[MBTI General] INFJ males--please share insight:)

[grendiecat]

I had this guy I was totally crazy about for the longest time, an INFJ. He isn't from the US (is a Swede), had some complicated stuff going on (will I stay in the US/won't I?), and I just gave up on the situation after two + years of struggle. Never stopped thinking about him though, for 11 years (now he's 37 and I'm 42). We just reconnected via e-mail and have been writing/IMing and he is now 100x more communicative than he ever was before. He remembers everything about what happened between us--dates, what the weather, so much--as if it happened a day ago. This was someone who withheld so much from me about what he was thinking back then and now is communicating so directly about what was really going on. Throwing me for a bit of a loop. How do INFJ's experience relationships? I'm an ENFJ. Can we be a good fit? Would an INFJ hang on to a regret for that long? Describes himself as having contempt for how he behaved with me. Now we're talking about his coming to the States to visit. He has the potential to move back--reconnect with old colleagues. Does this sound like an INFJ? I realize that he was just 26 then and people can mature, but is this also an INFJ thing? We have sent each other current pics, so no surprises on that front--still as attracted to him as I ever was. He's very easy to talk with, was just so withholding emotionally back then. Just doesn't seem to be at all that now.

 

[tenINsFJ]

Sounds like an INFJ to me. I still think about girls in highschool I avoided because I was emotionally held back. A ton of girls I got close with as friends often wanted to date, and then I'd run away. Even to this day I still think about it and it's over 7 years. And I regret how I behaved back then, but I don't think I would've changed anything if I went back in time. I've never met an ENFJ, so I don't know if it's a good fit or not. Good luck with him!

 

[Penguin]

i dont think that MBTI compatibility matters much here, especially at your age, whee you are able to discuss each others needs/dislikes
and I think that he does love you quite a lot, INFJ's dont have an exceptional memory, but things that matter a lot to us are impossible to forget, and I do think that he has regreted his actions over those past 11 years

hope something works out between the 2 of you, you seem like a very nice person from what i could see in your post

 

[karenk]

INFJ's dont have an exceptional memory

When I was a child/teen I had a crazy, almost photographic memory. It's still pretty good. I think there's a good chance he didn't stop thinking about you either.

 

[Desert Flower]

I also tend to have a good memory but I have to be obsessed with the topic. Although, I can't usually recall things in sequential order.

 

[sych0]

when it's something (or someone) that matters to me, I don't forget anything. It's like a damn encyclopedia up there. If the something or someone doesn't matter though, then there's no reason to retain the memories and they're easily forgotten.

Of course "matter" can be positive or negative. But it sounds like it was positive for this guy.

 

[tenINsFJ]

infjs have good memories. a lot of infjs are musicians too, hence memorizing music.

anyways, back on topic. he loves you. if you love him. let him know.

 

[wedekit]

When I go out on dates (and whatnot) with people that I truly like, I always seem to remember every single detail about everything. The crappy part is that these details also allow me to dwell on what I did wrong or what I could have fixed.

I have posted a reply on this forum before about how I (as an INFJ) would slowly lose hope in a relationship that was long distance. It's hard to imagine a future with someone (which INFJs do) when you can't see them face-to-face.

As far as being an ENFJ, I don't think it would cause any major problems. You probably admire his depth, unshakable integrity, and thoughtfulness. He is probably attracted to your enthusiasm, energy, and confidence. They often describe INFJs as needing an extravert to make them force their inner creativity into the external world, and I can't think of a better type to do that for an INFJ. As an ENFJ, you could help him learn the value of breadth. As an INFJ, he could help you learn the value of depth.

You will probably end up being annoyed at the differences between the energy levels. If both of you had a hard day's work: you'll probably want to be social and visit while he will probably want to be alone. I would just make sure that you give him private space, as well as take into consideration all the other differences between Extraverts and Introverts.

(All of the above was just speculation; Romance and the MBTI is an iffy thing.)

 

[tenINsFJ]

Interesting Wedekit that you would say a long distance relationship would have you lose hope. I guess to some extent that is true, but I know for me that if I want a relationship, I continue to picture it as a perfect relationship and kinda day dream about it, and for some reason, that's good enough for me. And that day dreaming makes up for not seeing the person, and makes it so much better when I do see the person.

 

[rhinosaur]

This whole thread makes me feel all wubbly.
I'm sitting here reading it thinking "Awwwwwww!"

Heh, sorry for not contributing much. I say keep talking to the guy and see where it goes.

 

[redacted]

yeah when it comes to anything romantic, i have a crazy memory. i don't necessarily remember specifics, but i remember exactly how the scenarios unfold in a general idea sort of way. i guess sometimes there'll be one detail that gets seared into my memory...

i feel like i can relate to this guy. as i've matured, i've definitely considered girls from the past. it's easy to wonder about how the dynamics would change.

 

[hideki]

INFJ and ENFJ can communicate very well according to this chart I found on the net..

 

[Pseudonym_Alpha]

For me relationships aren't easy to make, and do take time.

Mostly because I draw back from trying not to express too much emotion, because I know I can do that, and have done so in the past.

This guy sounds like he has finally let that guard down and is ready for the relationship, I say go for it

 

[grendiecat]

great responses from everyone--thanks so much

Those were really great helpful responses, everyone. Thanks so much. Now I hope my friend visits in October and that things will follow through. I'd love to go see the leaves change color up in Wisconsin and to the San Diego zoo for a couple days. Life throws such weird curve balls. I always tell my patients that as fast as life can go badly, it can turn around and get right back on track to something better also. Thanks again

 

[tenINsFJ]

Keep us posted =D

 

[gokartride]

I've known I was a INFJ for many years, but have little experience on how assorted life variables affect other INFJs. Bottom line....I wish you well, but would not hazard a guess as to what is going on with him. Some thoughts though...if there were "complications" earlier, that could easily have overwhelmed him. No doubt some time to sort things out would have left him with a new set of thoughts/interpretations of your relationship. If he's communicating openly with you then (it seems to me) he is investing a lot in you that he probably wouldn't ordinarily have to.....unless. Seems a good sign to me.

 

[Sniffles]

Sorry I haven't been able to read this thread over thoroughly. My scatter-brain has really been scattered considerably lately. Plus it seems many other people have already covered areas that I would comment(one really annoying aspect of being around other INFJs )

If I get a chance I'll try to throw in my two cents. So sorry if my response sounds a bit half-ass in nature.

 

[Wyst]

When I go out on dates (and whatnot) with people that I truly like, I always seem to remember every single detail about everything. The crappy part is that these details also allow me to dwell on what I did wrong or what I could have fixed.

I have posted a reply on this forum before about how I (as an INFJ) would slowly lose hope in a relationship that was long distance. It's hard to imagine a future with someone (which INFJs do) when you can't see them face-to-face.

I'm pretty similar in regard to dwelling on things I wish I had done/said differently. I don't necessarily remember all the details but I am often left with unshakable impressions that the situation left me with. Usually I'll spend a lot of time processing those impressions.

Could be that your guy in Sweden has been processing things for a while

And going back to what wedekit said about long distance stuff - I've only done long distance relationships - never lived in the same city as my girlfriend. No more. I just can't take it. I find that I'm always thinking about the future - planning and dreaming and it's rough not to have the other person there to plan and dream with me.