that had resulted from some hard knocks that took away "the dream". There was nothing left but work and surviving. There was no happiness waiting after the unhappy endurance. It felt like resignation.
Sometimes it is resignation. Sometimes life tramples all over a person. :(

nolla said:
Is it hard for SJs to actually say this?
I don't know. I'm trying to find the underlying motivations for why I do what I do. It's not obvious, because it may become so automatic that one doesn't even think about it. And the criticism is a pessimistic version of the desire to help (I think). Though sometimes criticism can just be an attack to relieve one's own stress. :dont:
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
And the criticism is a pessimistic version of the desire to help (I think). Though sometimes criticism can just be an attack to relieve one's own stress. :dont:

Yeah, it was like trying to help. But for me it just doesn't work if I am told that this is a bad idea without going a bit further and explaining why it is a bad idea and why I couldn't be happy that way.

I remember when I was considering if I could make a career in an area that was not considered "respectable". My dad went on for days about how it is a shitty job. He just gave concrete examples about all the shit I will have to endure there. I was like, no it isn't about that, it is about helping people and stuff... I could never get him to talk about the motivation of the job. It seemed like to him the only motivation for work was money and respect. In case he wanted to really turn me over to his viewpoint, he should have talked about how it eventually isn't helping people or how it is bad for my mental health.
 

felt up

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
89
MBTI Type
INFJ
Yup.

dad- ISTJ 1w2
mum- ISFP 9w1
sis - ESTJ 8w9
me INFJ 4w5
and my extended family members are mainly SPs, SJs.

I too, was the only NF in my family. And enneagramically speaking, the only one in the feeling triad. Everyone else shared the body triad. There was a certain focus on concreteness and practicality within my original family structure which made me stick out like a sore thumb. When I lived with them, everything about me was so peculiar to them - the way I dressed, spoke, carried myself, the things I valued, personal tastes...let's just say I was made fun of quite often. Everything I did, was deemed "dramatic and soft." I didn't have a reprieve from that because my surrounding community was also very SJ, SP based. I had to fight to validate myself and my reason for existence within my family structure. It's only then, they took me seriously. That experience taught me I would always have to fight to exist in an STJ/P world. It's too bloody exhausting. I knew it was something I couldn't do and still be me. That's why I've opted out in many ways and I'm still finding more so I can live a completely independent life.
 

jtanSis1

New member
Joined
Oct 1, 2008
Messages
291
MBTI Type
INFP
I'm thinking the cosmos gives a NF to families to help balance them out. Sucks for us but good for them. My family is mom ESTP, Bro ENTJ, and Sis ENFJ. With me as INFP, the conversations always lead nowhere for any of us. I try to get them to understand each other, especially me, but with little success. They think I'm in LA-LA land, which is ironic sice we used to live near L.A. but I keep telling them, I'm not trying to be in LA-LA land, I'm actually there, and I want them to join me, which drives them crazy.
 

Amy

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2008
Messages
17
MBTI Type
INFJ
Yup yup, there are SJ, NT, SP. I'm the additional NF!
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
My dad is an ISTP and my mom is an ENFP. They are separated, so I swap between visiting them.

I feel kinda awkward in my dad's house, he got remarried to a very unhealthy ESTJ. She and I don't get along at all.

I personally am cool with being the only NF (aside from my mom and her twin, an INFP). Besides that it's all S types, with one cousin an INTJ. If I had to choose who to live with out of all of the classifications it would be SP, so I am fine with my dad and family. :)
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
Only NF and only Extrovert in my immediate family. Dad and brother are INTJ/INTP. Not sure what my mom is.

It's been fun. Tons of fun.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Hey look bumping another thread!

I actually recently since I found out about this, that my mom is an ENFJ and aunt an INFP. But those are the only NFs in my family.
 

Jonathanthegreat

New member
Joined
Apr 30, 2009
Messages
166
MBTI Type
ENFJ
DUDE YES
I am an ENFJ
Mom ESFP
Sis ISTJ
Bro ISTP

I'm the only N too, I get overwhelmed in this house sometimes. Jeez so much sensoriness!
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
The only outspoken one yes. Two ENTPs, one ISFJ and one INXP. He's...got a very warm heart and is too sensitive to be an INTP, but he's incredibly competent at logical stuff, and does use that as his primary 'language'. Perfect balance.

In our house it's the SJ though that goes bananas, and I don't blame her. In fact, being a mother to three N's and being married to one, was incredibly challenging to her (Moooooom, where's the ....? Right in front of you!!!! Oh...right...Sorry!)
 

Lexicon

Temporal Mechanic
Staff member
Joined
Sep 28, 2008
Messages
12,342
MBTI Type
JINX
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5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I'm the sole NF in my immediate family. Now, at least. (My brother [2yrs older than I - died in '03] was ENFP. We fought [as siblings do], but overall, we *got* one another; he was my best friend growing up.)

My dad [died in '94] was an ENTJ, I believe - based on my personal experiences as well as reviewing home movies/reading old letters to my mom, etc. Clever, good-natured guy. Dry humor FTW. :D

Presently, my 'immediate family' consists of:
*My mom - an ISFJ - most likely w/bpd (what a cocktail, folks, let me tellya...) Good intentions. Skewed perception of reality/self. Martyr complex. Passive aggressive & just plain explosive at times.
*Stepfather - an ISTP - has daddy/rejection issues. Mechanic. Conflict-avoidant, but can be passive aggressive. Tries very hard to keep things upbeat.
*Stepbrother - 17yr old ESFP - [sweet/good kid; attached to his xBox, wants to be a plumber - he's only around every other weekend]

My INTP cat, Jack. :wub:

My extended family isn't close-knit.. I wish I were closer to my dad's family, but they're scattered about. He had 5 siblings. Couple of 'em I believe are NTs/NFs. As I said, I don't see em except maybe once a yr, if that.
My mom's family is a pack of unhealthy SJs/SPs. REALLY unhealthy.



I often feel like I'm the only one who sees the forest for the trees. It can be a bit maddening.
Some ENTP needs to invent some N-Goggles for families like mine. :rolli:
 
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PeaceBaby

reborn
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
5,950
MBTI Type
N/A
Enneagram
N/A
Yes, I'm the lone NF (insert sound of lone wolf howling at the moon).

There are none in immediate family, my own family (hub & kids) or my family in law. Lots of SJ, a few SP's and a couple of NT's.

Feels ... special yet rather isolating at the same time.
 

PuddleRiver

It's always something...
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
2,923
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5w6
My husband-ENTJ, my son INTP. Me, INFJ. Hahahaha.

I learned to hold my own. They don't like it, but they deal with it. :devil:
 

Chloe

New member
Joined
May 1, 2009
Messages
2,196
I'm only NF in family. Hell, only N also.

mom ISFP
sister ISFJ
dad (died) was INTP... but for other reason didn't have relationship with him...

its actually amazing how I get along with my sister and mom well considering their type.... My sister is intelligent ISFJ which helps I guess, she understand my life perception and choices, in a way she admires them, but she is different than me... so thats okay, it's not fatal to our relationship.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
3,900
MBTI Type
INFP
Dad: INTJ
Mom: ISFP
Sister: INtJ
Brother: ESFP
Sister: I/ESFP

Yes, I'm the only one, but I get along great with my INFJ bro-in-law, who is also a musician.

I am the peacemaker in the family. Actually, I have always fealt loved and admired by my family. They think I'm special in some way.;)
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
My mother is the only non-NF in my immediate family. Yes, it gets tiring hearing about everyone's visions after a while. *dead*
 
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