[ENFP] ENFP's: Good or Bad Listeners?

[Little Linguist]

Actually, I second Captain's self-assessment. When it comes to people with problems or when I'm engaged and enjoying getting to know someone I'm an excellent listener and even counselor type listener. I enjoy listening to people and connecting with them.

When it comes to people venting, upset, or sharing problems or drama -- I withold judgement and am very politic and careful to tailor my advice to make it accessible and appealing to the person receiving it. I don't lie, I just word it in a way that isn't as painful for them to hear, b/c otherwise, what's the point of giving advice that nobody takes? I generally interject empathizers or ask questions but keep it to a minimum until they're done.

I've been like this since mid-adolescence and I was a peer counselor in highschool. I also wanted very badly to be a psychologist when I was younger so I think that may shed some light on why this ENFP can listen like an...INFX? LOL

Listening is a wonderful way to connect with someone deeply and really show them that you care and are trustworthy. I think when I was younger I discovered that and that's why I put energy into being a good listener. I was sooooo flippin' frenetic and off the wall and considered VERY eccentric and odd by my peers, so I had to make a more concerted effort to listen and get down to a human/accessible level in other peoples' eyes.

Also, I think this is reflective of type, but I craved intimacy and value that kind of closeness still and deep listening is a great avenue to it!

Uh-oh...I just took some cough medicine and it's hitting me. I lost my train of thought, I'll continue this later...if I remember.

I will say though that in everday conversations, you couldn't tell if I were any better or worse than the next person as a listener. I'm VERY VERY chatty, and people think you can only be a good lisener or talk a lot. I disagree and I take exception to that.

Just because you're quiet doesn't mean you're paying attention to other people who are speaking (INTPs, this mean you! LOL) and just because I talk a lot doesn't mean all my neurons are reserved for 'speaking only/no listening'.

Can't I be multi-talented??? Can't I???

PRECISELY!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!

 

[Little Linguist]

I think I'm a good listener as well, but mostly based on those factors Little Linguist mentioned above. I also can elaborate almost any conversation about anything. However, I do have a problem talking about myself *_* Does any ENFP have the same problem?

.

Well, I can talk about myself if I think it is applicable or helpful, otherwise: Shhhhhh!

i am a good listener. i love helping people with their problems. it makes me warm and fuzzy when people confide in me...
however...due to how silly and unfocused i can be in daily life, people rarely consider me as someone they would confide in ...




my quiet, caring and serious side, is rarely shared to the outside world... im either silent with 0 emotion showing, or im bouncing off the walls....

YEAH!!!!!!!!! Is anyone else like this!!!??? This is totally me!

I didn't read any responses, but...
I'm fantastic if I care. Otherwise, it won't matter how many times you tell me, I will reject it. That also means I won't ask you about it, so at least you don't have to repeat yourself.

HAHAHA Good point.

 

[spirilis]

It's like a torrential downpour of pooh bear posts!

 

[maxk299]

Judging by the number of quotes from other peoples posts in these responses, I would say yes. I think we're great listeners however there are two traps I sometimes fall into. First,
I can push people (in trying to understand it/empathize)too far or make something a bigger deal then it is leading to painful rumination rather then cathartic release. The other danger for ENFPs is interrupting or offering advice to someone who isn't done telling there story. These both seem to result from the intense burning interest we have in people, how they work ,and in trying to make them happy. I think CzeCze got a lot of the positive aspects ENFP listening down in her post.

 

[wedekit]

I have to close friends that test as ENFP. They both are good listeners to an extent. They get bored after labout 5 to 10 minutes though.

It bothers me sometimes that I always have to be a dedicated listener for them but they can't seem to return the favor.

 

[maxk299]

In my experience ENFPs are better listeners for Ts than for Fs.

 

[Mondo]

ENFP's good listeners- not really.
They are better than the ENTP's and ESFP's though.
A lot of Extraverts aren't that great of listeners. I would say the ENFJ and ESFJ are the best of listeners with the ENFP and ESTJ (guardian-ish reasons of course) making out the Top 4.

 

[SillyGoose]

I think I'm a good listener as well, but mostly based on those factors Little Linguist mentioned above. I also can elaborate almost any conversation about anything. However, I do have a problem talking about myself *_* Does any ENFP have the same problem?

.

Little Linguist summed it up pretty well for me.

IEE - I have a problem talking about myself as well too. When someone asks me about how I feel about something -- it is much too hard for me to put into works, too many damn variables. And if I do, I worry about things I forgot to list as being an exception or whatever. I find it very hard to describe myself.

 

[SillyGoose]

I have to close friends that test as ENFP. They both are good listeners to an extent. They get bored after labout 5 to 10 minutes though.

It bothers me sometimes that I always have to be a dedicated listener for them but they can't seem to return the favor.

I am worried sometimes that my friends think this about me. What I fear they don't understand and I really don't want to point it out (but alas, I guess it shows as being a bad listener) -- is that I got it within the first five minutes. Whatever it was they were feeling, the situation or whatever I already understood and if I had any advice (sometimes I don't want to give b/c it might hurt their feelings) I have said. If it was hurtful advice, I wouldn't say anything (I would if it was a great friend that would know I wasn't being purposely hurtful.)

 

[SillySapienne]

5 to 10 minutes?!?!?!?!?

When I conversate, discussions/conversations/debates can, and often do, last and endure for hours, like many, many hours.

I have no time for some bull-shit "hey, how's it goin?" chat, cuz, let's face it, a 5 to 10 minute verbal exchange between two people, is exactly that, shoot-the-shit-chit-chat.

bleh

Getting to know people, by hearing them out, *really* hearing them out has always been my thing, I thought that was part and parcel to what makes us people-person ENFP's

 

[nomadic]

lol

bc of this thread, i like totally listen carefully to people when they talk about stuff nowadays. lol

 

[maxk299]

5 to 10 minutes?!?!?!?!?

When I conversate, discussions/conversations/debates can, and often do, last and endure for hours, like many, many hours.

Defiantly I've stayed up the last two nights debating the merits of capitalism vs. socialism and dual inheritance theory with some commies. Its really the best way to get close to people and cut through the BS.

 

[SillyGoose]

5 to 10 minutes?!?!?!?!?

When I conversate, discussions/conversations/debates can, and often do, last and endure for hours, like many, many hours.

I have no time for some bull-shit "hey, how's it goin?" chat, cuz, let's face it, a 5 to 10 minute verbal exchange between two people, is exactly that, shoot-the-shit-chit-chat.

bleh

Getting to know people, by hearing them out, *really* hearing them out has always been my thing, I thought that was part and parcel to what makes us people-person ENFP's

It is, I believe.

However, it has to be something we are interested in as well -- if not, I think I can be seen as a bad listener.

 

[ConchShell]

I am the same as SillyGoose in that I have to be interested in the topic to be a really attentive and good listener. Otherwise I end up pretending I'm listening, but really I'm planning in my mind the next interesting thing I will do. I don't know how convincing my pretending is!

 

[OiEarthGirl]

I can read anyone in about 1-2 minutes of interrogation, and then chamilion mode turns on, not to be rude, but I like to engage people on their level, and I enjoy it too, so its not like it hurts anyone.

This is me all over (cheesus I love this site)! I think its a trate of ENFP's that we have a knack for understanding other people incredibly quickly. And I always try to talk to people on their level.

There are a lot of things my friends will tell me that they won't talk to anyone else about. I don't always ask for it, but I always get told. And I think thats down to the fact that I'm genuinly interested in other peoples lives and I really do listen.

But like a lot of you have said, I actually end up saying very little about myself. I'm quite good at saying a few little details that make people feel like I am to prompt them into talking further, but I really have trouble talking about me. My real goal is to understand people better and to help as good as I can. I think because of this enthusiasm to help I can sometimes have a tendancy to jump in with advice left right and center that people don't really want.

 

[runvardh]

I find it entertaining how they're able to transmit and receive at the same time...

 

[Izzybeef]

i love it

I personaly love listening to peoples problems and advising them on how to get the most beneficial if not neutral results. I can't speak for everyone or all enfps for that matter, but when someone I know has a problem I am almost always the first they seek for advise or the "truth" so to speak. Though I can easily listen I have a harder time NOT putting in my input. I wouldn't necissarily say it's bad but some people just do not care to hear anybodies opinion or insights (in which case, through my experience, they are probably talking out of their ass).
I am also a borderline entp...I'm not sure if that means anything significant in regards to this though.

In any case enfps are known to take an objective rather than subjective taking a stance; though they are also known for being empathetic and able to easily relate to another type...so ultimately this would make them the best listeners, I think.

ps.excuse the numerous grammatical errors

 

[BlueScreen]

I find it entertaining how they're able to transmit and receive at the same time...

Haha . Actually I think that is transmit and receive multiple things at the same time.

 

[alcea rosea]

Haha . Actually I think that is transmit and receive multiple things at the same time.

Absolutely! I agree.

 

[Lady_X]

i love conversations...i love it when people open up and ask for advice...i love to listen to people tell me funny or interesting stories...but quite honestly have a lot of trouble listening if i'm not interested or if i already know what they are about to say.
i have a few people in my life who always use way too many words when i almost always already know what they're going to say...and it tries my patience a lil bit.