[INFJ] Can someone explain INFJs to me??

[megeetaytay]

If you're an INFJ can you just tell me little quirks that fit the type?? I don't think that I know ANY INFJs, believe it or not, and I have a very hard time understanding the little things that they do, or everyday examples.

And you know that theoretically INFJs+ENFPs=~~****~~

And also I feel like a lot of killers are speculated INFJs [Dexter, Patrick Bateman (the American Psycho), Jigsaw, Hitler]...I just think that's interesting.

 

[WoodsWoman]

My experience with INFJs - my grief counselor and my partner are INFJs, and I believe my Dad was one - is that I'll be coming apart at the seams fretting about all manner things, and my partner will watch and listen, then ask a to me seemingly unrelated question. I'll sputter for a moment, then the light bulb will go on: That really IS what's bothering me, isn't it?! My Dad was good at this too.

 

[Alight owl]

I'm one! I can try, but I have heard that INFJs' version of the self is really different than the way it looks from the outside. I've also heard that INFJs mimic other types, which may make them even harder to spot.

First of all, there are some really good type descriptions out there that you maybe haven't seen:
Personality Junkie INFJ

How to date an INFJ - that one might be good for recognizing infjs?

I know that I come across very very differently to people that I know and people that I have just met. I'm extremely nervous and shy upon first meeting, because I'm very self-conscious about the way that I see the world. Like ENFPs, we're idealists, but unlike ENFPs, we're really really private about who we share our ideas with. If I meet a person and don't think that you fit into my value system, I'll be nice to you certainly, but I won't let you past my guard. The shyness at the beginning is deciding how much of my guard to let down around you, how much I think you want to handle and how much I think you can handle. I really think I'm extremely complex, and I also think that not a lot of people want to see it!

With that said, when you're in (and I super love my ENFP friends!), you're in. I'm playful and not really as serious as I probably came off up there. I love telling stories and making bad puns. My friends tell me that I make them feel healthier - maybe something like WoodsWoman mentioned? I have a few really close friends, and value my family more than anything. I'm really job focused, and I've heard that other INFJs are too- my dad calls it live to work, vs work to live. I want to use myself to make humanity better, and since I'm going to be working however many hours every day, I want to be sure that I'm using that time well.

Serial Killers and Hitler and Stalin are said to be INFJ! So that's terrifying. I know that I have the potential in me for extreme misanthropy. Sometimes I just really think the world is doomed and I feel pretty apathetic about it. (I'm sort of like Tommy the anti-petroleum firefighter from I heart huckabees when he gets depressed and watches monster truck shows). Also, I know that INFJs (particularly enneagram 1s) can get pretty rigid about their value system being the right one, for what that's worth. I guess I'd be interested in other people's opinions about the dark side of INFJs. I have heard that there are like, ass-kicking ones and fluffy ones.

 

[Eilonwy]

My best friend for over 35 years is an ENFP. She says we are like yin and yang. Personally, I saw only our similarities in the beginning. People that we both knew would say that they thought we were very similar--enough to be sisters. I really don't know how I come off to her from her perspective. She feels that she can tell me anything and I won't be judgmental of her (and vice versa). She is always trying to bring out my silly, more artistic side, so maybe I seem too conservative or serious now that I'm older. For me, I think she is one of the kindest people I've ever known. I see her strengths much more than her weaknesses.

Another person I know who I suspect is ENFP was the program director for one of the Day Programs my mom went to. She has told me that I was different from her other clients' care givers because I was involved with my mom's care at a higher level--it was about my mom and her quality of life. I loved her because she was all about her clients and not as much about the profits. Her vision for the Day Program was so different from the other Day Programs I had experience with.

I think that, although I'm not inclined to do the things these two ENFPs are inclined to do (very extraverted activities compared to what I'm comfortable with), I support and encourage them wholeheartedly. And they return the favor. I think we share the same vision.

 

[Skyward]

Don't we have a huge thread on this?

Heck, it was much larger than any of the other 'You know youre and X when..." threads. That's gotta mean something about our loquaciousness- at least on the internet.

 

[Ene]

If you're an INFJ can you just tell me little quirks that fit the type?? I don't think that I know ANY INFJs, believe it or not, and I have a very hard time understanding the little things that they do, or everyday examples.

And you know that theoretically INFJs+ENFPs=~~****~~

And also I feel like a lot of killers are speculated INFJs [Dexter, Patrick Bateman (the American Psycho), Jigsaw, Hitler]...I just think that's interesting.

I have an idea, actually. You could get to know one. I don't mean that to sound sarcastic, either. I just think that is the only practical way to really learn someone's quirks, but even that would not give you an accurate template, because no two members of the same type will have exactly the same quirks. Also, emotionally balanced INFJs will look different than unbalanced ones. Mature ones will look different than immature ones. So, I would suggest maybe joining an INFJ forum [kind of like this one or any one of your choosing], read their blogs, their posts, visit their websites, etc., and just observe their interactions with each other and with those of other types.

 

[IllusoryReverie]

 

[Thalassa]

I'm pretty sure Patrick Bateman was an ESFJ, possibly an ISFJ.

Any type can be a killer. You have to ask yourself WHY are they a killer, what is their neurosis, how do they kill, etc.

I agree on Hitler being xNFJ, I'm about as certain of it as I can be about a famous person.

 

[Fidelia]

The INFJ Common Issues thread might be useful to you, as it was started as a result of the little issues that often seem to come up and be interpreted in various ways by other types and has some suggestions for what makes INFJs react in the way they do.

I like ENFPs, although sometimes I find them a little aloof, even though they initially appear extremely warm. That makes me feel careful around them. I think we also are prone to having some clashes due to dueling Ni and Ne. However, if you can see around those things, I believe they balance each other out nicely and have lots to talk about.

 

[INTP]

ever heard the expression "bitches be crazy"?

also hitler was an INTJ, not INFJ

 

[cafe]

Well, tonight I was with my daughter at the grocery store. We were walking along at a normal pace side by side when I happened to look over my shoulder and see this guy looking like he wanted to get around us. IOW, he looked like he was about ready to run my daughter down because he was in a hurry. I said something to my daughter and she quickly moved out of his way.

When we finished getting what we wanted, my daughter went to the restroom and I went to the check-out. And there was that guy, standing around looking at the DVD display like he had all the time in the world. Suddenly I was pissed and had a strong urge to tell him what I thought of someone acting like they were in such a big damn hurry that they had to well nigh trample my daughter when they had time to putz around looking at movies.

I gave him the stink eye but didn't say anything because I knew it was overreacting, especially since my daughter is nearly twenty and a good four inches taller than I am. God, though, what a dick.