To me remorse is displayed by ceasing to do whatever it was that made the person feel bad and trying to help them clean up the damage incurred. If I didn't directly cause those feelings, I don't feel remorseful for someone feeling them though, and I'm finding it difficult to wrap my head around why others might. I'm not invalidating what you are saying, but I need a little help to understand what makes you feel responsible for something you didn't actually do.
In here, I do not see all of the NFP crowd as being part of one group, but rather as a collection of different individuals with different approaches and different personal histories with me. Therefore, if one offends, it is not another's job to apologize. The only thing they can do is try to help translate it into terms I understand. If someone is having trouble with one of the people from my "group", I might try to help them improve the situation, but I don't feel responsible if my own actions did not result in them feeling badly.
I sometimes need to have pointed out to me that while my intention was not to hurt, it did result in hurt occurring, in which case I will try to determine how to keep that from happening again, even if it was inadvertent. The other person's feelings of hurt indicate to me that something I did was wrong and needs to be altered. In some cases, you can't fix things that easily and that is where a true apology and forgiveness come in.
After awhile, if great lengths have been gone to to make amends (to no avail), the other person's needs are not being communicated to me so that I can do better in the future, or if I am being asked to take responsibility for something that I didn't do (such as other INFJs being unkind in the past to someone else), then I lose patience and start distancing myself. In short, my goals are solution-oriented and when someone doesn't seem to have an intended outcome in mind, then their intention for talking about an issue seem really hazy to me. I'm wondering if maybe your goals are more centred around feeling, but I'm not sure what they would be then.
Perhaps this is why we disagreed earlier in the thread about what remorse was?
I can see that you are feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the amount of onus that's on you because it is not fair in your eyes. My problem is that in practical terms, I'm really not sure what to do with that. It's not that I want things to be unfair, or that I think that you aren't allowed to feel that way.
As extreme as this example might be, it kind of feels like approaching someone to work things out, but then lacing the conversation with racial slurs. You can even say, "Oh, just ignore that, so and so isn't really a racist person and is just trying to understand your cultural group better because she's had negative experiences in the past. She grew up in an area where that's how people talk, but she doesn't mean anything personal by it". The problem is that the racial slurs are so distracting and so contradictory to the intention that the conversation purportedly was started for, that until the conversational approach is changed, no one will get anywhere with it. Yes, it may be restricting to monitor one's speech like that, but if it is in the interest of good communication, why not? If someone points out that something is distracting and offensive to them, does it feel like they are saying that YOU are distracting and offensive and are not allowed to be your authentic self?
Maybe it feels to you like a couple that get together who speak different native languages. It seems unfair for all the communication to be done in one language, as there are certain nuances in the native tongue that simply do not exist in the other person's language and it also puts one partner at a slight disadvantage conversationally, even if they have a pretty good working knowledge of the language. I guess what I'd say is that it does have to go back and forth, but there is the restriction of what can be expressed in either language, where you are, who else is present (and what languages they know), what the purpose of your communication is, if both partners have an equal level of fluency and so on.
What do you think?
edit: As I'm thinking about this, I think Fi takes a more collective responsibility for things than Fe. Just as Fi is more judicious about where it shows sympathy, but then really goes all out, Fe is a little more loose with sympathy but it's in a more detached, impersonal way. Maybe this is why Fi feels that we are responsible not only for ourselves, but for all of the people that represent us who may have caused hurt as well. Or I might be totally wrong!
better to leave before it's too late. 
and when I decline, them demanding examples of times when I actually showed real sympathy towards people, because I clearly am an unsympathetic person if I'm not willing to have their baby.
