[ENFP] Having a delayed reaction to hurtful comments?

[pinkgraffiti]

i'm happy to see you're an enfp. i'm often also like that....i may feel uncomfortable in the moment of the hurtful comment, but i won't react on it and often it will take a bit of time (minutes, hours or days) before i feel really offended and/or hurt. i don't know why that is though. it also makes me feel weak, because i'm never on time for a sarcastic come back.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

I have this too!

I think it's more common to ENFPs because "in the moment" your Ne is being inundated with new information, so your Fi is taking a back seat. The emotional cues go to, like, voicemail or something. Later, when there's not as much for Ne to do, Fi catches up.

That's how I think of it, anyway. Just realized how silly it sounds lol.

if that is the reason, then Fi-doms (ESFP and INFP)....:hi: INFPs!....should be able to react in the moment. is that the case? do we have any INFP guinea pigs here to test?

 

[Standuble]

So basically, my questions are:
1) Does anyone know why I, or ENFPs in general might have a delayed reaction to hurtful things, and is there anything we can do to realize such problems more quickly so they can be addressed on the spot?
2)Does anyone know how I could cope better with waiting (hours/days) for a good time to bring up issues? when I do realize them, they tend to haunt my mind and are incredibly distracting and upsetting until I address them >.<

thank you.

If the pain occurs instantly after the incident but you do not realise it has then it may simply be through neglect of introspection. Your mind is merely focused on other things. If not then:

A phenomena I have experienced (more consciously in recent times) is that I am not actually offended by a comment. Normally, my sensitivity goes off in real time and if I am insulted I know within less than a second. However occasionally there is no upset determined through introspection however it manages to emerge later on. I think this is the work of Si - basically the insult as an isolated object was ineffective however I mentally reflected back on similar insults which occurred in the past and discovered a long line of them. I then feel sad and upset on what the existence of this line means (whether it is due to it being a testament to populist disdain of my character or something else) and then I feel insulted that I was treated badly in this way on the whole across time. Essentially it creates a domino effect.

I can't say whether this is true for you but with an unconscious inferior Si it may be playing up by comparing the incident to hurtful similar incidents in the past.

2) When you say "bring up issues" do you mean discuss them with someone else? If yes then preferably straight away to get it off your mind. If it has been some time (and the insult was made in the heat of the moment) you could try actually with your boyfriend himself.

 

[gromit]

Oh I just meant that this topic seemed more about a personal instance in your life rather than people just posting their own experiences.

 

[Standuble]

if that is the reason, then Fi-doms (ESFP and INFP)....:hi: INFPs!....should be able to react in the moment. is that the case? do we have any INFP guinea pigs here to test?

I am an INFP and I will lend my services to the lab for a small fee. Are your wallets on the ready? How can I assist?

Emotional pain, desire, feelings, sensitivity shock to insults, variations in value amount and changes within the self occur and are detected automatically, instantaneously and effortlessly. Most of the internal world is sharply observed so any shift is spotted and you determine what this means and how this could effect the possibilities. There is the murky depths however where your introspection cannot reach. Sometimes a lingering desire or a lifestyle desire occur down there (I don't recall ever having an emotional pain response hide down there and then later backlash) however these can cause a paradigm shift (where you realise in the space of a second that you are not who you thought you were or you no longer desire what you thought you desired only a few seconds earlier.)

 

[Galena]

I'm ISFP, and this is quite often a problem for me. I don't think it has anything to do with functions, but rather with dissociation as a defense mechanism in the moment. Numbing out does not only keep the pain off at the time the hurtful comment is being made, but it prevents you from acting because standing up for yourself is scary. That's why the reaction waits until the other person is gone: you can't act on it directly anymore.

 

[greenfairy]

I have this too, but I usually don't process it as "hurt feelings." I'll know something bothers me, and I'll have an indignant response in my mind, but it will seem way out of proportion- so I wait and see whether what they said or did was actually inappropriate according to other people's opinions. If so, then I bring it up. If I'm really bothered by something regardless of whether it was inappropriate, like when I felt used and neglected by the INTJ I just feel this hole in my chest and drain in my energy or I continue to feel angry until I bring it up. I'm really not good at waiting. Even if I write it down, talk to people, etc., I'm still going to feel horrible until I get a resolution. Other times I'll be mad about something and later decide it wasn't a big deal.

 

[Coriolis]

A phenomena I have experienced (more consciously in recent times) is that I am not actually offended by a comment. Normally, my sensitivity goes off in real time and if I am insulted I know within less than a second. However occasionally there is no upset determined through introspection however it manages to emerge later on. I think this is the work of Si - basically the insult as an isolated object was ineffective however I mentally reflected back on similar insults which occurred in the past and discovered a long line of them. I then feel sad and upset on what the existence of this line means (whether it is due to it being a testament to populist disdain of my character or something else) and then I feel insulted that I was treated badly in this way on the whole across time. Essentially it creates a domino effect.

I have delayed reactions, but of a different nature. Because I don't feel emotionally upset in the moment, I focus on what needs to be done in the situation and ignore the attempted insult. Later I will realize that the remark is symptomatic of something that needs to be addressed, usually something in the attitude of the speaker that may indicate misunderstanding, failure to cooperate, disrespect, or a hidden agenda. I prefer to address these things in the moment, so try to remain alert for remarks that are meant as insults.