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[NF] INFJ and INFP, with a focus on our dominant functions (Ni and Fi)

March

New member
Joined
Apr 8, 2011
Messages
54
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I think I can feel a little 'stuck' in Fe. Here I am, floating around in my Ni landscape and seeing things from these different perspectives and zooming in and out and finding interesting similarities all around, and there will be these insistent pings from Fe to let me know I have things to do in the outer world. Like an alarm clock waking me from a dream.

When I'm somewhere other people are around, Fe is constantly keeping me out of my inner world and pulling me outside with its 'people are feeling things around here! get to it!' to do things/manage things/help people accomplish things, what have you.

I don't mind - that's what it's FOR, after all, and it's fun and beneficial too - but if I let it go on too long I can get all frazzled and worn out because the constant focus on other people erodes my sense of the Ni landscape and momentum.

I'm never stuck on 'external values,' but I AM stuck on 'since I'm here I have to contribute and be useful, and what that ends up looking like is flexible and informed by the kind of culture these people have built.' And I don't think I could root out that impulse to be useful and to see what needs doing, if only because WANTING to do so feels icky to me. I think being helpful and socially adept is one of my good characteristics. (And I also feel the nihilism of Ni-Ti loops that pervaded my childhood and early twenties calling to me again, and I can only say DO NOT WANT. Fe is protective against that.)

But Fe's persistent pinging is why I need alone time. To limit both my exposure to other people (like in crowds/supermarkets) and to groups where I feel strongly called to be contribute. I can easily overextend myself if I pledge to all the groups that need a pair of hands and a strong back, which means I'd drop all the balls I said I'd keep in the air, and that's not fair to anyone. So I choose my loyalties carefully, make sure I have plenty of social interactions where deep loyalty isn't asked of me, and make sure I have time to myself as well.

And I need alone time that's actually ALONE. My ISTJ husband likes the kind of 'alone time' where he's on the couch watching TV and I'm right next to him typing away on my laptop, but that situation still means that around 50% of my mental energy is taken up by Fe, monitoring what's going on with him and between us. I like it when there's nobody around and even the cats are asleep.
 

Tiltyred

New member
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
4,322
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
468
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I loved cognitive therapy and found it extremely helpful. I've found I can change my feelings by altering my thoughts. I get very pissed and suspicious when someone attempts to bypass my mind to get at my emotions. It feels like dirty pool.

Right! And for me the opposite -- telling me to tell a different story to myself than the story my feelings tell me is, in my book, called LYING. Thus, it's a prescription for insanity.
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Right! And for me the opposite -- telling me to tell a different story to myself than the story my feelings tell me is, in my book, called LYING. Thus, it's a prescription for insanity.
It seems like it would make more sense for all Feelers to be the same way about things as that. I can only think that maybe having Ni as a dom function makes me distrustful of my perceptions and desire 'objective' analysis. I mean, I don't really believe objective is a thing, but I think looking at something from as many perspectives as possible allows me to somehow triangulate 'reality.' And then, once I've got that, I feel like my feelings about whatever it is will be accurate and more trustworthy as data.

Jesus, that is a convoluted way to do things! But that seems to be the way I'm wired.
 

Tiltyred

New member
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
4,322
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
468
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I reality check, too, but I have to feel it completely resonate before I'll accept a different point of view. If it makes sense but I can't feel it, I'll keep it on file but I won't act on it.
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
I reality check, too, but I have to feel it completely resonate before I'll accept a different point of view. If it makes sense but I can't feel it, I'll keep it on file but I won't act on it.
That makes sense. I think I have to have both as well. So it would seem that we'd end up at the same place, but we'd take different paths to get there. Very cool.
 

Werebudgie

I want my account deleted
Joined
Jan 20, 2014
Messages
398
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
So it would seem that we'd end up at the same place, but we'd take different paths to get there. Very cool.

I love this dialogue! And that pattern (ending up at the same place but taking different paths to get there) seems so often the case with our two types.
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
I love this dialogue! And that pattern (ending up at the same place but taking different paths to get there) seems so often the case with our two types.
Our INFs here are nearly all amazing and wonderful, IMO. :wubbie:
 
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