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  1. #1
    Member monocycle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009

    Default INFP/ENFJ relationship advice...

    First off, I don't know how MBTI differs between heterosexual relationships and homosexual relationships, but this post is going to be on the side of GAAAAY.

    I recently met this guy who claims to be an ENFJ.

    Anyway, we've been hanging out a lot over the past month. He sings, he has awesome music taste, dresses to kill, VERY extraverted. He's probably the most extraverted person I've ever encountered (aside from that horrible ESTJ date two years ago *shudder*). He used to work for Vogue in New York, but he's moved to Mobile, AL (my hometown), and is going to nursing school because in New York, at Vogue, he felt like he "wasn't making a difference". *fans self* He's sharper around the edges than most ENFJs I know, but for some reason I like it because it keeps me on my toes. He's very busy because his nursing programs is accelerated, and I've made sure to not bug him too much because I know I can do that, and days will go by where we'll text off and an on.

    One night, during a week he was extremely busy, he sends me this playlist, and at first I didn't noticed it, but midway through the playlist, I'm like, "All of these songs are love songs." I understand I can be emotionally reserved in person. I don't know why. I don't want to do anything improper or be overtly attracted to anyone, so I assumed it was "his way" of hinting at something more between us.

    Anyway, last Friday, we ended up going out to see a movie ("Warm Bodies") on Friday, and he invited me out for drinks afterward, paid for everything, etc, etc. I started talking about The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings because I'm a huge fantasy geek/writer, and once I brought it up, he spent the whole night leading the conversation about The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings and then brought up Harry Potter and what books he was currently reading ("The Name of the Wind" by Patrick Rothfuss). I mean, come on, boner for me.

    Afterward, we went back to his place. We were both a little buzzed, and he asked if I was okay to drive home. I totally was, but I said, "I guess so" implying I wasn't cause I totally wanted to get in his bed, but we just ended up hugging, and I went home.

    So... I didn't expect to see him for a while, but the next night, while hanging out with a friend, he texts me and asks if I'm busy and want to hang out. I explained to him I was at a friends, but my friend explained that it was okay for him to come over, so I invited him. He shows up, with a bottle of wine for my friend, and we ended up watching a movie, played a board game, etc, etc. Afterward, when he decided to go home, I hugged him, and beat myself up afterward because I didn't walk him to his car.

    At this point, my head is spinning. My friend (an INFJ) can't read him, I can't read him, so the next day (this past Monday), I decided to just ask him out on a date because I wasn't sure if what we had been doing was dating cause none of it was spoken at all. Waited and waited and waited for a response. I finally get one, and it says: "Hey, sorry I'm just now replying. Honestly, I just wanna be friends. I hope that's cool. " I wait awhile so I could process it and finally responded with "Yeah, man. Absolutely."

    Did I do something wrong? Did I read this WHOLE THING wrong? I'm actually not upset at the results as much as I thought I'd be. I just feel more embarrassed and vulnerable than anything. Now, I've been stressing over ruining a possibly good friendship because of my reading the situation incorrectly, but today he text me randomly asking me if I had any plans tonight. I did, and he seemed fine with that and a lot of it was just small talk like "How are you" etc.

    Is that it? Should I not feel awkward anymore and just move forward as friends? Did I freak him out by advancing TOO soon? Did I do anything wrong that made him second guess anything? Should I even address the fact that I asked him out and apologize? Thanks for any advice.

    Good Lord... this is so God-forsaken long and full of tense shifts.
    From the One Light, the entire universe welled up. So who is good, and who is bad? -- Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Ang 1349

  2. #2
    Senior Member Abbey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    4w3 sx/sp


    ENFJ's are shifty little people. Their Fe mixed with Ni makes everything seem so..personal. But the truth is, generally ENFJ's do the same thing to you as they do to everyone else because their Fe isn't like our Fi.. it's not exclusive.
    Also, you could have perceived his motives incorrectly if your feelings got in the way and you over idealized the situation.
    I don't think it's a big deal though, you shouldn't be worried. You're probably just over-thinking it. ENFJ's are very understanding and forgiving, and I think they know that they're charmers, which is just unfair!
    As for actually getting him, I don't know what to say. Best of luck to you and this relationship though!

  3. #3


    It's only "awkward" if you make it so. If you respect his wishes and you guys are having a good time hanging out, there shouldn't be a problem.

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