March
New member
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2011
- Messages
- 54
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 4w5
I think I can feel a little 'stuck' in Fe. Here I am, floating around in my Ni landscape and seeing things from these different perspectives and zooming in and out and finding interesting similarities all around, and there will be these insistent pings from Fe to let me know I have things to do in the outer world. Like an alarm clock waking me from a dream.
When I'm somewhere other people are around, Fe is constantly keeping me out of my inner world and pulling me outside with its 'people are feeling things around here! get to it!' to do things/manage things/help people accomplish things, what have you.
I don't mind - that's what it's FOR, after all, and it's fun and beneficial too - but if I let it go on too long I can get all frazzled and worn out because the constant focus on other people erodes my sense of the Ni landscape and momentum.
I'm never stuck on 'external values,' but I AM stuck on 'since I'm here I have to contribute and be useful, and what that ends up looking like is flexible and informed by the kind of culture these people have built.' And I don't think I could root out that impulse to be useful and to see what needs doing, if only because WANTING to do so feels icky to me. I think being helpful and socially adept is one of my good characteristics. (And I also feel the nihilism of Ni-Ti loops that pervaded my childhood and early twenties calling to me again, and I can only say DO NOT WANT. Fe is protective against that.)
But Fe's persistent pinging is why I need alone time. To limit both my exposure to other people (like in crowds/supermarkets) and to groups where I feel strongly called to be contribute. I can easily overextend myself if I pledge to all the groups that need a pair of hands and a strong back, which means I'd drop all the balls I said I'd keep in the air, and that's not fair to anyone. So I choose my loyalties carefully, make sure I have plenty of social interactions where deep loyalty isn't asked of me, and make sure I have time to myself as well.
And I need alone time that's actually ALONE. My ISTJ husband likes the kind of 'alone time' where he's on the couch watching TV and I'm right next to him typing away on my laptop, but that situation still means that around 50% of my mental energy is taken up by Fe, monitoring what's going on with him and between us. I like it when there's nobody around and even the cats are asleep.
When I'm somewhere other people are around, Fe is constantly keeping me out of my inner world and pulling me outside with its 'people are feeling things around here! get to it!' to do things/manage things/help people accomplish things, what have you.
I don't mind - that's what it's FOR, after all, and it's fun and beneficial too - but if I let it go on too long I can get all frazzled and worn out because the constant focus on other people erodes my sense of the Ni landscape and momentum.
I'm never stuck on 'external values,' but I AM stuck on 'since I'm here I have to contribute and be useful, and what that ends up looking like is flexible and informed by the kind of culture these people have built.' And I don't think I could root out that impulse to be useful and to see what needs doing, if only because WANTING to do so feels icky to me. I think being helpful and socially adept is one of my good characteristics. (And I also feel the nihilism of Ni-Ti loops that pervaded my childhood and early twenties calling to me again, and I can only say DO NOT WANT. Fe is protective against that.)
But Fe's persistent pinging is why I need alone time. To limit both my exposure to other people (like in crowds/supermarkets) and to groups where I feel strongly called to be contribute. I can easily overextend myself if I pledge to all the groups that need a pair of hands and a strong back, which means I'd drop all the balls I said I'd keep in the air, and that's not fair to anyone. So I choose my loyalties carefully, make sure I have plenty of social interactions where deep loyalty isn't asked of me, and make sure I have time to myself as well.
And I need alone time that's actually ALONE. My ISTJ husband likes the kind of 'alone time' where he's on the couch watching TV and I'm right next to him typing away on my laptop, but that situation still means that around 50% of my mental energy is taken up by Fe, monitoring what's going on with him and between us. I like it when there's nobody around and even the cats are asleep.