[NF] Is wanting to be a father an NF guy thing?

[Avocado]

Every since my father died when I was four, I've wanted to be a father. My want to do so only increased when I had several rather abusive step-fathers. I want to be an ideal father, raising children that had the closest thing to an ideal childhood as I can possibly provide. I've already decided I want no less than two children, preferably three children, and I want them to be all less than two years apart in age. I will center all of my decisions around making this a reality.

I'm wondering, though, is it only idealist males that desire children from an early age?

I think it will be interesting to hear some responses...


[MENTION=5418]Lady X[/MENTION]
[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION]
[MENTION=5999]PeaceBaby[/MENTION]
[MENTION=17729]Typh0n[/MENTION]
[MENTION=14363]Standuble[/MENTION]
[MENTION=18664]Stansmith[/MENTION]
[MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION]
[MENTION=10714]Qlip[/MENTION]
[MENTION=17266]Infinite Bubble[/MENTION]

 

[Standuble]

I think most people desire children. If they don't then they very likely desire sex and that they are unaware that it's nature's way of having them procreate.

I do identify with your needs however. My parents are still around but it has always been a system of alienation to the point where a psychologist suspected that I had at the very least felt unloved by them as a child. I suspect that the principal desire to have kids came from a mixture of a) a desire to replace the failed family emotional connection with a new one (e.g. someone to love, care for and bond with) and b) a narcissistic desire born out of self-absorption to have extensions of myself who can succeed where I could not or have opportunities that are no longer available to me.

I would suspect that point a echoes in the both of us. If you believe you know why it failed deep down then you will have a confidence that you can do it right e.g. no neglect, listen to their problems etc.

A different possibility is that you simply feel that you would be great at it and its a strength you wish to explore. A friend once said that I would make a great father (this is despite being witness to my awkwardness, lack of tact and general self-centeredness.)

 

[Avocado]

I think most people desire children. If they don't then they very likely desire sex and that they are unaware that it's nature's way of having them procreate.

I do identify with your needs however. My parents are still around but it has always been a system of alienation to the point where a psychologist suspected that I had at the very least felt unloved by them as a child. I suspect that the principal desire to have kids came from a mixture of a) a desire to replace the failed family emotional connection with a new one (e.g. someone to love, care for and bond with) and b) a narcissistic desire born out of self-absorption to have extensions of myself who can succeed where I could not or have opportunities that are no longer available to me.

I would suspect that point a echoes in the both of us. If you believe you know why it failed deep down then you will have a confidence that you can do it right e.g. no neglect, listen to their problems etc.

A different possibility is that you simply feel that you would be great at it and its a strength you wish to explore. A friend once said that I would make a great father (this is despite being witness to my awkwardness, lack of tact and general self-centeredness.)

I feel like it went wrong in a big way when my father died. He was an inventor, an artist, and a daredevil. It was the daredevil part that killed him, in a way...that and being sold a faulty ultralight. He was basically murdered...

I also feel like there was a lack of traditions and memories growing up, and aside from two half-sisters I've never seen, I have no siblings. I believe having more than one child will remedy the loneliness...

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Every since my father died when I was four, I've wanted to be a father. My want to do so only increased when I had several rather abusive step-fathers.

I also had a, shall we say, ¨dysfunctional¨ and a less than healthy home environment. Three step fathers, substance abuse, violence etc. I had 3 younger siblings that I often took care of. My paternal switch was turned *ON* early.

I´m grown now and have two daughters of my own and at times I will think ¨Wow, being a father is the best thing ever¨. I´ve found it to be very therapeutic. I am able to ¨redo¨ all those things I experienced but in healthy-normal ways and relive my own childhood vicariously through my own children. We often emulate or do the exact opposite of what we experience growing up. I can say objectively, chain = broken and I take pride in that.

I would recommend a book that helped me to see myself and experiences in a very different light, perhaps you may find some utility in it:

What Children Learn from Their Parents' Marriage: It May Be Your Marriage, but It's Your Child's Blueprint for Intimacy

http://www.amazon.com/Children-Learn-Their-Parents-Marriage/dp/0060929308

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I didn't think I wanted to be a dad, but deep down I always knew I'd have children and that I'd be incomplete without them.

 

[Avocado]

I also had a, shall we say, ¨dysfunctional¨ and a less than healthy home environment. Three step fathers, substance abuse, violence etc. I had 3 younger siblings that I often took care of. My paternal switch was turned *ON* early.

I´m grown now and have two daughters of my own and at times I will think ¨Wow, being a father is the best thing ever¨. I´ve found it to be very therapeutic. I am able to ¨redo¨ all those things I experienced but in healthy-normal ways and relive my own childhood vicariously through my own children. We often emulate or do the exact opposite of what we experience growing up. I can say objectively, chain = broken and I take pride in that.

I would recommend a book that helped me to see myself and experiences in a very different light, perhaps you may find some utility in it:

What Children Learn from Their Parents' Marriage: It May Be Your Marriage, but It's Your Child's Blueprint for Intimacy

http://www.amazon.com/Children-Learn-Their-Parents-Marriage/dp/0060929308

Thank you, I will look into that book!

 

[Standuble]

I feel like it went wrong in a big way when my father died. He was an inventor, an artist, and a daredevil. It was the daredevil part that killed him, in a way...that and being sold a faulty ultralight. He was basically murdered...

I also feel like there was a lack of traditions and memories growing up, and aside from two half-sisters I've never seen, I have no siblings. I believe having more than one child will remedy the loneliness...

Then I think it would be that you wish to replace that which was deprived from you. Though I have a question. Did the person who sold him the ultralight know it was faulty? Did they know a faulty ultralight would kill him? If the answer is no to either of those two questions then the aforementioned salesman was not a murderer. You saying he was murdered raises a flag for me which suggests that you have never truly come to terms with what happened. It wouldn't of been your fault of course: The less than stellar successors would have cemented in the nostalgia for your lost father and thus you would never have been able to get over his death as you were ultimately still lacking what you needed: a father's love.

I would suggest looking into it if you feel the need. All this may be a construct ultimately rooted in a single point which may yield a different attitude for you.

Other than that why can't you become a father? I know you're still young but others of a similar age have had kids and they manage to pull it off.

 

[Avocado]

Then I think it would be that you wish to replace that which was deprived from you. Though I have a question. Did the person who sold him the ultralight know it was faulty? Did they know a faulty ultralight would kill him? If the answer is no to either of those two questions then the aforementioned salesman was not a murderer. You saying he was murdered raises a flag for me which suggests that you have never truly come to terms with what happened. It wouldn't of been your fault of course: The less than stellar successors would have cemented in the nostalgia for your lost father and thus you would never have been able to get over his death as you were ultimately still lacking what you needed: a father's love.

I would suggest looking into it if you feel the need. All this may be a construct ultimately rooted in a single point which may yield a different attitude for you.

Other than that why can't you become a father? I know you're still young but others of a similar age have had kids and they manage to pull it off.

I have a college scholarship, and would like to utilize that first, so that I can be a teacher and really be involved with my kids...
This only delays the inevitable for a few years, though...


To answer you first question, Yes. He knew the ultralight had crashed before.
The second question I may never be able to answer...

 

[Stansmith]

Most 'guys' my age who romanticize marriage and being a father tend to be Fe-dom or -aux. Especially ENFJs. Their conception of love is like an R. Kelly/Beyonce playlist.

 

[Avocado]

Most 'guys' my age who romanticize marriage and being a father tend to be Fe-dom or -aux. Especially ENFJs.

I'm not a Judger, though...
That is the only thing off about that theory...

 

[Jaq]

No