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[MBTI General] Anyone here the lone NF in their family?

niki

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2007
Messages
210
MBTI Type
INFP
I have an INFP brother, but my dad's an ISTJ and my mom's an ESTP. My brother and I can relate on the idealist bent, but that's really where the similarities end. I have more in common with my ESTP mother, to be honest.

your family-situation is almost similar like me, only i think the difference is that my dad is the ISTP (still not sure if he could be INTP or not), and my mom is ISFJ. my 2nd brother is probably an ISFJ too, now that we're adults now, sadly, i can relate to him less and less, can't help it.
but my little brother is the same like me, INFP, and this i've found out from telling him to take the online MBTI test.
i guess no wonder me & my little brother often feel this 'connection' especially on being "Idealist" thing, and value "abstract, unseen" things over material things. and of all people in the family, my little brother is the only person I can relate, and even have a lot of talks (fun & serious ones) to. the other family members are just confusing to me, and hard to make understand each other.
but indeed, sometimes like you, the similarities kinda end too at some point.

can you tell me where do the similarities "end" , with ur INFP brother ?
 

quietgirl

New member
Joined
Sep 29, 2007
Messages
401
MBTI Type
INFJ
can you tell me where do the similarities "end" , with ur INFP brother ?

Umm... it's boils down to our day to day attitude to the world. I view him as a bit self centered & inflexible; he views me as less genuine & too willing to please and conform to others. Not that either of those comments are 100% true, but it's the impressions we make on one another. By nature of Fe, he views me as more extraverted and I've spent my entire life "talking" for him. Contrary to the J/P difference, I've always felt he was way less flexible than I am. We're both very sensitive, but over different things. He has more of an inner world that you can't dare say anything negatively about - like it's very hard to disagree with one of his ideals; I don't really care much about negative comments about my inner world - I care more about negative feelings towards me personally. My brother kind of has the "I don't care what you think about me" attitude. He's very artistic/imaginatve smart & ended up an artist. I always excelled more in the math & sciences - specifically physics. However, my INFP cousin is an engineer (but her weak point is the math - much better with the idea aspect of it).

All of that being said, we really are best friends. It's just that we're not as alike as you'd expect.
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Only close person I know who did the test was my brother. He's an ENFJ so I know I'm not the only one. Never attempted typing my parents and sisters. Wouldn't know how anyway.
 

GZA

Resident Snot-Nose
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
1,771
MBTI Type
infp
I'm the only in my immediate family. It causes problems sometimes, but not that much.

I have cousins who are INFJ, ENFP (or ENFJ, she's only 10, but she's probably one or the other), and possibly others. I have an INFJ aunt, and another aunt who is probably INFJ. My grandpa is probably INFJ, too, or he's just a wise old ENTJ. I think another one of my cousins who I don't really know is an INFP preist, but I havn't seen him in years cause he lives in Montreal.
 

Travo7

New member
Joined
Sep 3, 2008
Messages
112
MBTI Type
IN??
Enneagram
IDK
i'm the only F in my family. ISTJ mom (6w5), INTP dad (5w6), ENTP brother (3w4?).

i've learned to repress my Fe so much that i find myself to be more of a thinker than my mom, though.

it's too bad being so sensitive, but i think of being a male NF as a problem in society, not just in my immediate family. plus i'm a 9.

I agree with what you said about being a male NF in society.

My dad = estj
My mom = enfp
My sister = estp?
My brother = entp?

Problems? oh yeah.
I'm definitely closest to my brother, I'd say.
 

niffer

New member
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
1,217
MBTI Type
ENfP
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Yeah, I'm the only NF. Dad is an NT, mom is an SJ.

Three people.
Three temperaments.
One house.

It's like a reality show.

You kids can only imagine the kind of battles than ensue. Why do you THINK I'm looking at shit like this at such an early age?
 

Magic Poriferan

^He pronks, too!
Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
14,081
MBTI Type
Yin
Enneagram
One
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Yeah, I'm the only NF. Dad is an NT, mom is an SJ.

Three people.
Three temperaments.
One house.

It's like a reality show.

You kids can only imagine the kind of battles than ensue. Why do you THINK I'm looking at shit like this at such an early age?

I don't know. I hadn't found the MBTI yet when I was 14, but I would have looked into it if I had. But it now occurs to my that I had an intense, dysfuncitonal family, so I don't know why I felt like I was making some kind of counter-point here. :whistling:
 

niffer

New member
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
1,217
MBTI Type
ENfP
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I don't know. I hadn't found the MBTI yet when I was 14, but I would have looked into it if I had. But it now occurs to my that I had an intense, dysfuncitonal family, so I don't know why I felt like I was making some kind of counter-point here. :whistling:

:headphne:

*Pats Magi's back soothingly*

It is fine.
 

bronte

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
168
MBTI Type
infp
only nf

Yep - brother esfp, sister esfj, dad, esfj, mum esfj, hubbie istp, son estp, daughter esfj - not an n in sight!:blush:
 

Wild horses

New member
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
1,916
MBTI Type
ENFP
Yea I am and it's so frustrating to top it all off I am completely surrounded by SJs which I love but when you are out numbered it can be quite daunting expecially when you decide to go off on an abstract dream and they are look at you as if you are speaking another language and tell you why what you are saying so just so 'impractical' and why you need to 'get a grip' *sigh*
 

Clownmaster

EvanTheClown (ETC)
Joined
Sep 2, 2008
Messages
965
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
2
i think my grandma's an NF(she could be SF), otherwise I'm the only one I know of.
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
I just found out that I am! My dad's an ISTJ, mom's an ESFJ, and my sister's an ESTJ. I can't say that I've ever really gotten along with them.

They all seem to believe that authority and deferring to it is some rationale. It's kind of stupid when all of your arguments end with, "I own this house and if you don't like it you can move out!" The more you reason the louder they yell that same line. It's like talking to a wall.

I used to get really upset over this but now I just shut up and don't give a crap. The fact that they're SJ's just helps me to not give a crap even more. If they don't get me now they never will.

Other stuff that annoys me is my moms ability to come up with a seamingly endless number of things that have to be done and when we haven't done all of them or haven't done them in just the right way she expects us to, she turns the biggest whiner. Grow a backbone woman!

I could go on and on about the various ways that we're different but I won't. Needless to say, it's tough. As an NF I really need someone who will believe in me and stand by me as I venture into adulthood and find a career for myself and my family's been more of a hindrance than a help. They just don't get that I'm never going to come around to value the sames things as them and that by telling me my values are stupid they're just delaying my departure.

Ughh... combine that with my addiction to MBTI and MP3 player forums and at the end of the day I can't help to feel as though each day has been any different from the last. Any NF's here have any killer careers that they really enjoy?
I have a 14 year old ENFJ son.
Poor thing. He's the only F in the family and the only E.
He's not exactly the only NF - since I have some F to speak of.
You sound as though you're just as strong-willed as he is. :newwink:
It's a shame your family doesn't understand MB Type.
Since you're the person in your family who understands type, perhaps you could introduce it to your family.

I'm sorry for your frustrations.
My son doesn't do well with xSTJ types either.
I just today had a meeting with one of his teachers who was ISTJ, I think.

I highly recommend the book Do What You Are by Barron and Tieger for ideas on career choices for your type.

Here's what they say on their website about careers for ENFJs:
"[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Career Satisfiers
All people are most satisfied and successful when using their natural talents in an environment that is consistent with their personality preferences and values. Research shows that ENFJs are most satisfied by jobs that provide the following:

• Opportunities to work collaboratively with other fun, creative, supportive people
• Frequent & sincere appreciation for their creativity, helpfulness & responsiveness
• Supportive, meaningful relationships with colleagues & co-workers
• An environment where personal & professional growth and development are encouraged
• A role in helping others grow & develop their fullest potential
[/FONT]"
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
I really don't know. In all probability, I'm the only INFJ of the family. As for NF, I think my mother maybe ENFP.
 

niki

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2007
Messages
210
MBTI Type
INFP
Yea I am and it's so frustrating to top it all off I am completely surrounded by SJs which I love but when you are out numbered it can be quite daunting expecially when you decide to go off on an abstract dream and they are look at you as if you are speaking another language and tell you why what you are saying so just so 'impractical' and why you need to 'get a grip' *sigh*

yeah...i can relate with you completly too *sigh*
well, what to do about it?.. it's a physical, material, and practical world we're living after all.
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
Joined
Jan 14, 2008
Messages
9,801
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
I am currently the only N, and hence, NF in my family.

My father, who has passed away, was an INTP.

My mother is an ESFJ, my eldest sister is an ISFp, and my middle sister is an ESTJ.

Gah, sometimes I just want to shoot myself!!!

My ESTJ sister has no personal aspirations outside of making enough money to live happily and comfortably.

My entire family cares about money a shit ton more than I do.

I get along with my F mother and sister a lot more than I do my T sister, but sometimes, er, often, I feel like the black sheep of the family.

They are all about the ends, they are all about "doing what you got to do" irrespective of how that may be detrimental to your self, and sense of worth in life.

Gah, it is frustrating, to not be able to relate on an intellectual or meaningful level with your family.

I love them dearly, but they make me want to rip my hair out, often.
 

mwv6r

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
208
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Me too!!

Thank you for posting this thread! I am also the lone NF in my family and in fact the lone N. Mom's ISFJ, Dad's ISTJ, little sis is ISTP, I'm INFJ.

Growing up in an ISxJ household, I had very, very devoted parents who met every physical need. Emotional needs... maybe not quite so much. I knew they loved me, but I could sense they regarded me as odd. Throughout my childhood, I was very good in school and had a strong desire to please, and that went a long way with them. But by high school, college, and beyond, they began getting increasingly frustrated with me.

They would give each other looks when I would go off on one of my excited tangents about the things I learned in school, or politics, or anything theoretical. They were perplexed by the highs and lows of my emotions, and generally seemed to think there was something wrong with me. They didn't like my artsy, alternative friends (probably mostly NFs and NTs, looking back). They had trouble comprehending how someone who graduated at the top of her high school class would want to be an elementary school teacher :eek:(

Luckily, our relationship has gotten much better since I went away to college. I moved back to the area a few years ago, and I enjoy spending time with them in short doses. I've started talking to them a lot about MBTI over the last year -- it's one of those things I get excited about that they roll their eyes at a bit, but I think it is helping them to better understand my sister and I.

I think it may actually be harder for my ISTP sister to be the only SP in an SJ household. She has little interest in school and is very resistant to their SJ attempts to control her.

Anyway, I'm definitely curious to read more posts. I'd also like to hear about any sensors from an all-intuitive family and their experiences. My close friends (INFP and INTP sisters) have an INTP dad and an ISFP mom. From what I've observed, INTP dad and INTP daughter have difficulty understanding and appreciating the ISFP mom, though the INFP daughter seems more open-minded.

One good thing about growing up the lone NF or SP or whatever in your family is understanding and appreciating other perspectives better, although that is sometimes at the cost of appreciating yourself.
 

kiddykat

movin melodies
Joined
Jul 27, 2008
Messages
1,111
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4, 7
Gah, sometimes I just want to shoot myself!!! . . .

My entire family cares about money a shit ton more than I do.

. . . often, I feel like the black sheep of the family.

They are all about the ends, they are all about "doing what you got to do" irrespective of how that may be detrimental to your self, and sense of worth in life.

Gah, it is frustrating, to not be able to relate on an intellectual or meaningful level with your family.

I love them dearly, but they make me want to rip my hair out, often.
I can totally relate.

Most of my family members are all about the money, too. They're always so miserable. Rich. Miserable. Their lives really don't have much depth or meaning.

I can remember growing up with an ESTJ uncle who would always criticize me. That s.o.b. I realize not all ESTJs are like him, but thoughts of him still bring nightmares in my life.

Thank God I can say Sayara. Ever since college and getting a drivers license, I haven't been obligated to visit that asshole.
 

Cimarron

IRL is not real
Joined
Aug 21, 2008
Messages
3,417
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
They are all about the ends, they are all about "doing what you got to do" irrespective of how that may be detrimental to your self, and sense of worth in life.
I know you probably weren't looking for comments and nit-picking, but I just thought I'd offer this, if you want it.

It may not be that they just "do what they have to do" because they haven't thought about it in depth. It may actually be that they've just decided that the easiest way to get to the fun parts in life is to focus on getting the dreary stuff done first. I do believe, as many people probably believe, that the most worthwhile goal in life is to find happiness. Sometimes, though, I do put myself into situations that I know will make me unhappy (which I'm sure you also do). I won't be all smiles, but I'll be looking at the long-term goal of happiness. The point where this becomes excessive and self-defeating is when you spend too much time in the "enduring unhappiness" state, and never really get to the "happiness" state. Lots of people lose sight of that if they don't keep their eyes open, and remember to put things into perspective.

Probably what's most frustrating is when they make you abide by that same mindset...I can understand why that'd be stifling. But in that case, it's still usually the "mothering" instinct for SJs. They care about you, and want you to be happy. Since they've found a way that they're sure will make them happy, they want to share it with you, so that you may have a way of finding happiness, too.

I'm not the one going to school for Psychology, so feel free to disregard all that if you want. :smile: I just know that a lot of people on this thread feel much like you do, that the SJs in their family don't even want to understand them. Hopefully, those are not their family's intentions, and I thought that it might help to understand "where they're coming from".


My sincere best wishes to everyone coping with SJs in their lives, especially unreasonable SJs.
 
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