[NF] INFP Guys and INFJ Girls

[Lexicon]

I'm having issues with an INFJ coworker. We are okay friends. (He probably likes and respects me more than the other way around. btw he is gay).

We are both sensitive. If I had a personal issue and needed someone to talk to, he would be great at listening. INFJs seem to be very emotionally honest people. They might not say things off the bat, but if you had a question, they'd relate in a very down to earth way.

However much of the time, he drives me nuts, and not in a good way. He is much too dramatic for my tastes, too outwardly intense, and waaaay too sensitive. I'm sensitive too, but I don't show it, therefore I don't foist my sensitivities too obviously on others. I just stress myself out at home, later.

I feel I'm walking on eggshells with my friend, that he's listening intently to everything I say and relating them to himself, that he's aching for compliments and reassurances. It is painful, as if I'm being wrapped up by a stifling, siamese twin. It is probably worse right now because we are working on the same project. I think being with someone so sensitive (both him and me) is easier for those who are less sensitive themselves (ie; thinking types) because they don't have to be so consciously hyper-aware of all the *feelings* out there. It's like a mass of horrible land mines.

Anyway, just my 2 cents. I think I've generally done better with thinking types romantically, but that's just me.

I think can happen with a lot of Fe people with ill-managed insecurities. That Fe-Ti mix can be a mess in terms of picking up information/dynamics/getting oneself worked up by overanalyzing something through a distorted personal scope.
I've observed varying degrees/expressions of this with dominant/auxiliary/tertiary/inferior Fe users- each has its own distinct flavor. I've even tried to keep this sort of thing in-check in terms of my own emotional baggage management/communication. It's easy to let one's sensitivity/unanticipated kneejerk reactions from internal issues cloud judgement, at times- just creeps in. There's a delay or total failure to realize how it may impact those around you in that moment (ironic since Fe is described as the people-conscious function).

I believe that "walking on eggshells" issue can happen with any individual of any type, but I think you offered a good description as to how it internally manifests in unhealthy Fe users.

 

[chubber]

I think can happen with a lot of Fe people with ill-managed insecurities. That Fe-Ti mix can be a mess in terms of picking up information/dynamics/getting oneself worked up by overanalyzing something through a distorted personal scope.
I've observed varying degrees/expressions of this with dominant/auxiliary/tertiary/inferior Fe users- each has its own distinct flavor. I've even tried to keep this sort of thing in-check in terms of my own emotional baggage management/communication.

I believe that "walking on eggshells" issue can happen with any individual of any type, but I think you offered a good description as to how it internally manifests in unhealthy Fe users.

[MENTION=5159]Lexicon[/MENTION] is like a gift to the world.

 

[tkae.]

Of the INFJs I've met, the most basic problem we have is that they're too rigid in places where I think a person should be open to discussion. INFPs have their causes that are essentially landmines that will explode if you step on them the wrong way, but other than that we're mostly agreeable to all kinds of different things. As far as I know (I'm my own worst judge, honestly), INFPs are pretty laid back and go with the flow.

INFJs, on the other hand, seem like they have a general order to things that makes it easier to look at the world in a black and white perspective. Either it works or doesn't work depending on X, Y, and Z criteria. Not quite in an NT kind of way, but it's still their own order to all things.

Or at least that's the way discussions have gone between me and my INFJ friends.

Like, to an INFJ, there's a place on the desk that's for the stapler. It's where the stapler goes. There are spaces for papers, for the keyboard, for pencils, etc. It might not be where they are, and that's okay, but there's a natural order to things that something is either abiding by or failing to satisfy.

With INFPs, the stapler goes somewhere that's out of the way but still available, pencils are scattered about, papers are wherever the space on the desk was when you were working on them, etc. I don't know if any of this helps or not.

 

[21%]

Of the INFJs I've met, the most basic problem we have is that they're too rigid in places where I think a person should be open to discussion. INFPs have their causes that are essentially landmines that will explode if you step on them the wrong way, but other than that we're mostly agreeable to all kinds of different things. As far as I know (I'm my own worst judge, honestly), INFPs are pretty laid back and go with the flow.

INFJs, on the other hand, seem like they have a general order to things that makes it easier to look at the world in a black and white perspective. Either it works or doesn't work depending on X, Y, and Z criteria. Not quite in an NT kind of way, but it's still their own order to all things.

Or at least that's the way discussions have gone between me and my INFJ friends.

Like, to an INFJ, there's a place on the desk that's for the stapler. It's where the stapler goes. There are spaces for papers, for the keyboard, for pencils, etc. It might not be where they are, and that's okay, but there's a natural order to things that something is either abiding by or failing to satisfy.

With INFPs, the stapler goes somewhere that's out of the way but still available, pencils are scattered about, papers are wherever the space on the desk was when you were working on them, etc. I don't know if any of this helps or not.

This is true. I have my own idea of where the stapler goes. I'm pretty open to discussion if you think it should be somewhere else, but I need us to talk about it. I also want you to tell me where you want the stapler to go, so I can arrange the desk to your liking and keep you happy.

 

[Curtis B]

Hey!

I'm an INFP guy too and I have never been in a relationship with an INFP, however one of my close close friends is an INFJ, we're like siblings, so she says.

I appreciate the crap out of her because she's my friend and frankly, I don't make those very easily. But she often doesn't like listening to me talk about myself, which is something I do very infrequently, so it can be frustrating when I need to vent. I can tell she cares but she often gets side tracked and is just awful at giving advice, which seems odd to me? regardless I still vent my emotions to her more than anyone else. I always do it via text and i guess she likes to talk about emotions in person which I can't do, it creates a mental disconnect, if you ask me.

All in all I imagine an INFP-INFJ relationship could work, however you would need to work on face to face communication (something that INFP's so famously lack).

I forget what else I was going to say but Best of luck to you! Don't idealize her too much (even though it's hard to control, trust me I know) you'll only be let down later in the relationship and as an INFP it's going to hurt, it's like watching a beautiful painting which you have put together in your head come to realization as a bunch of random watercolours on canvas. (not 1/100th as good as you pictured)

 

[Curtis B]

I forget what else I was going to say but Best of luck to you! Don't idealize her too much (even though it's hard to control, trust me I know) you'll only be let down later in the relationship and as an INFP it's going to hurt, it's like watching a beautiful painting which you have put together in your head come to realization as a bunch of random watercolours on canvas. (not 1/100th as good as you pictured)

Okay i Just realized how cynical that sounded, you definitely can find someone as great as you've idealized them to be, it's just not easy.