[ENFJ] ENFJ and ISTP--how can that work?

[kichike]

Agree

The idea is that each of them is supposed to step outside of their comfort zone just a little so that they can understand someone completely unlike themselves. Love is suppose to provide a bigger comfort zone for such understanding to occur. That's how it supposed to happen anyway!

Completely agree with you on this part. I am an ENFJ dating a STRONG ISTP. It is very challenging because we have very different ways of living and communicating. Nevertheless, I can't imagine giving up the relationship because he stretches me in ways I never felt before.

 

[Domino]

Welcome to the board, Kichike! Why don't you go introduce yourself to everyone? New ENFJs are very welcome!

 

[Oddly Refined]

I spent four and a half years with an ISTP. He was always accepting and supportive...Until a lot of horrible real life circumstances just really complicated things far more than either of us could handle.

What did I appreciate about him?
(1) He was supportive-emotionally and verbally
(2) He accepted me for my faults
(3) He had a TON of patience
(4) He was very intelligent and practical

There are a lot more reasons, but those are the few that I will share.

 

[hommefatal]

I think ENFJ and ISTP are one of the best opposite matches:
ENFJ - ISTP: emotional vs. rational
ESTJ - INFP: conventional vs. alternative
ESFJ - INTP: stupid vs. intelligent
ESTP - INFJ: unlimited vs. limited
ENTJ - ISFP: evil vs. good
ENTP - ISFJ: progressive vs. traditional
ENFP - ISTJ: open-minded vs. closed-minded
ESFP - INTJ: spontaneous vs. strategic

Since emotional and rational are personal traits but not social attitudes they share similar social values (not like NP and SJ). Normally you just have to tell ISTPs how to act and they will usually try. The reason why it's named as a good match is that it activates either the emotional or the rational side.

 

[Domino]

I spent four and a half years with a ISTP. He was always accepting and supportive...Until a lot of horrible real life circumstances just really complicated things far more than either of us could handle.

What did I appreciate about him?
(1) He was supportive-emotionally and verbally
(2) He accepted me for my faults
(3) He had a TON of patience
(4) He was very intelligent and practical

There are a lot more reasons, but those are the few that I will share.

Agreed. The bolded parts were what blew me away personally. I was so used to being judged and criticized and messed with, it was something of a mind-blowing miracle to me to meet someone who not only truly didn't care about my short-comings, but seemed to give me space and was mercifully careful with my feelings while treating me like I was a strong capable girl.

My ISTP ex had a high N and a drug problem, so we were both rather neurotic. ahhaahaha, dear me... *head shake* My ISTP bff, though, he was very S, and we went everywhere together. I was grateful for that breathing room. And for someone who wasn't even slightly intimidated or put-off by my volcanic activity. Besides my INTJ bff, my ISTP bff was the only guy who'd ever seen me at my worst and without make-up on. I guess I trusted him that much.

 

[CleanDevelopment]

I'm confused why people would want to get into a relationship with a type so different from them. Relationships are difficult enough. If an ISTP has to work that hard to please/understand an ENFJ, that ISTP is not likely to stick around long (or if they do, they'll probably check out completely). An ENFJ not getting his/her needs met constantly nags and tries to force the situation by criticism, and that will NOT work with an ISTP. Additionally, ENFJ's can see sex as a problem if not "emotional" enough, and an ISTP's sex is almost purely physical. A horrible match, imo.

Couldn't have put it better. ISTP female with (now ex thank God) ENFJ male... what can I say.... pure disaster!! Constantly intruding, inferring irrational things from straight forward statements, insecure, constantly worrying, verbally and mentally trying to lock me down - for lifetime! He never gave me a break, I'd turn left there he was, I'd turn right there he was, I'd flip over backwards and there he'd be too!!! And all the feelings, all his feeeelings. Like a needy woman in a big man's body. Exhausting!!!