[INFJ] Need to Pick Brain of Real Live INFJ

[Cognitive Cartograph]

I am an ENFP with a varied background enriched by INFJ's.

My first young love was with an INFJ who ended up breaking my heart. He (rightly) decided he could not communicate in a way that would make us happy. Truthfully, we were both too emotionally immature to negotiate communicating. I still view him as one of the best friends I ever had.

I married an INFJ and had a passionate, romantic, communicative, fulfilling marriage that was the envy of friends and family until I was left a young widow 3 years ago.

I now have a few new INFJ friends in my life. One of whom I had been developing a nice friendship with and now I am unsure of how to proceed. Thus, I thought I would seek your expertise.

We socialize in groups, text and email. Occasionally we talk on the phone (I am not a huge phone user). He is very successful (read: busy) at work and has a large extended family as well as friends. Knowing he has a lot on his mind and plate, I have often asked him if he needs some time where I can back off and come back? He has always said no.

Recently, he had begun opening up to me more about his feelings. In a spoken conversation he said his feelings were dumb after I got playful and started teasing him (yes, sigh, I know).

After, he wrote me and said I was incredibly easy to talk to. Which he appreciated and wished he could be more like. Then he emphasized I could share things and write to him.

So, a little under a week later I wrote to him and he has since disappeared.

So, I thought about what I know of the INFJ mind and then spent days reading YOUR thoughts and replies to others.

I waited a bit and sent a short message apologizing for teasing him, saying I truly appreciated what he had said. I also said that I was sorry that I had not just listened to his feelings and had suggested ways I thought he WAS good at what he said he was not, because he knows himself and maybe he just wanted a hearing ear.

Still nothing.

In the past he would have answered the same day.

I was worried because I am very complimentary he might have thought I was interested in him. But I always have been, he is equally complimentary, he knows I am still grieving and I can't imagine him throwing away a friendship over two communications and mere hypothetical?

So, how best to proceed INFJ's? Particularly you males of the species, either sex who withdraw, really ALL are welcome!

Would it be kind to drop a line saying there is no need for any response unless there is a problem, so that if he is mentally taxed right now that relieves at least one burden? Should I wait a while and send a funny video with no message just to show all is ok on my end. Or should I just leave it completely to him?

Thank you so kindly for considering the issues of this ENFP as I (or at least I try to) understand how much effort and space it costs you!

 

[Cognitive Cartograph]

Or maybe that last line makes it sound like I think I "get" INFJ's which I so obviously don't which is why I messed up with the teasing and need your help now...

 

[Opal]

Recently, he had begun opening up to me more about his feelings. In a spoken conversation he said his feelings were dumb after I got playful and started teasing him (yes, sigh, I know).

After, he wrote me and said I was incredibly easy to talk to. Which he appreciated and wished he could be more like. Then he emphasized I could share things and write to him.

So, a little under a week later I wrote to him and he has since disappeared.

It sounds like he felt self-conscious because he perceived your reception of his feelings as flippant. I can't speak for him, but the INFJs I know tend to lie or very obliquely point to the truth when they feel stressed. My interpretation of what you presented is that he was looking for some sort of validation and didn't get it, which in his mind may have created an imbalance in your relationship which could have possibly been righted by you sharing analogous feelings and letting yourself be vulnerable. If you waited a week he may see it fit to do the same; how long has it been? Also, what was the nature of your response?

I should stress that I'm basing this on my past interpretation of the actions of temperamental INFJs I know.

 

[Cognitive Cartograph]

Thank you for your insight, solipsists. I waited a week to write a letter (blush, yes I still write those). It's been +week with no reply to that. It's been three days with no response to my apology.

That feels like light-years to this tender-hearted ENFP who finds it very difficult to trust. But, his friendship is well worth discomfort and wait-related anxiety.

So, sit tight then?

 

[ndovjtjcaqidthi]

[MENTION=21250]Cognitive Cartograph[/MENTION]

Sounds like he's just doing his own thing right now and you should too.

Give it more time.

 

[Werebudgie]

Recently, he had begun opening up to me more about his feelings. In a spoken conversation he said his feelings were dumb after I got playful and started teasing him (yes, sigh, I know).

After, he wrote me and said I was incredibly easy to talk to. Which he appreciated and wished he could be more like. Then he emphasized I could share things and write to him.

So, a little under a week later I wrote to him and he has since disappeared.

It's my sense that INFJs can be sometimes totally unruffled by teasing - but often don't do well at all with being teased at times or in areas where we feel vulnerable. I've seen this in myself, and I think I've seen it mentioned elsewhere. And speaking for myself, apologies do not necessarily erase the supposed "information" we hear in such teasing communication, especially when it comes from someone I'm open to. I'm curious to know if this ever came up for you with your INFJ spouse - did it? (in a context of extremely high trust, it might not matter, but I think in any context where trust is even slightly in question, it can).

I don't know what to make of what he wrote back to you. I know that I myself don't lie unless my actual physical survival, or the physical survival of someone I love, is at stake. But sometimes what do I say is not always obvious to others in its actual meaning. There can be layers of meaning underneath my words that aren't apparent from a literal read. I kind of wish I could see his actual words in the writing you paraphrase here, to see if I can pick up anything about what he wrote as related to what you paraphrased - but I don't want his private words to you made public, so that can't happen.

I waited a bit and sent a short message apologizing for teasing him, saying I truly appreciated what he had said. I also said that I was sorry that I had not just listened to his feelings and had suggested ways I thought he WAS good at what he said he was not, because he knows himself and maybe he just wanted a hearing ear.

Still nothing.

In the past he would have answered the same day.

I was worried because I am very complimentary he might have thought I was interested in him. But I always have been, he is equally complimentary, he knows I am still grieving and I can't imagine him throwing away a friendship over two communications and mere hypothetical?

So, how best to proceed INFJ's? Particularly you males of the species, either sex who withdraw, really ALL are welcome!

Would it be kind to drop a line saying there is no need for any response unless there is a problem, so that if he is mentally taxed right now that relieves at least one burden? Should I wait a while and send a funny video with no message just to show all is ok on my end. Or should I just leave it completely to him?

Thank you so kindly for considering the issues of this ENFP as I (or at least I try to) understand how much effort and space it costs you!

So first of all, what actually happened? Did he suggest he had more-than-friends feelings for you and you teased him? Something else? Hard for me to get my head around the specific situation without a bit more.

For the moment, I would suggest you not send him a video with no text because that could easily be misinterpreted. In the same vein, if you send him an email saying there's no need for him to respond, he might very well read that as you telling him you don't want to hear from him (under some circumstances, it can be great to tell an INFJ that we're not under any obligation to respond, but uner others we get into non-initiator mode and don't want to impose, and I think this one situation may be closer to the second one). My instinct is to tell you to be open and vulnerable with him - like, if you really miss him, let him know that. But again, I don't know the specifics so this is just a vague sense. I could be wrong.

 

[Opal]

Thank you for your insight, solipsists. I waited a week to write a letter (blush, yes I still write those). It's been +week with no reply to that. It's been three days with no response to my apology.

That feels like light-years to this tender-hearted ENFP who finds it very difficult to trust. But, his friendship is well worth discomfort and wait-related anxiety.

So, sit tight then?

Of course, I hope it's at least slightly helpful. And I'm sorry, that sort of suspension is awful...

Do you see each other in person regularly? Or was the conversation via video? You mentioned he's very busy, so it seems reasonable he'd be slow to write/mail a response regardless of his feelings. I'd need a better understanding of his character to offer advice, though overwhelming him with mail when he's already busy could be detrimental. Perhaps an INFJ could chime in?

EDIT: INFJs have spoken.

 

[Cognitive Cartograph]

Thank you so much for your time, advice and insights solipsists, Nights and Days and Werebudgie.

solipsists, we primarily speak through emails, letters and texts as we both adore writing. We tend to hang out in groups when our friends plan things.

Werebudgie, my husband NEVER enjoyed being teased although he enjoyed my playfulness, which is why I should know better (and am disappointed in myself).

I too would feel it was a betrayal to repeat his actual words so thank you for your understanding in that regard. I teased him when he was telling me his dreams of old age. I thought it was really clear that it was a playful, appreciative building on what he was saying. But, I realized my mistake as soon as he said he was saying "dumb things".

I wasn't worried because he wrote me saying how easy I was to talk to and he revealed more personal stories/insecurities. Also, because he said that I could write him casual or heartfelt. But, after I wrote him again is when he disappeared. Thus, my apology.

 

[Opal]

I would wager he either doesn't know how to respond yet or is busy with other things. He sounds too good-natured and mature to flake after offering positive feedback and reinforcing it with personal stories/insecurities. It seems congruous with your description of him that he'll respond and apologize for the wait.

 

[Werebudgie]

Werebudgie, my husband NEVER enjoyed being teased although he enjoyed my playfulness, which is why I should know better (and am disappointed in myself).

Well, I appreciate the info about your husband on the teasing thing just because I'm tracking it in relation to being an INFJ. Very interesting (though me finding this interesting is not helping with the topic, so onward)

I too would feel it was a betrayal to repeat his actual words so thank you for your understanding in that regard. I teased him when he was telling me his dreams of old age. I thought it was really clear that it was a playful, appreciative building on what he was saying. But, I realized my mistake as soon as he said he was saying "dumb things".

I wasn't worried because he wrote me saying how easy I was to talk to and he revealed more personal stories/insecurities. Also, because he said that I could write him casual or heartfelt. But, after I wrote him again is when he disappeared. Thus, my apology.

You have me curious now about what you wrote about right before he stopped responding, can you share the gist of that?

I would wager he either doesn't know how to respond yet or is busy with other things. He sounds too good-natured and mature to flake after offering positive feedback and reinforcing it with personal stories/insecurities. It seems congruous with your description of him that he'll respond and apologize for the wait.

If it is in fact that he doesn't yet know how to respond - that does happen to me a fair amount. In fact right now there's an email I've started to write that I should have sent yesterday but haven't been in the space for it. No reason, just not in the space yet. And actually, I just today sent an email to a friend who I haven't written to in over a year because I couldn't figure out what to tell her about my life, given what we usually communicate about. Oh and now that I think about it, there's another friend - someone I love very much - who has been trying to find out how I am for weeks now and whose recent email is in my inbox and it just doesn't feel *right* to reply for some reason and I really don't know why yet. (I need to write to her. I'm getting there).

Me personally: When I'm in that "I don't yet know how to respond" space, I'm actually quite happy to get communication from people letting me know how they are, what they've been doing or thinking about, I'm on their mind, they miss me etc - just as long as they are clear and clean and honest in whatever they say (basically to reduce the energy expenditure trying to figure it out) and as long as they're clear that while they'd love to hear from me when I want to write, they also don't need an immediate/quick response if I'm not in the space to offer one. I'll often be writing bits of emails in my head to people as I go through my day, just kind of thinking about them, and even though they don't get to see that, I am thinking about them. So getting communication like I just described is fine with me.

That said, everyone's different ... and again, I could be wrong (not about me, about your situation).

 

[Cognitive Cartograph]

Thank you for your positive outlook, solipsists. I agree he is mature and has a lovely disposition.

He had expressed doubts about his ability to connect with people, Werebudgie. I told him that I thought he had many people skills and gave specific examples of where I had seen these at play. I expressed why I felt connected to him and complimented him on what I thought were some cool personality traits he possessed.

I asked a few very casual questions about hobbies, decor preference and music tastes. Tried to leave them as open ended as possible.

I was fascinated by my husband's aversion to teasing so don't mind any questions you have about it. He had one of the best sense of humour's I have ever encountered and was very down-to-earth so it initially surprised me when he took teasing so seriously. In time, I came to realize he was feeling it as a personally directed attack and I felt his pain. Thus, I was careful to play in a way more appropriate to his needs.

 

[Cognitive Cartograph]

Thank you also Werebudgie, for explaining your thought process when you are in a space of transition before responding. I am hesitant to act based on the fact you do not know if the same applies to my situation. Nonetheless, each increased brick of insight adds to my foundation of INFJ understanding.

 

[yeghor]

What you told in your OP reminded me of this...

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WwECMDXtSiM

I too would feel it was a betrayal to repeat his actual words so thank you for your understanding in that regard. I teased him when he was telling me his dreams of old age. I thought it was really clear that it was a playful, appreciative building on what he was saying. But, I realized my mistake as soon as he said he was saying "dumb things".

I wasn't worried because he wrote me saying how easy I was to talk to and he revealed more personal stories/insecurities. Also, because he said that I could write him casual or heartfelt. But, after I wrote him again is when he disappeared. Thus, my apology.

You are evading telling the exact nature of the dialogue and transgression, by pinning it on your desire to protect him...which makes me wary of you...

You need to control your reflex to lash out on people...he sensed it in you and distanced himself...this is assuming that the typings are correct...

In any case let him go... He'll reinitiate contact if he desires to...
Sent via Tapatalk

 

[Werebudgie]

Thank you for your positive outlook, solipsists. I agree he is mature and has a lovely disposition.

He had expressed doubts about his ability to connect with people, Werebudgie. I told him that I thought he had many people skills and gave specific examples of where I had seen these at play. I expressed why I felt connected to him and complimented him on what I thought were some cool personality traits he possessed.

I asked a few very casual questions about hobbies, decor preference and music tastes. Tried to leave them as open ended as possible.

I can't explain exactly why, but think I actually kind-of-sort-of instinctively get how this whole situation could lead to "not knowing how to respond yet." Hmm, it's like: The pain from the teasing amidst vulnerability, the content of the teasing and whatever it brought up in/for him, followed by the opposing information from you (you saying the opposite of the teasing in that letter you just described) - I could see how all of this could function as some sort of information and emotional overload that needs sorting through. And I know from my own experiences, and from some things other INFJs here have said, that it can take us considerable time to figure out how we actually feel about things that happen.

I was fascinated by my husband's aversion to teasing so don't mind any questions you have about it. He had one of the best sense of humour's I have ever encountered and was very down-to-earth so it initially surprised me when he took teasing so seriously. In time, I came to realize he was feeling it as a personally directed attack and I felt his pain. Thus, I was careful to play in a way more appropriate to his needs.

Yeah, it is weird, isn't it? It is pretty out of character for me overall, but I do tend to feel teasing as mean/cruel even if it's not meant to be, and it hurts. And when someone - particularly someone I'm close to - says something I feel as mean, it doesn't just go away even if I tell myself or they tell me they didn't mean it. I take it into myself and consider it as if it (or what I think it is) is the truth, instinctively challenge myself to accept that it could be true. It echoes inside of me, like it's bouncing around in there for a while. Does that resonate with what you knew of your husband?

Thank you also Werebudgie, for explaining your thought process when you are in a space of transition before responding. I am hesitant to act based on the fact you do not know if the same applies to my situation. Nonetheless, each increased brick of insight adds to my foundation of INFJ understanding.

There's so much variation between different people, and so much rich context in any situation of personal connection ... I think it's unwise to assume that I really understand or that my personal perspective is directly or truly applicable here. I for one appreciate that you care enough about your friend to seek to build a foundation of INFJ understanding.

 

[Fidelia]

I also don't respond well to teasing. Even if I intellectually recognize that the person didn't intend it to make me feel exposed and embarrassed about something I already feel bad about, or it makes me feel as if someone whose opinion I care about thinks poorly of me in an area where I wasn't expecting them to, it's still hard to shake off the emotional reaction. Often I can recognize that making it into a big deal is counter productive and makes the teaser feel like crap. On the other hand, stuffing it down doesn't work well either. I'll try to rationalize it away, but it takes time for it to wear off on an emotional level.

Regarding the reply thing - the more something matters to me, the longer it takes me to respond. His delay could indicate one of several things: more time and data needed before he know how he feels, appreciating what you wrote and not being sure how to respond properly, or simply having a whole pile of things using up time or emotional energy.

I'd say, assume the best. Also, the fact that you acknowledged that you thought you may have made a mistake counts for a lot, rather than acting as if it didn't happen.

I don't know if this helps either, but I've found that many INFJs ( myself included) don't usually resond in real time in their interactions. Instead they are meeting you with the reaction to the last conversation that took place, more than the present one which is occurring and which will be mulled over and processed after. In that sense, I think INFJs appear to be changeable, stubborn or grudge holding because they keep bringing unresolved stuff up to be revisited, or they have changed their mind after the last conversation, etc, but the processing lag is really to blame.

I can't imagine if he's too offended that he would have continued opening himself up to you after. Be patient.

 

[yeghor]

I am an ENFP with a varied background enriched by INFJ's.

My first young love was with an INFJ who ended up breaking my heart. He (rightly) decided he could not communicate in a way that would make us happy. Truthfully, we were both too emotionally immature to negotiate communicating. I still view him as one of the best friends I ever had.

I married an INFJ and had a passionate, romantic, communicative, fulfilling marriage that was the envy of friends and family until I was left a young widow 3 years ago.

I now have a few new INFJ friends in my life. One of whom I had been developing a nice friendship with and now I am unsure of how to proceed. Thus, I thought I would seek your expertise.

Condolonces for your loss...but you seem to have an abundance of INFJs around you...something's amiss...

We socialize in groups, text and email. Occasionally we talk on the phone (I am not a huge phone user). He is very successful (read: busy) at work and has a large extended family as well as friends. Knowing he has a lot on his mind and plate, I have often asked him if he needs some time where I can back off and come back? He has always said no.

What does he do for a living? A large groups of friends is not what you'd expect in an INFJ... Speaking for myself, I am reclusive...and have less than a handful of "true" friends that I maintain contact with...I do not have any enthusiasm to hang out with people outside that circle...

Recently, he had begun opening up to me more about his feelings. In a spoken conversation he said his feelings were dumb after I got playful and started teasing him (yes, sigh, I know).

He must have made himself vulnerable around you and expected the same in return...perhaps you felt that but were fearful of making yourself vulnerable too so tried to deflect it by making fun of it (a defense reflex), which then hurt him...which is not dependent on him being INFJ or any other type by the way...I think all people carry this kind of core self which can get hurt when they reveal it...it contains their failed hopes and desires...

In my earlier post, I've projected my own hurt and disappointments on you...I am sorry for that...I still would like you to clarify the exact nature of your "playfulness" though...i.e. the way you deflected his expectation for you to make yourself vulnerable as well...

As for his remark about his future hopes being dumb, it may signify that he sees being dumb as a weak\bad trait for his identity...so he prizes intelligence, which may mean that he is either a Ti-dom or a Ti-aux... If he's extraverted, flamboyant, lively and chatty people person IRL, he may be an ExTP...or if he is silent and keeps (his energy) to himself he then may be an IxTP...

After, he wrote me and said I was incredibly easy to talk to. Which he appreciated and wished he could be more like. Then he emphasized I could share things and write to him.

So, a little under a week later I wrote to him and he has since disappeared.

He may still be harboring resentment towards you... Perhaps he will reinitiate contact but don't hang on it too much... He may have moved on already...

So, I thought about what I know of the INFJ mind and then spent days reading YOUR thoughts and replies to others.

I waited a bit and sent a short message apologizing for teasing him, saying I truly appreciated what he had said. I also said that I was sorry that I had not just listened to his feelings and had suggested ways I thought he WAS good at what he said he was not, because he knows himself and maybe he just wanted a hearing ear.

Still nothing.

In the past he would have answered the same day.

^This may not be related to INFJs at all... What are the basic traits in him that makes you think he's an INFJ... There's also this misconception that only INFJs doorslam/cut contact abruptly...

But ExxPs and IxxJs all have that reflex to either drive people away by lashing out or withdraw into themselves when they feel hurt... It's just the nature of the reflex that changes I guess... IxxJs in particular withdraw and cut contact abruptly... If you keep pressuring and triggering them (or any other people for that matter), they may get enraged and blurt out all their pain and resentment on you...

I was worried because I am very complimentary he might have thought I was interested in him. But I always have been, he is equally complimentary, he knows I am still grieving and I can't imagine him throwing away a friendship over two communications and mere hypothetical?

So, how best to proceed INFJ's? Particularly you males of the species, either sex who withdraw, really ALL are welcome!

Would it be kind to drop a line saying there is no need for any response unless there is a problem, so that if he is mentally taxed right now that relieves at least one burden? Should I wait a while and send a funny video with no message just to show all is ok on my end. Or should I just leave it completely to him?

Thank you so kindly for considering the issues of this ENFP as I (or at least I try to) understand how much effort and space it costs you!

So you've already contacted him over text...you have to wait for him to respond...if he doesn't respond in like 10 days or so, conclude that he moved on and distanced himself from you...so you move on as well...

And the next time you see him, ask him if he could explain what's going on...if he doesn't want to or deflects it, make peace with him in your mind...you aren't compatible and it's not the end of the world...Don't press to initiate contact...Go on about your life...

By the way, does you thinking him being an INFJ affect your approach to the whole thing in any way? Would you be more at peace if he wasn't an INFJ but another type...?

And please do share how you concluded him to be an INFJ if that part of the equation is critical for your feelings about the whole issue...

 

[Werebudgie]

I also don't respond well to teasing. Even if I intellectually recognize that the person didn't intend it to make me feel exposed and embarrassed about something I already feel bad about, or it makes me feel as if someone whose opinion I care about thinks poorly of me in an area where I wasn't expecting them to, it's still hard to shake off the emotional reaction. Often I can recognize that making it into a big deal is counter productive and makes the teaser feel like crap. On the other hand, stuffing it down doesn't work well either. I'll try to rationalize it away, but it takes time for it to wear off on an emotional level.

Another addition to the pattern. What is this in relation to our cognitive processes, I wonder? Perceiving-dominant inner world plus Fe-aux maybe? Anyway, I completely relate to what you wrote here.

I don't know if this helps either, but I've found that many INFJs ( myself included) don't usually resond in real time in their interactions. Instead they are meeting you with the reaction to the last conversation that took place, more than the present one which is occurring and which will be mulled over and processed after. In that sense, I think INFJs appear to be changeable, stubborn or grudge holding because they keep bringing unresolved stuff up to be revisited, or they have changed their mind after the last conversation, etc, but the processing lag is really to blame.

I agree with this processing lag thing, though for me it's not a reaction to the last conversation so much as something broader. But in any case, not a real-time response. My INFP has had to adjust to the fact that I'll bring stuff up "out of the blue" later because I've been mulling it over for a while. And IMO fidelia's right, it's not grudges, stubbornness or changeableness, but rather the processing lag that causes it. I think we take in a LOT of information as unprocessed material in any given moment or interaction.

 

[Cognitive Cartograph]

Thank you so kindly yeghor, fidelia and Werebudgie for your rich insights. Fidelia and Werebudgie, I could relate to your thoughts on 'teasing' and how it affected my husband greatly.

I have to tell you that many of you were right My friend phoned me!

He is away right now (I was not aware) and was not upset with me at all at all. He was busy and mulling the many things I had said over.

He appreciated my apology (tho he didn't say if it had been necessary or not) and was more open than he has ever been. He even invited me to a friend's wedding social when he gets back. This is a first, him initiating something, not our mutual friends.

He doesn't like talking on the phone, nor do I, but it went really well. My fears are allayed.

yeghor, I think this renders some points redundant but please know that my discretion is not a cause for suspicion. In younger incarnations of myself I was freer with friend's information and hurt them. I have learnt with maturity to set boundaries and be somewhat more private so that friend's truly can trust me to be discrete with their trusted thoughts.

I concluded my friend was an INFJ after he typed as such. (Although I would have surmised that in any case )

I agree with you that all of humanity shares a core vulnerability and we deflect. Ain't it the truth!

I do have INFJ's in my life but I am an ENFP and have lived in many places with a huge circle of friends. Thus, my INFJ posse is a tiny percentile. Sad, but the INFJ is a rare but precious commodity.

 

[yeghor]

Thank you so kindly yeghor, fidelia and Werebudgie for your rich insights. Fidelia and Werebudgie, I could relate to your thoughts on 'teasing' and how it affected my husband greatly.

I have to tell you that many of you were right My friend phoned me!

He is away right now (I was not aware) and was not upset with me at all at all. He was busy and mulling the many things I had said over.

He appreciated my apology (tho he didn't say if it had been necessary or not) and was more open than he has ever been. He even invited me to a friend's wedding social when he gets back. This is a first, him initiating something, not our mutual friends.

He doesn't like talking on the phone, nor do I, but it went really well. My fears are allayed.

yeghor, I think this renders some points redundant but please know that my discretion is not a cause for suspicion. In younger incarnations of myself I was freer with friend's information and hurt them. I have learnt with maturity to set boundaries and be somewhat more private so that friend's truly can trust me to be discrete with their trusted thoughts.

I concluded my friend was an INFJ after he typed as such. (Although I would have surmised that in any case )

I agree with you that all of humanity shares a core vulnerability and we deflect. Ain't it the truth!

I do have INFJ's in my life but I am an ENFP and have lived in many places with a huge circle of friends. Thus, my INFJ posse is a tiny percentile. Sad, but the INFJ is a rare but precious commodity.

It appears that I've put my foot in my mouth...I am glad all is well...

Sent via Tapatalk

 

[Werebudgie]

Fidelia and Werebudgie, I could relate to your thoughts on 'teasing' and how it affected my husband greatly.

Thank you!

I have to tell you that many of you were right My friend phoned me!

He is away right now (I was not aware) and was not upset with me at all at all. He was busy and mulling the many things I had said over.

He appreciated my apology (tho he didn't say if it had been necessary or not) and was more open than he has ever been. He even invited me to a friend's wedding social when he gets back. This is a first, him initiating something, not our mutual friends.

Wow. Yeah, from what I can tell, INFJs tend not to initiate stuff like that, so it seems he trusts something about your connection.

I'm so glad that this resolved as it did.

And thank you for the thread. I've appreciated the opportunity to reflect on my own experiences and hear about other INFJs' experiences. Getting things up and out into words can be really useful for me.