[MBTI General] ENFP looking to improve

[jungie]

Hi All
Do you guys ever get sick of being ENFP? I do.
I'm sick of not finishing anything, of being so enthusiastic of everyone and everything and lacking depth to make any lasting effort, of getting hurt because I'm not discriminating enough towards others, etc etc etc...
Oh and I'm not about changing my type - I don't want to be and ISTJ, I like being ENFP I just want to improve/develop my weaker functions (whatever you might call it).

So I've decided to become the focused ENFP, one able to judge people at least a little and one able to put some of this curiosity about the world not only into indiscriminately experiencing it but one able to make lasting change through understanding the world.

Now the question is how?
How do you introverts, sensors, thinkers and judgers do it? Have any of you ENFPs consciously tried to do this? How have you succeeded?

 

[Thursday]

Have an objective
give yourself an outline
you may wiggle all you wish, but within the outline

allot " checkpoints " along this outline that act as steps leading to the " finish line "
and meet those steps in an orderly fashion,
all the while-deeming things necessary or unnecessary to your cause

meet a checkpoint, double check - proceed to the next one

 

[SillyGoose]

Jungie, I'm right with you man.

Before finding out my type, I was already trying to do it without much success. I noticed that when I would try to judge I picked the wrong facet of a situation to judge and it just became a repeating loop.


This page has a lot of helpful information if you haven't already checked it out...ENFP Personal Growth

 

[jungie]

Thanks for replies so far

AvereX - that is something I'm trying to do - requires discipline which of course I'm lacking... LOL
And... while I think of the limits of the outline and a set of checkpoints, my mind imagines a new set of checkpoints and then another and another... And this lack of judging ability makes me wonder which of them is the best... ?

SillyGoose - thanks (and I'm a woman)
I've read that page and it was probably written by an INTP or someone - sounds great when I read it, but I don't know how to really apply it. Maybe I need step by step instructions - if I only managed to read through them...

I've already tried making plans and lists and writing a diary - never have enough attention to do it for too long. I'm beginning to think I need to take up some sport where I'll develop exteme discipline but knowing me I'll get all my friends hooked up on it and then decide I've had enough and it's too boring... Aaah
Maybe this too is just a phase? (though I hate not reaching any of the goals I set out to achieve)...

 

[SillyGoose]

Sorry sweetie, I don't even know if I thought you were a man or woman. LOL.

Yeah, the page isn't step by step which would be helpful for me too.

I've started small fwiw. Some of the things that most irritate me in my life is my own messiness. My car is always a wreck, my condo....ugh you can barely walk in it...clothes everywhere. So I've started a calendar to do something everyday to keep the messiness to a minimum.

Probably doesn't help any, just commiserating with you. I'd love to hear more advice to.

 

[cn1234567890]

Hi All
Do you guys ever get sick of being ENFP? I do.
I'm sick of not finishing anything, of being so enthusiastic of everyone and everything and lacking depth to make any lasting effort, of getting hurt because I'm not discriminating enough towards others, etc etc etc...
Oh and I'm not about changing my type - I don't want to be and ISTJ, I like being ENFP I just want to improve/develop my weaker functions (whatever you might call it).

So I've decided to become the focused ENFP, one able to judge people at least a little and one able to put some of this curiosity about the world not only into indiscriminately experiencing it but one able to make lasting change through understanding the world.

Now the question is how?
How do you introverts, sensors, thinkers and judgers do it? Have any of you ENFPs consciously tried to do this? How have you succeeded?

I know what you mean! And I have been trying and I think I am getting better. The first thing you need to do is start spending some time alone. I read somewhere that ENFPs have to do this to keep themselves centered. You also have your little T somewhere back there that sometimes pops its little head out for humor..use it. Think of what you would say if you weren't afraid of hurting someone's feelings and then act on it (not necessarily say it but leave the situation) Also, ENFPs are known for being genuine (unless theyre unhealthy) and striving to be true to themselves try to do this ALL the time. Be you and love it all the time and whatever to the critics. When something hurts you or you think it could..listen to what it tells you. Define things and become comfortable with doing things on your own. I've come to the point where I can't stand people who need someone to go to the bathroom with them...
i hope this helps good luck!!

 

[alcea rosea]

I have been very tired with my traits until latest years when I have grown to accept myself as I am with my strenghts and with my weakneses. I still think I can improve some things in myself but over all I am happy with myself.

 

[Little Linguist]

Hi All
Do you guys ever get sick of being ENFP? I do.
I'm sick of not finishing anything, of being so enthusiastic of everyone and everything and lacking depth to make any lasting effort, of getting hurt because I'm not discriminating enough towards others, etc etc etc...
Oh and I'm not about changing my type - I don't want to be and ISTJ, I like being ENFP I just want to improve/develop my weaker functions (whatever you might call it).

So I've decided to become the focused ENFP, one able to judge people at least a little and one able to put some of this curiosity about the world not only into indiscriminately experiencing it but one able to make lasting change through understanding the world.

Now the question is how?
How do you introverts, sensors, thinkers and judgers do it? Have any of you ENFPs consciously tried to do this? How have you succeeded?

Yep, even got an e-mail from a prof saying, "If you want to succeed, you need to stop dropping projects two weeks after you start them." How damn demoralizing. I read it later, and even felt a pit in my stomach.

Set a goal. Imagine yourself already there. It helps, I find. Then make a big drama out of it, like "OMG, if I do not do this, something catastrophic will happen and my life as I know it will end." Like I used to tell myself before a deadline "If I do not finish, I will fail, flunk college, end up in a gutter homeless and alone, no one will love me, and I will die a pitiless beggar."

 

[CzeCze]

Not being sick of being ENFP but sick of lack of follow through.

Some people would call that old fashioned laziness and flakiness.

In some ways I'm glad I discovered MBTIc a little later and dealt with things on my own.

A lot of conquering those shortcomings is just old fashioned hard work and pushing through it. Making yourself do things that you absolutely do not want to do and hate doing. Stiff upper lip. Etc. No room for sympathy or hand holding. Nobody really helped me with these things when I was growing up, if anything I felt harassed and bombarded and constantly disappointed and frustrating in my teens and early 20s and I'm very proud of anything I can actually manage to accomplish now. HAHAHAHAA.

I think this is why now, I think I'm less forgiving and more of a hardass than some of my fellow ENFPs and much more into the whole INTJ idea of accountability and no whining. It is a danger for ENFPs to think someone else will bail them out or get you the hook up or if after failing to do something things will magically turn out okay and everyone will be your friend. You should never ever coddle an ENFP, particularly if that ENFP is yourself. You will end up coasting through life and being stuck in adolescent mode in some ways.

ENFPs have to learn accountability and that it's okay to have people disappointed in you or angry at you and it's okay to be wrong. You have to learn to get things done and succeed for the sake of getting it done, nothing more and nothing less. Take pride in being methodical and predictable when it comes to work.

The anger and disappointment I felt I caused in other people for 'letting them down' used to be overwhelming and confusing. It was override any concern about the task at hand and my priorities were messed up. I wanted to get things done so people would think better of me and I could fit in. Now, I want to be a capable person who can be confident in my abilities and self-sufficient. Other peoples' reactions to me don't affect me or throw me off balance as much and I take more pride in myself as opposed to waiting for approval.

Learning responsibility and accountability. It's very empowering. You can't blame anyone or anything else and you accept that success or failure is yours to make and you give it your best.

Otherwise, yeah, I totally have dreams of being a 'J'. I'm pretty good at fooling people (sometimes) particulary when it counts so I'll settle for that.

 

[phoenix13]

Develop your Fi throgh some terror-ridden, angst filled nights of pain and restlessness in your dark soul.

Seriously though... Take the time to get lost and find yourself. The result will be 1) recognition of needs/desires along with criteria for fulfillment, and 2) a committment to fulfilling those criteria, and thus the activities and projects that get you there (ie. you'll actually finish what you start).

As for day-to-day improvements, see if you can completely reverse the "it's due then" mentality to a "get 'er done NOW" mentality. For example, the next time you think, "Hey, my electric bill is due some time next month," get your ass to a computer and pay it NOW... NOW! (I'm still working on this one...)

 

[Cality]

I would like to developp more my Si ..... :s

 

[CzeCze]

Actually, personality pages says that developing Fi is the way to grow.

Meaning you apply judgement to things, stop letting things flow indefinitely and decide for yourself if you like something or not, what you think of it, is it 'good' or 'bad' (though and NF would never be so uncouth as to be so blunt in our judgements, lolz).

Basically, start being more discerning and discriminating and figure out what you actually think about things and how they fit with your values.

AKA -- make a decision.