[MBTI General] Putting myself out there (ENTP)

[Jadedrain]

Removing post. I got what I needed, sorry.

 

[LonestarCowgirl]

It's that what they're calling it these days? , nah, basically if I can do this, I can do anything. At least that's how I figure it. Public self depreciation is the best thing for a broken heart. Not sure if infjs would understand

Gotta live like tomorrow is your last day. Or your first.

ENTP, skinny-love like ENTP is easy come, easy go. There are a lot of lonely people that would probably take you up on your offer, but I have a hard time believing you would stick around and be happy. I bet you're just bored and down on your luck.

 

[Ene]

Guys, since you address this to The INFJ species I ascertain that you are open to input from Ni kind. I ask that you read my response with objectivity and emotional distance, in other words, don't take it personally as I really don't know you. These aren't accusations and they're not all really ENTP behaviors. I've seen them in some other types, too, to some degree.

Human relationships are rarely logical and never easy. Misunderstandings and presumptions cause people to speak without calculating the impact or outcome of their words.) I've seen a lot of break ups comprising personalities of every type and one fact remains true in every case; unless one member is an absolute tyrant and psychopath, it's not one-sided. So, I'm asking, "Did you contribute, in any way, to what happened to you?"

Did you violate your Ni's "scared"values without even realizing it?

Were there times when you just dropped the ball and left her hanging because you got bored?

Was there ever a time when you made promises and didn't follow through?

Were there times when you used your partner to stroke your own ego and didn't notice she was dying of humiliation or maybe just felt you devalued her intelligence?

Or were there times you presumed to know what she was thinking or prescribed thoughts for her?

Was there ever a time when you hatched out some grandiose scheme that negatively impacted her life but you didn't notice?

Did you ever cast her into a per described role that you had concocted because it fit into your idea of the perfect "woman? Thereby completely failing to see her or value her for who she really was?

Did you badger her to talk about her feelings? (I'm a heavy Ni user so this one is a personal pet peeve.)

Did you snoop into her private world without an invitation and if so, did you ever make light of something you found there?

Did you ever use her to advance your own agenda?

I don't defend her for lying or cheating, but these things don't happen in a vacuum. There must have been a catalyst, unless she was just a heartless devil and I doubt that was the case.

As hard as it is on our ego sometimes, in any broken relationship, we have to stand back and try to see the whole picture.

Also, maybe it's not about finding the perfect type for your fit. Maybe it's about molding the best character in yourself that you can mold and then the right person will be attracted to you. She may not be an INFJ, but it won't matter.

Again, I think it's great about being a stay at home dad. And of course you are worthy, but maybe just focus on interacting and enjoying life. I think romance and all that stuff is highly over-rated, (then again, my family says I'm a Vulcan, so there you go.)

I hope my words don't offend nor do I wish them to be a fuel for a "jump on the OP" bandwagon. My intentions are to say something of value, something that might broaden or add perspective.

 

[Samvega]

To be honest, this was more for me than anyone else. An infj tore me apart, cheating, lying dragging it out. This was kind of a self declaration of my own worthiness. Because I'm not worthless. I let someone in my heart, I went all in, for years, and she always had a foot out the door, never really communicated, and then blamed me for everything... anyways. Sorry this was confusing for all of you. Infj is one of the only types that can destroy an entp...

Edit: She gave me empathy, and then twisted me until I had nothing left, this is my first step to becoming whole again. I wasn't expecting anything. I'm not even sure I want another infj. Worse thing that happens? You can laugh at me on the internet, best, someone else actually knows what they want, but I really didn't expect an infj to ever make up their minds, even a "wise" one.

unless one member is an absolute tyrant and psychopath, it's not one-sided. So, I'm asking, "Did you contribute, in any way, to what happened to you?"

Did you violate your Ni's "scared"values without even realizing it?

Were there times when you just dropped the ball and left her hanging because you got bored?

Was there ever a time when you made promises and didn't follow through?

Were there times when you used your partner to stroke your own ego and didn't notice she was dying of humiliation or maybe just felt you devalued her intelligence?

Or were there times you presumed to know what she was thinking or prescribed thoughts for her?

Was there ever a time when you hatched out some grandiose scheme that negatively impacted her life but you didn't notice?

Did you ever cast her into a per described role that you had concocted because it fit into your idea of the perfect "woman? Thereby completely failing to see her or value her for who she really was?

Did you badger her to talk about her feelings? (I'm a heavy Ni user so this one is a personal pet peeve.)

Did you snoop into her private world without an invitation and if so, did you ever make light of something you found there?

Did you ever use her to advance your own agenda?

I don't defend her for lying or cheating, but these things don't happen in a vacuum. There must have been a catalyst, unless she was just a heartless devil and I doubt that was the case.

Ene, you always have wonderful contributions but for the sake of the OP I just want to clarify that her actions are never okay and you're not the cause of them. Meaning, I know ENTPs are hard on themselves and become very introspective in situations like this and I don't want you wrapped up in thinking what she did was your fault. If you're cheated on, you didn't cause it by violating unknown values, if you're lied to by your partner it wasn't your fault because you didn't follow through on something, no more than a woman wearing a revealing outfit is at fault if she's sexually assaulted.

An unhealthy person of any type may use things like that to justify their own actions but the appropriate and mature response is to talk about it and if their partner can't respect their needs, end the relationship.

It sounds like some introspection time is in order for you, ENTPs are masters at reinventing their world, please take the time to redefine yourself free of external influence and go from there. You own that to you, your future partner, your mental well being and the people you interact with in your life.

Good luck on your path.

 

[Ene]

[MENTION=1769]Samvega[/MENTION] thank you for clarifying.

Of course I don't mean that it's his fault, at least not entirely, but there is a possibility that he contributed, even if you take out my first question. Offenses build and not everybody reacts rationally or sanely, but there are no perfectly sane people and even if there were the rest of us would likely drive them crazy, therefore, the possibility remains that somehow he must have contributed and thus lies an opportunity to learn from the experience so he can make the next one better.

And you are right; he didn't make her choices for her, nor is he responsible for them, but her perception might be different. Unless a person stands back and evaluates the situation from many angles and admits the possibility of contributions, the next relationship may also be broken for the same reasons. I don't want him to beat himself up. I guess I'm just asking him to take a rational look at it. It can't be one-sided, well, it can, but it's not probable.

[MENTION=20626]Jadedrain[/MENTION] I didn't mean to criticize or belittle. I don't know much about ENTPs really. I know a couple in real life, but our relationships are professional in one instance and a friendship in the other. They are both nice guys, but I wouldn't want to live with either one of them. Haha. They talk too much and I have a zone problem, meaning I zone out without meaning to.

Edit: I also know a female ENTP. She's awesome, but she is much older and that may be a factor.

 

[ndovjtjcaqidthi]

Removing post. I got what I needed, sorry.

Sorry for what? I'm guessing you're not gonna stick around?

 

[LonestarCowgirl]

Removing post. I got what I needed, sorry.

Wow, that was fast!

God bless you!

 

[A window to the soul]

Wow, that was fast!

God bless you!

The hell?

 

[Winds of Thor]

Why don't you just shoot yourself in the stomach?

I mean basically with an INFJ type you could predict to be rejected by her.

So many have way too many standards.

Those usually will find a way to reject you unless they have the development and maturity to disgard their all-too-high expectations knowing it's unreasonable to set such 'requirements'. Which, btw is not love.

Some will blame you when saying they were blaming themselves. They'll 'show' (deceive) you with their 'good benevolence' and stab the relationship, loyalty and you in the back.

The ones with unreasonable expectations with any sense know being a hermit or librarian is a fit for them and better that way, all things considered.

If one really, genuinely likes you she might have learned to truly and genuinely accept people. And you'd be extremely lucky. If one that put-together comes along you probably won't have the pleasure again.

Other than that, a lot of INFJs just sprinkle compliments to others - but are really off-topic from what they really think, witholding their genuine insults. Results in the listener having a fake impression (favorable) of who they're listening to.

 

[LonestarCowgirl]

oops