[INFP] INFPs: What do you look for in friends?

[Jive A Turkey]

Courting casual friends, I look for willing participation in discussions of an analytical nature. I cut the odds by requiring a person that will be cautious with my delicate Faberge psyche.

Relationships with deeper grade friends, the persons with whom I'd be inclined to speak on the telephone, require the same as above plus acceptance of my "making life too hard" issue.

Anything past that falls into marital candidacy.

 

[nolla]

The most important thing is that they are real. People who are being themselves are never boring. There are very few of them, though...

Hmm.. Makes me wanna start a new topic.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

Realness
Originality
Humour
Low-maintenance
Capacity to surprise me
Reasonably self-aware (optional)
Intelligence (optional - I'll take an original, not-especially-intelligent person over an unoriginal, intelligent person any day)

 

[heart]

Intelligence (optional - I'll take an original, not-especially-intelligent person over an unoriginal, intelligent person any day)

Me too, I will take a deep and sincere feeling person over an intelligent one any day, it is especial delight when one finds intelligent, deeply feeling, sincere person however. (But then I start feeling afraid of boring really intelligent people and tend to be more quiet around them!)

 

[luminous beam]

The most important thing is that they are real. People who are being themselves are never boring. There are very few of them, though...

Hmm.. Makes me wanna start a new topic.

Realness
Originality
Humour
Low-maintenance
Capacity to surprise me
Reasonably self-aware (optional)
Intelligence (optional - I'll take an original, not-especially-intelligent person over an unoriginal, intelligent person any day)

originality, genuineness, autheticity are crucial to me as well. i open myself up to others and wear my heart on my sleeve and in a sense do what it takes to make them feel comfortable and open up and it's cool when reciprocated it can be a lot of fun, gets rid of most inhibitions.

 

[Clover]

I don't look for friends, haha.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

Oh, and curiosity is a definite plus. And people who speak as though their opinion is definitive really annoy me (ESTJs especially tend to do this).

 

[Brutus01]

Im not to picky when it comes to "friends". but when it comes to my close friends they are all NF's and i just have a hard time progressing any friendship with any other types of people. i guess i can relate to people with my type as we all have the same sense of humor and outlook on life. atleast with the ones i know.

 

[Other Moses]

I think I make friends for entirely selfish reasons although I could be being a little negative about myself.

I like people with problems because I like talking with them about it and it makes me feel like I have some kind of use.

I Also like people who are happy within themselves because they distract me from my own problems. I think this is selfish because they would fall into the category of 'entertainment' for me... if I wanted a category, which I don't.

 

[DigitalMethod]

I think I make friends for entirely selfish reasons although I could be being a little negative about myself.

I like people with problems because I like talking with them about it and it makes me feel like I have some kind of use.

I Also like people who are happy within themselves because they distract me from my own problems. I think this is selfish because they would fall into the category of 'entertainment' for me... if I wanted a category, which I don't.

So you want friends with problems but people who still are happy.. hmm, that might be hard.

 

[GZA]

My best friends are all people who help me bring the best out of myself. My best friend of the last 8 years (i.e. half of my life) is ENTJ and he always pushed me to go further whenever we do soemthing, and this helps me maintain the attitude never to let myself be still and stagnant and to make things happen.

I also look for people who I can help likewise -people who have some kind of inner strength but need just a little encouragement and perhaps even tough-love to get themselves going.

 

[Other Moses]

I think you pretty much described what I was floundering around

 

[Other Moses]

Oh and yeah... it does seem kind of strange. I want to hang out with the moody depressing people.... but then I don't see why I shouldn't turn up at the party afterwards!... I think by their standards I could be the moody one. Despite this I still believe I'm right in the middle

 

[thejames]

IMO, a person's true colors shine through when they are either singled out or placed under stress.

Those who do not resort to rash forms of passive aggression when frustrated with a situation are usually able to earn my loyalties with fair ease.

These people are outstanding to me as honorable, courageous, and inwardly honest (causing them to be naturally outwardly honest as well).


I believe if you have a problem with someone, either confront them about it or learn to live with it. If both these options should fail, don't even bother with them.

I have little to no respect for those who turn instead to crude gossiping, heavy passive aggressive sarcasm, or the cold shoulder technique.

Such cowardice causes nothing but pain and promotes paranoid atmospheres, which NOBODY enjoys.


I basically love down-to-Earth people. It doesn't matter to me what problems you have, as long as you make an effort to remain honest about them.

 

[gopher]

What do I look for in friends???

Looking at those I would consider friends (very small list by the way):
1. I would say that I look for someone who calls, or initiates, or invites me to do things, or go places. I get tired of always being the one to have to call someone to see if they want to do something.
2. I also want someone who values my input and experience. I am not looking for gratitude or "respect" but rather someone who has an interest in my opinion, even if they don't agree.
3. Someone who can give it to me straight without being mean or hurtful.
4. Someone who feels comfortable enough to talk about the deeper stuff, and understands it.


Digital Method: "Yet, INFPs seem to usually have walls up. Thus, how can you confide in someone when the wall is largely preventing you from the act of confiding."
I don't feel like I have walls up. In fact, I usually scare people away by being way too open for my own good. But I think you do have a point. It isn't like I go right up and start gushing to just anybody, there has to be a reason for me to feel that comfortable with a person.

 

[thejames]

The more INFPs may appear to have their "walls up", the more they are paying attention to getting to know you.

We are intense, articulate inner-feelers, so if we decided to show our true selves to the rest of the world at first glance, the response we would get would make us "feel" isolated and misunderstood, even more so than the INTJ or the INTP.

Why? Because most of the world doesn't understand the true essense of inner-emotion, and usually mistake it for the absense of civilized, orderly behavior (especially in western culture).

It is evident that most INFPs have a difficult childhood, and one should note that we actually ARE quite open as children, and usually very confident to begin with. However, we naturally get shut down and misjudged by others, and because we have a Feeling tendency over Thinking, we also naturally take this quite harshly as children.

Being Perceivers and not Judgers, we take longer to come to healthy conclusions, because of a desire to remain open-minded at all times. You can imagine the struggle of a child who has to deal with being isolated, emotional, and yet unable to be easily judgemental, therefor throwing his self-image into chaos.

The INFP tends to be amazingly gifted (just take a look at most of the famous writers of the world, as well as talented musicians such as John Lennon and John Mayer; both of which are INFPs). However...

It takes us a while to understand our place in society, as well as find balance in how much of our inner-feeling we should expose to acquaintences. I suppose this is the great sacrifice in having natural-born talent; we take much longer to catch up to the rest of society on a sociable level.

Bottom line, our inner-feelings make us both powerful and vulnerable, so we must guard this "gift" accordingly. Everything relates to balance, so it would not be fair for gifted people to have it the same as the rest.

 

[DigitalMethod]

So then what would you say is the main difference between INFP and INFJ. Seems like INFPs always approach a problem on how it makes them feel. However, INFJ seems to put more logic into problem solving.

 

[thejames]

An immiture INFP would assess every situation based on how (s)he feels.

So yes, INTJs are naturally more logical than INFPs. However, INFPs have a knack for becoming obsessed with anything they are interested in, and learning every detail about it in a global fashion.

Imagine an INFP obsessed with building upon his weakness - logical reasoning.

A very intelligent, colorful person would be the outcome. In fact, I now view myself as more of an INT/FP, if you can imagine something like that.

 

[DigitalMethod]

Hmm, so what your saying is, INFPs and INFJs have the hawts for INTJs and INTPs. But then again, who doesn't?

My INFP friend seemed very mature before I got to know them better. Then I realized their feelings play a way to important role in their choices. And that's a turn off for me personally, because I'd still prefer a side dish of logic in a significant other, or a friend for that matter. I find that curious, because I feel almost tricked.

 

[thejames]

Well, everyone is different. Choice is to blame, never the personality type. An INFX would obviously feel more emotions than an INTX, but it is ultimately their choice whether or not to act on these emotions.

I don't want to turn this into a competition, but an INFX who has adapted a firm use of logic can be just as trustworthy as an INTX, despite their emotions.

On the flip side, Feeling is something very difficult for T's to obtain a higher level of.

Feeling is something more mysterious, as is iNtuition compared to Sensing. The point of Logic is to break a concept down into its simplest terms, and then be able to derive the most reasonable conclusion from it, and act.