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[ENFJ] Trying to understand ENFJ's

Azure Flame

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So, enfj's are basically a mystery to me. When I hang around them, especially when they're close to me, there are frequent hurt feelings.

I have no idea why or what is going on. All I know is I feel like I"m hurting my ENFJ friend by just being myself. It almost feels like, if he can't be of assistance to me 24/7, he just radiates pain or anger or something. I think he also gets pissed when I'm closed up or guarded nearby.

Idunno, someone tell me things cuz I'm clueless, thanks.
 

Edgar

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So, enfj's are basically a mystery to me. When I hang around them, especially when they're close to me, there are frequent hurt feelings.

I have no idea why or what is going on. All I know is I feel like I"m hurting my ENFJ friend by just being myself. It almost feels like, if he can't be of assistance to me 24/7, he just radiates pain or anger or something. I think he also gets pissed when I'm closed up or guarded nearby.

Idunno, someone tell me things cuz I'm clueless, thanks.

The surest way to win ENFJs acceptance is to let them be your personal life guru and worship them as Messiahs that they are. Once you commit your very soul to their superior understanding of metaphysical world which importance superceeds that of physical world (by far), you can finally be amongst a loyal Friend who will always be there for you with a delicious cup of kool aid in hand every time your mind feels thirsty.

Oh and don't call them "snake oil salesman". They hate that shit.
 

Azure Flame

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The surest way to win ENFJs acceptance is to let them be your personal life guru and worship them as Messiahs that they are. Once you commit your very soul to their superior understanding of metaphysical world which importance superceeds that of physical world (by far), you can finally be amongst a loyal Friend who will always be there for you with a delicious cup of kool aid in hand every time your mind feels thirsty.

Oh and don't call them "snake oil salesman". They hate that shit.

It certainly seems that's the case sometimes. I don't want to believe it but it seems like it. The worst part is when they want to help but usually fuck everything up.
 

Edgar

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The worst part is when they want to help but usually fuck everything up.

You just have to keep looking for the right one. You'll know you found him when he tells about his awesome commune in Guyana.
 

RaptorWizard

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The things to understand are that they are narcissistic attention-whoring drama-queens and masters of manipulation; I much prefer ISTPs.
 

Vilku

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So, enfj's are basically a mystery to me. When I hang around them, especially when they're close to me, there are frequent hurt feelings.

I have no idea why or what is going on. All I know is I feel like I"m hurting my ENFJ friend by just being myself. It almost feels like, if he can't be of assistance to me 24/7, he just radiates pain or anger or something. I think he also gets pissed when I'm closed up or guarded nearby.

Idunno, someone tell me things cuz I'm clueless, thanks.

that sounds like me and my entp friend. check up socionics entp introverted ethics: http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=ILE

also estpäs have a similar weakness, however, never experienced this with an estp.

@ other comments: wow, we have such a fine reputation it seems! =D (tip: encourage us to deduce instead of induce. getting us into the right conclusions is about that simple strategy change.)
 
W

WALMART

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They strive to know you.

In matching their energy,

A conflict is born.
 

Amargith

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I find that STPs in general can..hurt you without realizing it coz they do not naturally check up on you as you would expect from a friend. It's like..they are so in the moment that every time you come accross them, the question will be...will you be the most exciting thing in that moment and will they be in the mood for your particular type of stimulus? Or are they going to ignore you this time? It is like this all or nothing thing, and it can be highly exhilarating to be their focus yet really cold when you get ignored by them.

It is sometimes hard to feel connected to stps due to that, and makes them 'slippery'. It also leads to insecurity as to where you stand with them I find and takes a lot of adjusting on the other persons part. I think especially NFs perhaps are sensitive to this. Considering an Fe-doms need for checking up on people and keeping track of their network, I can imagine it being hard on them, especially if they havent realized yet that other people perceive the world differently.
 

Rasofy

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Seems more Enneagram 2 related than anything.

Tell him how important he is to your life, that you're so lucky to have such a good friend (be as effusive as possible), BUT you need a break. Then vanish for a while.
 

Azure Flame

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I find that STPs in general can..hurt you without realizing it coz they do not naturally check up on you as you would expect from a friend. It's like..they are so in the moment that every time you come accross them, the question will be...will you be the most exciting thing in that moment and will they be in the mood for your particular type of stimulus? Or are they going to ignore you this time? It is like this all or nothing thing, and it can be highly exhilarating to be their focus yet really cold when you get ignored by them.

It is sometimes hard to feel connected to stps due to that, and makes them 'slippery'. It also leads to insecurity as to where you stand with them I find and takes a lot of adjusting on the other persons part. I think especially NFs perhaps are sensitive to this. Considering an Fe-doms need for checking up on people and keeping track of their network, I can imagine it being hard on them, especially if they havent realized yet that other people perceive the world differently.

Hmm, good point. I've actually experienced this with other ESFP's.
 

Typh0n

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So, enfj's are basically a mystery to me. When I hang around them, especially when they're close to me, there are frequent hurt feelings.

I have no idea why or what is going on. All I know is I feel like I"m hurting my ENFJ friend by just being myself. It almost feels like, if he can't be of assistance to me 24/7, he just radiates pain or anger or something. I think he also gets pissed when I'm closed up or guarded nearby.

Idunno, someone tell me things cuz I'm clueless, thanks.

I doubt hes in any emotional pain. People have told me I look like Im suffering or Im in pain in some situations, so they want to cut me off because they care too much about me and dont want to see me in pain. Im not in any pain in those situations so Im not sure what theyre talking about. Im in pain when they leave, though.
 
G

Glycerine

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Seems more Enneagram 2 related than anything.

Tell him how important he is to your life, that you're so lucky to have such a good friend (be as effusive as possible), BUT you need a break. Then vanish for a while.
You might be onto something. Show appreciation, be honest and diplomatic? I hang around a 2w1 ESFJ a lot and a bulk of our conversation is a bunch of superfluous compliments and showing of gratitude. Weird but interesting.

Something like, "Thanks for trying to help but I need some time to myself...." Then go away and do your own thing. :)
 

Valis

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The surest way to win ENFJs acceptance is to let them be your personal life guru and worship them as Messiahs that they are. Once you commit your very soul to their superior understanding of metaphysical world which importance superceeds that of physical world (by far), you can finally be amongst a loyal Friend who will always be there for you with a delicious cup of kool aid in hand every time your mind feels thirsty.

Oh and don't call them "snake oil salesman". They hate that shit.

Excellent post.

This has been my experience of them too.
(
They seemed to act with an attitude of superiority (I know that sounds a tad hypocritical coming from an INTJ). Ultimately there was never any substance to them (the ones I have met that is) and I found it extremely difficult to make a connection. I felt as though they were judging me, especially morally. Patronising: that sums it up.
 

Starry

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The surest way to win ENFJs acceptance is to let them be your personal life guru and worship them as Messiahs that they are. Once you commit your very soul to their superior understanding of metaphysical world which importance superceeds that of physical world (by far), you can finally be amongst a loyal Friend who will always be there for you with a delicious cup of kool aid in hand every time your mind feels thirsty.

Oh and don't call them "snake oil salesman". They hate that shit.


Quoted for...

truth [trooth]
noun, plural truths [troothz, trooths]

1. the true or actual state of a matter.
2. conformity with fact or reality; verity: the truth of a statement.
3. a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like: mathematical truths.
4. the state or character of being true.
5. actuality or actual existence.
 

Typh0n

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Excellent post.

This has been my experience of them too.
(
They seemed to act with an attitude of superiority (I know that sounds a tad hypocritical coming from an INTJ). Ultimately there was never any substance to them (the ones I have met that is) and I found it extremely difficult to make a connection. I felt as though they were judging me, especially morally. Patronising: that sums it up.

Stop hatin.
 
G

Glycerine

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Until you figure them out.... :devil: so many odd contradictions.
 
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