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  1. #91
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010

    Red face ENFP + ENTJ = Masochistic Love?

    Reading DoroMay's post makes me sad to see my relationship isn't turning out as good as hers, but I am glad it works!!! I'm an ENFP dating an ENTJ, and it really sucks. We are both gay, but he is not out and and I am. He is also a Gemini and I'm a Cancer -- so there are all these other factors playing into it, and I often find myself excusing so much of his behavior out of acceptance for who he is. That does not stop me from feeling what I feel, and it's gotten to the point where I'm acutely aware of how lame I must look trying to claw for his attention (in very subtle and charming ways. I do have to maintain my dignity!). When he does give me attention, unprompted, I'm shy about admitting how unbalanced it is. It's like I could do a billion sweet things to him and for him, which he SAYS he appreciates (in the typical ENTJ way), but if he does just one sweet thing to me, I swoon. It is SO sick and I am starting to hate myself for being so weak! But it feels SO GOOD! Someone PLLEASE help me.

    I find myself wanting to save him, and trying to get him to be thoughtful. Being inconsiderate seems so so so completely foreign to me, it almost feels deliberate, but I keep reminding myself that some people are just "like that", and it may / may not have to do with them choosing to behave that way. My ENTJ is very childish, and boyish which I find soo appealing, because I love the youthfulness we have on the adventures we take. They are very dreamy and things seem very light and effortless. Prancing around the beach half naked, going on road trips, cooking dinner on a weeknight or catching a comedy show at one of the local clubs..

    Lately, my intuition tells me he met someone else, but it's in the very beginning stages. He seems really cryptic when I ask him about certain things, and I just get the vibe he wants to maintain something with me, but also wants to explore what this new guy is about. He wants his cake and to eat it too. This gave me horrible knots in my stomach -- thinking about him being with someone else, and I don't know how to ask him if he's casually dating someone else because I KNOW that will just prompt him to lie and hide his tracks even harder. Which you'd think is reason enough for me to dump him right? WRONG. Because I'm not positive with my instinct, and I could just be accusing him of it. UGH I would rather him just tell me.

    Part of me thinks that once he moves to the same city as me (yes, this is tragically a long distance relationship), he will learn to understand how I work and fuse his good qualities with mine. Wishful thinking?? Any advice????? We have had a long distance thing going on for close to 2 years (don't ASK me how.. it is very tough), but I'm not sure I can handle him being like this AND cheating on me (if my instinct is right..). Is it best to just quit him cold turkey??? I could find the strength to be just friends with him, but I don't know how that would start. I'm actually a very balanced and rational person, but when it comes to matters of love -- I am admittedly indulgent and messy

  2. #92

  3. #93
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009


    Anyone who wants to try dating and ENTJ can go on a date with me if they like. Female applicants only. Although if you want to go for a drink and a chat that's cool.

  4. #94
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    7w6 so/sx


    I've been in romantic entanglements with a few ENTJ's - I can say it's never dull. They make it very intense, laser focused, and personal. I appreciate being able to have a debate or disagreement with them, because they rarely ever get hurt or offended, and I find that very refreshing.

    The Te need to be right all the time can be extremely frustrating, and the sheer amount of will they're willing to exert to get what they want, even if it's ill advised, sometimes makes my eyes cross.

  5. #95
    Senior Member great_bay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015


    ENFP's are in a higher status than ENTJ's. The thing is that ENFP's can came to the same conclusion as ENTJ's due to their third function Te while leading with Ne and Fi. ENFP's probably like ENTJ's more than they like them. The main function that ENFP's reap is their Introverted intuition from ENTJ's. ENTJ's don't get anything. I always thought people had trouble with their 4th function the most. ENTJ's have trouble with their Fi which is ENFP's strongest point.

    I think this is an interesting pairing. I'm interested if anyone has dated.

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