• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INFJ] Is this an INFJ thing, or am I just crazy?

Ribonuke

New member
Joined
Mar 16, 2012
Messages
255
MBTI Type
esTP
Enneagram
845
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Okay...I'm going through some problems...

I feel like I'm really emotionally immature for an INFJ. Like...I can't seem to internalize my feelings or find a proper outlet for them. I still take things very personally, think people see me as childish and immature.

I want to grow a dang spine, but I just can't.

I keep thinking I find my inner strength, the thing that will help me keep living life without constantly criticizing myself, but I fail to get that approval from other people...

Any advice?
 

Rail Tracer

Freaking Ratchet
Joined
Jun 29, 2010
Messages
3,031
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
1: Quit criticizing yourself.
2: Don't always look at what others think about you. Sometimes, what you think is far from what others think of you. If they aren't saying it in front of you, they probably aren't saying it. Don't turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy when they do say it behind you or in front of you.
3: Look upright and think about what you can do and act on it.

Internalizing or finding the proper outlet takes time. Find a hobby or something that you know of that reduces stress. People will come to you once you stop criticizing yourself and see yourself in a better light. I know a person with ADHD, he has a ton of friends and acquaintances. Why? Because he still act like his ADHD self. The only problem people have with him are the people who have a problem with his ADHD. Chances are, not everyone has a problem with his ADHD. Other than that, he is a cool guy.

For you, it is likely that not many people actually have a problem with how you act.
 

Ribonuke

New member
Joined
Mar 16, 2012
Messages
255
MBTI Type
esTP
Enneagram
845
Instinctual Variant
sp/so

Yikes, they really do!

See, I tend to trust Cracked as a resource for these sorts of things, because they have a healthy dose of cynicism that makes them sound more genuine than if someone were trying to trump everything up to be better than it actually was. That spotlight-effect thing though...it's something I keep forgetting about xD;;
 
S

Society

Guest
Yikes, they really do!

See, I tend to trust Cracked as a resource for these sorts of things

their scrutiny is pretty big for articles - you have to prove & source every point you make.
the editorials... not so big on scrutiny, so pay attention to what piece of there's you are reading.

That spotlight-effect thing though...it's something I keep forgetting about xD;;

i am slowly coming to understand that this is among the biggest lessons the MBTI has to offer:
highlighting the need to resolve cognitive dissonance & emotional dissonance in unison, and finding ways to free ourselves from the need to repress one need in favor of the other.

keeping in mind psychological phenomena just like the spotlight-effect and many others, is a good way to make sense of emotions that otherwise don't if your a thinker, or to validate your feeling without rejecting the larger objective tapestry if your a feeler.
 

1487610420

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
6,431
Have a listen
 

Tiltyred

New member
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
4,322
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
468
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Are you sure you're not an INFP?
 

Ribonuke

New member
Joined
Mar 16, 2012
Messages
255
MBTI Type
esTP
Enneagram
845
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I pretty sure, but not absolutely certain.

Why do you ask? ^^;

EDIT: Whoa, how did I manage to become a Senior Member already? o_O

EDIT EDIT: Now that I think about it, there was a time when I thought I was more of an INFP, but I don't think I use Introverted Sensing or Extraverted Thinking; I think I use more Introverted Thinking and Extraverted Sensing. How come? Well, I am always doubling back on what I say as it is coming out of my mouth, refining what I am saying until I feel like it is logically flawless, and that nobody around me can possibly misinterpret what I am trying to say.

Also, as much as I would love to be fine making sure I feel okay with what I'm doing or saying, I feel like that isn't always enough; I have to make sure that my actions are emotionally endorsed by those I love and care about, otherwise I feel like I am 'on the wrong track', so to speak. This seems more like Auxiliary Ti (since I believe I am prone to being lost in the throes of a Ni-Ti loop)

I am also very, VERY sensitive to details. I am very easily overwhelmed when I am presented with too much information at once, and I feel like I have Inferior Extraverted Sensing. I feel the least "like myself" whenever I am very stressed out, and I end up getting rather impulsive and hedonistic. I end up feeling like "F**k it, nobody cares about the bigger things, so I guess it shouldn't matter", and then I end up focusing on just wanting to please myself at that moment instead of trying to work on the 'bigger' things. But this is a cup that is very easily filled, so I end up getting dissatisfied with that mode of existence fairly quickly, and end up feeling like the bigger picture may be worth chasing after all.

An instance of my Fe in action when I was a child (like...5 years old?): When Princess Diana was tragically killed in that car crash trying to evade the paparazzi, my mother was very tearful and upset. I remembered that I had a "worry doll" upstairs that might help her feel better, so I gave it to her. I watched her carefully, but when I didn't see any PHYSICAL signs of her beginning to feel better (Se and Fe), I felt like I had "failed" to help her feel better.
 
S

Society

Guest
An instance of my Fe in action when I was a child (like...5 years old?): When Princess Diana was tragically killed in that car crash trying to evade the paparazzi, my mother was very tearful and upset. I remembered that I had a "worry doll" upstairs that might help her feel better, so I gave it to her. I watched her carefully, but when I didn't see any PHYSICAL signs of her beginning to feel better (Se and Fe), I felt like I had "failed" to help her feel better.

aww. my (probably) ExFJ son used did the same: when he caught me sad one night, he brought his book about the water fairy (she looses her wings and becomes sad but finds a way to be happy about it) and tried to read it, which at the time meant uttering each letter, and he then decided i should i read it. also, once - hearing me and his mother bickering and failing in our discretion - he shouted "let's watch chuck!" - a tv series that we'd used to watch as a family (he'd mostly dance to the awesome soundtrack).

and yea, from the sound of it, your certainly a strong Fe user, for better or worst.
 

Tiltyred

New member
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
4,322
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
468
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
*nod nod* I'm convinced.

Suspend disbelief and try on the idea that you're perfect just as you are. You're exactly like you're supposed to be. I know it can sound like jackassery or Stuart Smalley, but ... just try it on.

And this might also sound hokey, but ... pray for a teacher (or call it setting your intention for one, whatever). If just one person can see you for who you are, and can reach you to show you how, then you always have that for hope and confirmation when times get hard.

Be easy on yourself but just do your best to meet your own expectations.
 

Honor

girl with a pretty smile
Joined
Jul 11, 2012
Messages
1,580
MBTI Type
?
Instinctual Variant
so
Okay...I'm going through some problems...

I feel like I'm really emotionally immature for an INFJ. Like...I can't seem to internalize my feelings or find a proper outlet for them. I still take things very personally, think people see me as childish and immature.

I want to grow a dang spine, but I just can't.

I keep thinking I find my inner strength, the thing that will help me keep living life without constantly criticizing myself, but I fail to get that approval from other people...

Any advice?
I agree with the other posters who think you're too hard on yourself. It's a struggle for a lot of people to be content with self approval and to live life without constantly criticizing themselves. Just give yourself time to grow.
 

Vasilisa

Symbolic Herald
Joined
Feb 2, 2010
Messages
3,946
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Do you have any artistic or creative outlet? Anything like that which you do, even unseriously or privately or just for fun. The act of expression helps us learn to tolerate uncertainty while allowing something take form. It can be good practice for you to show some compassion for yourself. And its just good for mental health.
 

Ribonuke

New member
Joined
Mar 16, 2012
Messages
255
MBTI Type
esTP
Enneagram
845
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
aww. my (probably) ExFJ son used did the same: when he caught me sad one night, he brought his book about the water fairy (she looses her wings and becomes sad but finds a way to be happy about it) and tried to read it, which at the time meant uttering each letter, and he then decided i should i read it. also, once - hearing me and his mother bickering and failing in our discretion - he shouted "let's watch chuck!" - a tv series that we'd used to watch as a family (he'd mostly dance to the awesome soundtrack).

and yea, from the sound of it, your certainly a strong Fe user, for better or worst.

Yeah, my mom is also an INFJ, and she tells me that she's "sorry" that I inherited her empathy because of the pain we feel from it. xD;;

*nod nod* I'm convinced.

Suspend disbelief and try on the idea that you're perfect just as you are. You're exactly like you're supposed to be. I know it can sound like jackassery or Stuart Smalley, but ... just try it on.

And this might also sound hokey, but ... pray for a teacher (or call it setting your intention for one, whatever). If just one person can see you for who you are, and can reach you to show you how, then you always have that for hope and confirmation when times get hard.

Be easy on yourself but just do your best to meet your own expectations.

See...that's the answer I've had all along, but I feel like it CAN'T be that easy. Then again, I tend to read into my personal failures too much, because they are so initially painful that I worry I'll fail again and so I spend a lot of my energy trying to avoid that pain.

Do you have any artistic or creative outlet? Anything like that which you do, even unseriously or privately or just for fun. The act of expression helps us learn to tolerate uncertainty while allowing something take form. It can be good practice for you to show some compassion for yourself. And its just good for mental health.

Yeah, I draw and write...but not as often as I should. I should try to put a good solid chunk of 'writing' higher on my priority list...
 

Tiltyred

New member
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
4,322
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
468
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I totally hear you about pain avoidance because you think you just can't take it if it happens again. I support that. Listen to yourself. Keep yourself safe if you feel you need to.

I do want to suggest you don't owe pain and you don't have to struggle. Everything doesn't have to be hard. It's ok to put the struggle down. That doesn't make you a lightweight or make any experience less meaningful. It doesn't all have to be, like, cut into you with a razor. Some things can be written on water or be smoke rings in the air that just dissipate without leaving a mark.

Not sure what access you may have to a doctor, but you might possibly benefit from some anti-anxiety meds for a period of time, and some counseling just for the support. Someone you can talk to in absolute privacy.

Try to reinforce the pleasure circuits in yourself. Try to do one healthy thing per day that makes you happy, whether it's a piece of music or a walk in an art gallery. Get a massage or a manicure. Put in some time enjoying your life and just being in the world.
 

Ribonuke

New member
Joined
Mar 16, 2012
Messages
255
MBTI Type
esTP
Enneagram
845
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I totally hear you about pain avoidance because you think you just can't take it if it happens again. I support that. Listen to yourself. Keep yourself safe if you feel you need to.

I do want to suggest you don't owe pain and you don't have to struggle. Everything doesn't have to be hard. It's ok to put the struggle down. That doesn't make you a lightweight or make any experience less meaningful. It doesn't all have to be, like, cut into you with a razor. Some things can be written on water or be smoke rings in the air that just dissipate without leaving a mark.

Not sure what access you may have to a doctor, but you might possibly benefit from some anti-anxiety meds for a period of time, and some counseling just for the support. Someone you can talk to in absolute privacy.

Try to reinforce the pleasure circuits in yourself. Try to do one healthy thing per day that makes you happy, whether it's a piece of music or a walk in an art gallery. Get a massage or a manicure. Put in some time enjoying your life and just being in the world.

Aaah, sorry if this is a horrendously late reply to the thread, but I have been distracted by visiting family (It was fun, but aaaaaagh)!

Part of my issue, I think, is that I read more deeply into concerns that shouldn't have any impact on my psyche. For instance, if I feel like I fail to do something that I was asked to do, I start feeling like I'm an incompetent person and that everyone hates me. My danged 4w5 enneagram wants me to be independent and self-sufficient, I think because I feel like this is what I need to be in order to be viewed positively by others around me.

Some of you may know this already, but I was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 9, because my mom knew I was different and she wanted to be able to keep the school system from trying to jam me into mainstream conformity instead of helping me be who I really was. While the diagnosis has helped me in some ways, it has made me very self-conscious and self-doubting about my abilities as a human being. Only recently am I beginning to realize that my supposed 'inability to read other people effectively' is complete bullsh*t, but rather it's my somewhat direct APPROACH that makes me seem strange to other people. Like...since high school, I've always said that I'd rather be viewed as a little bit intense and neurotic than as oblivious and carefree. I think now I understand what it means though: I have to take care of things and not be afraid to address the world, even if I risk stepping on people's toes. If I don't do this, then I'll be viewed as immature and unable to handle things that come my way.
 

ameeker

New member
Joined
Dec 13, 2013
Messages
89
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
I'm 30, but I'm still always needing to work on growing a spine. It's a constant battle.
 
Top