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[MBTI General] INFJ + INTJ = _____

Uytuun

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nnnn
If you are adventurous, it might not be your type.

Au contraire! It takes a brave individual to boldly go where no man has gone before. And I do mean the core of our minds. :p

To me, INFJs are a bit like ISTJs relationship wise - of course it depends on the individual etc. - friendship comes easy, but there's no real fire, there's nothing destabilising about the relationship.
 

cafe

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I'm with another introvert (INTP) and we get along very nicely, like faith describes. He's very easy company and low-maintenance. :wubbie:

I'm less comfortable with physical touch than he (a self-described touch junkie) is, but we are okay with touching each other. We usually fall asleep snuggled up together.
 

the state i am in

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Maybe the biggest danger is that you can seem so naturally compatible that you get into the habit of being together without figuring out how serious you want to be.

very true. it's natural-seeming. the communication seems easy but is silently quite combustible. decisions can be troubling.

Touch involves a lot more than type--we Northern Introverts think a handshake is pretty intimate. What's gone on in past relationships obviously brings baggage to the next one, including whatever the last serious other wanted or rejected in terms of touch. A lot of Introverts (me included) get startled if they aren't expecting a hug or even a back rub and it can come off as rejection. We may not have been aware enough of the other person's presence or mood to get it'd be a good moment to slide over on the couch...

oh god yes. i'm an introverted guy and i don't express affection in public in a physical way. i need strong cues from the girl to feel comfortable and assertive. physically the chemistry is most exciting for me with feelers who are also extraverts. i'm somewhat recessed, i need warmth to bring me to the surface. wake me up and it's shocking how much i come alive. touch is a revelation.

Okay, years ago I went on a few dates with an INTJ. From my point of view, there wasn't this passion I was looking for. It might have worked out okay and been an okay relationship overall, but okay's not good enough for me. If he would have been even slightly more social and alive, it might have worked out great. We understood each other quite well, but I was bored all the time. If you are adventurous, it might not be your type.

i find infjs often appear self-absorbed on the surface, but underneath desperately want to connect in a profound way with others. the intjs i've known are more comfortable with occasional scattered intermittent connection. they are content observing. very detached. even if you can appeal to their Fi, or are very physically appealing to them, it seems to lack sparks. energies stuck in stasis.

From my INFJ perspective INTJs can come across as quite harsh when arguing, because INFJs try to find some common ground and let each have their own opinions, whereas an INTJ "attacks" and tries to rend apart the values of others to win the argument. It is their way of understanding things (deconstructing them), and they mean no harm. It might very well be that this doesn't apply to all or even most INTJs, but it's still what I've experienced.

this is a deal-breaker for me. if i'm being passive-aggressive or a little too Fe diplomatic, call me out. if you're right, you're right. if i'm being too moody and a bit over burdensome, call me out, wrong is wrong. but if you start attacking me and attempting to hurt me, game over. there's no purpose. for infj-intj the intjs perceived consistency is one of their main strengths, main qualities to add to the relationship. if i'm gonna put up with attacks (which i'm not), i'll surely find someone with more energy, more enthusiasm and inspiration for me to connect with.

To me, INFJs are a bit like ISTJs relationship wise - of course it depends on the individual etc. - friendship comes easy, but there's no real fire, there's nothing destabilising about the relationship.

relationships with infjs are only boring when there is no chemistry. when we want, we want want want. everything. it's terrible. immature introverted types are often awkward, underdeveloped Fe still learning how to express itself, assert itself, etc. so it doesn't often show on the outside... but that's a whole other can of worms.


it's all very frustrating. on the one hand, it seems to me like intjs (possibly enfp and entp as well) are best equipped to recognize what lies beneath the murky infj surface. RECOGNITION! but the interaction itself is too complacent and undermines itself with its self-assuredness and inability to adapt, change, challenge each other, etc. Fe and Te butt heads too, jesus do they ever.
 

01011010

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To me, INFJs are a bit like ISTJs relationship wise - of course it depends on the individual etc. - friendship comes easy, but there's no real fire, there's nothing destabilising about the relationship.

Yes.

People praise them so much due to possible rarity, but the INFJs I've known have been quite boring and simple. I know two ISFJs that blow the INFJs out of the water, as far as being interesting goes.
 

Silent Stars

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I have yet to know a single boring or simple INFJ (though the ones I know are online only), and I'm quite sure noone would ever describe me as such.;)
 

Kasper

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This is a terrible idea! Terrible! Think about all the excess ENTPs that are neglected and left out in the cold every time an INFJ hooks up with an INTJ. Some people are heartless :dont:
 

Cool

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I have an INFJ sister and GOSH the perverted things she says! To cut it short she said INTJ are hot. They're just so introverted that you want to corrupt their mind and I do agree with her. I think that those two personality does go ok with each other :D
 

Lauren Ashley

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People praise them so much due to possible rarity, but the INFJs I've known have been quite boring and simple. I know two ISFJs that blow the INFJs out of the water, as far as being interesting goes.

I'm as interesting as interesting can get!

I wouldn't say the INFJs I know aren't fun, but they aren't really into things that others would consider exciting. I'm a bit more outgoing and fun-oriented than most INFJs, as far as I can tell.

This is a terrible idea! Terrible! Think about all the excess ENTPs that are neglected and left out in the cold every time an INFJ hooks up with an INTJ. Some people are heartless :dont:
INTJ vs. ENTP. Hmmm...the choice is obvious. I have left an ENTP out in the cold for an INTJ. I still love you all though (Especially you Trinity)!

I have an INFJ sister and GOSH the perverted things she says! To cut it short she said INTJ are hot. They're just so introverted that you want to corrupt their mind and I do agree with her.
'Tis true. INTJs seem so irresistibly corruptable.
 

janey_girl

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My sister is INTJ and we do communicate very easily - although she rarely lets anyone, even those close to her in her world, I am very aware of that... Sometimes my curiosity does mean I try to pry, but then I know how important my private stuff is to me and I leave it well alone... We're both deep, but in very, very different ways!
 

BlackCat

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People praise them so much due to possible rarity, but the INFJs I've known have been quite boring and simple. I know two ISFJs that blow the INFJs out of the water, as far as being interesting goes.

I can agree with you here. I dated an INFJ, it was great at first, but then I got to know them and I got very bored. And also I do know ISFJs, they are interesting to me due to the S/N divide. They still are interesting to me even after years and years of knowing them. The INFJ praise usually seemed to come from the rarity as well.

The only INFJ I haven't gotten bored with is my best friend, but that isn't in a "relationship," it's just friends. He and I are like a spine for each other, we can tell each other anything. There is also mutual understanding a respect (and I mean like 100% understood here, which is something I think INFPs and INFJ alike seek in a friendship/relationship). That's mainly why we are friends. Also there is the natural friendship stuff we do like hang out and stuff.

To stay on topic I don't see why INFJ-INTJ wouldn't work really.
 

janey_girl

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I can agree with you here. I dated an INFJ, it was great at first, but then I got to know them and I got very bored.

Hmmmm.... Interesting point (I know it's off topic). Care to elaborate? (Or should we start a new thread "INFJs - great at first, but fast become boring"?
 

BlackCat

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Hmmmm.... Interesting point (I know it's off topic). Care to elaborate? (Or should we start a new thread "INFJs - great at first, but fast become boring"?

I usually get bored because I see the similarities, and there isn't really any growth from the relationship. After we figure each other out it's just plain dull. The "figuring out" process takes about a week or two.

The way my INFJ best friend and I bonded and still remain bonded was because we both had emotional/life problems that we helped the other with, along with shared hobbies etc. After that it was just a normal friendship really, but it's been great.
 

janey_girl

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I usually get bored because I see the similarities, and there isn't really any growth from the relationship. After we figure each other out it's just plain dull. The "figuring out" process takes about a week or two.

Ah - I see... I think from my point of view too I need a relationship to stimulate (I'm currently with an ISTP who is constantly changing) and if I were "too similar" I would think "where's the puzzle? Where's the fun?"
 

the state i am in

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any relationship needs some cultural similarity and shared interests, activities, hobbies, etc. otherwise there's nothing to do but fuck, or you just into one of the those couples silently eating breakfast reading the newspaper.

extraverts are good bc they make us introverts try things that we normally pass off as unworthy of our time and unfit for human consumption. we need some enthusiasm (entheos!) to get us going like when it's cold out and you exert yourself and the blood starts to flow and your cheeks turn red. it feels really good to be alive.

infj + intj is good for introverts who do NOT wanna change, for whom expansiveness is entirely an interior category or who are extremely focused and dedicated to a single work-related pursuit, and who as a result value their introversion more than they will ever value being pushed, nudged, stretched, and pried open with a crowbar.

intj IS the ultimate clarifier for infj, but it does not shower the infj with inspiration like some other types. and we want to live, dammit! we want emotional currency flowing thru our veins! (eh, or maybe i'm just young and immature and nostalgic for pasts that don't even exist)

with that said, as a mutually beneficial mature relationship, it is rock solid. sharp edged, but rock solid. it totally depends on where you're at, your focus in life, what you are trying to develop, work on, cultivate, etc. and how committed you are to making it work alongside and in cooperation with your other pursuits. has a very natural partnership feel to me.
 

Kasper

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INTJ vs. ENTP. Hmmm...the choice is obvious. I have left an ENTP out in the cold for an INTJ. I still love you all though (Especially you Trinity)!

But the numbers are against us so your selfish relationship has left about half a dozen ENTPs out in the cold, not just one or two :(

Also... *smoochos*

People praise them so much due to possible rarity, but the INFJs I've known have been quite boring and simple. I know two ISFJs that blow the INFJs out of the water, as far as being interesting goes.

I can agree with you here. I dated an INFJ, it was great at first, but then I got to know them and I got very bored. And also I do know ISFJs, they are interesting to me due to the S/N divide. They still are interesting to me even after years and years of knowing them. The INFJ praise usually seemed to come from the rarity as well.

Well then, the answer is clear my friends! I don't find them boring or simple at all :wubbie:

*steals all the INxJs then separates them for safe keeping*
 

Litvyak

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Don't know about other INTJs, but I always seem to clash with IxFJ types. It's so damn boring at times... INFJs may be complex and stuff but romantically speaking, I've found out they're not my piece of cake.
 

lane777

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Oct 23, 2008
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INTJ + INFJ = doom.

Not really. It's just (as I've said on this board a zillion times), INTJs and INFJs share some communicative (or noncommunicative) tendencies that actually impede good communication. It's a challenge that is surmountable, but it's a challenge.


As for INTJs and touch, my experience is that they really prefer that to be negotiated on their own terms. Physical space is important to the INTJs I know.

I have an INTJ brother and I absolutely adore him. And he has always been capable of confronting issues between us, often being the first to apologize to me or his ESTJ brother. I suppose he may not be a strong Introvert though either; he has quite a fan club, and he initiates contact with them often.
 

the state i am in

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i find that with my intj she supplies a lot of the feeling, her introverted feeling drives the relationship, but that i am the one steering it for the most part. i am the one who controls the articulation, forms of expression, etc. i help her express herself and we both can just bask in it. passing it back and forth. intensifying it, etc. the whole thing gets me going, appeals to my Fe, and allows me to work my Ni to its highest capacity.

i think introverted feeling in intjs can be pretty strong, what they feel drives their actions far more than they would like to admit. they are better at compartmentalizing at times, but they are very very undeveloped in expressing it. Te is more oppositional and requires more compartmentalization in expressing Fi than say Ne of an infp or especially an enfp.
 

lane777

nevermore
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Oct 23, 2008
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I usually get bored because I see the similarities, and there isn't really any growth from the relationship. After we figure each other out it's just plain dull. The "figuring out" process takes about a week or two.

The way my INFJ best friend and I bonded and still remain bonded was because we both had emotional/life problems that we helped the other with, along with shared hobbies etc. After that it was just a normal friendship really, but it's been great.

Ah - I see... I think from my point of view too I need a relationship to stimulate (I'm currently with an ISTP who is constantly changing) and if I were "too similar" I would think "where's the puzzle? Where's the fun?"

I enjoy the mystery too. But eventually, it always ends. Yes, some sooner than others. But what if your soul mate is the easiest to figure out? Are you going to toss him/her aside? The whole point of being with someone is loving them, not the mystery.

I think the "puzzle" is irrelevant really, when choosing a partner. *shrug* But that's just me. Very, interesting perspective from you two though.
 

the state i am in

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I enjoy the mystery too. But eventually, it always ends. Yes, some sooner than others. But what if your soul mate is the easiest to figure out? Are you going to toss him/her aside? The whole point of being with someone is loving them, not the mystery.

I think the "puzzle" is irrelevant really, when choosing a partner. *shrug* But that's just me. Very, interesting perspective from you two though.

i think it just depends on how the rest of your life is balancing out. what needs are being satisfied, what you need developmentally, where your ideals are at any given moment.

ie i used to think it would be impossible for me to date any girl who wasn't an artist. now i realize there are other ways to inspire myself, instill creativity into every aspect of my life including my relationship, and meet and connect with other people with whom i can foster a creative partnership with outside of s.o. territory.

i think this is similar. some people want intrigue, they want it to dominate their attention, to consume them with mystery, unknown, exploration, adventure. it's fun for what it is. others want to be recognized, appreciated, and loved in a myriad of ways. fitting them together is where things get speechlessly confusing.
 
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