[INFJ] INFJ's and excess sociability

[Swivelinglight]

Why do they do this so much?

It's a common characteristic of them that isn't discussed much for some reason. I find it quite obnoxious how disruptive they're in social situations and I wish they would just allow someone else to talk for once....

 

[cascadeco]

Why do they do this so much?

It's a common characteristic of them that isn't discussed much for some reason. I find it quite obnoxious how disruptive they're in social situations and I wish they would just allow someone else to talk for once....

I have one INFJ friend who may be prone to dominating conversations, but of myself and the other two infj's I know, none of us do it. I think it has more to do with enneagram and other aspects of psychology? As the phenomenon isn't across the board for all infj's.

 

[Fidelia]

I hadn't really observed that before. Guess it depends on the setting a bit. Usually I'm pretty quiet in groups, although if I'm really excited about something in a smaller conversation I can end up talking a lot. Usually I'm pretty sensitive to signals that other people have lost interest though and I try to keep things even so that they have chances to talk too.

What's been your experience? In what kind of ways do the INFJs you know dominate?

 

[EcK]

Or maybe it's just an entp trying to mess with you guys and start a conversation while mocking all the 'INFJs, Do you do x' treads (x=stuff everybody does)

 

[Amargith]

^ Hehe, that's what I'm thinking. Don't let him get to you, INFJs. In fact, I find that INFJs often over police themselves in conversation and I sometimes wonder if they are truly enjoying the interaction while being so courteous towards others

 

[SilkRoad]

I have a bad habit of interrupting, and knowing that I'm interrupting but somehow having great difficulty stopping the words from tumbling out...that can be a bit embarrassing. That's if I'm excited about something, which isn't always the case.

But as far as being dominating or disruptive in conversations, I don't think that's something I've often been accused of or not for many many years (ie. since I was a child.) I'm quite sensitive to looking domineering or making others uncomfortable, so I try to rein myself in if I start feeling I'm talking too much about myself, or whatever. I often like asking people a lot of questions about themselves because it takes the pressure off me. And people generally like talking about themselves so that works well. But if they look uncomfortable talking about themselves I certainly would not push that either.

[MENTION=10786]Swivelinglight[/MENTION], assuming you're not winding us up... could you give examples?

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Or maybe it's just an entp trying to mess with you guys and start a conversation while mocking all the 'INFJs, Do you do x' treads (x=stuff everybody does)

Talking too much is not an INFJ thing, since they are described as having trouble expressing themselves verbally and are better are writing down feelings and thoughts. Also excessive sociability? Let's try an extroverted type for starters.

 

[Amargith]

Talking too much is not an INFJ thing, since they are described as having trouble expressing themselves verbally and are better are writing down feelings and thoughts. Also excessive sociability? Let's try an extroverted type for starters.

Smart cookie

 

[EcK]

Talking too much is not an INFJ thing, since they are described as having trouble expressing themselves verbally and are better are writing down feelings and thoughts. Also excessive sociability? Let's try an extroverted type for starters.

Well I never said the opposite. Did I ??!
And sure, you have to use duck tape to make me shut up, I'm not disputing that.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Well I never said the opposite. Did I ??!
And sure, you have to use duck tape to make me shut up, I'm not disputing that.

Ha sorry. I guess I didn't say enough. I meant to quote your post to imply agreement with you.

 

[Amargith]

Ha sorry. I guess I didn't say enough. I meant to quote your post to imply agreement with you.

Well, that says it all, imo





.... *hides ducktape*

 

[EcK]

I have one INFJ friend who may be prone to dominating conversations, but of myself and the other two infj's I know, none of us do it. I think it has more to do with enneagram and other aspects of psychology? As the phenomenon isn't across the board for all infj's.

And I would say its more like 'moderating conversations' than 'dominating' which doesnt quite convey the intent as well. It's something i ve seen infjs do but I believe I tend to see when people are trying to sheep herd me into 'safe zones of pasture' (its like a tug in my head), it either amuses me or annoys me if i explicitly tell them not to. If they keep at it I will give it some time then probably just break off contact as it's quite insulting/disrespectful. A diplomat's avoidant version of : '20 nos means yes'.

 

[cascadeco]

^No, my friend actually is a total chatterbox in situations where she knows the people. So she CAN dominate convos; it's a different thing from steering convo. [and she's definitely an infj]

My point was just that mbti can only explain so much; there will always be outliers who don't fit the mold in one way or another.

 

[Tigerlily]

^No, my friend actually is a total chatterbox in situations where she knows the people. So she CAN dominate convos; it's a different thing from steering convo. [and she's definitely an infj]

My point was just that mbti can only explain so much; there will always be outliers who don't fit the mold in one way or another.

I totally agree with all of this! People assume that if you're at all outspoken, you must be extroverted, and that's just not true. Both of my close friends happen to be extroverted, and compared to them, I'm a shut in. I also know a few introverted people and compared to them, I seem extroverted.

I have one INFJ friend who may be prone to dominating conversations, but of myself and the other two infj's I know, none of us do it. I think it has more to do with enneagram and other aspects of psychology? As the phenomenon isn't across the board for all infj's.

Possibly, because when I first took the "test" I was INFJ, and while I can be outspoken now, I was extremely withdrawn and painfully shy as a child/young adult.

 

[21%]

With people I don't know well I feel it's my obligation to keep conversations smooth and pleasant, so if someone is being left out I will most likely try to direct conversation their way. I don't do this with people I know well, except for when I sense a conflict arising, like when someone starts to get upset and the other person won't stop teasing, then I will try to change the subject and keep everyone happy.

 

[sprinkles]

^ Hehe, that's what I'm thinking. Don't let him get to you, INFJs. In fact, I find that INFJs often over police themselves in conversation and I sometimes wonder if they are truly enjoying the interaction while being so courteous towards others

I have a hard time with this, which I think is why I like forums - stuff kind of just flows along in complete chunks.

Usually in person other people are hogging the conversation, and I'd like to contribute something, but they never pause and I don't like to interrupt. Somebody might eventually notice I'm quiet and ask about it, but by that time I'm kind of zoned out with the whole thing and have nothing to say, or the thing I wanted to say became irrelevant an hour ago and I'd feel stupid bringing it up just to have my input.

Also on top of this I had to overcome selective mutism from when I was younger.

 

[Swivelinglight]

ugh...soooo talkaative.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

Why do they do this so much?

It's a common characteristic of them that isn't discussed much for some reason. I find it quite obnoxious how disruptive they're in social situations and I wish they would just allow someone else to talk for once....

Yeah, we're such social divas....always talking and have to be the center of attention.

 

[tommyc]

Yeah I can be a bit dominant socially, that's when I'm around a group I feel comfortable with. But I'm quite nice and try to make everyone feel good.
When I'm around a group I don't connect with I can be really quiet, seemingly lacking in confidence, and feel inferior.
So I either feel dominant or inferior depending on the group.

 

[emmapeel]

I feel it's my obligation to keep conversations smooth and pleasant

I either feel dominant or inferior depending on the group

That's me! Also, I'm very talkative in groups I know, but that's just because I'm excited about sharing my ideas and feelings with them, not because I want to be the center of attention. I want to hear their ideas, thoughts and feelings as well!