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[Jungian Cognitive Functions] How to find a balance between Ne and Si?

hjgbujhghg

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This has been an issue for me lately. I feel like I struggle to find the balance between my needs for change, novelty, possibilities and freedom and my needs for stability, security and permanence. I hate things, that are constat and don't improove, or change and yet I am so scared when I do not know what will happen next and sometimes I almost panic relate on my past experiences and try to find the balance in something that wouldn't ever change. So I need change and yet it makes me feel so insecure... What to do?
 

momoness

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Just learn to let go :) All you have are your actions and your principles and values. Once those are set into place, you're all safe :)
 
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Your question seems to stem from the need to control. Like above poster said, just let it go. I have felt the same way since summer and one thing I've learned so far is focus on prioritizing things. I had a lot in my mind, with lots of things to meet and maintain: how can I satisfy my need for expressing myself? How can I manage all the work ? How can I find time to contemplate in retrospect and practice art? I tried to find an answer that can fulfill all those questions and, you know what, I almost failed. It means I didn't get my work done, but I earned some time to travel and let loose. And Im really glad that I did.

Prior to all those question, I had set a live-up-to-my-potential standard that was realistically unreachable. It has given me a new perspective on that standard; for now I believe living up to my potential means do my best without stressing myself out. Being ENFP, it's easy to get caught up in perfectionism. To sum up, I first suggest you set out priorities for things that satisfy both Ne and Si, and that you find manageable.
 

five sounds

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Subscribed! I feel ya [MENTION=18559]Polly[/MENTION].
 

hjgbujhghg

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Your question seems to stem from the need to control. Like above poster said, just let it go. I have felt the same way since summer and one thing I've learned so far is focus on prioritizing things. I had a lot in my mind, with lots of things to meet and maintain: how can I satisfy my need for expressing myself? How can I manage all the work ? How can I find time to contemplate in retrospect and practice art? I tried to find an answer that can fulfill all those questions and, you know what, I almost failed. It means I didn't get my work done, but I earned some time to travel and let loose. And Im really glad that I did.

Prior to all those question, I had set a live-up-to-my-potential standard that was realistically unreachable. It has given me a new perspective on that standard; for now I believe living up to my potential means do my best without stressing myself out. Being ENFP, it's easy to get caught up in perfectionism. To sum up, I first suggest you set out priorities for things that satisfy both Ne and Si, and that you find manageable.

Traveling is my dream...I've been feeling like packing up my things and going somewhere else for at least sometime for a quiet while, but I can't do it as I have too much responsibilities here. But I try to find what is important for me, though sometimes I feel like everything will change, or will be destroyd somehow anyway, so why I should I fight for something, that won't last? Then I try to push off these thoughts, but sometimes they are seriously getting to me. :-/ .... Sometimes I feel jealous at people, that just can let go and don't think so far about the future. Sometimes it seems too hard for me to enjoy the simple things, 'cause I overthink much...
 
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Traveling is my dream...I've been feeling like packing up my things and going somewhere else for at least sometime for a quiet while, but I can't do it as I have too much responsibilities here. But I try to find what is important for me, though sometimes I feel like everything will change, or will be destroyd somehow anyway, so why I should I fight for something, that won't last? Then I try to push off these thoughts, but sometimes they are seriously getting to me. :-/ .... Sometimes I feel jealous at people, that just can let go and don't think so far about the future. Sometimes it seems too hard for me to enjoy the simple things, 'cause I overthink much...

Having too much responsibilities can make it hard to feel optimistic. May I ask what do you have to carry on your shoulder at the moment? An ENFP committing themselves to many things is like a gardener goes repair plumbing pipes instead of cultivating his plants. It goes again the nature. As most things are temporary, we must learn to appreciate the moment. I always remind myself that enjoying it while it lasts will be rewarding to my mind, although it might lead to nowhere.

Perhaps the problem also lies in over-analyzing. As it creates sort of fear in your mind, and combining with that Ne are prone to not choose what ideas to project and expand, you keep sliding down to that valley, and finally you're in a rut. Have you tried using Te to articulate those thoughts and see whether or not they are really happening?
 

hjgbujhghg

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Having too much responsibilities can make it hard to feel optimistic. May I ask what do you have to carry on your shoulder at the moment? An ENFP committing themselves to many things is like a gardener goes repair plumbing pipes instead of cultivating his plants. It goes again the nature. As most things are temporary, we must learn to appreciate the moment. I always remind myself that enjoying it while it lasts will be rewarding to my mind, although it might lead to nowhere.

Perhaps the problem also lies in over-analyzing. As it creates sort of fear in your mind, and combining with that Ne are prone to not choose what ideas to project and expand, you keep sliding down to that valley, and finally you're in a rut. Have you tried using Te to articulate those thoughts and see whether or not they are really happening?

Well I do not have more responsibilities, than anyone else my age, but they definitely hold me back from traveling. I am still at college and I try to complete my degree and just can't say "fuck ya all, I am going somehwhere else," though I would love to. I think the real problem is that over analyzation, that reall gets me into rut and stress, but I did not learn how to control it. I actually use a tons of Te and I try to logicalize and see objective everything around me, but it also destroys all my idealistic outlooks at world. When I look at life with Te it seems pretty cold to me and I look with Te all the time, I think I somehow prohibited myself using an Fi. Just everything around me has to be logical, because it makes me feel safe, but yet the logic seems too cold...
 

baccheion

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Maybe you want things to stay the same until you want them to change. Maybe you want some things to stay the same, and for the rest to be open and flexible. Maybe you care about having a house, car, etc (stable), but the freedom to explore various career choices and life. That's fairly common. You usually achieve that by temporarily giving up some freedom to acquire some assets, then you relax into the freedom and flexibility it buys you. You have to work it out so that you'll get what you need when it's all over. That said, the world is ever conspiring to make freedom and stability mutually exclusive, which is BS.

As for me in college, I was able to say "screw everyone," because I worked it out. I had work done ahead of time, because I knew I'd procrastinate (so when I got the motivation, I wouldn't stop until I was ahead of the game). Classes were easy, so it was only a matter of time before I had 2-3 weeks of buffer, and could escape the college scene in favor of other interests. I also didn't try to finish everything (though it rarely mattered as everything got done), only the most important things. So that way, I'd never get stressed, because I knew I was always doing what really mattered.

I don't commit myself to anything, and instead prepare my mind to take the flack for not being "reliable" or a "team player" (far from the truth). Everything I do is either necessary, or on the way out.

Also, you have to decide which is more important, stable or Ne. Do the one that's more important first, and have the other work around the first. So, if you pick Ne and want to travel (if it's a serious thing versus just a random idea), then you know that you are going to travel, and the only question then is how you are going to make it all work (traveling while not messing up your grades). Eventually, you want to make the process of figuring out how to make it all work innate and easy so it doesn't seem like work when you have to do it, and so that it doesn't depress you. If you are at a point where stable is more important, then you know you are going to focus on school, and then you go from there.
 
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Well I do not have more responsibilities, than anyone else my age, but they definitely hold me back from traveling. I am still at college and I try to complete my degree and just can't say "fuck ya all, I am going somehwhere else," though I would love to. I think the real problem is that over analyzation, that reall gets me into rut and stress, but I did not learn how to control it. I actually use a tons of Te and I try to logicalize and see objective everything around me, but it also destroys all my idealistic outlooks at world. When I look at life with Te it seems pretty cold to me and I look with Te all the time, I think I somehow prohibited myself using an Fi. Just everything around me has to be logical, because it makes me feel safe, but yet the logic seems too cold...

What I meant by using Te is also trying to manage it. You don't have to justify everything around you, only those worries that you had in your mind. On the other hand, you my friend describe exactly what's been going on in my head. Do you have that special friend/partner that you can goof around and confide those inner struggles with? Personally I have yet to find one since most of the time I intimidated and overwhelmed people with so many ideas, then they seemed to realize keeping up with me was impossible.
 

chubber

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So you are basically depressed?
 

hjgbujhghg

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What I meant by using Te is also trying to manage it. You don't have to justify everything around you, only those worries that you had in your mind. On the other hand, you my friend describe exactly what's been going on in my head. Do you have that special friend/partner that you can goof around and confide those inner struggles with? Personally I have yet to find one since most of the time I intimidated and overwhelmed people with so many ideas, then they seemed to realize keeping up with me was impossible.

I have friends I feel really close to, but most of the people in my life are sensors. Actually everyone in my life is a sensor I might have met one, or two NT types, but I have complicated relationship with them. At first they interest me and I interest them, but then when we try to create some deeper connection we usually get into conflict. I've tired to explain what is going on in my mind to my sesnory friends, but most of them just looked at with theese wierd starring eyes like "WTF are you talking about? How did you get to this? How could this thought led you to think about this?" :shock: Though I love my friends, it is hard to make an Se type to get what is going in my mind...
 

five sounds

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What I meant by using Te is also trying to manage it. You don't have to justify everything around you, only those worries that you had in your mind. On the other hand, you my friend describe exactly what's been going on in my head. Do you have that special friend/partner that you can goof around and confide those inner struggles with? Personally I have yet to find one since most of the time I intimidated and overwhelmed people with so many ideas, then they seemed to realize keeping up with me was impossible.

I agree with this. Te can be really useful in gettin stuff done. For me it's about getting inspired and keeping momentum through support and success and whatever else. It does get tiresome as a way of life. It's hard for me to keep up.
 
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I have friends I feel really close to, but most of the people in my life are sensors. Actually everyone in my life is a sensor I might have met one, or two NT types, but I have complicated relationship with them. At first they interest me and I interest them, but then when we try to create some deeper connection we usually get into conflict. I've tired to explain what is going on in my mind to my sesnory friends, but most of them just looked at with theese wierd starring eyes like "WTF are you talking about? How did you get to this? How could this thought led you to think about this?" :shock: Though I love my friends, it is hard to make an Se type to get what is going in my mind...

You have deep self-awareness about how your mind functions. It's bless and a curse, and I think there is no immediate solution that will settle all your internal turmoil. It's a part of growing up. I'm not cynical but, personally, I'm not capable of managing the up and down of all my stream of consciousness at the moment. I may visit them once in a while but will try not to make it regular. I'm gonna just live, set some goals and deals with problem as it comes; I'm gonna ignore the need for external validation and living SJly. The more I try to resolve all those conflicts inside my head, the less chilled I am about living life. I started channeling my thoughts to be more positive, looking for experience to stimulate my Ne in different ways. Traveling is not the only way to satisfy our Ne needs:) Try it if you havent ;)

Anyway last night I went rollerblading in costume ( I know Halloween was over but who cares!) with some friends and it was AWESOME!
 

baccheion

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You have deep self-awareness about how your mind functions. It's bless and a curse, and I think there is no immediate solution that will settle all your internal turmoil. It's a part of growing up. I'm not cynical but, personally, I'm not capable of managing the up and down of all my stream of consciousness at the moment. I may visit them once in a while but will try not to make it regular. I'm gonna just live, set some goals and deals with problem as it comes; I'm gonna ignore the need for external validation and living SJly. The more I try to resolve all those conflicts inside my head, the less chilled I am about living life. I started channeling my thoughts to be more positive, looking for experience to stimulate my Ne in different ways. Traveling is not the only way to satisfy our Ne needs:) Try it if you havent ;)

Anyway last night I went rollerblading in costume ( I know Halloween was over but who cares!) with some friends and it was AWESOME!

It's a limitation knowing that information, not necessarily a blessing. Meditate, ask others what they've come up with, etc... break through limits, don't accept them.
 

hjgbujhghg

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You have deep self-awareness about how your mind functions. It's bless and a curse, and I think there is no immediate solution that will settle all your internal turmoil. It's a part of growing up. I'm not cynical but, personally, I'm not capable of managing the up and down of all my stream of consciousness at the moment. I may visit them once in a while but will try not to make it regular. I'm gonna just live, set some goals and deals with problem as it comes; I'm gonna ignore the need for external validation and living SJly. The more I try to resolve all those conflicts inside my head, the less chilled I am about living life. I started channeling my thoughts to be more positive, looking for experience to stimulate my Ne in different ways. Traveling is not the only way to satisfy our Ne needs:) Try it if you havent ;)

Anyway last night I went rollerblading in costume ( I know Halloween was over but who cares!) with some friends and it was AWESOME!
I've noticed, that learning new skills no metter how useless they seem to be is really stimulating for me! :) Me and my friends had a special halloween, we spent the night in the forest and I learned how to hew wood. I don't think I'll ever hew wood, but it was great to know something new. I felt the same, when I learned how shoot from an air gun :D
 

Andy

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This has been an issue for me lately. I feel like I struggle to find the balance between my needs for change, novelty, possibilities and freedom and my needs for stability, security and permanence. I hate things, that are constat and don't improove, or change and yet I am so scared when I do not know what will happen next and sometimes I almost panic relate on my past experiences and try to find the balance in something that wouldn't ever change. So I need change and yet it makes me feel so insecure... What to do?

From what you've put down here, my advise woould be to decide upon which aspects of your life need to be fixed and let the rest vary as the whim takes you. THe fixed points of stability in your life could be where you live, a safe job, a steady relationship... I don't know you well enough to give advise more specific than that, I'm afraid, but I need for some sort of grounding constant is common to EPs.
 

Avocado

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Traveling is my dream...I've been feeling like packing up my things and going somewhere else for at least sometime for a quiet while, but I can't do it as I have too much responsibilities here. But I try to find what is important for me, though sometimes I feel like everything will change, or will be destroyd somehow anyway, so why I should I fight for something, that won't last? Then I try to push off these thoughts, but sometimes they are seriously getting to me. :-/ .... Sometimes I feel jealous at people, that just can let go and don't think so far about the future. Sometimes it seems too hard for me to enjoy the simple things, 'cause I overthink much...
That same thought pattern is driving me crazy. Too much change, then too little…
To many things I have to do, then not enough…
Too much chaos, too little…

It feels like it splits my soul apart. Then I have all of these philosophical questions that keep me awake at night. I always feel sick, and I have low energy, and my body aches. My tongue stays raw and it often hurts to eat. Unless you find balance, you are setting down a hellish path I wouldn't wish on anyone…
[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION]
[MENTION=5418]Lady X[/MENTION]
[MENTION=18559]Polly[/MENTION]
[MENTION=18819]nicolita[/MENTION]
 
N

ndovjtjcaqidthi

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It feels like it splits my soul apart. Then I have all of these philosophical questions that keep me awake at night. I always feel sick, and I have low energy, and my body aches. My tongue stays raw and it often hurts to eat. Unless you find balance, you are setting down a hellish path I wouldn't wish on anyone…

"To those human beings who are of any concern to me I wish suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities - I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, the wretchedness of the vanquished: I have no pity for them, because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not - that one endures."

"You want, if possible - and there is no more insane "if possible" - to abolish suffering. And we? It really seems that we would rather have it higher and worse than ever. Well-being as you understand it - that is no goal, that seems to us an end, a state that soon makes man ridiculous and contemptible - that makes his destruction desirable. The discipline of suffering, of great suffering - do you not know that only this discipline has created all enhancements of man so far?"

"I do not point to the evil and pain of existence with the finger of reproach, but rather entertain the hope that life may one day become more evil and more full of suffering than it has ever been."

--Nietzsche
 
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